Funny story: I can't swim

I can't swim

Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mke says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?" "Well Mike, I gotta tell you. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me, tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I to...
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Funny story: New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson Signs Hispanic Education Act Into Law

New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson Signs Hispanic Education Act Into Law

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, who has also served as a cabinet member and U.N. Ambassador and was a presidential candidate, has signed the Hispanic Education Act into law. Public Education Secretary Veronica Garcia said that "the act is neede...
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Funny story: India uses highly trained monkey squads to dismantle bombs in Afghanistan

India uses highly trained monkey squads to dismantle bombs in Afghanistan

NEW DELHI: India is taking its partnership with the US to a new level by sending highly developed, militarily-trained monkey squads to Afghanistan to assist in bomb dismantling. The first squad, the "A. Blinkin" company arrived at a secret locat...
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Funny story: Lawyers take on 'suicided' WMD doc fantasy

Lawyers take on 'suicided' WMD doc fantasy

London - (Gotcha!): "Not as bleedin obvious as finding 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi hanging under Blackfriars Bridge, of course," a Serious Fraud Orifice source said today. "But stumbling on Dr David Kelly's 'suicided' body on Harrowdown Hill must...
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Funny story: Developing nations demand access to CIA 'climate adjustment' technology

Developing nations demand access to CIA 'climate adjustment' technology

KENYA -- After learning that the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has been 'adjusting' the climate of the Earth for two decades or more, developing nations in Africa are demanding that they get the benefits of this technology. 'Africa has been...
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Funny story: Secret Tiger cubs? The lovechild connection!

Secret Tiger cubs? The lovechild connection!

Orlando, Florida - (Rotters): Is top golf pro Tiger Woods being blackmailed over secret love-cubs? "We're within a whisker of naming and shaming!" celeb-watch website LA FagHagSlagMag sources said today. But in some predatory habitats the fourt...
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Funny story: X-Factor - Danyl and Olly - We've Had It

X-Factor - Danyl and Olly - We've Had It

X-Factor hopefuls Danyl Johnson and Olly Murs have seemingly abandoned all hope of winning the ratings grabbing TV show, following Simon Cowell's decision that the eventual winner's single release will be a Disney song from Hannah Montana - The Climb...
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Funny story: Katie Price Reborn As Jordan On London Nightclub Bender

Katie Price Reborn As Jordan On London Nightclub Bender

Bush tucker jungle flop Katie Price stunned friends and family here in London Thursday night/Friday morning by reverting to her Jordan persona and embarking on a liver bashing booze binge. Jordan, who is reportedly hovering on the verge of 'meltdo...
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Funny story: New Chinese Birth Control Pills Banned!

New Chinese Birth Control Pills Banned!

A new pill that is cheap and guaranteed not to make you gain weight has been banned by a U.S. Public Health Agency. "There have been thousands of reports already", stated Jean Radcliffe, a spokesperson for the Bradshaw Organization and a retired h...
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Funny story: Banker sues newspaper for verbal abuse

Banker sues newspaper for verbal abuse

Jim McJimminy, CEO of the Bank of London, has successfully sued the Daily Blah newspaper, for publishing what he describes as "vicious abuse" in a column last month. The newspaper article talked about "greedy corrupt bankers". It said that banking...
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Funny story: World Cup Introduces Real Group Of Death

World Cup Introduces Real Group Of Death

In an effort to spice up next year's football World Cup in South Africa, FIFA have decided to introduce a real "group of death". Traditionally whichever group of teams contains the most difficult sides is labelled a "group of death" on account of...
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Funny story: Susan Boyle's 'Brother' Shits Himself

Susan Boyle's 'Brother' Shits Himself

(Defecated News) Winner of Britain's Got Talent, Susan Boyle has captured the world's imagination with her rags to riches story. Starting off as a 'bull-milker' in the Outer Hebrides, Scotland, to having the biggest selling album this week in the US,...
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Funny story: Yes, Santa Claus, There Still Are A Few Virgins

Yes, Santa Claus, There Still Are A Few Virgins

Dear Ask Jeeves.Com, Some of my Elf employees say that there are no more Virgins. My wife says that if I use your computer answer service, and it tells me that there are, it is so. Please tell me the truth; are there still Virgins?" Santa Claus 1 Main Street North Pole Santa, Your little Elf friends are wrong. They have been affected by the callousness and skepticism and negativ...
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Funny story: Volunteer Charity Collectors Going Mad From Ringing Christmas Bells

Volunteer Charity Collectors Going Mad From Ringing Christmas Bells

A higher than normal number of Christmas bell ringers are reportedly going mad this holiday season. Every year there are always a few who go loopy from the constant ringing of their little hand bells next to donation collection pots across the la...
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Funny story: White House Party Crashers Identifed as Osama Bin Laden and Cher

White House Party Crashers Identifed as Osama Bin Laden and Cher

Confirmed reports are now coming in indicating the White House party crashers are not Tareq and Michaela Salahi as first reported, but none other than Osama Bin Laden and Cher. Apparently the clean shaven Osama and blond wig donning Cher were not ide...
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Funny story: Angelina Jolie Eyeballed By Billy Bob Thornton

Angelina Jolie Eyeballed By Billy Bob Thornton

It's getting harder and harder to keep up with all the new stories about Angelina Jolie lately but the latest and probably most unexpected is that she is being pursued by her former husband, Billy Bob Thornton. "Angie is older now and can appreci...
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Funny story: President Obama Names Tiger Woods Head Of Dept. Of Transportation

President Obama Names Tiger Woods Head Of Dept. Of Transportation

In a surprise pick that has his political buddies nodding their heads in agreement, President Barack Obama has named Tiger Woods as head of the Department of Transportation. With Senate Leader Harry Reid and House Spokesperson Nancy Pelosi along...
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Funny story: Letterman's "Twat's My Line" Quiz Show Already Canceled

Letterman's "Twat's My Line" Quiz Show Already Canceled

After only three episodes, the new version of an old TV quiz show has been canceled because too many guests were known by the panel. "It was a great idea but these panelists are too up-to-date for these ladies to fool, even though we have dressed...
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Funny story: New version of 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem' released by Joseph Aramathea and the Resurrected Sunworshippers

New version of 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem' released by Joseph Aramathea and the Resurrected Sunworshippers

'Oh little town of Bethlehem, how nice is thy curfew Above thy deep and dreamless sleep, Israelis shoot at you Yet in they dark streets shineth, the IDF's helmets The tears of gas of those fascists are paid by US pests For Christ was born quite normally, a human child like us While fools do bleat and eat turkey, the TV makes a fuss Oh Jesus was a Royal man, who liked to drink his wine The...
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Funny story: Mother Earth writes letter of complaint to Al Gore and the CarbonHagen Treaty

Mother Earth writes letter of complaint to Al Gore and the CarbonHagen Treaty

In response to the sheer madness, fraud and deceit with climate-gate Mother Earth finally lost it. She put pen to paper addressing her note to Al Gore and IPPC (International Panel of Corrupt Climate-Gaters). "Dear Fuck Wits" wrote Mother Earth in a frank and honest diatribe. "I'm trying to fucking cool down! Yet, you fuck wits are starving me of my night air in trying to rob me of what lit...
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Funny story: Breakfast Cereal Company Angry At Tiger Woods For Giving Tony A Bad Name

Breakfast Cereal Company Angry At Tiger Woods For Giving Tony A Bad Name

BATTLE CREEK, Michigan - The Kelly Breakfast Cereal Company which is the nation's number one provider of dry breakfast cereal is tremendously upset with Tiger Woods. Company spokesperson Wanda Beth Shallowater said that since the Tiger Woods "Golf...
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Funny story: Cocaine Chicken Busted At Airport

Cocaine Chicken Busted At Airport

Agents of the Intra Border Drug Agency have busted an adult chicken that was carrying 181.2 grams of pure highly refined Ecuadorian cocaine. The chicken, a Rhode Island Red named Rikki, belonging to a Mr. Mickey Maurice LaSetti was noticed by agen...
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Funny story: Jennifer Lopez' Ex-Husband Ojani Noa To Make A Non-Nude Movie About J.Lo

Jennifer Lopez' Ex-Husband Ojani Noa To Make A Non-Nude Movie About J.Lo

BROOKLYN - The ex-husband of diva, prima donna, samba dancer J.Lo, Ojani Noa (pronounced OH JOHNNY Go) has said that he has decided to make a full length non-nude film about his 11 month marriage to Jennifer Lopez (pronounced J-LO). Noa (pronounce...
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Funny story: Adam Lambert Says Tiger Woods Showed Him His Putter

Adam Lambert Says Tiger Woods Showed Him His Putter

MINNEAPOLIS - Adam Lambert in town to promote his new line of black nail polish called "Yo Black" confessed that last Labor Day, he met Tiger Woods at a book signing event in Cleveland. Lambert said that Tiger had graciously autographed his new bo...
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Funny story: Meredith Baxter Admits That She Did Not Have An Affair With Tiger Woods

Meredith Baxter Admits That She Did Not Have An Affair With Tiger Woods

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Meredith Baxter has just admitted that she has been a lesbian for seven years, four months, and three weeks. She told a reporter for the lesbian magazine Out At Home Safe At First that the reason she waited so long to reveal it w...
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Funny story: Underage Miley Cyrus Gets Her First Tattoo

Underage Miley Cyrus Gets Her First Tattoo

TOPANGA CANYON, California - Miley Cyrus has just revealed that she has just gotten her very first tattoo. The 17-year-old TV star showed it off while swimming at her friend Selena Gomez' swimming pool in Topanga Canyon. Selena asked Miley wha...
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Funny story: Dagnabbit Wabbit!

Dagnabbit Wabbit!

Third-rate Spoof writer Skoob1999 was today taken a little aback when the formidable Mrs Skoob marched into the house with a little rabbit. In a box. "What's that?" he asked incredulously. "It's a rabbit," Mrs Skoob announced. "What?" Skoob...
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Funny story: World Leaders To Decide On Climate Change Policies.

World Leaders To Decide On Climate Change Policies.

World leaders have come together today to discuss where to go with the policies on climate change. The meeting has taken place ahead of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change in Copenhagen next week. The meeting was held in p...
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