Funny story: With Apologies to David Mamet

With Apologies to David Mamet

In 67 BC, Gladius Maximus had a love affair from afar with one of the Vestal Virgins. Her name was Titsilitzia Splendissima and she was the most beautiful Vestal Virgin in all of Rome. Unfortunately, the ancient laws demanded that the Vestal Virgins remained as such and were prohibited from "knowing" man, if you get my drift. This was a regulation that was taken very seriously because if on...
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Funny story: Lambert's Liner Has Litterally Become His Signature

Lambert's Liner Has Litterally Become His Signature

Reporters caught up today with American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, only to find that they couldn't even sit in the same room together without being able to cut the tension with a knife. After a long moment of questions followed...
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Funny story: Tea Party Express Derails, Crashes Into Boston Harbor

Tea Party Express Derails, Crashes Into Boston Harbor

BOSTON, MA - Hundreds of Americans who feel they are being railroaded by the Obama administration have probably still not snapped back into reality, even after a cold dip in Boston Harbor today, said officials. Research indicates corporate special...
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Funny story: Fears grow over Keane beard return

Fears grow over Keane beard return

Concerns have recently arisen in East Anglia over a possible return to football for the beard of former Manchester United star Royston Maurice Keane, current manager of Ipswich Town. The beard, last seen when Keane's Sunderland side were soundly b...
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Funny story: Balls to that says Serena amid 'hermaphrodyke' line judge call

Balls to that says Serena amid 'hermaphrodyke' line judge call

Blushing Meadows - (Caster Semen-ya Mess): Tennis ace Serena Williams has tested positive for hermaphrodykism after slamming a line judge's footfault call a load of old balls. The world number two seed suffered a menopausal hot flush spasm when th...
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Funny story: Couple that Wed in Hospital's ICU Sadly Spends Honeymoon in Morgue

Couple that Wed in Hospital's ICU Sadly Spends Honeymoon in Morgue

Los Angeles, California - In what some are calling a testimony of true love, hope and faith, others are calling the brief marriage of between, Carlos Gomez and Cynthia Sanchez, nothing less than a modern retelling of the timeless tale of Romeo and Ju...
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Funny story: Derren Brown Makes David Blaine Disappear

Derren Brown Makes David Blaine Disappear

LONDON - In what has got to be London-born magician Derren Brown's most amazing magical feat ever, he has managed to make Brooklyn-born magician David Blaine disappear. Last month at a magic show in Waterloo, Iowa, Blaine tried to make Brown disap...
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Funny story: Serena Williams Loses To Kim Clijsters Blames It On Her Thighs

Serena Williams Loses To Kim Clijsters Blames It On Her Thighs

NEW YORK CITY - The women's defending tennis champion Serena Williams has lost to Belgium's Kim Clijsters in the U.S. Open semifinal after being docked a point for stepping on the line and for calling an official an (EXPLETIVE DELETED). Williams h...
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Funny story: Jackson Undead

Jackson Undead

In a bizarre twist Michael Jackson was yesterday reported to have risen from his concrete tomb and be stalking the earth in search of 'brains'. Ex spoon bender and long time fiend Uri Gelert said "He has to feed on the flesh of the living he cann...
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Funny story: "Shrinkage" is Not a Sign of Hermaphroditism, say officials after Hollywood Man Calls 911

"Shrinkage" is Not a Sign of Hermaphroditism, say officials after Hollywood Man Calls 911

Los Angeles, California - Harold Johnson, 47, was like most men of his age, confident in his sexuality; his gender never before held in question, certainly not his "manhood". That was until one day, while lounging poolside in his home in the Hollywoo...
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Funny story: Dame Vera Lynn In Rehab

Dame Vera Lynn In Rehab

London, Yesterday. World War II forces sweetheart and, at 92, the oldest person to reach number one in the UK album chart, Dame Vera Lynn, has been admitted to the Prior E Clinic, citing exhaustion. Her Agent, Max Hergestellt, has admitted that s...
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Funny story: The World Confiscated By Alien Loan Sharks

The World Confiscated By Alien Loan Sharks

The World, a series of manmade islands in the United Arab Emirates, has been foreclosed by aliens from a planet we can neither spell nor pronounce. The World, touted as being the largest man-made island group ever created, features sub-islands tha...
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Funny story: Product Placement For British TV Approved

Product Placement For British TV Approved

The government has signalled its intention to remove restrictions on product placement on British televisions shows, a move which led to chaotic scenes in the House of Commons during Prime Minister's Questions today. Announcing the policy shift, t...
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Funny story: Michael Moore Voted Ugliest Man In The World

Michael Moore Voted Ugliest Man In The World

Los Angeles, CA-- Filmmaker Micheal Moore was voted the ugliest man in the world in a recent non-existent online poll. President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela was voted second. Congressman Henry Waxman (Dem, Calif) held third place by a nose. Others in...
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Funny story: Thousands left homeless as tea partiers return home to find their trailer homes missing

Thousands left homeless as tea partiers return home to find their trailer homes missing

Washington, DC - Thousands of members of the Tea Party Express were left homeless as they returned home from the nations capital on Sunday and found their trailer homes missing. Early reports indicate that as many as 50,000 trailers went missing i...
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Funny story: Hull Man Passes Kidney Stone - Lobs It Through Windscreen Of Passing Tuk Tuk Driver

Hull Man Passes Kidney Stone - Lobs It Through Windscreen Of Passing Tuk Tuk Driver

A British man living in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya caused pandemonium yesterday when, after taking a piss and passing a pebble-sized kidney stone, he launched the offending article off his 9th floor balcony and straight through the w...
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Funny story: Jack Tweed receives government appointment

Jack Tweed receives government appointment

Jack Tweed, erstwhile former husband of the late Jade Goody, has received an appointment by Her Majesty's Government that actually doesn't involve a jail sentence, bail or remand. From next Monday, the former non-entity takes up his appointment as...
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Funny story: Thousands of Baggers attend rally - Porta Potties go missing

Thousands of Baggers attend rally - Porta Potties go missing

AS a large crowd of T-Baggers, Birthers, and Douche-Baggers turned out in Washington in what one cable channel called a meeting of the 'great unwashed" a mystery has developed over the disappearance of over one thousand Porta Potties from the main st...
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Funny story: Full details of Michael Jackson's death revealed

Full details of Michael Jackson's death revealed

The full details of Michael Jackson's death were revealed today by the Never Never Land coroner. Amid speculation of drug overdoses, stress, wearings-out and even, according to the News of the Sun newspaper, falling off the moon during one of his...
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Funny story: Obama Places 35% Tarriff on Import Chinese Tires After Reports of Massive Botulism Amongst Homeless!

Obama Places 35% Tarriff on Import Chinese Tires After Reports of Massive Botulism Amongst Homeless!

Washington,DC/ Import/Export News from the Desk of the Tyre Czar - Wall Street reacted unfavorably today with the announcement that President Obama had demanded a 35% import Tariff on Chinese Tyres that had been found to have caused thousands of botu...
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Funny story: Kristen Stewart Runs Into Real Vampires

Kristen Stewart Runs Into Real Vampires

On her way out of the studio in Canada Saturday and accompanied by two bodyguards, Kristen Stewart first knew something was wrong when she suddenly turned and the two were missing. The next thing she knew, according to her story later, was that sh...
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Funny story: Man With The World's Smallest Penis Relates How He Almost Lost It!

Man With The World's Smallest Penis Relates How He Almost Lost It!

This reporter was with Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name), having a few beers at a local bar recently and were listening to one bragging tale after another and, as usual, Penis was reluctant to say much, simply listen. "Well, I bet Penis here...
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Funny story: Government Motors (GM) and ACORN Push Taxpayer Funded "Free Ride!"

Government Motors (GM) and ACORN Push Taxpayer Funded "Free Ride!"

Detroit, MI/ United Auto Workers Update - Government Motors, (GM), announced today a long term sales and marketing agreement with community action group ACORN to spearhead their innovative sales pitch to drive one of their cars free for 60 days, and...
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Funny story: Semen-ya's mother in 'hid hetero pram' pregnancy hex

Semen-ya's mother in 'hid hetero pram' pregnancy hex

South Africa - (Gonads Press): Was controversial champion athlete Caster Semen-ya's mother hexed by witchdoctors during pregancy? Probably not. But some cryptologists claim a spooky word trail brands the inter-gender runner's mother Dork-Ass...
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Funny story: Two Men Get In Fight Over Who Is The World's Greatest Dad

Two Men Get In Fight Over Who Is The World's Greatest Dad

Reno, Nevada - What makes a great dad? There are a number of answers; chances are none of them involve beating another man senseless in front of a playground full of six-year-olds. Dale Jacoby and Roger Thorne are in jail this morning. The two...
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Funny story: Skinny, non-Spicy Victoria in her black Jackboots reveals she has no thighs!

Skinny, non-Spicy Victoria in her black Jackboots reveals she has no thighs!

Recently "paparazzied" in the US with a pair of kinky, black thigh-lengthed latex Jackboots, Posh, non-Spicy Victoria has, in a pathetic attempt to keep up with Lady GaGa and other pea-brained bitches, to be the next Madonna! Shock, shock and more...
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Funny story: Obama reveals the TRUTH behind his historical, presidential triumph, "His Massive Black Corkscrew!"

Obama reveals the TRUTH behind his historical, presidential triumph, "His Massive Black Corkscrew!"

In an exclusive interview, Obama has, at last, divulged the lie and revealed the real winner in his election campaign: his massive. black, corkscrew! Obama, in his early political career liked to "flash" it around in front of the ladies, black and...
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Funny story: Michael Jackson found alive!

Michael Jackson found alive!

The King of Pop has been seen roaming the streets of Morocco. Unbelievable. "I thought he was dead." said M. Burns, a customer at a local newstand. "He's still alive? Jesus christ man, whats it take!?" stated T. Jackson, a local McDonalds goe...
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Funny story: Michael Jackson Spotted In Area 51

Michael Jackson Spotted In Area 51

Roswell, New Mexico - Conspiracy theorists have worked themselves into a lather over rumors that Michael Jackson was spotted outside a building in Area 51. Hundreds of conspiracy theorists have descended on Roswell in the last 48 ho...
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Funny story: Pamela Anderson PETA Spread Blows Bill O'Reilly's Gasket

Pamela Anderson PETA Spread Blows Bill O'Reilly's Gasket

SPIN CITY, USA - FOXXX News shouting head Bill O'Reilly's face was looking splotchier than ever today when the topic turned to Pamela Anderson's new ads for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). The actress-turned-animal-rights-activ...
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Funny story: Scandal Rocks San Francisco Transgender Sports Gathering

Scandal Rocks San Francisco Transgender Sports Gathering

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Tests results were released today proving that controversial runner Enya Semencaster is in fact a woman, but not also a man, bringing scandal to the San Francisco Trangender Sports Gathering and rocking the city's she-male communi...
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Funny story: Four Actresses Upset At National Breast Appreciation Day

Four Actresses Upset At National Breast Appreciation Day

LOS ANGELES - In a move that has pleasantly surprised the organizers of The National Breast Appreciation Day festivities which are scheduled for September 28, 2009, four movie starlets say they are upset and embarrassed at the upcoming event. The...
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Funny story: Kristen Stewart To Star In "The Kristen Stewart Story"

Kristen Stewart To Star In "The Kristen Stewart Story"

LONDON - It has been announced that Kristen Stewart is to star in Reginald Chiswickett's The Kristen Stewart Story. Chiswickett is considered to be one of England's most respected producers. He produced four of the James Bond films including Rwand...
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Funny story: Adebayor claims he was trying to beat the 100m record

Adebayor claims he was trying to beat the 100m record

The "100m" run Emmanuel Adebayor made towards Arsenal fans yesterday, was claimed by the man himself to be an official attempt to break the 100m record, set by Usain Bolt of 9.58 "sex". "Nah bro, I was just trying to win the 100m, trying to beat U...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton Buys A Hermaphrodite

Paris Hilton Buys A Hermaphrodite

HOLLYWOOD - Paris Hilton, the Left Coast socialite who is famous for actually doing nothing, kind of like the Kardashians, OctuMom, and Kate Gosselin informed Larry King that she has purchased a hermaphrodite. After Larry regained his composure he...
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Funny story: Pointless Chav Upstaged by even bigger Chav

Pointless Chav Upstaged by even bigger Chav

Girls Aloud "Phenomenon" Cheryl Cole was left speechless on her birthday after being upstaged by a knickerless cavernous crotch flash by her own Mum. The Girls Aloud crotch-rotter hit the town to celebrate her 26th birthday with disease-ridden se...
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Funny story: Rep. Joe Wilson's Inner-child Has Tourette Syndrome

Rep. Joe Wilson's Inner-child Has Tourette Syndrome

Washington, D.C.-Like the boy who pointed out that the emperor had no clothes on, Congressman Joe Wilson's inner- child escaped just long enough to shout out the obvious: Barrack Obama was lying. The incident took place during the presidents speec...
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Funny story: Abnormal Political Behavior Conference Convenes in San Francisco

Abnormal Political Behavior Conference Convenes in San Francisco

San Francisco CA: A psychiatric conference concerned with why far left wing liberals behave the way they do, was convened at the Mission Bay Conference Center. The distinguished conference leader Dr. Harpo Marx (no relation to Karl) provided repo...
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