Funny story: Hand sanitizers spread flu, typhus, HIV: health officials horrified

Hand sanitizers spread flu, typhus, HIV: health officials horrified

Public health authorities around the world are warning the public not to use 'hand sanitizer' lotions which advertise protection from illness. 'It's bad enough that hand sanitizers offer people a false sense of security', said Bertram Beecham of t...
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Funny story: Umar Farouq Abdulmutallab 'a eunuch' following pants-on-fire fiasco

Umar Farouq Abdulmutallab 'a eunuch' following pants-on-fire fiasco

Detroit - (Ass Mess): Nigerian underpants bomb fall-guy Umar Farouq Abdulmutallab has been left partially castrated after a dismal flop failed to fire his rocket. Adding to his misery the FBI today published photos of the skid-marked Calvin Kleins...
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Funny story: Glow-in-the-dark loo paper 'could replace bulbs'

Glow-in-the-dark loo paper 'could replace bulbs'

Cardiff - (Bum Rap): A Welsh company has been given a £454,000 grant from the Carbon Truss to develop new technology to make glow-in-the-dark toilet paper. The CEO of the Welsh Bot Wipe Corp said today that using an electrical current to stimulate...
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Funny story: Britney Spears Upset Her Crotch Pictures Not News Story of Decade

Britney Spears Upset Her Crotch Pictures Not News Story of Decade

Pop tart and singer Britney Spears admitted that she is upset that pictures of her naked crotch (taken when she exited a taxi in a short skit and without panties) were not selected as the Photo of the Decade or Entertainment News Story of the Decade.
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Funny story: Farmer Association backs Russian asteroid project with biofuels initiative

Farmer Association backs Russian asteroid project with biofuels initiative

The Universal Crop Fuel Farmer Association (UCFFA) has announced support for Russia's project to divert an asteroid from a collision-course with Earth. 'When we heard that Russia would not use nuclear power to negate the threat, we knew instantly...
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Funny story: China joins Russia in asteroid project - Al Gore seethes in rage

China joins Russia in asteroid project - Al Gore seethes in rage

China's space agency has announced its intention to join Russia in an international project to save Earth from a cataclysmic collision with a gigantic asteroid. Xian Bao, head of China's space agency, said that the Chinese people would 'work to th...
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Funny story: 'Lazy Sunday Aftenoon''s words rewritten for Barack Obama

'Lazy Sunday Aftenoon''s words rewritten for Barack Obama

'Ah wouldn't it be nice, for you to wow the English But they make it very clear, they've got no room for windbags They think you're quite boring, and no-one at all You're doin' their crust in, you're just such a bore, oh! Lazy Sunday afternoon, got no mind to worry Close their doors and laugh away Ah here we all are, loving our black humour Makes the Yankees cry, they have no sense of...
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Funny story: Gordon Brown's Year of Disasters

Gordon Brown's Year of Disasters

2009 was the most disastrous year for a British Prime Minister since Edward Heath took on the coalminers in 1974, leading to the '3 day-week'. And here is Gordon Brown's Year of Disasters. January. Many Labour MPs were exposed by a national newspa...
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Funny story: Sex, masturbation the only cure to turn young Muslim men away from terrorism

Sex, masturbation the only cure to turn young Muslim men away from terrorism

LONDON: It has been established that the Nigerian national who attempted to blow-up a Detroit-bound aircraft with his explosives-laden underwear was actually a 'sexually frustrated loner', unable to play out his normal sexual urges and who converted...
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Funny story: Russia to save Earth from asteroid - Al Gore opposes project

Russia to save Earth from asteroid - Al Gore opposes project

Russia's space agency has announced an ambitious project to save the Earth from a rogue asteroid, drawing powerful objections from Al Gore. Anatoly Perminov, head of the space agency, said in an interview broadcast on Voice of Russia radio that th...
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Funny story: 'Leaving On A Jet Plane' by Denver John

'Leaving On A Jet Plane' by Denver John

'My bags were packed, and then I went to Denver to give President Obama an excuse to look all cool And as I found the flight a drag I took some powder from a bag And made sure that the plane staff looked like fools So write me up and talk of me Say that you are scared of me Fill your screens with fake 'terror' alerts I'm leaving, this silly aeroplane Don't know when I'll be back ag...
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Funny story: Fraternity Offers Women Chances To Burn Their Bras At 60's Party

Fraternity Offers Women Chances To Burn Their Bras At 60's Party

A University fraternity in California has offered women a chance to burn their bras at a 60's memorial party. Bra burning was a popular event in the 1960's as part of the feminist movement and was seen to be liberating from male domination. The L...
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Funny story: Economists Predict Big Pay Increases for Economists

Economists Predict Big Pay Increases for Economists

New York City, NY - A group of economists at the New York Institute of Economics published a report forecasting a large increase in the salaries and rates paid to economists. Samuel Himes, one of the economists involved in preparing the report, said:...
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Funny story: Hubble Captures Image of Cosmic Boobs

Hubble Captures Image of Cosmic Boobs

Houston, TX - NASA scientists using the Hubble Telescope to probe the outer reaches of space have snapped an image bearing a strong resemblance to a pair of well-endowed female breasts. Says scientist Marcus Ribbs, "It just goes to show that the...
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Funny story: Visitor from Future Kills Local Man, Arrested

Visitor from Future Kills Local Man, Arrested

D'Starkville, IN - Cops arrested Rezn0r 13-Z B1ggs today for the murder of local man Ed Hodges. B1ggs reportedly hails from the year 2434 and travelled back to the present in an attempt to prevent the future birth of Hodges' great-great-great-great-g...
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Funny story: Automakers Continue to Produce Ugly Cars

Automakers Continue to Produce Ugly Cars

Detroit, MI - Despite nearly a decade of sagging auto sales and an overwhelming backlash from consumers, nearly every major automaker has continued to produce progressively uglier cars. It's a trend that started decades ago with Fieros and El Caminos...
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Funny story: The Donald is mortified by his ex wife Ivana's actions

The Donald is mortified by his ex wife Ivana's actions

Donald Trump "The Donald" as he is well known by, is very upset by the incident involving his first wife Ivana's actions regarding her removal from a major airline recently. He is sure her actions are due to the trauma he caused her by having an...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Refuses to Just Go Away

Sarah Palin Refuses to Just Go Away

Moosecock, AK - Despite losing the presidential election, resigning as governor of Alaska, and being roundly criticized for her cheerfully ignorant demeanor, Sarah Palin refuses to do the one thing everybody wants her to do: just GO AWAY. When ask...
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Funny story: Wham! Video Game to be Released Next Month

Wham! Video Game to be Released Next Month

Atlanta, GA - While the Beatles version of Rock Band had limited appeal, one company hopes to capture the attention (and dollars) of the masses with the latest entry in the genre, Wham!: Rock Legend. While critics have always respected the band's...
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Funny story: Menthol Cigarette Exclusion Seen as Racist

Menthol Cigarette Exclusion Seen as Racist

Washington, DC - With recent tobacco legislation banning the sale of flavored cigarettes and labels advertising cigarettes as 'light,' many are asking why menthol cigarettes were excluded from these new restrictions. Leading a protest outside the Was...
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Funny story: A Poetic Tribute To Monkey Woods

A Poetic Tribute To Monkey Woods

Wood Monkeys, or Monkey Woods, With all your names, you deliver the goods. Jenny Bigtits was perky and hot, though Mister Meaner got one starred a lot. Some say you're JB, or that girl named Chamone. Do you think of this all while you are stuck on the throne? When you're squeezing one out among those South Asain fleas, Are you wondering how to taunt and to tease? You overwhelm us with...
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Funny story: Bigger Penis Changing Pant Designs

Bigger Penis Changing Pant Designs

CEO's of commercial clothing factories say that the fact that most of the men in the world now sport ten to fourteen inch penises after all the help they have received with the internet sales, they are having to change the design of men's pants and e...
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Funny story: Colonel Juan Stripped of Rank After Being Found Naked In Hot Tub With Exposed Privates

Colonel Juan Stripped of Rank After Being Found Naked In Hot Tub With Exposed Privates

Third World military leader Colonel Juan has been stripped of his rank by his government after causing an international incident. At a U.N. New Year's Party in Geneva, the Colonel was discovered to be drunk and naked in a hot tub with exposed privat...
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Funny story: Undertakers convoy surrounds Sandringham Estate

Undertakers convoy surrounds Sandringham Estate

Norfolk - (Pie In The Sky!): Up to two hundred immaculately polished hearse limos are parked lying in wait within a half mile radius of Sandringham House. The convoy has massed in expectation of a local funerary industry 'happy event' predicted by...
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Funny story: Texas University Fires Football Coach Mike Leach

Texas University Fires Football Coach Mike Leach

A Texas University announced the firing of head football coach Mike Leach. Leach was under investigation for placing a player with a concussion in a small room for three hours on two different occasions (trainers were with the player the entire time...
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Funny story: Calls For Stricter Safety Rules Due To Death Of High School Chess Player

Calls For Stricter Safety Rules Due To Death Of High School Chess Player

Charles Bradley, president of a West Texas school's chess team collapsed and died in a competition against rival school. While official autopsy results are still pending, preliminary findings show that the player died due to a heart attack (which wa...
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Funny story: Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner Announce Break Up

Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner Announce Break Up

Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner have announced that they have ended their relationship and are no longer a couple. The two recently won several polls on which new celebrity couple would be together the longest, but it was not to be. When asked fo...
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Funny story: Nigerian Passenger Has Explosion in Pants

Nigerian Passenger Has Explosion in Pants

A 23-year-old Nigerian has been taken into custody after having an explosion take place in his pants as the plane he was on was approaching Detroit and being subdued by passengers and crew. Apparently this was the first time the passenger had bee...
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Funny story: Pharmaceutical Company Develops Pill That Is Both Male Contraceptive And Treats Erectile Dysfunction

Pharmaceutical Company Develops Pill That Is Both Male Contraceptive And Treats Erectile Dysfunction

Squid Technologies, a Canadian pharmaceutical company based in Toronto, has announced the development of a pill that will fill duel roles. The small pill will act as both a male oral contraceptive and a treatment for erectile dysfunction (such as Vi...
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Funny story: New Device Changes Cellphone Talk To Klingon

New Device Changes Cellphone Talk To Klingon

Tired of the cellphones going off at the theater, during church, during funerals, in the next stall while you're tying to see if you can make a fart ring really loud in there? You need Cellgone, the remarkable device invented by South Korean scien...
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Funny story: Nick Jonas Not Dead, But Jonas Bros May Be

Nick Jonas Not Dead, But Jonas Bros May Be

All a rumor needs to get going is for someone to overhear a remark and misunderstand it. For instance, a few days ago someone in an interview with reporters, someone asked the three Jonas Brothers what was the weirdest gift they ever received from...
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Funny story: X-Factor Flash - Joe McElderry Asks Cheryl Cole To Divorce Ashley And Marry Him

X-Factor Flash - Joe McElderry Asks Cheryl Cole To Divorce Ashley And Marry Him

PIMLICO, England - X-Factor winner Joe McElderry was in The Bitter Lime Tree Recording Studio working on his upcoming album when he was asked several personal questions. The first question was what is the first thing that he looks for in a girl. H...
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Funny story: Nigerian Nutcase

Nigerian Nutcase

Nigerian Godfred Kofi was stopped at London Airport today when he attempted to travel on a transatlantic flight to the USA with a bomb in his underpants. We are all aware that nigerians are top of the league when it comes to advance fee fraud bu...
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Funny story: Tiger Woods Lawyers Force Him To Enter Rehab On His Birthday

Tiger Woods Lawyers Force Him To Enter Rehab On His Birthday

YUMA, Arizona - Tiger Woods turned 34 on Wednesday, December 30. And for his birthday his attorneys drove him to Yuma, Arizona, where he was registered into The Prickly Saguaro Cactus Rehabilitation Center. Alvin McFlannel and Max Greenbaum both a...
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Funny story: Portsmouth FC Bankrupt?

Portsmouth FC Bankrupt?

In breaking news, we've just been informed that Portsmouth FC could possibly be declared bankrupt as early as next week. If these reports are confirmed it would be disastrous for the south coast Premiership club, famed for its fanatical and vocife...
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Funny story: Nude Nudists Promote Naked New Year's Nude Parties

Nude Nudists Promote Naked New Year's Nude Parties

Nudists colonies and nude beaches across the world are promoting "Naked New Year's" parties and celebrations. "LET IT ALL HANG OUT IN 2010" will be the theme of the events. Smaller nudist clubs in many cities without nudist colonies or resorts have...
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Funny story: Emma Watson - Box Office Banker

Emma Watson - Box Office Banker

Harry Potter star Emma Watson has been named Hollywood's most bankable female star of the decade. The 19 year old, who plays Hermione Granger in the Potter series generated an incredible $1.8 trillion dollars at the box office, but her agent, Skip Wh...
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Funny story: Alex Ferguson invited to World Chewing Gum Championships

Alex Ferguson invited to World Chewing Gum Championships

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson has been invited to the World Chewing Gum Championships in Guam. Mr I Chew has invited Ferguson to compete in the speed chewing category after watching him chew gum faster than he has ever seen anybody chew...
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Funny story: Medical Breakthrough! Airport Full Body Scans Have Effect "Similar to Viagra."

Medical Breakthrough! Airport Full Body Scans Have Effect "Similar to Viagra."

Washington, DC (BNSE): Officials gathered today to announce what they call, "A stunning medical breakthrough." Agencies, tasked with the safety of the United States mainland and passenger air travel, claimed that despite having little or no budget...
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Funny story: Wizard has magic darts

Wizard has magic darts

Simon Whitlock the Australian dart player who is known as the wizard has been accused of having magic darts because he keeps hitting his doubles at the World Dart Championships at Alexandra Palace in London. Sports reporter Dave Jones has been fo...
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Funny story: Gordon Brown attacks the "privileged few"

Gordon Brown attacks the "privileged few"

Today, Gordon Brown attacked the Conservatives calling them "the privileged few." He maintains that Cameron's party is only out to help the wealthy elite. He'd rather people remained with the Labour party - the party of the privileged expenses claims...
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Funny story: Kidnappers keep up Macca's diet

Kidnappers keep up Macca's diet

Los Angeles, California. LAPD officials have received further communications from the alleged kidnappers of CBS News readers two weeks ago. Police released details of one email sent to them that contained an open threat to starve their hostages if th...
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Funny story: New Years fireworks are banned in Pakistan, Iraq and Afghanistan, much too dangerous

New Years fireworks are banned in Pakistan, Iraq and Afghanistan, much too dangerous

Ahead of the New Year celebrations several countries have decided to ban fireworks and firework displays because they feel they are much too dangerous! In Baghdad there was a fireworks display planned but it has been banned because several childre...
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Funny story: The Year Of The Celebrity Death

The Year Of The Celebrity Death

Looking back at the past decade, there have been many memorable moments and particular years that stand out. Unfortunately, 2009 is likely to be remembered as the year of the celebrity death. The last year has seen the death of many of our favouri...
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Funny story: New "Super Mosquito" discovered in the UK

New "Super Mosquito" discovered in the UK

Scientist's and Health officials are horrified at the discovery of what they describe as a "Super Mosquito". This super pest was recently discovered in the Onion Store at the Glasgow University of Culinary Studies - and is causing concern amongst...
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Funny story: Obama Team Now Flip-Flppping on Underwear Bomber

Obama Team Now Flip-Flppping on Underwear Bomber

It is now being reported that Prez O'bama, under water boarding pressure from Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, is switching stories on the recent "underwear bomber" case. In a marked shift from all previous positions taken by the President, O'bam...
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Funny story: Thousands follow Twitterer as he attempts to lose his Virginity

Thousands follow Twitterer as he attempts to lose his Virginity

A male chemistry student has caused outrage by posting updates on Twitter as he attempted to lose his virginity at Loughborough University in Leicestershire late last night. Matthew O'Grady a 24 year old from Bromley in Kent sent out a Twitter mes...
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Funny story: Controversial New TSA Regulations Have Passengers Sitting Tight

Controversial New TSA Regulations Have Passengers Sitting Tight

Mere days after a failed suicide bombing aboard a Detroit-bound civilian aircraft, TSA officials worked around the clock to come up with an instrument to detect explosive devices taped to the scrotum of suspected terrorists. The new instrument was un...
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Funny story: X-Factor's '08 Winner Alexandra Burke Shows Off Her Bikini-Clad Body In Barbados

X-Factor's '08 Winner Alexandra Burke Shows Off Her Bikini-Clad Body In Barbados

ST. JAMES, Barbados - Alexandra Burke, winner of last year's X-Factor, showed off her slim and trim body in six different bikini swimsuits on the beaches of St. James. The 21-year-old Londoner frolicked in the sun as she made sand castles and sand...
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Funny story: Susan Penhaligon, The 70's British Brigitte Bardot Says Botox Just About Turned Her Into A Chimp

Susan Penhaligon, The 70's British Brigitte Bardot Says Botox Just About Turned Her Into A Chimp

LONDON - Susan Penhaligon a British film icon who during the 70s was considered to be the English Bridgette Bardot has cast out a warning to other women about the hazards of botox. Penhaligon who many also compared to America's Marilyn Monroe in h...
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Funny story: Amy Winehouse Cancels Concert Because Her Brand New Double D's Have Too Much Milk

Amy Winehouse Cancels Concert Because Her Brand New Double D's Have Too Much Milk

MANCHESTER - Amy Winehouse was due to perform a concert in Manchester's Magnificent Manc Stadium on New Year's Eve, but she has had to cancel due to an overabundance of milk in her brand new DD store bought mammaries. The much tattooed, pierced, a...
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Funny story: Security Personnel the World Over Get Boot in the Bum

Security Personnel the World Over Get Boot in the Bum

The attempt to blow up a plane at the "secure" Detroit airport was the last straw. Time to say bye-bye to so- called security that keeps no one secure. Lately there has been a string of security breaches. In the U. S., two uninvited guests mana...
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Funny story: Elin Admits She Was Just PMSing When She Beat Up Tiger

Elin Admits She Was Just PMSing When She Beat Up Tiger

Elin Nordegren has admitted that she was "just PMSing really bad" when she beat up husband Tiger Woods last month. Mrs. Woods said from her vacation hotel in Nassau that "I knew Tiger was sleeping with everything with a hole and a nice pair of tits,...
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Funny story: Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers Refuse to Play on Same Pro Bowl Team

Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers Refuse to Play on Same Pro Bowl Team

Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers and Brett Favre of the Minnesota Vikings were both named as quarterbacks for the NFC roster in the Pro Bowl Game. The Pro Bowl is an all star game for the NFL players and traditionally takes place in Hawaii the...
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Funny story: New rival for facebook

New rival for facebook

Facebook has a new rival in the form of new social networking site "Davebook". All members of davebook must be called Dave, which is not that unusual really, as everyone knows a Dave. The founders of Davebook have been accused of being racist, ho...
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Funny story: New Year's Eve Eclipsed Blue Moon

New Year's Eve Eclipsed Blue Moon

The Cosmos - (Winter Triangle): Thursday night's partially eclipsed full moon will be the first New Year's Eve Blue Moon for nineteen years. At 19.13GMT it will straddle the winter sky in a trajectory cutting across the Beehive Cluster, Big Oil's...
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Funny story: Obama: "Systemic Failure" Led to Bombing Attempts

Obama: "Systemic Failure" Led to Bombing Attempts

President O'Bama lashed out at US Security Agencies today, saying "systemic failures" at the agencies led to the widely publicized "underwear" bomber and Iguana Trumpeter terrorist incidents. Investigators authorized by O'Bama directly after the...
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