Funny story: Part #7: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date

Part #7: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date

10. On twelve difference occasions, Louie Anderson and Loni Anderson got each other's bras in the mail and had to exchange them. 9. In the Great Smoky Mountains, those "Great Smoky Mountains Authentic Handmade Rocking Chairs" are simply called rocking chairs. 8. The past four presidents of the United States, Bush, Clinton, Bush & Obama have acted more like previous Vice Presidents! 7.
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Funny story: Miss Nude Universe pageant gets underway

Miss Nude Universe pageant gets underway

Desperate to win the crown many of this years top-bet beauty pageant contestants have gone topless. Photos of these contestants, nude, with nothing but body paint have appeared all over the Internet. Pageant CEO Donny "Comb-over' Frump pouted:...
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Funny story: The Movie "The Vampires Suck" Brings Back The Long Lost Art of "Sucking"

The Movie "The Vampires Suck" Brings Back The Long Lost Art of "Sucking"

HOLLYWOOD - The vampire movie parody, The Vampires Suck has just opened and already it has jumped all the way up to #29 on the movie charts. It has surpassed the movie based on Paris Hilton's self written autobiography, Look At My Ass - It's Hot,...
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Funny story: Crazy John McCain offers to pose nude with his veep choice 'Runnin Bear' Sarah Palin

Crazy John McCain offers to pose nude with his veep choice 'Runnin Bear' Sarah Palin

Crazy John McCain was mightily salivating at the thought of a nude Sarah Palin. He told reporters gathered in his hometown: "She may say she's a Mama Grizzly but I picked her as my running mate because I thought she was a foxy vixen and I dreamed...
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Funny story: TomKat to 'homeschool' Suri. Fear she may "actually learn something" if she goes to school with regular kids

TomKat to 'homeschool' Suri. Fear she may "actually learn something" if she goes to school with regular kids

Good old Katie has completely morphed into the paragon of a doormat wife as decreed by Chapter and Verse of the Crazy-cult Marriage Manual. Having failed with previous wives - the smart one and the confused one, little Mr. Mapother is now grinning...
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Funny story: Death of celebrity plastic surgeon has hysterical Heidi Montag desperately seeking new re-plasterer

Death of celebrity plastic surgeon has hysterical Heidi Montag desperately seeking new re-plasterer

The completely re-arranged Heidi Montag has been hysterically tweeting for a new plastic surgeon following the death of her celeb-surgeon Frank Ryan. Heidi tweeted friends that "He was the most amazing person I have ever known. He was an angel."...
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Funny story: The Late Mr. Rogers Was Top Military Fighter, Well Hung!

The Late Mr. Rogers Was Top Military Fighter, Well Hung!

While most people watching their little kids watch "Mr Roger's Neighborhood" on television, knew that the kids were enjoying the show and Mr. Rogers, deep inside every husband and father watching was the thought, "What a wimp!" The guy comes on th...
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Funny story: Angelina Jolie Back To Mental Institution!

Angelina Jolie Back To Mental Institution!

There's a new book out, "Angelina" that is supposed to be a biography of Angelina Jolie's troubled past, that has her shaken so badly that she may wind up once again in a mental institution, according to reports from several tabloids. In "Angelina...
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Funny story: Post-cancer treatment Michael Douglas says "Gordon Gekko will sound like Alvin the Chipmunk"

Post-cancer treatment Michael Douglas says "Gordon Gekko will sound like Alvin the Chipmunk"

Gordon Gekko the symbol of corporate greed is back when the sequel to "Wall Street" hits theaters next month. But the man who so realistically portrayed the human personification of greed is facing another challenge. 65-year old Michael Douglas...
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Funny story: UK Govt to cut funding to students wanting to study terrorism

UK Govt to cut funding to students wanting to study terrorism

Students wishing to study terrorism have been dealt a blow, as the Government announced that funding for the courses is to be cut. A number of British universities and colleges offer a three-year degree in the subject, which includes a six-month f...
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Funny story: Hog Jaw, Arkansas Closes Its Borders To All "Cans," "'Specially Obama, That African!"

Hog Jaw, Arkansas Closes Its Borders To All "Cans," "'Specially Obama, That African!"

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Hog Jaw, Arkansas;, now the most talked about small town in the U.S., has closed its borders to "cans," namely "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaycans, Cubicans, Moslemcans, Presbytericans, and Unitaricans," says Phlem Lunger, Pr...
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Funny story: Mass exodus soon about to begin

Mass exodus soon about to begin

David Cameron is at odds with deputy Clegg over the latest proposal to cut child benefit support. In reality Cameron intends to cut the benefit completely, not only to save money but also to lower the unprecedented population explosion caused by unco...
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Funny story: Can We Have Our $800 Million Back, Please? Or: The Day The FDIC Murdered PSFS. (Warning: Not at all funny.)

Can We Have Our $800 Million Back, Please? Or: The Day The FDIC Murdered PSFS. (Warning: Not at all funny.)

On a miserable December afternoon in 1992, over 100 armed and bulletproof vest-wearing FDIC agents entered unannounced into the headquarters of Meritor/PSFS Savings Bank and the 29 branch offices of its Philadelphia Savings Fund Society ("PSFS"). By the end of that day, the oldest savings bank in America, which over five generations of hard-working Philadelphians had come to respect as a venerated...
View 'Can We Have Our $800 Million Back, Please? Or: The Day The FDIC Murdered PSFS. (Warning: Not at all funny.)'
Funny story: Deaf Glee Club Demands Deaf Audience

Deaf Glee Club Demands Deaf Audience

Hollywood, CA - Attorney Mike Cox, representing Hollywood High School's glee club, filed a motion-to-compel with the 17th Judicial Circuit Court this morning. If granted, the motion will require Hollywood High School to supply deaf audiences at all D...
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Funny story: Old Tamagotchi meat discovered in food chain

Old Tamagotchi meat discovered in food chain

Meat from Tamagotchis bred during the late 90s and early 00s has gone into the UK food chain, officials said today. The news came as evidence emerged that some Tamagotchi meat had also been exported to other countries from China and Japan, mainly...
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Funny story: UK weatherman wets himself laughing at his "shite" comment!

UK weatherman wets himself laughing at his "shite" comment!

UK Weatherman, Tomasz Schafernaker, (is he really from the UK?) made a fatal slip of the tongue whilst broadcasting today and accidentally called the Glastonbury Classic open air "shite" and that's only the weather. After his comment Tomasz (is he...
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Funny story: Laura Schlessinger Uses The "N" Word 11 Times On The Air - She Makes Mel Gibson Seem Like Donny Osmond

Laura Schlessinger Uses The "N" Word 11 Times On The Air - She Makes Mel Gibson Seem Like Donny Osmond

LOS ANGELES - Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a radio advice show host and author of several self-help books, who certainly did not get her doctorate in race relations, racial sensitivity, or femininity has gone and put, or rather shoved her size 11 high hee...
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Funny story: New York Mets Popular Among Groups

New York Mets Popular Among Groups

Even as the New York Mets are having a disappointing season, there are groups that are have become bigger fans of the team. Molly Irvane, founder of the group Masochists of Madison in Madison, Wisconsin, said, "No sports team better exemplifies wh...
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Funny story: Eric Cantona In Comeback Shock

Eric Cantona In Comeback Shock

Eric Cantona, the Kung Fu-kicking, French movie star who used to play football for Manchester United, is reported, this evening, to be seriously considering making a comeback to the game he has always said he loved - Pétanque. Pétanque is a form o...
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Funny story: Democratic Candidate's Indictment Saves Taxpayers Money

Democratic Candidate's Indictment Saves Taxpayers Money

America is finally getting something right. Indict the bastards before they're elected and save the taxpayers some money. In the case of Democratic candidate, Alvin Greene from South Carolina, the taxpayers have been spared by not having to sit through a Senate Investigative Committee hearing to figure out if he should or should not be kicked out of office for breaking the law. Reason being, he ha...
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Funny story: Mel Gibson launches "Patriot" sex toy for randy men who's partners fall asleep - but it doesn't work for Jews

Mel Gibson launches "Patriot" sex toy for randy men who's partners fall asleep - but it doesn't work for Jews

Actor and wife-beater Mel Gibson today launched a sex aide designed for men who's partners fall asleep without giving them blow jobs. The "Patriot" is a synthetic mouth complete with moving tongue, into which the male can place his member when he get...
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Funny story: Old people feel cold later in life - Official

Old people feel cold later in life - Official

The Government has made use of scientific evidence that old people feel cold after the age of 66, although some put the figure nearer 75. Dr Cameron's paper on the subject can be found in the British Medical Journal and provides much further infor...
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Funny story: UK Shuts Down For The Day - Nobody Can Be Arsed

UK Shuts Down For The Day - Nobody Can Be Arsed

The United Kingdom was slowly shutting down as the day progressed, with people citing 'can't be arsed' as a major factor, as the shut down gathered momentum around about tea time. The first signs of a total shutdown emerged this morning as postmen...
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Funny story: Joe Cole Receives Second Red Card In A Week - For Speeding!

Joe Cole Receives Second Red Card In A Week - For Speeding!

Joe Cole, the Liverpool and England footballer who was sent off in his very first competitive game for the Reds against Arsenal at the weekend, has come a cropper for the second time in a week, when he was given a second red card - for speeding! C...
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Funny story: Israeli Army announces Funny Photo Contest for Palestinians - prizes include cruise to Gaza and bus fare to Turkish embassy!

Israeli Army announces Funny Photo Contest for Palestinians - prizes include cruise to Gaza and bus fare to Turkish embassy!

Israel's top Army General announced that the military would be holding a Funny Photos Contest just for Palestinians. Entrants will submit outrageous pictures of themselves, which will be judged by a senior military panel. The winner will get a cruise...
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Funny story: The Gorgeously Sexy Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Brooklyn Decker and Zac Efron To Star in "The Multiple Organists"

The Gorgeously Sexy Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Brooklyn Decker and Zac Efron To Star in "The Multiple Organists"

HOLLYWOOD - One of the most beautiful models to ever grace the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, Brooklyn Decker, will be appearing with Zac Efron in Staccato Monteverdi's The Multiple Organists. The film which is based on the novel...
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Funny story: Memories of the Checkerboard Lounge

Memories of the Checkerboard Lounge

Called to another Chicago work assignment in the Summer of 2002, a small group of experienced road warriors with a common love of live music, decided to take a break from the week and see what they could see on a hot Thursday evening. The only question that really remained was "where to go". A few club names were offered up including "Buddy Guy's" and "Blue Chicago" downtown, but the scruffies...
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Funny story: Shades of 'Analyze This!' as George W Bush in secret visit to London shrink

Shades of 'Analyze This!' as George W Bush in secret visit to London shrink

London - (TheRapist News): According to eyewitness reports Bush emerged from a retro-engineered armored Zil sporting a black eye, awkward limp and heavily bandaged left arm. Protected by dozens of heavies and blanket news coverage blackouts the e...
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Funny story: Jane Girl Walnut To Open Cosmetics Counter Inside Hog Jaw Bait Shop

Jane Girl Walnut To Open Cosmetics Counter Inside Hog Jaw Bait Shop

Jane Girl Walnut, the daughter of John and Livie Walnut, has announced that she will share her cosmetics training and experience by setting up a make-up counter at the Bait Shop. Jane Girl, who was once in a play in Little Rock and got made up by pr...
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Funny story: Ron Artest Discovered with Jar on Head

Ron Artest Discovered with Jar on Head

Los Angeles - Laker playoff star Ron Artest was discovered wandering aimlessly ouside of his Beverly Hills mansion yesterday with a jar on his head. Artest, who appeared confused and dangerous, appeared to have had the jar on his head for several...
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Funny story: Chelsea's Nicolas Anelka "Gutted" By 18-Game Ban

Chelsea's Nicolas Anelka "Gutted" By 18-Game Ban

France striker Nicolas Anelka is this evening reported to be "moderately dischuffed" at the 18-game ban handed to him by the French Football Federation (not surprisingly, the FFF) over his conduct at this summer's World Cup. The Chelsea player, 31...
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Funny story: Surfer attacks shark

Surfer attacks shark

A shark has suffered emotional distress and a blunt force trauma to the spiracle after being attacked by a surfer off the coast of Australia, despite attempts from other marine life to stop the attack. 'I was just going about my business in my own...
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Funny story: Where for Art Thou, Mondeo?

Where for Art Thou, Mondeo?

American automobile manufacturers, being a bit of an anachronism in the current world market, still don't embrace the concept of applied technology for the betterment of, or demand by the human race. Case in point; the successful European launch of...
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Funny story: Extinct hairy elephants 'Ran Out Of Grass'

Extinct hairy elephants 'Ran Out Of Grass'

Giant woolly mammoths died out because they ran out of grass - not because they were hunted to extinction, according to scientists. The dope smoking, gargantuan herbivores became so passive through being too huge for any other animal to mess with...
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Funny story: Higher quality porn on Second, secret internet exists, report.

Higher quality porn on Second, secret internet exists, report.

It has been discovered that a second, secret internet exists that is better and faster than the one we all use and has much better stuff on it, according to reports from an under cover reporter who has been living among the well to do folk. Pop st...
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Funny story: Warm Up the Ice Cubes: Hog Jaw, Arkansas Resident Battles the IceOrb

Warm Up the Ice Cubes: Hog Jaw, Arkansas Resident Battles the IceOrb

Miss Eula Ramer is the best cook in Hog Jaw, Arkansas. Although she is known far and wide for her feather-light tea biscuits and hogshead jelly, Miss Eula has a deep, dark secret: she has a penchant for acquiring cool, innovative kitchen gadgets. "The minute I seen the IceOrb I was gobsmacked," she said. "It was cute, funky, and I knew I absolutely had to have it now that the Iceman don't com...
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Funny story: Are Ads For "The Big C" A Sign Of The End of Civilization?

Are Ads For "The Big C" A Sign Of The End of Civilization?

According to ads on each of the top 5000 English-language websites, on banner, pop-up and sidebar ads, there is only one show worth watching this week: The Big C. (Wanna bet there's one at the top of this page, right now?) And it seems like it'd be a wonderful romp; what with middle-aged but still kinda f'able Laura Linney lounging on a lawn, or a sandy beach, it must be a laugh-riot?...
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Funny story: Queen goes on strike

Queen goes on strike

The Queen has today sensationally announced that she's going on strike. The announcement comes after long talks between her Union the RSPCR (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Royals) and the Government. Standing outside Buckingham...
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Funny story: Don't go on vacation!

Don't go on vacation!

Don't go on vacation if you are serious about being a writer belonging to The Spoof...or even loosely connected therewith, forthwith or even forsooth. There are many reasons for not going on vacation, unless you are able to take along your laptop computer and your 'undying' enthusiasm to be somewhat creative in a literacy capacity whilst being surrounded by folk who mock you and ridicule your e...
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Funny story: History Review: "Europe's Tragedy: A History of the Thirty Years War" by Peter H Wilson.

History Review: "Europe's Tragedy: A History of the Thirty Years War" by Peter H Wilson.

The Thirty Years War was a horrific series of conflicts but it has always seemed remote to the inhabitants of these islands - the last major survey in English was by CV Wedgwood 70 years ago. Ken Lucid considers this important new contribution… "First, I have to say sorry this review is late (published late last year - ed.)… but wow! This is one BIG book! It's got 851 pages - and that's not...
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Funny story: TV Bosses' Horror At CSI:Miami Ratings Slump

TV Bosses' Horror At CSI:Miami Ratings Slump

TV bosses are seeking urgent talks with the makers of the hit US TV series CSI:Miami in a desperate bid to get ratings back up to their previous high. The show, which airs in the UK on Tuesdays, and again on Thursday, then the previous Monday and...
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Funny story: Banned French footie players apply for British citizenship

Banned French footie players apply for British citizenship

Nicolas Aneilka et Patrick Evra have both been banned from playing for the French national team and immediately applied to become Brits, qui, qui! Both earn their hard earned millions in England and now have but one desire, to play for Capello (a...
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Funny story: Chaos in London as DJ accidentally plays Slade's "Merry Christmas Everybody" 4 months early

Chaos in London as DJ accidentally plays Slade's "Merry Christmas Everybody" 4 months early

There were scenes of panic across London yesterday after a disc jockey working for the city's Capital Radio accidentally played "Slade's Merry Christmas Everybody" 4 months early. Motorists on their way to work, thinking it was already the Christm...
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Funny story: BBC News Men Set For Punch Up

BBC News Men Set For Punch Up

Tickets for a planned fist fight at a secret location between BBC news anchor Simon McCoy and weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker are selling like hot cakes. The fight was announced last night after Schafernaker's on-screen gaffe - literally tens of vi...
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Funny story: 100 and still moving

100 and still moving

As I celebrate my 100th News Story with the Spoof I find myself in the company of the Coalition Government. They say they have 'hit the ground running' but several ministers. such as Porky Pickles and lumbering Ken Clarke are finding it hard to ke...
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Funny story: Six-Year Old Strikes Oil on Panama City Beach; Becomes Youngest Oil Baron

Six-Year Old Strikes Oil on Panama City Beach; Becomes Youngest Oil Baron

Six-year old Timmy Bradbury was vacationing with his family in Panama City Beach, Florida when he struck oil while digging in the sand with is little shovel and bucket. All of a sudden, oil started oozing to the top of the sand and a mini-gusher emer...
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Funny story: Dr. Laura Says "Darkies" Ended Her Radio Career

Dr. Laura Says "Darkies" Ended Her Radio Career

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a non-psychologist whose doctorate is in basket-weaving, will attempt to fool the world into believing she knows a damned thing about the human condition no longer: She plans to give up her radio show when her contract is up a...
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Funny story: Hog Jaw People and Places

Hog Jaw People and Places

To keep everyone in the loop on who's who and what's what in Hog Jaw, Arkansas, here is a list of the characters so far that have come to life on the Spoof pages. If any have been left out, I apologize. E-mail me and I will update the list as needed. Upcoming Events Hog Jaw Festival Days Election Day sometime in September Places Near Hog Jaw, Arkansas Leaky Cock County Drippy Dick Spri...
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Funny story: New revalations about Obama's bout with "the shits"

New revalations about Obama's bout with "the shits"

The President has had a massive attack of the shits over the last two days, and the White House said that it is not easing up. Senator Smith from Texas, believes that Obama contracted some kind of virus from his recent meeting with Dictator Hugo Chav...
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Funny story: The Hog Jaw, Arkansas Police Patrol Car Finally Gets A Siren

The Hog Jaw, Arkansas Police Patrol Car Finally Gets A Siren

HOG JAW, Arkansas - Hog Jaw Deputy Sheriff Skippy Appleweather, 27, said that he's as happy as a puppy with three peckers. Money was finally allocated to purchase a professional patrol car siren. Skippy said that it was getting downright embarras...
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Funny story: Bottom kill considered for the annulus

Bottom kill considered for the annulus

La Douche, LA--Retired Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen, the federal government's point man in the Gulf, said Monday that attempts to permanently seal the Deepwater Horizon well won't start until the latest potential problem is evaluated. Allen said en...
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Funny story: Riots erupt during anger management class in Hog Jaw--12 hospitalized

Riots erupt during anger management class in Hog Jaw--12 hospitalized

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Twelve Hog Jaw residents were hospitalized this evening after a riot broke out in Reverend Jimmy Braggart's court ordered Anger Management Class at the Possum Snout High School Auditorium. Reverend Braggart, the modera...
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Funny story: Hog Jaw Buggy Whip and Button Hook Factory to Close

Hog Jaw Buggy Whip and Button Hook Factory to Close

Hog Jaw AR: Mayor Titus received a letter today from Secretary of Defense Robert Gates informing the town that the US Armed Forces will no longer be purchasing Buggy Whips and Button Hooks for the troops. The mayor called the city council into eme...
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Funny story: Gunfight Averted in Nevada

Gunfight Averted in Nevada

Armpit NV: The Tea Party Gang led by "Palin the Rogue" rode into town looking for trouble. She was packing a pair of 45s, guns that is, and the gang was spoiling for a fight! Sherriff Obama's Deputy "Sneaky Harry Reid" met the gang in front of...
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Funny story: Hog Jaw Daily News - Ultimate Fightin Debuts

Hog Jaw Daily News - Ultimate Fightin Debuts

Hog Jaw AK - Ultimate fightin took hold here last night at the ag barn with over 1,500 people crowd'n the place to see a husband and wife match-up in the heavyweight division. Chicken ranchers Hally and Irene Bone from the north side say they've b...
View 'Hog Jaw Daily News - Ultimate Fightin Debuts'
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