Funny story: Fantasy Football Coaches

Fantasy Football Coaches

Once again the post-season ritual of replacing NFL coaches is upon us, but in these stressful economic times the owners this year have the unique opportunity for a twofer; upgrading their staffs while simultaneously taking care of some down-on-their-luck politicians. Our government leaders love to use football metaphors to describe their challenges and actions so why not give a few worthy candidat...
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Funny story: The Secrets of Avoiding Jury Selection

The Secrets of Avoiding Jury Selection

Many people ....(what am I saying!)...Most people hate receiving a jury summons. This generally requires at least one day off work (without pay, of course), downtown traffic and parking, long lines, hurry up and wait, inadequate bathroom facilities, no convenient lunch, losing coins in vending machines, rude and/or overworked employees (city, county, state, or Federal), sitting on unpadded seats...
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Funny story: CIA criticised as baby steals tank

CIA criticised as baby steals tank

Emerging news is that a member of a secret training programme run by the CIA may have turned rogue and taken control of an M1 Abrams battle tank. Reports indicate that in 2000 George W. Bush approved the creation of the CIA proposed "Operation Rat...
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Funny story: Condoleezza Rice Gets Her Own TV Show

Condoleezza Rice Gets Her Own TV Show

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana - Now that she is no longer the secretary of state Condoleezza Rice has signed a contract with the Fox Network to have her own cooking television show. The show is being developed by the famed Ingrediential Culinaryistic Cui...
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Funny story: Nursing Home Budget Crisis Forces Creative Solutions

Nursing Home Budget Crisis Forces Creative Solutions

Sunnydale Rest Home in East Podunk, NY, has come up with a unique way to cut costs that has caught the attention of state lawmakers. "Our operating costs have skyrocketed at the same time reimbursements have declined." says Neil Barrington, admi...
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Funny story: 15 Year Old Lancashire Youth Admits To Having Smoked Since The Age Of Two

15 Year Old Lancashire Youth Admits To Having Smoked Since The Age Of Two

Hot on the heels of a Welsh woman's suspended prison sentence on charges of allowing a three year old to smoke cigarettes, which amounted to child abuse, a Lancashire youth contacted TheSpoof.com today. Ovenchips Slackthwaite, 15, of Burnley openl...
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Funny story: Oprah Eats Whole Cow At President's Dinner

Oprah Eats Whole Cow At President's Dinner

Questions have been raised over talk show host Oprah Winfrey's commitment to weight loss after she consumed an entire cow at the President's inaugauration dinner and was later seen toasting Barrick Obama from a large gravy boat filled with custard.
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Funny story: Your Problems Answered...by Lettuce Bromsgrove

Your Problems Answered...by Lettuce Bromsgrove

My in-tray often contains heart-rending stories of bravery and people beating the odds. Martin's letter wasn't one of them. He writes; "Dear Lettuce, I was recently made redundant from my job in a Major Highstreet Bank. In the last year I have taken on a £185,000 mortgage and a £7,000 car loan, my wife has given birth to quadruplets so has had to give up her job. My redundancy pay will only co...
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Funny story: "The Sopranos : The Musical" begins rehearsals

"The Sopranos : The Musical" begins rehearsals

The long awaited Soprano's musical moved one step nearer to opening yesterday as the cast met for the first day of rehearsals. Penned by a combination of the show's original created David Chase and musicals legend Andrew Lloyd Webber the show is a...
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Funny story: Gotchanow Live Update

Gotchanow Live Update

Keeping in line with other operating systems, Microsoft has announced the sudden release of a live update for the brand new Gotchanow implanted operating system. Apparently, users of the unpatched version of the OS are susceptible to suggestion. A...
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Funny story: PM Says "It's all in our mind"

PM Says "It's all in our mind"

10 Downing Street has issued a statement on the credit crises from Prime Minister Gordon Brown. In it they claim the current financial crisis occurred not on his watch, but while he was being impersonated by an identity thief. The communiqué assur...
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Funny story: Man Swings a Dead Cat in Barnstaple

Man Swings a Dead Cat in Barnstaple

Barnstaple - A man in a trench coat got on a downtown bus on Tuesday and surprised passengers by pulling out a dead cat which he then proceed to start swinging in a reckless and violent manner. Passenger and witness Marjorie Givens says "I think...
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Funny story: Obama's new jobs promised calls on American workers to make longest commute ever: China, India and Mexico

Obama's new jobs promised calls on American workers to make longest commute ever: China, India and Mexico

Washington, DC - Soon the backbone of our economy, America's middle class, blue-color workers, men in hardhats, steel toed boots and holding black lunch-buckets on their laps on their way to their new jobs promised will be seated alongside the nation...
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Funny story: Blagojevich Likens His Plight To Gandhi, Mandela, MLK

Blagojevich Likens His Plight To Gandhi, Mandela, MLK

Starting his new series of interviews under the guidance of Drew Peterson's public relations firm, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich sat down with The Today Show's Amy Robach to tell his side of the story. When speaking of his arrest on December 9...
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Funny story: Diner Freaking Out Neighboring Tables

Diner Freaking Out Neighboring Tables

Firm Boy diner, Joseph "Joe Joe" Greenspan attracted attention at the Firm Boy Restaurant Sunday by suddenly addressing the food on his plate and causing several other diners to move over a table or two. Hudnal, upon noticing that one small hushpu...
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Funny story: Benitez resigns from Liverpool FC to sell property

Benitez resigns from Liverpool FC to sell property

Liverpool FC manager Rafael "Rafa" Benítez, aged 48 resigned in a suprise announcement live on air today, following the second draw with local rivals Everton FC in the FA Cup. Having announced the news with Sky Sports, Rafa explained that he had r...
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Funny story: Controversial reality TV show cancelled

Controversial reality TV show cancelled

The controversial reality tv show "The Lock In" which has been screened by Channel 6 for sixteen hours per day for the last six weeks has been cancelled. In the show, 8 contestants were locked into a fully stocked pub, and left to drink free of ch...
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Funny story: Gordon Brown gets Slimmer of the Year Award

Gordon Brown gets Slimmer of the Year Award

The British Prime Minister has complained that cartoons always show him as a fat bastard, when in fact, he has held the title of the slimmer of the year for the past 10 years. A source close to Gordon Brown has disclosed that he is actually the...
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Funny story: Brown lists UK on EBAY

Brown lists UK on EBAY

In a last minute bid to ward off the rising effects of financial squeeze from the world wide credit crunch British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has listed the entire UK economy and its vast assets on the internet trading site, EBAY. Mr Brown said the...
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Funny story: Scots celebrate Burns Night

Scots celebrate Burns Night

Famous Scots all around the world today celebrated Burns Night, an evening of dwelling on everything that's good about Scotland over huge amounts of whisky, but with no ice or water in it, and eating huge amounts of sheeps' stomachs filled with oats...
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Funny story: Aquarius solar eclipse news: Doomsday comet stationary over Buckingham Palace

Aquarius solar eclipse news: Doomsday comet stationary over Buckingham Palace

London - (Coup 'Stark' d'Etat Mess): Monday's magnificent Aquarius solar eclipse occurs horribly close to the credit crunching trajectory of a portentuous Doomsday comet that has been homing in on Buckingham Palace airspace all January. The comet'...
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Funny story: The Laws of Nature

The Laws of Nature

LAW OF THE QUEUES: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. LAW OF THE TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. L...
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Funny story: BBC In New Controversy Over Refusal To Air Controversial Gaza Appeal

BBC In New Controversy Over Refusal To Air Controversial Gaza Appeal

The BBC has become the only British broadcaster not to air the appeal for Gaza's weapons crisis, but stand by it's decision to remain 'impartial'. The appeal states: "Gaza needs your help. The Zionist regime has holocausted weapon supplies, blo...
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Funny story: Pennsylvanian Woman Executed For Overdue Library Book

Pennsylvanian Woman Executed For Overdue Library Book

Harrisburg PA-- A Brookhaven woman was executed at midnight for an overdue library book. Michelle Critter, 45, went to her death in the electric chair crying softly. She was the first woman executed in Pennsylvania in over forty years. Ms. Crit...
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Funny story: Ominous craft sighted as Waco cult leader mother's body vanishes from Texan morgue

Ominous craft sighted as Waco cult leader mother's body vanishes from Texan morgue

Chandler, Texas - (X-Files Mess): "Total crap!" is how Henderson County Sheriff Ray Nutt (sic? no kidding!) described reports of UFO gamma ray burst activity above the Houston morgue from where the body of Waco cult leader David Koresh's mother disap...
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Funny story: Obama arrested after Millwall crowd trouble

Obama arrested after Millwall crowd trouble

President Barack Obama, until now the darling of the American public and as apple pie as a Bee Gees singer, was today arrested by Humberside police for what they called 'mindless hooliganism on an awesome scale', at the Hull City versus Millwall FA C...
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Funny story: Can't tell your Plums from your Nuts Madam?

Can't tell your Plums from your Nuts Madam?

The days of picking up Oranges, Banana's, apples and other soft fruit from your bowl only to discover that they are rotten and mouldy underneath will soon be gone. Scientists at the Laboratory of Food Technology and Engineering in Ghent, Brussels...
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Funny story: Woman charged with racism in letter box row

Woman charged with racism in letter box row

A 68 year old Kent woman was arrested and charged with racism yesterday when the owner of a second hand junk shop called Police after she refused to believe that the post office letter box outside his shop was not for sale. Mr M.T. Urpuckets, the...
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Funny story: Gee, this guy needs a protective coat

Gee, this guy needs a protective coat

Cristiano Ronaldo has crashed a third car. This time it wasn't one of his own. It belonged to his girlfriend. She won't need it. The Man U player crashed it on his way to training. This time he got lost and drove directly into Mark Hughes's house.
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Funny story: Obama to release new book

Obama to release new book

White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, announced today that President Barack Obama will be releasing a new book in the summer of 2009. The book is a follow up to the bestseller "The Audacity of Hope", however the theme has changed from politic...
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Funny story: Caroline final says why she withdrew her name

Caroline final says why she withdrew her name

Caroline Kennedy has just confirmed what this reporter has speculated all along. It was not the Kennedy curse that scared her off and caused her to withdraw her name from consideration for Hillary Clinton's open senate seat. She said that Uncle Teddy...
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Funny story: Iraq Settling Down

Iraq Settling Down

What may be heralded as proof that the war in Iraq is almost over, the country's new government announced today that it will be reopening one of the most notorious torture prisons of Saddam Hussein next month. Our translator claimed the diplomat w...
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Funny story: Uncle Andy - The agony uncle for you!

Uncle Andy - The agony uncle for you!

Hello, I am Andy, but you can call me Andy as well. This is my new agony uncle column in TheSpoof.com Magazine. Let's get started: Ok, this one is from Anna in Maidstone: Dear Andy, I have the weird feeling that every time I watch the news, my stomach starts rumbling and I get hungry even though I have just had my supper. What do I do? A. Well Anna, I'm taking a risk saying this but, I...
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Funny story: QE2 Finds missing remains of Titanic iceberg!

QE2 Finds missing remains of Titanic iceberg!

The ship QE2 has found the missing remains of the iceberg that possibly hit the Titanic in the early 20th Century. It occured when one passanger saw an iceberg with a dead body in it. She said it looked quite like Leonardo DiCaprio and was just ab...
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Funny story: Blagojevich Vows "I'm not going"

Blagojevich Vows "I'm not going"

Illinois Governor Blagojevich, who is involved in the early stages of being impeached, has decided to pretend that none of this is happening. Blagojevich, who has amused the world in recent weeks, seems to have mistaken being elected as a State Go...
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Funny story: Three Steps To Meeting Girls

Three Steps To Meeting Girls

It's been a mystery to many men for thousands of years, but today I am going to solve the mystery once and for all, and give you the secret to meeting girls. It's really much easier than you might think, and even stupid ugly pimply faced guys meet girls all the time. Follow these there steps: Exposure This Doesn't mean to undo your pants in front of a pretty lady. It means you have to get...
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Funny story: Dyslexic Artist Jailed for 3 years

Dyslexic Artist Jailed for 3 years

A young french artist Henri Baptiste aged 26 has been found guilty of faking major works of art by the Prefecture de Justice in Nantes France and sentenced to 3 years imprisonment. Artworks originally by famous French artists such as Monet, Pissar...
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Funny story: Utah To Demonstrate Discovery

Utah To Demonstrate Discovery

Northeastern Utah, today, will participate in a research project to determine whether recent findings regarding moisture in the air are correct. As rain continues to fall on the area, scientists from several well known universities will be collecting...
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Funny story: Clifford Chosen As First Dog

Clifford Chosen As First Dog

Honoring a promise to his children, United States President Barack Obama today announced the official decision on getting a First Dog for the Whitehouse. After examining several choices, including Snoop Dog, Under Dog, and a friendly mongrel from bac...
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Funny story: Blagojevich Hires Drew Peterson's PR Firm

Blagojevich Hires Drew Peterson's PR Firm

The Public Relations firm which has been representing "suspected" wife killer Drew Peterson has been enlisted to help the plight of poor victimized Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. All this comes on the heels of news that Blagojevich's lead atto...
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Funny story: Microsoft Announces New OS Plans

Microsoft Announces New OS Plans

Just behind their beta release of Windows 7, which is aimed at a mobile computing market, Microsoft has announced their most ambitious operating system yet, codenamed "Gotchanow," a word that is apparently based on the Native American term meaning, "...
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Funny story: Japan Launches Greenhouse Gas Satelite

Japan Launches Greenhouse Gas Satelite

Scientists in Japan are testing new technology to save the planet: they're pumping tanks full of CO2, and blasting it off into space. Perhaps one of the most innovative attempts to solve global warming problems, this method involves putting the c...
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Funny story: Jelly Fills In

Jelly Fills In

Since peanut butter is not currently a favored food source for Americans, jelly is stepping up to fill in, in more ways than one. Many people who are accustomed to covering both slices of bread with something are simply doubling up on the jelly, but...
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Funny story: Flight 1549 Spurs New Sport

Flight 1549 Spurs New Sport

Intrigued by the miraculous non-fatality emergency landing of a commercial airliner last week, people all over the world have adopted a new sport: Wing surfing. Wing Surfers everywhere are flocking to their local airfields, and pushing small and l...
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Funny story: Peak Oil Delayed

Peak Oil Delayed

Venezuela - Open Nations this week reached a decision of global import, delaying the onset of the Peak Oil Crisis at least until the price for crude goes back up to a profitable potential. This move comes on the heel of the traumatic discovery las...
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Funny story: Plants Reduce Global Warming

Plants Reduce Global Warming

In a report published this week, world experts revealed that planting crops helped reduce the effects of global warming. During months of looking at the shape and color of tree leaves, scientists were able to determine that lighter colored leaves ref...
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Funny story: Paula Dean Unable to Cook

Paula Dean Unable to Cook

A former literary agent for Paula Dean stated today that upon visiting the food writer, she found her currently living in a small trailer with a microwave oven, a pile of frozen food boxes, and a few empty take out containers. Embarrassed, Dean tr...
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Funny story: "Madame Bitters, Why are You Such a Bitch?" Asks Angry Reader

"Madame Bitters, Why are You Such a Bitch?" Asks Angry Reader

Dearest Madame Bitters, Madame Bitters, why are you such an uncaring bitch? I've been reading your column since you started posting on theSpoof.com and I am horrified by your "advice". It's not only wrong-headed but some of your suggestions are dangerous and illegal. Your "advice" is going to hurt someone one day and then what are you going to do? I don't know how you sleep at night. S...
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Funny story: Ted Haggard Pervs Protestants Past Pope

Ted Haggard Pervs Protestants Past Pope

The Catholic Church has only recently recovered from the blows it took when Evangelical Ted Haggard was accused of sexual misconduct with a male's asshole. Until recently, the Church has held a steady lead in perversity, racking up point after po...
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Funny story: Millwall Fans Say Seats At Hull Were "Jolly Uncomfortable"

Millwall Fans Say Seats At Hull Were "Jolly Uncomfortable"

Millwall 'football fans' who ripped out and threw seats at Hull City supporters during yesterday's FA Cup fourth round tie at the KC Stadium, have said they did so because the seats in question were "jolly uncomfortable". The fans responsible are...
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Funny story: Obama To Divorce His First Lady - Michelle

Obama To Divorce His First Lady - Michelle

Not to be outdone in the news headlines Barack Obama has announced, through his newly appointed press officer Dr. Jill Giggle that he is to divorce his First Lady, Michelle, to marry Pole to Pole dancer Sarah Palin! Having heard the news that Brit...
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