Funny story: Pakistan PM Gilani thanks Obama-Biden-Kerry for 'helping finance Swat Taliban deal'

Pakistan PM Gilani thanks Obama-Biden-Kerry for 'helping finance Swat Taliban deal'

Pakistani PM Yousuf Raza Gilani, who claims he is the 'real' leader of Pakistan says his country is B-R-O-K-E and publicly thanked the Obama administration for helping to finance the 'deal' with the Taliban in Swat. " I want to personally thank Mr...
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Funny story: Nigella helps to lick rampant inflation

Nigella helps to lick rampant inflation

It seems that not only have the TV cookery shows shown us how to eat great tasting food, they have taught us to eat frugally too. Delia Smith's programme showing how to 'cheat' at cooking and Nigella Lawson's show which includes many off-the-she...
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Funny story: Penis Monologues, Sequel to Vagina Monologues, Debuts on Broadway

Penis Monologues, Sequel to Vagina Monologues, Debuts on Broadway

The Penis Monologues, a sequel to the very popular and award winning The Vagina Monologues, is scheduled for a Friday evening opening on Broadway. The play has is about men and their relationship with their reproductive organs. All shows for the...
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Funny story: Jade Goody To Divorce

Jade Goody To Divorce

Yes, it's true. The news we all feared has arrived. Poor Jade Goody is set for a divorce. Close friends (?) said that Jade came home from a hospital appointment to find her husband in bed with Shilpa Shetty. "It was too much for Jade to take." Cl...
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Funny story: Jade Goody To Have State Funeral

Jade Goody To Have State Funeral

Jade Goody, the former Big Brother contestant who has recently captured the hearts of the nation with her cancer-suffering, will be given a state funeral after her death. The body of bald-headed Jade, who was married to a criminal this week, will...
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Funny story: Obama - "Area 51 Has Come To Life!"

Obama - "Area 51 Has Come To Life!"

In a short slip of the tongue President Obama has finally admitted that all the alien artefacts held at Area 51 have "come to life" since his accession to the presidency on January 20th, 2009. NASA scientists have concluded that the reasons behind...
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Funny story: Positioning himself for a political comeback Musharraf says "Two down, one to go"

Positioning himself for a political comeback Musharraf says "Two down, one to go"

ISLAMABAD - PAKISTAN: Former Pakistani coup-maker turned 'democratically-elected' President Pervez Musharraf appears to be ready to stage a comeback as he assiduously courts various and sundry PML (non-Nawaz) factions. Lauding the recent Supreme...
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Funny story: Ceasar admits he is still alive

Ceasar admits he is still alive

The Roman Emperor Julius Ceasar gave a press conference to finally answer rumours that he is still alive. Speaking in front of the world's media and several legions of the Roman Guardia Civil the Emperor said that there had been a slight confusio...
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Funny story: Pattinson: America is cramping my style!

Pattinson: America is cramping my style!

Robert Pattinson, heart throb to girls all over the world and international superstar has been heard to have said that he can't wait for the filming of "New Moon" - the gripping sequel to twilight - to have finished filming so he can go back to his a...
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Funny story: Rob: Twilight is taking over my life - literally

Rob: Twilight is taking over my life - literally

Rob Pattinson has been heard to say that he often regrets taking the part of Edward Cullen because since BEFORE the film came out i can't go anywhere without something weird happening to him. "I can't believe how many fans I have each day screamin...
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Funny story: Brown courts crosshairs: PR firm tells PM to keep enemies closer

Brown courts crosshairs: PR firm tells PM to keep enemies closer

A PR firm, charged with improving Gordon Brown's public image in time for the next general election, has proposed to make him more "assassinatable". ProScope Media, which represents the successful hate figures Simon Cowell and Peaches Geldoff, ha...
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Funny story: Traffic Cone to Retire After Twelve Years of Hard Labor

Traffic Cone to Retire After Twelve Years of Hard Labor

Interstate 40, Amarillo, Texas -- After twelve years of public service, the Department of Transportation has announced the retirement of one of the agency's most durable traffic cones. "It's a sad day today," highway worker, Mike Davey, said as he...
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Funny story: Jimmie Johnson Wins The Sombrero Grande Tequila 700

Jimmie Johnson Wins The Sombrero Grande Tequila 700

CANCUN, Mexico - NASCAR's Jimmie Johnson in his #48 Chevrolet Impala has just won The 2009 Sombrero Grande Tequila 700. The grueling race took place at The Yucatan Penisula International Speedway located down in Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico. Ov...
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Funny story: Ex-RBS Sir Fred: I'm an innocent penguin

Ex-RBS Sir Fred: I'm an innocent penguin

Ex-RBS boss Sir Fred Goodwin has defended himself over charges he demanded a massive £16m pension pot to get out quick. As Downing Street and the Treasury pressure Sir Fred to give up his £650,000 a year pension, he has rounded on them saying he i...
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Funny story: Mandelson in shock Royal Mail Van Climbdown

Mandelson in shock Royal Mail Van Climbdown

Peter Mandelson announced in Parliament today that the government has given in to postal union pressure and will now provide more Vans as part of the Royal Mail sell off. This is seen as a major embarrassment to the Labour government who had been el...
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Funny story: Queen to Twitter Christmas speech

Queen to Twitter Christmas speech

Queen Elizabeth is to deliver her annual Christmas speech by Twitter. The 15 minute message to the Commonwealth will be replaced with a 140-character statement. The Queen already has 4,149 followers on her twitter account. Besides the pre-recor...
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Funny story: Jerry Seinfeld Back On NBC

Jerry Seinfeld Back On NBC

Jerry Seinfeld is apparently returning to NBC as producer of a comic reality series where celebrities and a referee try to help squabbling couples make peace and save a few marriages. That's the good news for Seinfeld's fans. The bad news? Sein...
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Funny story: Tooth Fairy arrested near Detroit, MI

Tooth Fairy arrested near Detroit, MI

Detroit, MI (AP) - In breaking news today, the Tooth Fairy was arrested in the early morning hours for home invasion and larceny by conversion by the Harper Woods Police Department in Harper Woods, MI, a suburb of Detroit. Harper Woods police spok...
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Funny story: 'Massive cosmic eye watching Obamanable White House Snowman' says Pentagon hacker McKinnon

'Massive cosmic eye watching Obamanable White House Snowman' says Pentagon hacker McKinnon

London - (X-Files Mess): Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon told reporters today that a massive cosmic eye 'is watching the Obamanable White House Snowman' after losing his legal fight against extradition to the USA. "That's the classified military sec...
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Funny story: Sir Alex Ferguson To Pick Youth Team For Cup Match

Sir Alex Ferguson To Pick Youth Team For Cup Match

Sir Alex Ferguson is expected to select the Manchester United youth team for the FA Cup match with Fulham. Following an easy victory in the league Ferguson believes that even the kids will prove too strong for Fulham. "These kids have excellent dribb...
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Funny story: Plane Crash: Pilot's Flatulence To Blame?

Plane Crash: Pilot's Flatulence To Blame?

Following recent aviation disasters industry investigators have asked the question: "Are the pilots' to blame?" Survivors have complained of strange noises and foul smells just before the crashes. The pilots had also announced that "we are experie...
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Funny story: Stimulus package checks bounce

Stimulus package checks bounce

Washington, D.C. (Rueters) - In one of the worst check writing scandals in American history, stimulus package checks mailed by the White House to U.S. citizens, and cities across the nation, began bouncing today. By mid-afternoon, the checks were bou...
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Funny story: Fulham Footbal Club Record Attendance

Fulham Footbal Club Record Attendance

Craven Cottage achieved a record attendance for the Premier League last night when one man turned up to see their game with West Brom. Enver Koulakli, an Albanian illegal immigrant, entered the ground by mistake. He was looking for the public toil...
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Funny story: Top Gear In BMW Fake Test Scam

Top Gear In BMW Fake Test Scam

BBC's award winning motor show 'Top Gear' was at the centre of a storm tonight as it was claimed that they had falsified the test results of the new BMW 8 series on their show. Jeremy Clarkson is alleged to have used the performance specifications of...
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Funny story: UK Student Loans Company Asks Government For Bailout

UK Student Loans Company Asks Government For Bailout

Student loans in the UK have now been classified as toxic debt because it seems unlikely that graduates will ever earn enough to pay them off. As the job situation worsens, more and more school leavers are expected to take places at the rapidly ex...
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Funny story: Musical "Little House On The Prairie" Ready To Go Again

Musical "Little House On The Prairie" Ready To Go Again

The musical version of "Little House on the Prairie" launches a national tour in St. Paul, Minnesota, this fall, with great songs like "Pa, Don't Lose Your Brass Monkeys During The Blizzard", "Piecing A Quilt Nine Miles Long", "Prairie Dog Stew For S...
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Funny story: Worcester to be twinned with Gazza

Worcester to be twinned with Gazza

In a surprise move council chiefs announced today that Worcester was to be twinned with Gazza. Worcester is well known for its cathedral, the river and county cricket's most scenic (and flooded) ground. Gazza is well known for drinking, wife be...
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Funny story: Bernie Madoff Buys The Yankees, The Celtics, and The Cowboys

Bernie Madoff Buys The Yankees, The Celtics, and The Cowboys

NEW YORK CITY - Financial Service Investment Manager Bernard Madoff has just announced that his company, Ponzi Amalgamated Investment Trust has just purchased The New York Yankees, The Boston Celtics, and The Dallas Cowboys. The combined purchase...
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Funny story: Genetically-Altered Food Acting Strange

Genetically-Altered Food Acting Strange

Strange behavior of genetically engineered food products are beginning to be reported throughout the United State and are starting to worry consumers from Maine to California, and not just the food nuts. Many incidents have been reported in the...
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Funny story: The Amazing Shortstop - Dirk "Bare-Handed" Mancini

The Amazing Shortstop - Dirk "Bare-Handed" Mancini

Dirk "Bare-Handed" Mancini, an all-star shortstop with The Key West Keymakers was asked about the amazing fact that he has never used a baseball glove. Mancini just smiled and said that when he was a kid his family was very poor and they could no...
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Funny story: Chris Rock Spoof Dubs Obama the New Urban Legend: The Robbin' Hood!

Chris Rock Spoof Dubs Obama the New Urban Legend: The Robbin' Hood!

Washington, DC/ Part Time Home of The Traveling President @ Flying Nun - Folks are jumpin' for joy around the world as Rock Star Barack Obama promised to cure all of the nation's ills by smothering them with money, provided by the few remaining worki...
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Funny story: How It Works No. 23; Banking

How It Works No. 23; Banking

1) As a banker, play Monopoly with your Company's money. Win to get a massive bonus, lose and still get a large bonus. Negotiate an obscene pension. 2) Lose £billions in careless gambling and bring your bank to the brink of ruin. 3) Persuade Government that your bank is too important to be left to die a natural death, and that thousands of jobs will be at risk if the bank goes under. 4) G...
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Funny story: George Bush Gets New Job

George Bush Gets New Job

Crawford Texas - Late yesterday it was learned that George W. Bush was hired at a local laundry. His main job is to remove feces stains left by former members of his cabinet. Carl Rove was seen dragging in a large garbage bag full of sheets as...
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Funny story: Protests after banker makes money

Protests after banker makes money

There were widespread protests around the UK today, after a banker was heard to have made money from his job at his local bank. The banker, who cannot be named, works for HSRBOS and is said to take home a five figure sum each year. He has claimed...
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Funny story: Pauline Fowler Dead

Pauline Fowler Dead

Pauline Fowler, the former star of BBC's EastEnders, has died at the age of 65, the organisation announced earlier. Pauline, it said, had collapsed and died 'on set', leaving both characters and viewers of the show stunned at her sudden demise.
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Funny story: Ugly Bruno Arrested Again!

Ugly Bruno Arrested Again!

Former small time boxer and bouncer, Bruno "The Bruno" Bratcher has been arrested by Forgytown police and remanded in custody tonight in Boogertown jail for 'just being too amazingly ugly'. Mr. Bratcher was travelling south on the 231 when he was...
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Funny story: Housing Costs In Afghanistan Down Also

Housing Costs In Afghanistan Down Also

Real estate agents told a UPI reporter yesterday that houses just are not selling well in Afghanistan either. "It's not just in the United States", stated real estate agent Abdul Jabberwaki. "We have over 200 empty houses here in the local provin...
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Funny story: British Nuclear Deterrent Currently Offline

British Nuclear Deterrent Currently Offline

The British Government is indicating great concern today after it was realised that the country's complete nuclear deterrent was unavailable. Britain's nuclear arsenal is formed by the Trident submarine system. There are supposed to be four Vangu...
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Funny story: Vicious Troops of Monkeys Roam The Halls of Congress

Vicious Troops of Monkeys Roam The Halls of Congress

Doors are kept locked and congressional staff members are afraid to travel the halls of congress alone for fear of being attacked by vicious monkeys first set free here after the 1948 filming of the movie, "Tarzan Goes to Congress". "once upon a...
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Funny story: Sir Fred Goodwin 'Laughs Off' RBS Losses

Sir Fred Goodwin 'Laughs Off' RBS Losses

Sir Fred Goodwin, the former boss of the Royal Bank of Scotland, who receives a £650,000-a-year pension from them after he completely wrecked it, has today laughed-off the the bank's £24billion losses, saying that "it's only money". Prime Minister...
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Funny story: Justifiable Homicide ruling frees murderer

Justifiable Homicide ruling frees murderer

Kyle Lars from Montreal in Canada sighed with relief yesterday when he was told that the charge of first degree murder had been dropped, with the judge claiming it was justifiable homicide. Lars had driven from his home in Montreal to San Francisc...
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Funny story: Barrymore Pool Death: Police Find Star's Watch

Barrymore Pool Death: Police Find Star's Watch

The Police investigating the death of a young man in Michael Barrymore's swimming pool have returned a wrist watch to the former television star. It is thought that the police located the watch during a thorough search of the dead body. Barrymore...
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Funny story: Northern Ireland Guns for Murder

Northern Ireland Guns for Murder

The Sectarian Hunting Season got kicked off in Northern Ireland yesterday with the Annual 'Ash Wednesday Hunt' in Belfast. Every year Catholics have to go to church to get ashes spread on their foreheads in the shape of a cross. The reason given...
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Funny story: "Rush Limbaugh Is An Idi*t!"

"Rush Limbaugh Is An Idi*t!"

CHARLESTON, South Carolina - Republican Governor Mark Sanford has implied that GOP radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh is an idiot. The GOP governor said that Tubby (Limbaugh) has repeatedly said that he hopes that President Obama fails. He ad...
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Funny story: "OctuMom" Receives $1 Million To Star In Skin Flick

"OctuMom" Receives $1 Million To Star In Skin Flick

WHITTIER, California - The world famous octuplet's mom has just signed a $1 million contract to star in a porn movie. Cicero Spoongate who is the president of LabiaLand Pictures says that the motion picture will be shot on location in Lake Tahoe,...
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Funny story: Obama warns America they will need to share panties

Obama warns America they will need to share panties

WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama warned a stunned congress in a secret meeting Wednesday night that America will have to start sharing panties. It is impossible to get them from the Orient since they stopped taking American Dollars. Having just r...
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Funny story: The school of life is simultaneously praised and slammed by watchdog

The school of life is simultaneously praised and slammed by watchdog

The schools watchdog has lavished praise on the 'school of life' following a recent inspection. The five hundred page inspection report contains endless reference to a, "superlative educational experience in which valuable lessons were learned the go...
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Funny story: Gov. Sarah Palin declares State of Emergency after aborted NASA launch; cites Polar Bear Zombie sightings as cause

Gov. Sarah Palin declares State of Emergency after aborted NASA launch; cites Polar Bear Zombie sightings as cause

Anchorage, Alaska - Like a scene out of the horror movie classic, "Night of the Living Dead", dead Polar Bears, all drowning victims of the recent climate change, have apparently come back to life. Reanimated by the radioactive space debris from last...
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Funny story: Consequences for Christie's crucial

Consequences for Christie's crucial

China has condemned what it calls the illegal auction in Paris of two artefacts taken from a Chinese toilet 150 years ago. It has also warned Christie's auction house of unspecified consequences, but which could include standing next to a Chinese...
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Funny story: Yossi Gives Head Like No Other

Yossi Gives Head Like No Other

Yossi Benayoun of Liverpool startled the Bernabeu crowd with a display of "head" on Real Madrid that hasn't been seen in public, perhaps ever in the sometimes conservative and once in a while Catholic country of Espana. The royal Hispanic recipient o...
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Funny story: Turkish AirHashish Went Down Over Amsterdam on a Daily Delivery Run

Turkish AirHashish Went Down Over Amsterdam on a Daily Delivery Run

Turkish AirHashish has been flying daily delivery runs to Amsterdam for years now. TAH spokesperson, Haile Aza Kyte said that the Lowlands of Europe were one of their highest customers: "Every day we flew without incident and with great profit f...
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Funny story: NASA Launches its First Submersible Satellite

NASA Launches its First Submersible Satellite

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration has broken new ripples in the icy pond of the waters around Antartica. NASA spokesperson, Yetta Nother-D'saster announced the successful submersion of a satellite designed to study global warming:...
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Funny story: Rabies Outbreak At Fox News; Stars Infected!

Rabies Outbreak At Fox News; Stars Infected!

A virulent outbreak of rabies was reported today at Fox News Headquarters. The horrible, madness inducing disease appears to have spread through the top hosts of the station, then was transmitted to station employees and, strangely, even to their lis...
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Funny story: Robarack Obamahood will Steal from the Rich to Heal Everybody else

Robarack Obamahood will Steal from the Rich to Heal Everybody else

The worst fears of the Republican party are coming true as the new President tries to fulfill the very campaign promises he made that got him elected in a landslide. Candidate Obama told Republican shill Joe the Plumber that he favored spreading...
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Funny story: Feb 25 - Saint Sebastian Luis Aparicio: From Base Thief to Blessedness

Feb 25 - Saint Sebastian Luis Aparicio: From Base Thief to Blessedness

Saint Sebastian Luis Aparicio has the distinction of being the only saint to have been an all star shortstop in the Major Leagues. Luis as he was known in many years playing for the Chicago White Sox was famous for his cluthch hitting, his on base percentage, his golden glove and his incredible ability to steal bases. In fact it was Aparicio's base thievery that almost prevented his canonizat...
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Funny story: Statistics Show 77% of all Terrorists are Moslem

Statistics Show 77% of all Terrorists are Moslem

The original World Trade Center bombing. 9/11. The Spanish Mass Transit System. All of these acts of terrorism were performed by men who followed the Moslem faith, worshipped Allah, and expected to be greeted by 72 virgins at their deaths. In fac...
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Funny story: Presidential Speeches and the US Stock Market Decline

Presidential Speeches and the US Stock Market Decline

Moscow, Russian Federation: On a flight from Washington DC to Paris, Dr. Pita Belini of the Russian Academy of Sciences was seated next to Professor Kartoffel Kopf of the Dusseldorf School of Linguistics. Dr. Belini and Dr. Kopf struck up a conve...
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Funny story: Sensational find in Shrewsbury - Darwin's "Origins of Woman"

Sensational find in Shrewsbury - Darwin's "Origins of Woman"

A sensational find has been made at the District Valuer and Valuation Office of Shrewsbury. A package wrapped in a copy of "Punch" dated 12 February 1823, was discovered pushed behind the toilet cistern on the first floor of Mount House. It contained...
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Funny story: "The Brits are coming" - look out Hollywood!

"The Brits are coming" - look out Hollywood!

Hollywood is bracing itself for a flood of British films after the success of Kate Winslet and 'Slumdog Millionaire' in the Oscars this week, as US audiences turn their backs on multi-million dollar spectaculars with special effects, star actors and...
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Funny story: Bush fire in Victoria station

Bush fire in Victoria station

An unusual incident occurred at eleventeen twelve am this morning when Mrs Fanny Ablaze demonstrated that her name was meaningful. She had been late for her train, and had slid down the escalator bannister to save time, but the friction had create...
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Funny story: Worrying times in the High Street

Worrying times in the High Street

These are lean times in the British High Street - the only businesses who claim increased profits are pawnbrokers. Worryingly, one pawnbroker has announced profits of £466,000 for the year ("up 120% on last year"). They have 130 stores, so the av...
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