Funny story: Vagina Holes Up In Airport

Vagina Holes Up In Airport

A Vagina was chased by police at Heathrow Airport this afternoon after an airport security guard spotted a gun sticking out of it's clitoris. The alarm was raised, but the vagina ran into a Knickerbox shop taking staff hostage. Armed police surrou...
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Funny story: Hillary Clinton resigns as Secretary of State, plans Presidential run in 2012

Hillary Clinton resigns as Secretary of State, plans Presidential run in 2012

Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a press conference that she intends to resign as Secretary of State and run for President of The United States. When asked why, Hillary responded "I am fed up with Barack Hussein Obama, I admit his Presidency is ille...
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Funny story: Jackson Returns To Coach L.A. Lakers, Rest Of NBA Searches For Towel To Toss In

Jackson Returns To Coach L.A. Lakers, Rest Of NBA Searches For Towel To Toss In

LOS ANGELES - It's official. Phil Jackson finally decided yesterday to return as Los Angeles Lakers head coach, for what appears to be his for real final go-round at the helm of the recently crowned NBA champs. "Count me in," said Jackson, there...
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Funny story: 10 Reasons Why England Were Actually Supposed To Beat Germany

10 Reasons Why England Were Actually Supposed To Beat Germany

1. Wayne Rooney is far more passionate than any German player, as shown by his 'plea' to fans for support after the Algeria game..."Nice to see your own fans booing you, that's what loyal support is, for f***'s sake." No German player would be passionate enough to do that.. 2. England's captain actually had the dignity to get injured after arriving in South Africa. Michael Ballack, take note...
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Funny story: Comatose President Eulogizes Dead Grand Dragon

Comatose President Eulogizes Dead Grand Dragon

Robert Byrd, the only dead man to be eulogized by a comatose president, was put to rest today, ending a career of service to his country and the KKK. Byrd, who claims that he never hung a black man without wearing a white robe, had a long and disting...
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Funny story: Wimbledon to Introduce Disablers for the Final

Wimbledon to Introduce Disablers for the Final

Following a glut of complaints to the Lawn Tennis Association; the Wimbledon ruling elite have finally buckled to pressure from equal opportunities groups and for the first time will finally allow disablers, mentalists and retards to act both as matc...
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Funny story: 5 Great Historical Events That Never Happened

5 Great Historical Events That Never Happened

We are inundated every day with facts and figures from times past. We are told of the daring deeds of adventurous souls, explorers, inventors and achievers of great human endeavors. But how often have you wondered about things that Never happened? I am guessing Never. But that is immaterial, because I have compiled a list of the top 5 Historical events to have NEVER happened. Enjoy!...
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Funny story: Brazil Economists Say Brazil Loss is Victory for Brazil Economy

Brazil Economists Say Brazil Loss is Victory for Brazil Economy

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - While almost every Brazilian is saddened by the stunning loss of their team to the Netherlands in the quarter-final match, economists in Brazil are celebrating unabashedly, claiming that the loss has a decidedly silver lining...
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Funny story: Downeaster News: Hot Breaking Snippets from Coastal Maine #3

Downeaster News: Hot Breaking Snippets from Coastal Maine #3

Rogue Black Flies Escape from Lab, Impregnate Mt. Desert Tourist! A biological nightmare was unleashed on this unsuspecting downeast tourist center when a group of sexually aggressive Black Flies managed to escape from Jackson Lab when a technician was twittering on her cell phone and forgot to latch the door to the Super Secret CIA testing center. The flies were in their fifth generation of...
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Funny story: Church says "Abortion causes Breast Cancer"

Church says "Abortion causes Breast Cancer"

The Church of the Second Coming of the Resurrection of Jesus has claimed that a recent scientific paper proves that abortion causes breast cancer. A spokesman for the church said, "We usually don't agree with these so-called scientists, but it app...
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Funny story: Downeaster News: Hot Breaking Snippets from Coastal Maine #2

Downeaster News: Hot Breaking Snippets from Coastal Maine #2

Raging Bear Attacks House of Noted Outdoorsman and Lives! Tunk Lake Road, Somewhere in Downeast Maine. There was a near tragedy to the professional painting community early this morning which was narrowly avoided when a crazed 450 pound brown bear attacked the home of Willard Hardy and was driven off with out suffering a scratch. Willard also survived the confrontation, but said he was lef...
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Funny story: Downeaster News: Hot Breaking Snippets from Coastal Maine #1

Downeaster News: Hot Breaking Snippets from Coastal Maine #1

The hot bean supper at the Eastbrook Grange was interrupted last night when the wind shifted. Amy Fiddlefinger said the Grange hoped to reschedule sometime in September when the Canadian breezes picked up helping to 'clear the air' around the yearly festivities which left many disappointed bean fanciers 'unfulfilled.' The Calais Trading Post announced today that due to the unfortunate demis...
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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Annual Newby Marrow Growing Contest

Isle of Wight News - Annual Newby Marrow Growing Contest

Newby - Isle of Wight - The Annual Newby Marrow Growing Contest was held on Saturday and proved, yet again to be an exhilerating event FULL of surprises. First Prize went to Winston Hornblower III whose prize winning marrow weighed in at whopping 240 lbs. Second Prize went to Billy Murray whose prize winning marrow weighed in at a hefty 195 lbs. Third Prize went to Emily Snodgrass whose...
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Funny story: Grocery Stores Begin Selling Marijuana In The Produce Aisle

Grocery Stores Begin Selling Marijuana In The Produce Aisle

Philadelphia, PA-- A national chain of grocery stores is now selling dried marijuana buds in its produce section. The Toke 'N' Poke grocery stores are taking advantage of a new classification for cannabis that went into effect on July 1. Marijuana i...
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Funny story: Brazil Crash Out - Arjen Robben Slated

Brazil Crash Out - Arjen Robben Slated

After taking an early lead on a pitch which looked like it was under attack from moles, the brilliant Brazilians went down 2-1 to a Dutch team who were berated throughout the match for cheating by a female Brazil fan who we can't name but who wasn't...
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Funny story: BP CEO Receives New Brain

BP CEO Receives New Brain

Special to INS - BP's CEO, Tony Hayward, received a new brain on Friday after the original was found to be functioning at only 20 percent of typical brain capacity. The new brain came from a donor described by Hayward's doctors as a "twenty-something...
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Funny story: Yet More Letters To The Editor

Yet More Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, I always enjoy your magazine. It comes to me rolled-up into a cylinder. It is such a joy when the postman thrusts it through my letterbox flaps every Friday morning. He's a wiry little fellow, my postman. His name is Iago. Really. I know what you're thinking. He's Welsh. His family were gravel-farmers. I'm all a-quiver, from early every Friday, waiting for Iago to thrust your magazine t...
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Funny story: Increased Tax Charges for Convicted Paedophiles

Increased Tax Charges for Convicted Paedophiles

Following the Emergency Budget on the 22nd June, the draft Finance Bill 2010 has revealed a startling proposal, which appears to have gone largely undetected until now. The proposal, seemingly hidden away in the small-print, is that convicted paed...
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Funny story: Visit from Grandma

Visit from Grandma

'Your Grandmother is coming this weekend, Darling.' Penelope received this news with anticipation. There was a history to Grandma her parents didn't talk about. Penelope hoped to learn more. After the usual greetings Grandma settled down. 'I want a word with you Penelope. We can talk while your mother gets the meal ready and the other two watch that damn football. 'That would be smashing.
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Funny story: It's Karl 'HEINZ' Rummenigge

It's Karl 'HEINZ' Rummenigge

FLATULENT Germans awoke today to find a welcome addition to their Full English: A serving of HEINZ baked beans in tomato sauce. It seems our sausage eating cousins now have a REAR guard weapon in their ARSE nal which is sure to put the WIND up us.
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Funny story: Aids can be cured by silver!

Aids can be cured by silver!

Recent research in the fight against aids has discovered an element that can cure aids Working on the theory demonstrated in the story by Bram Stoker "Dracula" that silver is an element that repels EVIL and also regarded by the scientist who discovered this phenomena as the GOD metal, experiments have shown a great success The scientist Lord Westenra whose own daughter was a victim of the c...
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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Annual Beauty Pageant Winner Named

Isle of Wight News - Annual Beauty Pageant Winner Named

Newchurch - Local beauties paraded this week in the annual Garlic Festival beauty pageant. The pageant has been a source of controversy at it is now being held only every other year causing some to complain that it should not be advertised as an annual event. Mayor Tom Shovel defends the practice as not being untruthful as the Garlic Festival continues to be an annual event. "The Annual...
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Funny story: Crude Oil Found In Florida Oranges

Crude Oil Found In Florida Oranges

Miami, FL-- Orange-juice lovers woke up to an unexpected surprise today after thousands of people discovered crude oil in their favorite fruit. The thick, gooey oil was also discovered in Florida's lemon and lime crop. The kumquat crop wasn't affec...
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Funny story: Ryanair Leaves 'Em Standing

Ryanair Leaves 'Em Standing

Bargain basement airline, Ryanair, has announced steps to, quite literally, leave others STANDING. Tycoon, Michael O'Really, unveiled plans to remove all seating on his fleet in a bold move to increase passenger comfort. Plans Speaking to a...
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Funny story: Male Soccer Fans Praying for Paraguayan World Cup Victory After Model Promises to Parade Nude in Front of Them

Male Soccer Fans Praying for Paraguayan World Cup Victory After Model Promises to Parade Nude in Front of Them

Although Paraguay is not picked as the favorite to win the World Cup, after news broke today that a famously buxom lingerie model from Paraguay has promised to run around the World Cup Stadium naked if her country wins the World Cup, male fans have b...
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Funny story: Canadian Proctologist Fingers "Arse Holes" In Widening US/Russian Spy Scandal!

Canadian Proctologist Fingers "Arse Holes" In Widening US/Russian Spy Scandal!

"That arse hole stole me identity!!" So said practicing Canadian Proctologist Dr. Victor Nicholas today, when confronted by the RCMP and agents of the FBI as they followed up the astounding story of more than a dozen Russian sleeper agents living as...
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Funny story: Tony Blair Receiving Liberty Medal from America No Big Deal, Really

Tony Blair Receiving Liberty Medal from America No Big Deal, Really

Breaking news out of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania this morning: America's National Constitution Center has named England's Tony Blair as their choice to receive their annual Liberty Medal. He is set to receive the honor in September from former Preside...
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Funny story: Richard Branson denies he has visited Mars

Richard Branson denies he has visited Mars

British entrepreneur, Richard Branson, is strenuously denying rumours that he has visited Mars, instead claiming that his two year absence from the media spotlight was because he was working for his company, Virgin Holdings. Branson is one of the...
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Funny story: Gay TV star in fatal accident

Gay TV star in fatal accident

Gay TV star, Tarquin Rasp, has been the unfortunate victim of a bizarre set of coincidental events, which have ultimately led to his death. The star, who recently attended Elton John's fourteenth birthday barbecue of the year dressed as Attilla th...
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Funny story: Happy July 4th Deadbeats!

Happy July 4th Deadbeats!

US Congressman and Senators streamed toward the exits today as tens of thousand of the unemployed faced the future without funds of any kind. The limos waited at the exits and private jets waited at the airport tarmacs to wing the legislators to thei...
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Funny story: Life Expectancy Gap 'Widening'

Life Expectancy Gap 'Widening'

The National Audit Office has today published grim statistics confirming that life expectancy is lowest in the most deprived areas of the UK. The report has found that the average man will DEFINITELY die at 75.8 years old with women faring little...
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Funny story: Obama is a WASP!

Obama is a WASP!

More evidence comes in every day that Obama is not an American or an African. Thanks to more friends uncovering concealed evidence that has been hidden for thirty years Big "O" has now been "sussed". While he's been both pretending to be an educated...
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Funny story: Ballsy Nadal topples torpid Murray fantasy

Ballsy Nadal topples torpid Murray fantasy

London - (Curse of Henman Hill): With Federer slinking off with his tail between his legs and a raft of top seeds flopping in the heat Spanish tennis ace Rafael Nadal is sitting pretty at Wimbledon today. The muscular, testosterone-pumping Spanish...
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Funny story: Pattinson, Stewart & Lautner Snub Twilight Saga: Eclipse UK Premiere

Pattinson, Stewart & Lautner Snub Twilight Saga: Eclipse UK Premiere

It's finally here! The latest, reputedly the greatest, Twilight movie - Twilight Saga: Eclipse - premiered in the UK yesterday, writes Vacuous Drivel Correspondent, Lucy Lastick. Devon's Cullompton Cinema was the super-glam venue chosen by Team Tw...
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Funny story: Nick Clegg outlines plans for electoral reform

Nick Clegg outlines plans for electoral reform

Nick Clegg, deputy leader of the Con-Dems has been outlining his plans to reform the electoral system for the next general election. Before it is implemented, there will be a trial run using the referendum to decide whether to use the new voting syst...
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Funny story: Brazil to mimic England system

Brazil to mimic England system

Brazil head coach Carlos Dunga is said to be leaning towards adopting a rigid 4-4-2 system for the remainder of the World Cup. It is said that he has been swayed to the merits of the system by the success of footballing minnow England, who manage...
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Funny story: John Prescott gets soap stuck up own arse

John Prescott gets soap stuck up own arse

We have received reports that last night, the former Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott, was rushed to hospital where a block of soap was removed from his rectum. Early details were vague, the rumour being that Mr. Prescott was involved in some w...
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Funny story: Susan Boyle to Design own Fashion Collection

Susan Boyle to Design own Fashion Collection

It would appear that once you attain celebrity status, the next stage is to launch your own perfume and then a fashion range. Celebrities including Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss, Katie Price and recently Britney Spears have all put their 'day-jobs'...
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Funny story: Carly Fiorina's Husband Says She Combs Her Hair with an HP Word Processor

Carly Fiorina's Husband Says She Combs Her Hair with an HP Word Processor

SACRAMENTO -- California Republican Senate candidate Carly Fiorina says that the federal government's $862 billion stimulus package hasn't done nearly enough to create jobs. The former chief executive of Hughlet-Packard said Friday that President...
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Funny story: Needle match for Murray

Needle match for Murray

Fred Murray's semi final Wimbledon match against Ralph Needle was sure to be a winner even though he lost. The Queen had given permission for Murray to use a Royal Box in view of Needle's piercing serve. 'These foreigners do not always respect...
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Funny story: M62 Traffic Chaos is a false alARM

M62 Traffic Chaos is a false alARM

Traffic in the Northwest of England on the busy M62 motorway towards Liverpool was brought to a standstill yesterday when police closed the road to investigate a severed arm on the carriageway. The arm had been spotted by passing motorists in the...
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Funny story: Heather Mills to star in Sex Manual for Amputees

Heather Mills to star in Sex Manual for Amputees

Ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, Heather Mills, has today announced that she is to star in a sex manual, produced specifically for amputees. Ms Mills (42), suffered serious injuries in 1993 when she was hit by a police motorbike, losing her left leg...
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Funny story: British Petroleum Sues United States

British Petroleum Sues United States

New York City: Today British Petroleum filed a 50 billion dollar lawsuit against the United States in Federal Court. The suit, filed by the noted law firm of Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel demands that the United States pay BP for all of the oil that is now decorating United States beaches. Mr Rufus T Flywheel, Esq and Mr Milton K Shyster, masthead partners of the prestigious law firm were interv...
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Funny story: My night with a spy

My night with a spy

Without realising what I was doing I let the nation down as my trousers hit the floor. She smiled at me: 'What a strong man you are!' I should have realised what a con this was. I am the weediest weed you have ever seen. But I was useful to her. She was letting me into her body for a reason. I had secret information. During the night she wheedled it out of me and absorbed the informati...
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Funny story: Obama IS lovechild of Winston Churchill

Obama IS lovechild of Winston Churchill

I have to agree with goldie206's article that Obama is indeed the lovechild of Winston Churchill. The proof I have is contained in letters found in my sister-in-law's home in Melton Mowbray - Leicestershire. Winston Churchill, it is alleged, entertained his 'ladies' in this beautiful 200 year old stone house. When my sister-in-law was putting an extension onto the back of the house, plann...
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Funny story: There's still a lot of it about

There's still a lot of it about

According to Spoof writer armfeetandtoe, there's a lot of it about. I totally agree as I am wading through a pile of it as I sit and read other writer's articles. I don't know how much of it there is but it's everywhere. There's just no getting away from it and I hear there is more to come. We probably won't even notice the new stuff coming because there is so much of it about aready. If y...
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Funny story: Britain's experienced its driest 6 months in 80 years -locals at Morrisons Berwick Hills branch comment

Britain's experienced its driest 6 months in 80 years -locals at Morrisons Berwick Hills branch comment

Yes Britain has experienced its driest 6 months in 80 years - depending on where you look of course. Lady Godiva recently visited her favourite Morrrison's branch in Berwick Hills, Middlesbrough, to see how the locals were feeling about the recent hot spell. As soon as Lady G. entered the store, the manager, Billy Gormless introduced himself, "Hiya! A know you don' A? Arv saw yeah torki...
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Funny story: Wonder Woman gets a make-over

Wonder Woman gets a make-over

Marvel Comics have decided that it is time to give Wonder Woman a make-over. Now every other woman in the world now has had a Gok Wan make-over, it is time to turn to fictional characters, and with Wonder Woman having worn the same outfit since 1941,...
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Funny story: Rudd's answer to his executors

Rudd's answer to his executors

Canberra, Australia. Dumped Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has vowed today to form a new political organisation consisting of ex pollies that have been "screwed" in public life. He says that politicians from all over the world are invited to jo...
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Funny story: Wal Mart Greeter Blows Brains Out on the Job

Wal Mart Greeter Blows Brains Out on the Job

Wal-Mart door greeter, Jon McBain, who local folks claim looks very much like a thinner, angrier version of former Presidential Candidate John McCain, committed suicide this morning while greeting customers. "It was crazy," said Seth Bishop,...
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Funny story: Mel Gibson Defends African-Americans to Girlfriend

Mel Gibson Defends African-Americans to Girlfriend

NAACP International Ambassador of Goodwill Mel Gibson --fresh off of his trip to Israel to accept his "Goyim Of The Year" award-- has made sure his baby mama, Oksana Grigorieva is keenly aware that it is not always an African American rape suspect's...
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Funny story: Body of Queen Elizabeth I Posed Nude For New York Magazine Under Pseudonym "Helen Mirren"

Body of Queen Elizabeth I Posed Nude For New York Magazine Under Pseudonym "Helen Mirren"

Strangely, the body of Queen Elizabeth I, decomposing since 1533, was photographed nude for New York Magazine. What's more, she's disparaging an Academy Award winning actress by using the pseudonym "Helen Mirren." "Of course its not Helen," sai...
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Funny story: Dorking And Boxhill News - Local Am-Dram Society Production Flops

Dorking And Boxhill News - Local Am-Dram Society Production Flops

Dorking - It is with a heavy heart that this reporter must relate that the Dorking Wandering Minstrels' presentation of Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs flopped badly on its opening night at the Jacob Zuma Theatre For The Bomb Damaged in Dorking. Sadly, the opening night was sparsely attended by an audience of seventeen, and the players appeared to be sadly lacking in confidence and enthusias...
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Funny story: Sexy Russian Spy says Revolution is Nigh

Sexy Russian Spy says Revolution is Nigh

The sexy female Russian spy, known simply as Anna, is believed to have reported back to Mother Russia that Britain is on the brink of revolution. Very close friends of Anna's, who still kept in touch with her after she moved on to spy on America, sa...
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Funny story: John Terry And Steven Gerrard To Holiday Together In Benidorm In Bonding Exercise

John Terry And Steven Gerrard To Holiday Together In Benidorm In Bonding Exercise

Unreliable sources reliably inform us unreliably that John Terry and Steven Gerrard are to holiday together in Benidorm with their respective partners in a teambuilding cum bonding exercise - following England's monumental World Cup fuck up, which th...
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Funny story: Robert Pattinson To Marry Emma Watson - Taylor Lautner To Be Best Man And Kristen Stewart To Be Maid Of Honour

Robert Pattinson To Marry Emma Watson - Taylor Lautner To Be Best Man And Kristen Stewart To Be Maid Of Honour

A text message from our showbiz source, Buffty Ginslinger, caused sharp intakes of breath and gasps of incredulity yesterday afternoon at the Skoob News office, as we were informed that Twilight star Rob Pattinson is set to marry Harry Potter star Em...
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Funny story: Christine Bleakley Vacations In Sardinia Hoping To Get Some Color Onto Her Super White Body

Christine Bleakley Vacations In Sardinia Hoping To Get Some Color Onto Her Super White Body

ISLA DE LAS VIEJAS, Sardinia - Presenter Christine Bleakley was photographed sunning herself by the pool at the plush exquisite Hotel Frank Sinatra. The stunning 31-year-old native of Northern Ireland has been wanting to get some color ever since...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Turned In Russian Spies!

Sarah Palin Turned In Russian Spies!

Most news outlets were completely surprised that the United States had about a dozen Russian spies that have been in our country now for many years, reporting back to Russia everything they hear after bugging thousands of homes and offices. A secr...
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Funny story: Mel Gibson Explodes (Again)

Mel Gibson Explodes (Again)

Mel Gibson has reportedly exploded in another racially charged tirade, this time it wasn't against the Jews, but mostly throwing around the N-word at his ex, Oksana Grigorieva. A couple of tabloids reported that his abusive and disgusting rant was...
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Funny story: Naomi Campbell Subpoenaed In War Crimes Trial!

Naomi Campbell Subpoenaed In War Crimes Trial!

An international court has once more subpoenaed Naomi Campbell to attend to testify in the war crimes trial of former Liberian President Charles Taylor. Thus far, Campbell has put off her part of the trial by getting involved with other cases, lik...
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