Funny story: Chuckle Brothers to lead HBOS

Chuckle Brothers to lead HBOS

Alistair Darling has today installed leading children's TV entertainers The Chuckle Brothers ("to me, to you") as joint CEO's of Halifax/Bank of Scotland with immediate effect. The pair, real names Antoine and Julius Fitzroy-Chuckle have absolute...
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Funny story: Ross, Wilcox to head ITV Spring Schedules

Ross, Wilcox to head ITV Spring Schedules

Johnathon Ross is to present a new ITV show, insiders have announced. Titled "Ross's Rollicking Rock and Roll Revival Revue", the show will be seen as a positive step in the 49-year-old's rehabilitation after the "Sachsgate" affair. ITV bosses, al...
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Funny story: Truck Nuts Really Are Reproductive Organs

Truck Nuts Really Are Reproductive Organs

Drive around anywhere in Rural America and you will see pick-up trucks with something hanging from the trailer hitch. Called truck nuts, truck testicles, trailer balls, and many other names, these dangling items look like a scrotum containing two 'n...
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Funny story: TheSpoof.com Announces Big Writer Layoffs

TheSpoof.com Announces Big Writer Layoffs

TheSpoof.com, the leading pundit for making the politicians that run our lives miserable, has announced that it will be making huge layoffs in 2009. Citing both a down turned economy and the loss of its greatest source of US material, the Bush admini...
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Funny story: Stocks & Shares Advice

Stocks & Shares Advice

Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON. Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, and Northern Tissue Company. Due to uncertain market conditions,...
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Funny story: Obama Brushes Off "Slave Trade Issue"

Obama Brushes Off "Slave Trade Issue"

On his accession to the American "throne" Barack Obama has been informed that the state of Virginia's General Assembly is to withdraw its unanimous and "profound regret" for the state's role in the slave trade. Virginia one of the American states...
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Funny story: Top 10 Ways To Improve Your Life

Top 10 Ways To Improve Your Life

Everybody wants to make their life a little better. We've sent out a score of interviewers, and had them talk to blokes wandering around aimlessly in front of our building, and composed a list of the top 10 ways for anyone to make their life better. * Win The Lottery * Marry A Rich Person * Get A Job * Drive A Sports Car * Eat More Oysters * Cure A Major Disease * Change Identity With S...
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Funny story: Three Wise Monkeys Statues to Change with Obama Presidency

Three Wise Monkeys Statues to Change with Obama Presidency

The famous three wise monkeys symbol, representing "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil," will be changed in view of the media's attitude towards President Barack Obama and his carte blanche attitude and actions. The symbol of three wise monk...
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Funny story: Florida priests' stolen $800 million collection plate funds vanish in Madoff Ponzi scam

Florida priests' stolen $800 million collection plate funds vanish in Madoff Ponzi scam

West Palm Beach, Fla - (OMFG! Mess): Two Catholic priests who stole more than $800 million over the last 20 years from St Vincent Ferret's Church collection plates have lost all the filthy lucre in Bernie Madoff's Off-the-Wall-Street Ponzi scam. F...
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Funny story: Florida Sinks Into The Sea!

Florida Sinks Into The Sea!

Aggressive sand mining techniques in central Florida have finally tipped the scale. Late yesterday afternoon, a sand mine in Keystone Heights was accidentally dug through the bottom of the state, allowing the Atlantic Ocean to rush in. By The star...
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Funny story: Top 15 Worst Selling Books Of 2008

Top 15 Worst Selling Books Of 2008

According to the New York Times, these are the worst selling books of 2008 as listed by their publishers: 15. The Joy Of Sox 14. Winnie's Cooking With Pooh 13. Chicken Shit For The Soil 12. Mr. Toad's Make Love Not Warts 11. Horton Can't Hear Himself Fart 10. Twenty Centuries Of Pope Humor 9. A Proctologist's Guide To Goose Hunting 8. Dealing With Howler Monkeys Near Th...
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Funny story: M-Theory Proven With Lost Socks

M-Theory Proven With Lost Socks

Socks that become lost in your washer or dryer are now being investigated as indisputable proof that M-theory is, indeed, a valid hypothesis to explain all existence. Apparently, vibration along the strings that make up all matter in the universe...
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Funny story: Is It Love?

Is It Love?

The question of whether a person loves us or not is as old as civilization, and probably even older. But for all that being around for thousands of years, it remains one of the most difficult things to ascertain in our daily lives. Margaret Foley has published a new book, "Examining the Emotions," which finally tells us how to recognize love as the real thing, using nothing more elaborate than...
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Funny story: US cosmetic surgeons inundated with requests from American men to have their ears "enlarged to look like Prez. Obama". Prince Charles thrilled to bits!

US cosmetic surgeons inundated with requests from American men to have their ears "enlarged to look like Prez. Obama". Prince Charles thrilled to bits!

LOS ANGELES - Cosmetic surgeons in the US are being deluged with requests from American men to have their ears enlarged "to look like Prez Obama". Dr. Wyatt Eardley. Chief of Surgery at a well-known Hollywood clinic said "There has been such a rev...
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Funny story: Sir David Frost reveals Nixon interview secrets

Sir David Frost reveals Nixon interview secrets

Following the recent release of the "Frost/Nixon" movie, which recounts the interviews in which Sir David Frost interviewed former President Nixon in 1977, Sir David has today recalled some of the lesser known parts of the interview saga. Frost fi...
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Funny story: Toxic shock death of French ex-President Chirac's poodle

Toxic shock death of French ex-President Chirac's poodle

Paris - (Shaggy Dog Mess): Former French President Jacques Chirac's lapdog 'Sarko' has died of toxic poisoning after biting his master. The feisty little mutt had been on prescription quaaludes for the last six months after developing spontaneous...
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Funny story: Did the BBC 'Spooks' series accidentally out Michelle Obama?

Did the BBC 'Spooks' series accidentally out Michelle Obama?

London - (Spooky Mess): Did the BBC's gripping espionage series 'Spooks' inadvertantly out US First Lady Michelle Obama as a Russian spy? That is the latest intelligence poser baffling the US Joint Chiefs of Stuff after they viewed the UK spy dra...
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Funny story: Criminal Caught On Facebook

Criminal Caught On Facebook

In Wellington, New Zealand police have arrested a safe burglar by using the popular social website Facebook, not only to identify him, but also track him down. Queenstown police in southern New Zealand posted security-camera footage and pictures...
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Funny story: Rush Limbaugh: "I Hope Obama Fails"

Rush Limbaugh: "I Hope Obama Fails"

CLEVELAND, Ohio - Conservative talk show host, political commentator, and basic GOP crybaby Rush Limbaugh told Fox TV host Sean Hannity that he hopes the new president fails. Limbaugh who is 58, is visibly upset with himself because he has allowed...
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Funny story: How To Spot If Your Bank Is In Trouble

How To Spot If Your Bank Is In Trouble

Worried your bank might be in difficulty? Top financial experts have revealed a foolproof guide into how to spot the tell-tale signs. The first thing to look for, they say, is does it have the word "Bank" in it's title? If it does then you can be pretty sure, yes it is having financial trouble, and could implode at any minute. If you are worried about your bank, they recommend that you go to...
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Funny story: Beyonce Has Original Idea - Jay Z Steps Back In Amazement

Beyonce Has Original Idea - Jay Z Steps Back In Amazement

The fact that Beyonce Knowles today had an original idea left the showbiz elite in La La Land in tatters. "I don't believe a word of this," Shakira told me. "That woman's been imitating me since at least the year 2002." Jennifer Lopez joined in...
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Funny story: Oprah Winfrey Lends The U.S. $2 Billion

Oprah Winfrey Lends The U.S. $2 Billion

CHICAGO, Illinois - Talk show host, media mogul, and the new Secretary of The Treasury Oprah Winfrey has just announced that she is personally lending the United States government $2 billion. Ms. Winfrey, owns five mansions in five different state...
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Funny story: Obama "Hits The Ground Running" On First Day In Office

Obama "Hits The Ground Running" On First Day In Office

President Barack Obama "hit the ground running" on his first day in office, but alert Secret Service agents caught up with him halfway across the White House lawn and brought him back. "He never even got close to the fence." said Secret Service...
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Funny story: Ross Returns to TV Screens

Ross Returns to TV Screens

Chat-show host Jonathan Ross is set to return to our screens tomorrow, following his three-month suspension by the BBC over the 'Sachsgate' phone-message scandal. Ross, whose estuary-accented quips have garnered him millions of fans and millions o...
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Funny story: Obama Sworn In A Second Time After Chief Justice "Flubs" Oath

Obama Sworn In A Second Time After Chief Justice "Flubs" Oath

President Barack Obama was sworn in for a second time yesterday after concerns that Chief Justice Robert's stumble over the oath of office might pave the way for Obama's historic inauguration to be challenged. "It is important that America, and...
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Funny story: Churchill dog put down

Churchill dog put down

The bulldog that has appeared in Churchill insurance television adverts for years has been put down. Its owner, Mr. Victor Reeves, said:'Yes, I had to do it. For many years Churchill was Britain's favourite dog, bringing a smile to people's faces...
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Funny story: Celebrity Big Brother Verne Troyer Is Favourite To Stay Small

Celebrity Big Brother Verne Troyer Is Favourite To Stay Small

As Celebrity Big Brother approaches its exciting conclusion on Friday night, bookmakers have made Verne Troyer, the Hollwood movie star midget dwarf-type person, favourite to still be small long after the show has finished. Verne, who stands only...
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Funny story: Harry Redknapp & Tottenham Hotspur To Star In 'Carry On Up Wembley Way'

Harry Redknapp & Tottenham Hotspur To Star In 'Carry On Up Wembley Way'

News from White Hart Lane today that haggard-looking Tottenham Hotspur boss, Harry Redknapp, is to star in the first decent new film in the 'Carry On' series for more than 30 years. The film, titled Carry On Up Wembley Way, is a send-up of Spurs c...
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Funny story: Plant A Tree For Cleaner Air

Plant A Tree For Cleaner Air

I recently made myself some friends and enemies when I undertook to make my town a little greener. It seems that some people were not pleased by the planting of several 20 year old oaks in the center of Main Street last Saturday. I guess no matter how hard you try, people will prefer to stick to their own personal agendas, like trying to flee the tornado that tore through south of town, resulti...
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Funny story: Norman's Green Car

Norman's Green Car

A friend of mine drove up to the house last week in his old Dodge, but it was sporting a brand new leaf green paint job. We talked about it for quite a while, and I even complimented him on the even coating he had achieved using a short nap paint roller. In the end, though, I was forced to break the news to him that "going green" means something a little different. All things considered, this w...
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Funny story: Local Inventor Ridiculed

Local Inventor Ridiculed

Deerfield, Iowa - "Red" Ryder has been publicly ridiculed in his hometown of Dry Springs again this week. Apparently his application for a patent on his new self-powered automatic lawn mower has been rejected for a very unusual reason: Patents can't include the use of a live animal. "Red," who was disappointed by the rejection of his fifth patent application this year, stood outside the local p...
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Funny story: Hamas Hit The Road

Hamas Hit The Road

In what is being hailed as an unprecedented stroke of world good fortune, Hamas rockets fired into Israeli territory stopped early today. After several hours of excruciating quiet, several spies were sent through well-known infiltration tunnels to de...
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Funny story: New Study: Wetter Air Means Dumber People

New Study: Wetter Air Means Dumber People

In a groundbreaking study that has lasted more than ten years, CalTech researchers have proven that the human IQ is affected by fluctuations in humidity. This discovery, which culminates the total invasion of 1000 ordinary people's lives for the enti...
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Funny story: Tom Cruise films survive another assassination plot

Tom Cruise films survive another assassination plot

Today in Germany, an eleventh assassination plot against Tom Cruise films failed. Some have found it almost miraculous that Cruise's films - that have become more and more extreme and intolerant to audiences over the years - have not yet been killed...
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Funny story: Barack Obama, The Second Black US President In History

Barack Obama, The Second Black US President In History

History was in the making yesterday as Barack Obama, the first black US President in history, was sworn in again, making him the second black US President in history. The Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, John Roberts, administered the oath a...
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Funny story: Revealed, why the roads are busy in the rain

Revealed, why the roads are busy in the rain

A nationwide traffic survey conducted over the past ten years has revealed what many people already knew: There is more traffic when it rains. "It's a peculiarly British phenomena," said Kara Vanette, from the Office of Traffic Control. "No other...
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Funny story: Cupcakes are back

Cupcakes are back

They're back! Cupcakes are on the market again, and they're back with a vengeance. No more nice cupcake - these cupcakes are mean! Watch out when you're taking off their paper - they will give you a paper cut! They'll piss in your mouth while y...
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Funny story: Boy George: "Hey Guys, Wanna See My CD?"

Boy George: "Hey Guys, Wanna See My CD?"

LONDON, England - England's newest convict is none other than George Alan O'Dowd, aka Boy George, ex-member of The Culture Club. Boy George who is 47, has been sentenced to 15 months in Prison. He is currently incarcerated in London's Petula Clark...
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Funny story: Sesame Street's Big Bird Missing Since US Airways Hudson River Cruise

Sesame Street's Big Bird Missing Since US Airways Hudson River Cruise

Yellow feathers found in the engines of the US airways flight that transformed itself into the first Hudson River Cruise ship suggest that PBS's Sesame Street star Big Bird may have been the cause or innocent victim of the airline crash. Public t...
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Funny story: Obama meets the first test of his Presidency: A Jonas Bothers' panty raid on the White House sleepover party

Obama meets the first test of his Presidency: A Jonas Bothers' panty raid on the White House sleepover party

Washington, DC - Early this morning behind closed doors of the Oval Office of the White House, the Jonas Brothers finally got to meet the new president of the United States of America, Barack Obama, like they wanted. Only it was not under the idyllic...
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Funny story: Obama Thrown Off "So You Think You can Dance!"

Obama Thrown Off "So You Think You can Dance!"

Barack Obama, America's supposed cool new dude presidente, has suffered a sudden blow in the first night of his presidente-ncy. Unbeknownced to the new Black in chief, the judges of TV hit show, So You Think You Can dance, were scoring the ballroom d...
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Funny story: America Not Perfect Going into Obama's 2nd day; Bring Back Bush Movement Mounted

America Not Perfect Going into Obama's 2nd day; Bring Back Bush Movement Mounted

Famously fickle Americans with attention spans framed by a commercial every twelve minutes for three generations have abandoned Barack Obama after one and a half days in office. US voter and sunspot collector, Joel Blink said that he voted for...
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Funny story: Obama Slips That Castro Paid Him to Leave Guantanamo Bay

Obama Slips That Castro Paid Him to Leave Guantanamo Bay

Obama accidentally let it slip to reporters that Fidel Castro paid a one billion dollar contribution to his campaign contingent on the new President getting the United States to abandon Guantanamo Bay within a year. Gitmo, as it is known to soldiers...
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Funny story: Rosie O'Donell Breaks Roseanne Barr's Record

Rosie O'Donell Breaks Roseanne Barr's Record

Rosie O'Donnell has now entered the Guiness Book or World Records and other history books as she has broken a record held previously by Roseanne Barr. The former talk show host and now militant lesbian is now responsible for more derections than any...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus Allergic to Pimple Cream

Miley Cyrus Allergic to Pimple Cream

Singer and actress Miley Cyrus, who plays title character Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel, is the idol of little girls and the object of affection for teenage boys all around the world. Imagine, then, the total outpouring of angst and sympathy...
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Funny story: Clinton Cabinet Urges Obama to Give The San Andreas Fault a Little Help @ Disappear Pelosi!

Clinton Cabinet Urges Obama to Give The San Andreas Fault a Little Help @ Disappear Pelosi!

Sacramento/CA/ German-American Science News - Barely in power one day, and the Clinton Cabinet surrounding President Barack O'Bama is urging an immediate surgical strike to cut off the powerful opposition led by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Sena...
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Funny story: Florida Fitness at Flamingo

Florida Fitness at Flamingo

A whole new breed of physical fitness has been discovered near the southern tip of Florida, and it comes with four legs, and six legs, and sometimes no legs at all. Each morning the exercise routine begins with extricating large and sometimes poisonous snakes from the public showers, an exercise that is equal to a three hour cross country jog. But that's just the beginning, and your Florida fit...
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Funny story: Broken Russian Satellite Preps Radioactive Aliens

Broken Russian Satellite Preps Radioactive Aliens

Once again, America has to stop Russia from aiding an invasion from outer space. After an old Soviet-built nuclear-powered satellite started spewing fragments of possible nuclear coolant, Russian scientists rushed to emphasize that the satellite is b...
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Funny story: Scientists in new colour discovery

Scientists in new colour discovery

Scientists at the prestigious University of York say that they have discovered a new colour. Although normally outside the human range, like infra-red, the new colour can be viewed with special glasses. Describing the find as "momentous", Vice-Ch...
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Funny story: Key To World Peace Discovered - And Lost

Key To World Peace Discovered - And Lost

In an unprecedented find this week, U.S. Army soldiers stationed in a remote region of Iraq stumbled across ancient cave dwellings. The caves are thought to have been inhabited by civilized humans as much as 25 thousand years ago. But what was truly...
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Funny story: Man arrested for stealing thousands of letters

Man arrested for stealing thousands of letters

When police called at the home of former "Scrabble" factory worker Reg Fox on an un-related matter, they couldn't believe their eyes. Reg, who has worked at the plant in Llandovery for 35 years, had hoarded an estimated one million plastic tiles,...
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