Funny story: Police Retreat From Downtown Miami

Police Retreat From Downtown Miami

Unable to compete with numbers or firepower, Miami police this evening are staging a 100% pull out from central Miami. This move follows years of a slowly losing battle against drugs and crime, and is scheduled to be completed "before the sun comes u...
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Funny story: Obama signs executive order reversing rotation of the Earth

Obama signs executive order reversing rotation of the Earth

President Barack Obama has signed an executive order ending the easterly rotation of the planet on its axis that has characterized much of these first five billion years of Earth's existence. The executive order will maintain the current mean an...
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Funny story: "I have no talent." - Kelly Brook

"I have no talent." - Kelly Brook

Sources close to the pouting, smouldering beauty refused to confirm or deny the rumour that she has been recently diagnosed with 'no talent syndrome'. Friends close to the star have long suspected that Kelly has no talent but felt it would be ina...
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Funny story: Merrill Lynch's Thain Eats all the Cake; Leaves Only Crumbs for Taxpayers and Clients!

Merrill Lynch's Thain Eats all the Cake; Leaves Only Crumbs for Taxpayers and Clients!

Washington/DC/ Financial News as Usual - Financial Analysts have finally called the DEMs TARP scheme what it really is: Just another BLANKET COVER UP to shield excessive greed and political corruption! Highlighting the TARP disgrace is the break...
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Funny story: Manchester United Aiming For Record FA Cup Win Against Tottenham

Manchester United Aiming For Record FA Cup Win Against Tottenham

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has caused controversy tonight ahead of tomorrow's FA Cup fourth round tie against Tottenham Hotspur, by telling reporters that his players will be going all-out to break the all-time scoring record for the...
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Funny story: Terrorists Prefer Guantanamo over Sing-sing

Terrorists Prefer Guantanamo over Sing-sing

In a stunning turn of events, inmates of the recently closed Guantanamo Bay Prison have filed suit hoping to reopen the facility as an alternative to American prisons. "Please, we'll tell you anything you want, just get us out of here," inmate Kh...
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Funny story: With Article by Libyan Qaddafi, NY Times Launches Terrorist Contributor Week

With Article by Libyan Qaddafi, NY Times Launches Terrorist Contributor Week

On Friday, the New York Times ran an op-ed by Libyan President Muammar Qaddafi. Qaddafi, the Israel-hating, bane-of-the-West leader who seized power in a 1969 coup has reformed himself in recent years. Still, it was slightly jarring to read the a...
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Funny story: Billions 'hush' as white people discover black people

Billions 'hush' as white people discover black people

An historic and unprecedented 'hush' descended throughout the world last Tuesday morning as nearly 7 billion people watched while then-president-elect Barack Obama was sworn in several times as the 44th President of the United States of America.
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Funny story: $1.8 billion Mall crowd estimate challenged; National Park Service alleges racism

$1.8 billion Mall crowd estimate challenged; National Park Service alleges racism

Current counts indicate that 1.8 billion persons, at least half of whom were black, packed into the Washington D.C. Mall on Tuesday to witness the historic inauguration of the nation's first African-American president. These results are being cha...
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Funny story: Oh No Not Another part of that Bleedin' Guide!

Oh No Not Another part of that Bleedin' Guide!

(F/2) Folding Sunglasses: Yes folks as you meander along the Information Superhappyfuntimehighway there is a possibility you will interact with somebody who still thinks these are a neat idea. (F/3) Flaming/flame Baiting: Before you indulge in this fascinating sport you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? Flame Baiting: The flame baiter is the 5 times bankru...
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Funny story: Local Doctor Reprimanded

Local Doctor Reprimanded

Bloomertown's Community Health Department announced today that it was investigating claims that local Doctor John, actually visited a patient in her own home, to carry out an examination. The patient, an elderly woman with no transport who had bee...
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Funny story: Frost Nixon star reveals sequels

Frost Nixon star reveals sequels

Michael Sheen, the OBE'd British actor currently staring with Frank Langella in the multi-Oscar-nominated US film Frost Nixon, has let slip that he has signed up for a series of sequels. The first of these - 'Blair Nixon' reprises Sheen's role o...
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Funny story: George Bush Inks Book Deal for Coloring Book

George Bush Inks Book Deal for Coloring Book

(Crawford-Texas) Former President George W. Bush is wasting no time following in the author footsteps of other former Republican presidents like Richard Nixon. But as with his tenure in office, the book deal is not without controversy. The deal is fo...
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Funny story: Siamese Twins Demand Two Medals

Siamese Twins Demand Two Medals

Dilly and Dally DeWeese, Bullet County's only pair of Siamese twins, who won the 100 meters final at the Regional Paralympics in Bridgeport this past weekend by a head, are demanding two medals, one each, however organizers say they have to share.
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Funny story: Sachs disinherits Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie over Russell Brand shagging fiasco

Sachs disinherits Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie over Russell Brand shagging fiasco

London - (Russ/Ross Mess): Comic TV actor Andrew Sachs has disinherited granddaughter Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie for subjecting the family to the lurid Russell Brand shagging farce. Baillie's Daily Screws intimate blow-by-blow revelations "...
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Funny story: Supergroup of dead rockstars , the "Dedbeets", get together to release new album

Supergroup of dead rockstars , the "Dedbeets", get together to release new album

The music world has gone into ecstatic overdrive with the news that some famous dead musicians are getting together to release a new album prior to touring the world. The late John Lennon, George Harrison, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison have confir...
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Funny story: Jonathan Ross apologises for speech impediment

Jonathan Ross apologises for speech impediment

In an obviously scripted opening to his Friday evening TV show, evil entertainer Jonathan Ross apologised in detail for his appalling speech impediment. "It is incumbent on all of us in this industry to speak clearly, and I realise I let the sid...
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Funny story: Iceland's Prime Minister Resigns

Iceland's Prime Minister Resigns

Geir Haarde, the embattled Prime Minister of Iceland, has announced his resignation following demonstrations in protest at the recent financial crisis and the continuing use of Kerry Katona. Iceland has been facing riots and civil disturbances ove...
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Funny story: Game, set and match to Carla Bruni as French Justice Minister dumped 'for lactating all over Cabinet'

Game, set and match to Carla Bruni as French Justice Minister dumped 'for lactating all over Cabinet'

Paris - (Sacre Bleu! Mess): French Justice Minister Rachida Dati has been sacked amid rumors she 'milked the Cabinet' of sympathy in her covert voodoo doll war of attrition against Prime Minister Francois Sarkozy's wife Carla Bruni. Dati, a stunni...
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Funny story: Pope Tube

Pope Tube

In an unprecedented move for any Pope, Benedict XVI is to broadcast a twenty-four hour YouTube style broadcast on the internet. "Bene is, how you say? Down with da kids," said Father Domani. "He knows he can reach millions with da internet." Th...
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Funny story: Karen Matthews Gets Banged-Up For 'Not Long Enough'

Karen Matthews Gets Banged-Up For 'Not Long Enough'

Karen Matthews, the 'mother' of Shannon Matthews, the schoolgirl who went 'missing' for three weeks until she was found under a bed, has been jailed at Leeds Crown Court for 'not long enough'. In amazing scenes, not-very-appropriately-named judge,...
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Funny story: Chappaquiddick Police Find More Bodies

Chappaquiddick Police Find More Bodies

Chappaquiddick MA-- Local police and FBI agents will continue their grim search at dawn for more cars and bodies in the Chappaquiddick Canal. Thirty-five drowned young women were pulled from their cars yesterday. A police spokesperson said some of...
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Funny story: Cure for Alzheimer's

Cure for Alzheimer's

In a combined UK/US study, Vitamin D has been found to stop the effects of Alzheimer's. The US section of the study investigated 20,000 old people and compared the effects of Vitamin D supplements in a double-blind trial. The British part of th...
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Funny story: Barack Obama to reintroduce segregation-for whites

Barack Obama to reintroduce segregation-for whites

The new President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, has announced on his first full day of office that he will reintroduce segregation into American society, ensuring white people are given white only schools, military service and other...
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Funny story: Oh No Not Another Guide!

Oh No Not Another Guide!

Navigating internet based fora and chatrooms can be a veritable minefield for the uninitiated, here is a simple guide to help prevent the noob from falling foul of the multitudinous, and oft times conflicting, rules of engagement. (A) Acronym: Tactical deployment of these along with smilies are an invaluable asset when attempting to ingratiate yourself with the host community (an obsequious, fa...
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Funny story: Sport exclusive! Kaka is leaving Real Madrid!

Sport exclusive! Kaka is leaving Real Madrid!

Footballer Kaka IS leaving Real Madrid. Contrary to reports about his £100 million transfer to Manchester City Football Club with a half a million quid a week salary, we can exclusively reveal that he is in the process of a transfer to Tring Athl...
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Funny story: Plimpton man in stroke of good fortune

Plimpton man in stroke of good fortune

Retired Plimpton gardener Alf Potts could not believe his luck this week when a gold envelope hit his doormat. "I've never won anything in my life before", said Alf, 78, "so this is a real thrill. My wife died last year, and I will go to visit my...
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Funny story: Hedgehogs to have own Parliament

Hedgehogs to have own Parliament

In a largely anticipated announcement, hedgehogs have voted almost unanimously to form their own Parliament. The hedgehogs intend to model their parliament on the Isle of Man "Tynwald" system, which is over 1,000 years old, shunning more modern pa...
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Funny story: Jonathan Ross Back On BBC1 Tonight With His Own Inimitable Brand Of Pure Shite

Jonathan Ross Back On BBC1 Tonight With His Own Inimitable Brand Of Pure Shite

Jonathan Ross, the disgraced BBC talk show host who was suspended for his disgraceful antics with that Russell Brand, is back on TV on Friday night, after just three months absence. The show, wittily subtitled Carry On Up My Own Arse, has made Ros...
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Funny story: Revealed, the future of Doctor Who

Revealed, the future of Doctor Who

Over the years, there have been ten Doctors, starting with William Hartnell in 1963, up to David Tennant, who will play the Doctor until 2010, when Matt Smith will take over. Inside sources at the BBC production team responsible for bringing back...
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Funny story: Israstine 2030: First Hamas Prime Minister

Israstine 2030: First Hamas Prime Minister

Only 22 years after Israel and Palestine implemented Libyan despot Muammar Qaddafis "one-state solution," Israstine proved its diversity by electing Ali Megrahi of the Hamas party as Prime Minister. Prime Minister Megrahi and his party won an astoni...
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Funny story: Armor Vest Sales Increase As Stocks Fall

Armor Vest Sales Increase As Stocks Fall

One segment of the economy is picking up, according a recent report by Armor Holdings, one the nation's leading makers of Mexican outsourced body armor. Many investors are purchasing personal armor, and wearing it on their daily commutes. "The con...
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Funny story: Germ-Free People Get Sick More Often

Germ-Free People Get Sick More Often

Recent surveys of people in one different office building reveals that people who are "clean freaks" are more likely to come down with the common cold. It seems that all of that killing of microscopic parasites isn't always the healthiest way to g...
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Funny story: US Citizens Unite To Create Largest Bank In The World

US Citizens Unite To Create Largest Bank In The World

The citizens of the United States today in a mass movement became the largest bank in the world. Strapped with the responsibility of saving huge financial institutions from insolvency and the auto industry as well as a number of other enterprises, th...
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Funny story: Palin wants book deal

Palin wants book deal

Sarah Palin, former Vice Presidential candidate has secured the services of an attorney in the hope of signing a lucrative book deal. She has strong emotions about what happened during her run for the White house and wants to address her fans, enemi...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus Picked By The Obama's To Be The "First Kiddoes" Babysitter

Miley Cyrus Picked By The Obama's To Be The "First Kiddoes" Babysitter

CULVER CITY, California - President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have revealed to talk show host Bonnie Hunt that they have chosen Miley Cyrus to be the official babysitter for the two 'First Kiddoes' Malia and Sasha. The president t...
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Funny story: Citizen George Bush Applies For Unemployment Benefits

Citizen George Bush Applies For Unemployment Benefits

CRAWFORD, Texas - President George Bush has now joined the ranks of millions of Americans who are without a job. Mr. Bush walked into The Crawford Unemployment Agency, took a number (#14) and waited his turn to speak to an unemployment clerk.
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Funny story: President Obama To Withdraw 5,000 Troops From Iraq Immediately

President Obama To Withdraw 5,000 Troops From Iraq Immediately

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama has ordered that 5,000 U.S. troops stationed in Iraq be brought back home immediately. The president held a closed meeting with his top military leaders, his top military advisers, Secretary of State Hilla...
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Funny story: Former Gitmo Prisoner Becomes Yemeni McDonald's Subversive Manager

Former Gitmo Prisoner Becomes Yemeni McDonald's Subversive Manager

As new President Obama contemplates the release of Guantanamo Bay prisoners, many of whom have never been charged with any crime except falling into the hands of some US army hayseed who couldn't tell a terrorist from a turnip, a cautionary tale has...
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Funny story: Idaho's Racist Cults Pollute Treasure Valley

Idaho's Racist Cults Pollute Treasure Valley

In some of the most pristine land in the world, Idaho's treasure valley has been admired and coveted for its clean air and crystal clear vistas. That is, until the smog crept in on sewer rat like feet. Pollution experts have been studying the phenome...
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Funny story: Drunken Bank Robber Flees With Pints

Drunken Bank Robber Flees With Pints

A man wearing a tie-dyed ski mask with the words "Martin Willoughby" printed on the back entered the wrong bank yesterday, apparently confused after several hours of doing shots with some buds. All went well as he quietly entered the bank, his ski...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin to Sell Family Secrets on EBay to Finance 2012 Presidential Run

Sarah Palin to Sell Family Secrets on EBay to Finance 2012 Presidential Run

VPeep candie failed Sarah Palin has vigorously fought the tabloids, bloggers and Republican Party Website reports about the many scandals of the Alaskunt Palin clan. That is until she got wind of the money to be made peddling the family jewels and th...
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Funny story: Giant Cubes Fall From The Sky

Giant Cubes Fall From The Sky

Since the 1920's, scientists have held with the belief that the entire universe is ordered, a feeling most often represented as "God does not play dice with the universe." Top researchers from Berkley were amazed today when two giant dice came tum...
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Funny story: D B Cooper Returns To Jump From A Plane Again!

D B Cooper Returns To Jump From A Plane Again!

DB Cooper is back. The man famous for hijacking a plane in 1971, demanding $200,000 ransom, then parachuting into mythology has struck again. Changing his name to Marty Shrenker he made a new life for himself as a big investor in Indiana. Recentl...
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Funny story: Monkey Woods, Super Writer, To Hollywood?

Monkey Woods, Super Writer, To Hollywood?

The phenomenal success of The Spoof writer Monkey Woods (real name Blakely Charles Twitterham) has caught the attention of Hollywood, California film moguls. Noting unbelievable production of World News Stories of amazing depth of diversity and at...
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Funny story: Kaka Stay Ina Milan

Kaka Stay Ina Milan

Milan - Sewage workers are into their third week on strike in Milan causing sanitary systems to back up and raw sewage to overflow onto the streets. Mayor Benny Benito called a press conference today where he announced, "Kaka stay ina Milan!" "Cit...
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Funny story: Car Company/Doughnut Baker Make a Deal

Car Company/Doughnut Baker Make a Deal

Stymied by utterly flat car sales, Pford Motor Cars announced today that it has inked a deal with Donkin Doughnuts to present the first automatic coffee car. After an initial programming by the owner, Pford's Special 2009 Coffee Torus model will a...
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Funny story: FCC Re-Designates Spam as CRAP

FCC Re-Designates Spam as CRAP

Washington DC: The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced today that Spam will now be re-designated as computer reproduced animal poop (CRAP). Spam is the abuse of electronic messaging systems to indiscriminately send unsolicited bulk mess...
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Funny story: Obama Upset At First Reading Copy of President's Book of Secrets

Obama Upset At First Reading Copy of President's Book of Secrets

In National Treasure 2, the existence of The President's Book of Secrets is revealed. The volume is said to reveal the truth behind such things as the Kennedy Assasination and whether or not the U.S. knew of the planned attack on Pearl Harbor. This...
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Funny story: Nation's Last Virgin Is Weakening

Nation's Last Virgin Is Weakening

Gertrude Spotsinsky, the United States' last known virgin over the age of 13, confided in her best friend that she was "weakening" this past Tuesday. "It's hard to resist Mark," she explained, with a faraway look in her eye, "He knows the words to...
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