Funny story: Australians Hate Australia Movie

Australians Hate Australia Movie

Australia hates Australia - That is the news coming from the Antipodes this morning, or this evening, depending on where you are in the world. The Australia being talked about though, is the movie by Baz Luhrmann, a sprawling mess of a movie to wh...
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Funny story: Police to probe UK torture claims

Police to probe UK torture claims

Police will investigate claims that an MI5 agent was complicit in torture carried out at Guantanamo bay.. One inmate, known as Mohamed to protect his identity, was held at Guantanamo Bay after he was caught on a London bus without a travel card la...
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Funny story: Obama expands "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy

Obama expands "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy

News Update (Washington DC) - President Obama took to the podium today to expand the military's stance on gays. Going forward this new policy will not be limited to just military personnel, and will affect the lives of all Americans. "Look, now, t...
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Funny story: Loony Tunes Britney Apparently Thinks It's Christmas

Loony Tunes Britney Apparently Thinks It's Christmas

Add another chalk mark to your score on the list of the zany Circus tour series. Mama Jamie Spears may have her daughter Britney on a tight leash, seeing a whole team of psychiatrists and a few bodyguards but it's good to see she's the same old id...
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Funny story: Malawi people to adopt American pop stars

Malawi people to adopt American pop stars

Concerned at the plight of America's pop stars, many who live very unhealthily and are surrounded by poisonous chemicals, poor food, and war-mongering leaders that waste their taxes on needless wars, the people of Malawi today announced they were ado...
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Funny story: Psychologists Determine That Bush Administration Was Protected By 'Bozone' Layer

Psychologists Determine That Bush Administration Was Protected By 'Bozone' Layer

Psychologists have finally come to a determination as to the reason why the Bush administration failed to understand why the Iraq war was a failure and why the economy was starting to go under during their watch. Borrowing from an idea originated...
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Funny story: Keira Knightley 'Distraught' Following Pirate Ship Demise

Keira Knightley 'Distraught' Following Pirate Ship Demise

Hollywoodland icon and archetypal English rose, Keira Knightley, was reportedly moved to tears by Captain Morse's ultimate instalment of the 'Below Decks' extravaganza, as championed on the magazine pages of TheSpoof.com, even though it rarely attrac...
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Funny story: Queen Elizabeth Qualifies For 200K Run In 2012 Olympics

Queen Elizabeth Qualifies For 200K Run In 2012 Olympics

Queen Elizabeth II easily qualified for a spot in the 2012 Olympics today. She completed the run in .5 seconds. The 83-year old beat the previous world record by 19 seconds in the 200K dash. A nagging hip problem may cause her to use a cane or walk...
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Funny story: David Jason In Racist Joke Row

David Jason In Racist Joke Row

Sources at the BBC have uncovered, what they say is, evidence that Sir David Jason, the long-time star of shows such as Only Fools And Horses and A Touch Of Frost, is a racist, after he unleashed a torrent of racist abuse and innuendo during a live r...
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Funny story: Michelle O'Bama to have elocution lessons

Michelle O'Bama to have elocution lessons

Celebrity politician Barack O'Bamas wife Michelle 'Big Mamma' O'Bama is to have elocution lessons to prevent her sounding too 'white'. Michelle was shocked to discover some black school kids she visited in DC all agreed she was 'forgetting her roo...
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Funny story: Fern Britton Leaves Show After Row About Her Knickers

Fern Britton Leaves Show After Row About Her Knickers

Fern Britton, the overweight This Morning presenter has left the show after a rift with co-presenter, Philip Schofield, over her underwear. Britton, who only last week tipped the scales at a whopping 23 stone, fell into dispute with Schofield over...
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Funny story: Madonna 'To Purchase Second Child'

Madonna 'To Purchase Second Child'

Aging and well past her sell by date Pop star Madonna is to travel to Malawi in a bid to bribe her way into buying a second child, because the first one is 'getting on her nerves' - well, not quite her nerves, her team of Nanny's nerves. The 70-y...
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Funny story: Scientists determine length of journey to "hell in a handcart"

Scientists determine length of journey to "hell in a handcart"

Scientists with nothing better to do have been sponsored by the Daily Mail to calculate the amount of time it will take for the entire country to go to "hell in a handcart". And there is mixed news. Firstly, the scientists had to solve the problem...
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Funny story: Spongergate: A Sponger Accuses Another Sponger

Spongergate: A Sponger Accuses Another Sponger

A sponger has called another sponger a sponger in a Royal sponger scandal. Phil the Greek-famous for marrying the Queen- branded Simon Foul a sponger. Mr Foul- famous for finding people with talent and then milking them for cash- was unhurt by the ac...
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Funny story: Jade Goody To Be Given Full BNP Funeral

Jade Goody To Be Given Full BNP Funeral

The funeral of the late reality TV star Jade Goody next Friday, is to be attended by more than 1,000 members of the British National Party, and will feature a full 21-gun salute and other niceties, including a speech by a prominent party member. U...
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Funny story: What To Name Your Baby? You'll Have To Ask Obama!

What To Name Your Baby? You'll Have To Ask Obama!

PrezBO Newswire (Washington, DC)-Before your next extended undercover operation that culminates in a joint effort to insert tab a into slot b, Mr. and Ms. America, you better think twice. No, not about whether either of you has protection, or maybe a...
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Funny story: Footballer Grows A Brain

Footballer Grows A Brain

Scientists today revealed that a Premiership footballer has grown a brain. As yet the player in question has not been named. It is believed that the experiment was carried out to see if unintelligent life could be used to support intelligent life.
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Funny story: Firm Britone:"Money Was Not The Reason"

Firm Britone:"Money Was Not The Reason"

The television presenter Firm Britone today announced that her decision to quit 'This Morning' was not just about money. Some have claimed that the discrepancy between her wages and those of her co-host, Pip Shitfield, led to her resignation. It i...
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Funny story: British Therapists Try And Cure 'Gays' - Why?

British Therapists Try And Cure 'Gays' - Why?

A sixth of British therapists said they had tried to help gay, bisexual and lesbian patients become heterosexual - the question is why? Many people like being gay and who says it is not a natural occurrence - and that animals are also gay - who kn...
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Funny story: Madonna to Adopt Again

Madonna to Adopt Again

Aging pop goddess Madonna has announced that she is re-entering the African adoption fray, one year since she adopted her son David. The 'Material Girl', 50, who also has two biological children, has announced that she is to adopt Malawi - bringin...
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Funny story: Incest Dad Seeks Contact with Tot Mom

Incest Dad Seeks Contact with Tot Mom

The Austrian Ogre, 73-year-old Josef Fritzl, is seeking his prison's permission to start an e-mail relationship with jailed 22-year-old American Tot Mom Casey Anthony. "I don't see any harm in it," Fritzl confirmed from his country club prison i...
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Funny story: Deluded Cowell Says - "I am the true heir to the throne! All bow down before me!"

Deluded Cowell Says - "I am the true heir to the throne! All bow down before me!"

In a story that would not seem amiss in his own hit soap opera, Coronation Street, pint-sized pop Svengali, Simon Cowell, has claimed that Prince Phillip called him a sponger. Close friends and insiders to his inner scrotum, tell of Cowell's incre...
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Funny story: Man Trying To Look Hard Spits On Shoe

Man Trying To Look Hard Spits On Shoe

A complete prick from the town of Wigan today spat on his shoe, accidentally, in attempt to look 'hard'. The incident occurred at approximately 8.00 pm last night near Rick Astley's chippy. The man, identity unknown, was either intimidated by my g...
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Funny story: Anna Nicole body to be exhumed

Anna Nicole body to be exhumed

Nassau, Bahamas - (Big Boob Mess): A police investigation into a fetishistic grave-robbing cult has spread to the body of former Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith following allegations that an empty coffin was interred into her final resting place...
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Funny story: Carol Midgley Rottweiler in a dress

Carol Midgley Rottweiler in a dress

Carol writes for the times, well I say writes, she stomps her paws all over a PC keyboard and out comes a load of old shite. Her latest drivel features ridiculing football genius Paul Gascoigne. Gazza has never made a secret of the fact that he suffers bi-polar disorder, a terrible mental affliction that can result in a very self destructive state. However Carol has ignored this, well she w...
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Funny story: Bill Clinton gagged UK courts about Jade Goody paternity

Bill Clinton gagged UK courts about Jade Goody paternity

London - (Seedy Ass Mess): In a startling development this afternoon lawyers acting for fetid former come-back kid Bill Clinton obtained a gagging order forbidding UK media from publishing his DNA paternity test results re Jade Goody. The feckless...
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Funny story: Frankie rides red-hot My Indy in Dubai World Cup thriller

Frankie rides red-hot My Indy in Dubai World Cup thriller

Nad Al Sheba, Dubai - (Whorseracing Mess): It's a done deal! And you can forget about US Breeders' Cup Dirt Mile champion Albertus Maximus, current 2/1 favorite for Saturday's Dubai World Cup. He's dead meat already! That's the verdict of online...
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Funny story: Veterans Gather To Commemorate Loss Of Pirate Ship

Veterans Gather To Commemorate Loss Of Pirate Ship

Sombre scenes today here in Portsmouth as nautical veterans of a madcap adventure gathered together to commemorate the loss of the pirate ship HMS B*ggerall. Standing at the site of HMS Victory in the Royal Naval Dockyard, Michael Morse, a distant...
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Funny story: Cloaked UFO fleet massing over G20 conference centre

Cloaked UFO fleet massing over G20 conference centre

London - (X-Files Mess): A fleet of over 100 UFOs has been reported massing above London's X-Cell Centre under cover of the latest cloaking device technology ahead of next week's ultimate bankrupt vanity PR exercise the G20 Summit. "Earth's ancest...
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Funny story: 'God won't protect G20 freak show from April Doomsday' Wiccans warn

'God won't protect G20 freak show from April Doomsday' Wiccans warn

London - (Ultimate Ponzi Scam Mess): "The clue is in the date!" World Council of Wicca sources hinted broadly this morning ahead of the April 1st G20 meeting in London next week. The Aries New Moon proclamation warns delusional politicians that '...
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Funny story: Boogertown's Edith Snotgrass Has Never Given Up On Finding Her Cat, Colonel Mustard

Boogertown's Edith Snotgrass Has Never Given Up On Finding Her Cat, Colonel Mustard

Although her cat went missing in 1980 when Mrs Edith Snotgrass moved to West Boogertown, unfortunately the cat was no where to be seen when she arrived at her new home. "I let Colonel Mustard out at about six but told him to be back by eleven wh...
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Funny story: Manchester United Supporter Found Floating In Atlantic

Manchester United Supporter Found Floating In Atlantic

Reports are coming in that a man was picked up by the Portuguese Coastguard, having been mysteriously cast adrift in the Atlantic Ocean. Miraculously, the man was alive. Portuguese Coastguard Muslimo Ronaldinho told us: "The man was picked u...
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Funny story: Australia A Stinker Of A Film

Australia A Stinker Of A Film

The film Australia appears to be the bastard child of Gone With The Wind, The Wizard of Oz, Empire Of The Sun and Out Of Africa. Money and talent was wasted on a tedious, cliche driven film with Wile E. Coyote bad guys chasing Road Runner good guys a...
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Funny story: Iraqi Man Stoned to Death for Bad Christopher Walken Impression

Iraqi Man Stoned to Death for Bad Christopher Walken Impression

Imagine this: a man is walking on a street with a friend. He talks about movies and television from the United States. The Taliban don't notice him until he imitated Christopher Walken. The man's name was Browny Smelling and he watched "The Deer H...
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Funny story: Bruce Willis Married Hard

Bruce Willis Married Hard

Film star Bruce Willis, 54, of "Die Hard" fame, has tied the knot with model Emma Heming, in a Caribbean island ceremony attended by his ex-wife Demi Moore, who untied him, and their three daughters, his brother, Willy Willis, his Aunt Gertie, a 7, 1...
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Funny story: Top 20 Mennonite Wild Spring Break Favorites

Top 20 Mennonite Wild Spring Break Favorites

20. Painting the town Black & White 19. Barn Loft Bungie Jumps 18. First To Churn Their Butter 17. Reshaping elder's beard while he sleeps 16. Going Bonnetless from buggy while throwing beads 15. Buttermilk Chug-A-Lugs 14. Bucket of horse piss over barn doors 13. Horse Apple Fight 12. Sporting "Born To Raise Barns" Tee Shirts 11. Pulling A Skinny Dippin' All-Nighter...
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Funny story: NASA To Send OctuMom Up To The Space Station

NASA To Send OctuMom Up To The Space Station

SACRAMENTO, California - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger faced with the ever-looming possibility that his state could go bankrupt has decided to make an emergency state govermental decision. The governor has recently been in talks with several high...
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Funny story: Rooney wants to play for Brazil

Rooney wants to play for Brazil

Unfortunately what Wayne Rooney does not understand, is the basic grasp of common sense. He was born in England, everyone he is related to was born and raised in England, he was already played some 40 games for England, thus making him ineligible for...
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Funny story: David Jason today apologised for 'shameful and disgraceful remarks' on the radio

David Jason today apologised for 'shameful and disgraceful remarks' on the radio

David Jason today apologised for 'shameful and disgraceful remarks' on the radio, ones that led to a record number of angry complaints to the BBC. 'I hang my head in shame', the Only Fools and Horses star said on Radio 4 today, 'I said things that...
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Funny story: Timothy Geithner spotted practicing flea training routine

Timothy Geithner spotted practicing flea training routine

WASHINGTON DC - Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner has been seen by department staffers practicing a flea training routine, using a small three-ring circus on a side-desk in his office. Two Treasury insiders spoke on condition of anonymity...
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Funny story: Below Decks Chapter 22:The End Becomes the Beginning!

Below Decks Chapter 22:The End Becomes the Beginning!

Captain's Note: This concludes the ambitious project undertaken by a spirited crew of Spoofers who write simply for the joy of writing. For those of you who tried to follow along, we salute you! For the Crew, I applaud you! Maybe we'll do it again. Maybe not! Now Hear This: The Smoking Lamp is Lit, and Shore Leave Now Commences! God Speed till we sail again. The ship was deathly qu...
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Funny story: Al Gore Attacked by Sexually Confused Bear

Al Gore Attacked by Sexually Confused Bear

Girdwood, Alaska - Al Gore, on a expedition to Alaska to study the effect of global warming on wildlife, was mauled by a temperamental bi-sexual bear. The incident happened while Mr. Gore was touring a wildlife sanctuary outside this small northern A...
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Funny story: Banksy changes name in protest over Sir Fred 'The Shred'

Banksy changes name in protest over Sir Fred 'The Shred'

The Bristol-born artist Banksy had decided to change his name in protest at the carry-on within the country's financial instutions, in particular, RBS and its outgone chief executive Sir Fred Th'Shred. From tomorrow, Banksy it taking a socially re...
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Funny story: When the Dusk Fell, Part 3

When the Dusk Fell, Part 3

This gave him energy, hope and courage. He decided not to miss the opportunity of seeing a city girl. When the woman handed him a plate, he took it with delight, but his eyes transfixed on the woman's hanging breasts in her dress. The woman sat loosely on the rock opposite him. Her dress was flowery; her clean-shaven legs without stockings; her toes varnished deep red. When she moved her legs, the...
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Funny story: Richardson's Organs 'Donated To Help Others'

Richardson's Organs 'Donated To Help Others'

Relatives of the late Natasha Richardson, tragically killed in a skiing accident last week, have confirmed that several of her organs have been donated since her death. Richardson, 45, died after falling during a ski lesson at the Mont Tremblant r...
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Funny story: House Prices will rise this year, say experts.

House Prices will rise this year, say experts.

There is good news finally about house prices. According to experts in the housing industry they are set to rise by the end of 2009! 'It's certain. They simply can't fail to rise,' says Tom Wimpy, an estate agent in Harlow, Essex. Prices have bee...
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Funny story: Brown Announces New Debt Initiative

Brown Announces New Debt Initiative

Following the failure of its Gilts Auction yesterday, when the world of finance decided that Britain was unlikely to be able to pay off its debts, the Government has today announced a further fiscal measure to reduce its debt. Speaking from his Br...
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Funny story: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely,...
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Funny story: Blow Job Etiquette

Blow Job Etiquette

What a girl has to say on the subject: 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push...
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Funny story: Disco to be installed in White House basement

Disco to be installed in White House basement

WASHINGTON DC--The White House Press Office today confirmed that the one-lane bowling alley where the President bowled like he was in the Special Olympics will be converted to a discotheque with a bar, DJ booth and "dyno-mite" lighting effects. Pr...
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Funny story: Netanyahu Pneumonia Renders Israeli Sufferers Peaceless

Netanyahu Pneumonia Renders Israeli Sufferers Peaceless

Untreated Holyland Whooping Cough victims have seen their disease advance to the more serious Netanyahu Pneumonia. The whooping cough wracks the diseased bodies of the infected but when the infection advances to the NP stage sufferers drown in their...
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Funny story: Reports that hostages may be free just "hot air"

Reports that hostages may be free just "hot air"

Unconfirmed reports have been leaked to the press suggesting that the 1500 Greenodd residents held hostage in Somalia may in fact be free. Somalian authorities have refused to confirm or deny these details and there is some confusion surrounding...
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Funny story: Holyland Whooping Cough Sweeps Middle Eastern Lungs

Holyland Whooping Cough Sweeps Middle Eastern Lungs

Epidemiologists have identified a new persistent strain of pertussis that they have named the Holyland Whooping Cough. The HWC renders the victim nearly incapable of a cough free minute. Companions of the constantly coughing inflicted have been k...
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Funny story: Rush Limbaugh Prefers World's Largest Penis to World's Largest Vagina

Rush Limbaugh Prefers World's Largest Penis to World's Largest Vagina

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a startling revelation, Rush Limbaugh has publicly announced that he prefers the world's largest penis to the world's largest vagina. "Look, folks," Limbaugh huffed on his show Monday. "I can't tell you how many times it's...
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Funny story: Man Utd Ejects Ashley Cole

Man Utd Ejects Ashley Cole

After booting should be lobotomized Looney Rooney, Castrato singer and soccer afficionado, Fabio Acapello sent not merry old soul, Ashley Cole, the mad drunk of Manchester packing. Acapello told the Rude Footballers Tabloid that drunks are ten pen...
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Funny story: Looney Tune Rooney Traded to St Mary's a Bedlam of the Schizo Soccer league

Looney Tune Rooney Traded to St Mary's a Bedlam of the Schizo Soccer league

Fabio Acapello, the only footballer and castrato singer in the world told Man UTD in a perfect soprano that Looney Rooney had got to go. Since his latest looney illustration against Fulham, the men in the white coats have been looking for an appropr...
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Funny story: Obama Administration Proposes New Senior Health Plan to Reduce Entitlements

Obama Administration Proposes New Senior Health Plan to Reduce Entitlements

Washington DC: President Obama's latest press conference did not address reductions in Federal entitlement programs such as Social Security and Medicare. This omission was rectified a few hours later when the president's press secretary issued a stat...
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Funny story: Below Decks - A Brief Diversion - My Head Hurts

Below Decks - A Brief Diversion - My Head Hurts

I never realised my cooking was so bad. Don't get me wrong on this, I understand fully that the Leeds United tattoos upset a lot of crew members. But now I'm well and truly in deep poop. My head is currently protruding through the Buggerall's planking, and I'm faced with the prospect of having to watch the Captain and Dora Piebottom 'gettin jiggy wid it' Meanwhile, the rest of me is stuck...
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Funny story: "Hang On A Minute," says God - "I Didn't Say That!"

"Hang On A Minute," says God - "I Didn't Say That!"

Reports from heaven suggest that God is furious with Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury for 'putting words in his mouth'. According to the bearded Williams God 'will not give happy endings' God will not intervene to prevent huma...
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Funny story: Two late to ban teaching of students

Two late to ban teaching of students

it has emerged from the university of Oxbrains that it is to late to ban teaching of students. 'It's two late', ProfFessor Humphrey van Kretinov said, from his study in Eliza Dunlittle College, 'far to late, for the illegitemate righters and reade...
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Funny story: New Spandau Ballet single comes out

New Spandau Ballet single comes out

Minutes after the 1980s' pop band Spandau Ballet announced they were reforming, they brought out a single, and here are the lyrics: 'We want gold (gold!), to line our worn-out pockets To see our accountants smile again You're unbelievable Never believing, we are - Shit (shit!), crap that was crap even then We were so bad it was fun We're diabolical Never believing, we are - Hyped (h...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus to Star in True Grit Remake

Miley Cyrus to Star in True Grit Remake

The Coen brothers have announced plans to remake the John Wayne classic western, True Grit. Wayne won his only Oscar playing a "one eyed fat man" sheriff named Rooster Cogburn who helps a young girl (Kim Darby) avenge the murder of her father. The...
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Funny story: Taleban invite Americans to Afghanistan, to show them how to kill prisoners in an as barbaric, Middle Ages' way as possible

Taleban invite Americans to Afghanistan, to show them how to kill prisoners in an as barbaric, Middle Ages' way as possible

In Afghanistan today, where the Taleban rule large parts of the country, that fundamentalist organisation invited Americans there to show them how to kill prisoners accused of murder. 'We've heard of the American way of dealing with murderers. Gas...
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Funny story: Spandau Ballet reform after 96 years

Spandau Ballet reform after 96 years

96 years after pop band Spandau Ballet first appeared on the world's stage, today they announced they were reforming. 'We're reforming', said singer Hermann Hessly, 'even though we may be a tad old for pop stars.' And guitarist Gary Kampf added: '...
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