Funny story: European Immigrants want out!

European Immigrants want out!

As the recession in the states worsens, immigrants who have entered the United States during the past 10 years coming here for jobs and a new start, have decided that money is one thing they are not going to get here. After over a decade of bravi...
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Funny story: Obama - "I Really Want To Be A Capitalist Nigger!"

Obama - "I Really Want To Be A Capitalist Nigger!"

Following his recent visit to Scotland President Barack Obama has observed and stated that: "To date we The Black Race and our Scottish ally Beaders have depended on White Americans and English Sassenachs for our TV, our dress, our feeding (Mac Do...
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Funny story: Minority Leader John Boehner publishes new book, "The Audacity of Nope"

Minority Leader John Boehner publishes new book, "The Audacity of Nope"

John Andrew Boehner is a Republican who is currently serving as the House Minority Leader in the 111th Congress, and a U.S. Representative from Ohio's 8th congressional district. He recently wrote a book called the Audacity of Nope. The premise o...
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Funny story: "I ain't fat, I'm pregnant!" - Susan Boyle names Jade Goody widower as babyfather

"I ain't fat, I'm pregnant!" - Susan Boyle names Jade Goody widower as babyfather

London - (Incestuous Mess): Any day now a rumored Boyle/Weed chimaera is due to burst forth from its toxic amniotic sac, making the recent Goody/Weed nuptials totally irrelevant in retrospect. That's this week's LA FagHagSlagMag's lead story which...
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Funny story: Elton John To Sign On

Elton John To Sign On

Elton John has become the latest in a long line of celebrities to suffer as the result of the credit crunch. Down to his last £70 million the star has been forced to attend Watford Job Centre Plus. The singer was asked what his plans were. "It's a...
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Funny story: Hillary's Baghdad lunch menu

Hillary's Baghdad lunch menu

Here is the menu from Hillary Clinton's lunch in Baghdad: Entree Sheep's eyeballs roasted with parsley, thyme and rosemary's chopped-off hand Cockroach falafel Pureed goat's droppings in a dressing of balsamic vinegar, wrapped in poison ivy leaves Main course Frog's spare ribs wrapped in a deep-fried empty Red Crescent food parcel Bits of sheep, peppered with shrapnel Bits of Iraqi...
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Funny story: Thousands March Against Animal Testing

Thousands March Against Animal Testing

Thousands of protesters descended on London today to oppose the Government plans to test animals. Following fears that the country is becoming overcrowded the government decided to impose strict tests on animals. Horses will now be asked their tim...
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Funny story: Gordon Brown Admits "I've Never Been Kissed"

Gordon Brown Admits "I've Never Been Kissed"

Government's Got Talent star Gordon Brown has announced that he has never been kissed. He recently shocked the Labour party with his dowdy appearance at the House of Commons. Despite his appearance he aims to win the competition. He is certainly t...
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Funny story: Health Secretary tells travellers: If you want to avoid swine flu don't sleep with pigs. Vatican condemns bestiality

Health Secretary tells travellers: If you want to avoid swine flu don't sleep with pigs. Vatican condemns bestiality

LONDON, UK: In a major effort to prevent the spread of swine flu, the Health Department has issued the following caveat to travelers: Enjoy your overseas holiday but don't sleep with pigs. A newly released report says that normally the swine flu...
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Funny story: Susan Boyle to marry Shrek's cousin

Susan Boyle to marry Shrek's cousin

Susan Boyle is to marry Shrek's cousin, the Hulk, this December. Publicity spokeswoman for Susan Boyle says the two have been dating for the last four months. The Hulk says in an interview, where he moans and groans, he has been wanting kids for...
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Funny story: Tories unveil plans for Primary School 'Domestic Flue Clearance Services'

Tories unveil plans for Primary School 'Domestic Flue Clearance Services'

The Conservatives today launched plans to allow primary schools freedom from local authority control in a move which is being widely seen to give the green light to them launching local profit earning businesses. Said a spokesperson, "We are build...
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Funny story: Angelina Jolie marries Shrek

Angelina Jolie marries Shrek

Angelina Jolie and Shrek the ogre are now happily married in their swamp habitat. Angelina admits the hardest part of their marriage is cleaning the green stains Shrek leaves on the blankets. Shrek the ogre now must deal with attempts by his wife...
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Funny story: Pakistan Waits Anxiously For Convict Cavalry Arrival

Pakistan Waits Anxiously For Convict Cavalry Arrival

Islamabad, Pakistan - Pakistan President Zardari today welcomed Ministry Of Defence (UK) proposals regarding the liberation of north west Pakistan from the evil clutches of the Taleban. Pakistani authorities conceded that they had virtually lost c...
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Funny story: 'Jade Goody the Musical' - Susan Boyle in line for lead role

'Jade Goody the Musical' - Susan Boyle in line for lead role

Jade Goody's family and friends have succumbed to panic, they believe Jade 'What's her name' Goody, will be forgotten. The international attention paid to 'Britain's Got Talent', has grossly chipped away at Jade's memory and by the end of next week...
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Funny story: Angelina Jolie and the Swine flu

Angelina Jolie and the Swine flu

Today actress Angelina Jolie visits a farm to adopt a pig named Johnson who is afflicted with the pandemic swine flu. She says, its the least she can do to help out during the potential crisis. This virus is a mix of human, pig and bird strains t...
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Funny story: Benny Hill Statue Commissioned By City Council

Benny Hill Statue Commissioned By City Council

Following on from a trend set by other councils across the country, Southampton City Council have commissioned a statue of two of the city's favourite sons, Benny Hill and Richard O'Sullivan out of Man About The House and Robin's Nest. The statue wil...
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Funny story: Pluto downsized to 'Disabled Mass'

Pluto downsized to 'Disabled Mass'

HOUSTON, Texas - Pluto has done it again. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced this morning that the 'dwarf planet' Pluto would be downsized to a 'disabled mass'. NASA also said "We are still considering lowering it to O...
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Funny story: More Nostradamus quatrains discovered in French farmhouse

More Nostradamus quatrains discovered in French farmhouse

Further to a Spoof correspondent reporting last week on Nostradamus's predictions of recent events in the UK, another five quatrains have been discovered in a farmhouse in France - coincidentally by another Spoof writer - and here are their translations and interpretations: 'When a serpent doth circle the palazzo of gold The little lord's teeth a wonder, behold! Are they are as away from how...
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Funny story: Plague Of Locusts Devours Michelle Obama's Garden

Plague Of Locusts Devours Michelle Obama's Garden

DATELINE:WASHINGTON_DC:-- A bizarre swarm of locusts descended without warning yesterday, directly over the White House. The locusts quickly devoured Michelle Obama's garden and then disappeared without a trace. The garden was totally destroyed and...
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Funny story: Peston moves into new toilet studio

Peston moves into new toilet studio

In a move seen widely as indicative of the state of the economic situation, the BBC has announced that Robert Peston, Business Editor, will now broadcast all pieces to camera from the toilet of his bijou, ranch-style home. A BBC News spokesman sa...
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Funny story: Latvia decides to replace airforce with paper planes

Latvia decides to replace airforce with paper planes

The Federal Government of Latvia has announced it will replace its ageing air force fleet with 40 000 paper aeroplanes purchased from China. The Latvian Defence Minister announced this decision to astonished media at a press conference in the cap...
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Funny story: Released Convict Holds Up Undercover Cop At Undercover Cop's Convention

Released Convict Holds Up Undercover Cop At Undercover Cop's Convention

Jeremiah Redolpho Manchetteu, 21, is not particularly good at the robbery profession nor perhaps, even an ingenious idiot, but he's definitely headed for a whole new bumbler term of his own. While out on bail last week and awaiting his trial for...
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Funny story: 350-Year-Old Penis Found

350-Year-Old Penis Found

During some renovation work at an Attorney's office in London, a Junior partner in the firm of Fergus, McCoy & Wisenheimer found quite a surprise behind the wall of their ancient firm. Builders were working on Attorney Boody Wade's office when...
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Funny story: London Marathon: Susan Boyle WILL Run

London Marathon: Susan Boyle WILL Run

Susan Boyle, the new Scottish singing sensation who has wowed audiences worldwide with her songbird-like qualities, has told organisers that she WILL take part in tomorrow's London Marathon, and has a special treat in store for fans. Susan will SI...
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Funny story: Homosexuality 'cure' quack stands to make billions

Homosexuality 'cure' quack stands to make billions

London - (Gay Ass Mess): World famous 'gay cure' quack Dr Joseph Nicolosi stands to make a massive fortune with this weekend's launch of his repetitive therapy injection company. Nicolosi, 69, is promoting his sure-fire treatment at an Anglican M...
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Funny story: £500,000 Jade Goody buffalo found in rusty old trunk

£500,000 Jade Goody buffalo found in rusty old trunk

London - (Great Wailing Wall of China Mess): A five thousand year-old Chinese Jade Goody dead-ringer statue of a buffalo - or 'ancient oriental horny cow' - has been discovered in a rusty old trunk at a car boot sale in Wapping. Experts from the A...
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Funny story: Burt Reynolds, GM Discuss Pontiac Division Deal Terms

Burt Reynolds, GM Discuss Pontiac Division Deal Terms

ATLANTA, GA - With Gasosaurus Motorex (GM) struggling to maintain economic viability and pondering its End Game, GM's Pontiac division now faces The Longest Yard, and it's Uphill All the Way. Many insiders believe Pontiac's unfocused, Semi-Tough l...
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Funny story: Pope to tell Charles 'why he had Diana topped'

Pope to tell Charles 'why he had Diana topped'

Rome - (Unholy Mess): In a prime time televised audience on Monday the Pope will tell Prince Charles 'why he had Diana topped' and hand him the legal bills for all the ensuing ungodly fuss. Charles and his live-in fag hag Camilla are travelling to...
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Funny story: Cats to the White House

Cats to the White House

Washington, D.C. Real change is coming to the White House, an executive spokesman says. The newly acquired dog will be ditched for four kittens. These will be named Paris, Hilton, Britney, and Spears. President Obama was made aware that the previo...
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Funny story: Baby Mammoth's Prehistoric Fart Kills Three, Injures Fifteen

Baby Mammoth's Prehistoric Fart Kills Three, Injures Fifteen

In Cleveland, Ohio, three researchers were killed and 15 more were overcome by toxic fumes as prehistoric putrefaction escaped from the antediluvian ass of a baby mammoth carcass. The world-renowned scientists had gathered at Case Western's Harr...
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Funny story: The Good Ship Chunderbucket

The Good Ship Chunderbucket

The New Zealand Navy was proud to put the newest addition to its fleet, the HMNZS Rotoitoi through its paces this week. The Rotoitoi was taken on its first full voyage and reporters were invited on board to participate in the event. The Rotoito...
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Funny story: The Bronx Zoo Is Having To Lay Off Lots of Animals

The Bronx Zoo Is Having To Lay Off Lots of Animals

BRONX, New York - The national recession has now hit the financially-strapped, world-famous Bronx Zoo. Zoo Director Evelyn Muckenmuck said that in her 27 years as zoo director she has never seen a more sadly melancholic situation. She said that...
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Funny story: Simon Cowell Secretly Dating Susan Boyle

Simon Cowell Secretly Dating Susan Boyle

LONDON - Simon Cowell, the 49-year-old British television producer, music executive, and all-around talent show judge has denied rumors that he is secretly dating "Britain's Got Talent" singer Susan Boyle. Cowell who recently broke up with his lon...
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Funny story: Susan Boyle To Join Pussycat Dolls

Susan Boyle To Join Pussycat Dolls

Talent show star Susan Boyle is to replace Nicole Sherzinger in the Pussycat Dolls. Following the departure of their lead singer and most talented member the band have searched for a replacement. The Scottish spinster has been signed up and is set to...
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Funny story: Cloris Leachman Signs On As Spokesperson For Viagra

Cloris Leachman Signs On As Spokesperson For Viagra

NEW YORK CITY - In an interesting advertising move, The Giddy Up Pill Company, makers of Viagra have just signed actress, singer, old gal Cloris Leachman who is 82 to be the new Viagra spokesperson. Miss Leachman will travel throughout the entire...
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Funny story: Job Vacancy

Job Vacancy

Wanted: American President. Must have no experience. Needs passport and large teeth, must have strong right arm to wave a lot. Will be working with pet animals, such as little puppies. Duties will include talking a lot without saying anything, visiting foreign countries for no reason, and taming savage rodents of the hillariae rat species, that may wander into the house. Will be given lesson...
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Funny story: An Open Letter to Michel Platini on Racism in Football

An Open Letter to Michel Platini on Racism in Football

Dear Mr. Platini, In response to your latest tirade against racism in football, it has to be pointed out that your conclusions are erroneous and false. In your days as a player you were a great footballer. However your place in the stadium was consistently on the pitch where you could hear the chants. However you were not privy to the thoughts and discussions that...
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Funny story: Toy Company Puts Out The Susan Boyle Action Figure Doll

Toy Company Puts Out The Susan Boyle Action Figure Doll

LIVERPOOL, England - The Cinderella Toy Company of Great Britain has just come out with The Susan Boyle Action Figure Doll. The doll which retails for 35 pounds ($51.46, U.S.) is amazingly realistic in detail. The doll stands 10 inches tall and ha...
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Funny story: Plane Stupid Woman Is Plain Stupid

Plane Stupid Woman Is Plain Stupid

A woman activist from the environmental protest group, Plane Stupid, who made an allegation that officers from Strathclyde Police approached her, and offered her payment for information about other protesters, has been called 'plain stupid'. Matil...
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Funny story: Under cover protestors

Under cover protestors

Police have issued a video tape of protesters trying to coerce policemen into acting like human beings. The protesting culprits were tracked down, and when interviewed in police custardy (which was very sticky and lumpy) said "We don't discuss m...
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Funny story: Portsmouth FC To Buy St Mary's From Local Rivals

Portsmouth FC To Buy St Mary's From Local Rivals

Reports emanating from Fratton Park appear to suggest that Portsmouth FC are prepared to offer bitter local rivals Southampton £10 million for St Mary's Stadium. It is a move which will clearly infuriate Saints fans, but a bloke in a suit coming out...
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Funny story: Preschooler Charged With Manslaughter

Preschooler Charged With Manslaughter

Washington DC: A preschooler, Little Johnny (name withheld because he is a minor) has been charged with multiple counts of unintentional manslaughter. Little Johnny's defense attorney said that "the defense is pleading him not guilty by virtue of en...
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Funny story: Hitler Watercolour Sells For £10k At Auction

Hitler Watercolour Sells For £10k At Auction

Ludlow, UK - A collection of thirteen watercolours by Adolf Hitler was sold at auction here today for an unexpected £94,895. The pieces were painted between 1908 and the invasion of Poland in 1939. Auctioneer, Freddie Charterhouse-Rivers told us:...
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