Funny story: Maverick McCain Lipsmacks Elephantine Evangelical A-Hole!

Maverick McCain Lipsmacks Elephantine Evangelical A-Hole!

Arizona POW Senator John McCain has always prided himself on being the lonely westerner gun slinger who stood up alone to the forces of evil. Besides a stuffed hamster, Mccain keeps a 16mm print of Gary Cooper's High Noon on an old movie projector in...
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Funny story: Pro- Choice, Anti-Gun Women Flock to Weapon- Happy and No Choice Sarah Palin Because She has a Vajayjay!

Pro- Choice, Anti-Gun Women Flock to Weapon- Happy and No Choice Sarah Palin Because She has a Vajayjay!

The Mccain wager has payed off! American women have no real allegiance to thought or ideals. All they want is a candidate with a cunt and Sarah Palin has become their gal! Hillary had the inside track for awhile and that made US lady voters appea...
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Funny story: Dan Qualyle Pronounces Sarah Palin a Hot Potato!

Dan Qualyle Pronounces Sarah Palin a Hot Potato!

Elder Bush failed speller and VP candie, Dan Quayle known by all to be no Jack Kennedy has declared McCain's vice a real hot potato. Old man Bush finds the proclamation ironic since he chose Quayle because of his purported attractiveness to women...
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Funny story: Gustav Flies Up Mississippi to St Paul! God Hates McCain! Or Does She?

Gustav Flies Up Mississippi to St Paul! God Hates McCain! Or Does She?

The Republican Convention has been completely derailed by hurricane Obama, er, I mean, Gustav! If there was any doubt where divine favor lay after the miraculously flawless Democratic convention in Denver, that debate is now over. As Republican d...
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Funny story: London's Mayor Stinks - Official!

London's Mayor Stinks - Official!

The elected "King of London", Lord Mayor Boris Johnson was today taken to one side by friend, foe and rival David Cameron. Cameron embarrassingly had the task of telling the porker that he smells, well, stinks actually! Cameron held a clutch of...
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Funny story: Top Gear in Live World Tour

Top Gear in Live World Tour

Popular petrol-heads, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, have decided to waste more TV licence-payer's money by doing a 'live' world tour. The trio have been compared to Compo, Foggy and Clegg of 'Last of the Summer Wine' fame. The t...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin's Daughter Bristol Pregnant With John McCain's Baby

Sarah Palin's Daughter Bristol Pregnant With John McCain's Baby

Delegates arriving at the Republican convention in St Paul were rocked on their heels today, when the news broke that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is pregnant, and unmarried as well! There were gasps as the word was...
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Funny story: Emma Watson snubbed completely by Gary Glitter

Emma Watson snubbed completely by Gary Glitter

In a shock confrontation early today, the Harry Potter co-star, Emma Watson, was totally snubbed by former pop star Gary Glitter. Emma, whose mum and dad used to disco dance to Glitter classics such as "Hello Hello I'm Back Again", "I'm the Leader...
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Funny story: Top El Qaeda Leader Obama Biden in US

Top El Qaeda Leader Obama Biden in US

Washington - A painstaking worldwide information dragnet by the CIA and FBI has concluded that key El Qaeda leader, Obama Biden, is actively operating in the US planning to openly take over the government by legal means. Security has been doubled at...
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Funny story: Man City New Owners To Bring In Arab Players

Man City New Owners To Bring In Arab Players

New Manchester City owners Abu Dhabi United Group have tonight released a Press statement which sets out their future vision for the club, including Champions League ambitions, the banning of alcohol at Eastlands, and several new players from Arabia.
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Funny story: Hurricane Gustav loses hype as it hits land

Hurricane Gustav loses hype as it hits land

TV news stations across the US have been left devastated by the effects of Hurricane Gustav as it singularly failed to destroy New Orleans. "We are gutted" said Fox 'journalist' Adolf McCane "We had cameras focusing on the levees, we had helicopte...
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Funny story: 3 Men Arrested For Not Being Terrorists In Terrorist Alert

3 Men Arrested For Not Being Terrorists In Terrorist Alert

Today, in Blackburn, Lancashire, 3 men were charged with not being terrorists by police, and all 3 are due to appear in court nowhere near to where they were arrested. Charges against the 3 include saying PM Gordon Brown is 'a slimy fat lying gitt',...
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Funny story: My local newspapper has some weird ad's in it!

My local newspapper has some weird ad's in it!

Here's some of the classifieds which caught my eye: Signed Beatles 'love me do' record - original pressing, perfect condition, signed by all the Beatles - not for sale. U2 car for sale - Car formally owned by the 'U2' front man Bonno .make and model unknown. £32,000 or closest offer. Radioactive fission for sale - suitable for weaponry, must be stored within at least six inches of lead,...
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Funny story: My message board atracts some weirdos

My message board atracts some weirdos

Some of the best comments from online message boards Instead of putting ill animals down cant we release loads of them on to unexploded mine fields and save the lives of soldiers? Graham - age 8 in Kent I just HAVE to share this. I recently went on holiday to Scotland and didn't pack a coat because the weather looked nice. It rained the entire two weeks we were there! Good job a packed...
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Funny story: Some Amusing Trivia

Some Amusing Trivia

Once Tito Jackson fell over and all the other Jacksons laughed. Philip from the pop band 'Steps' enjoyed the film 'all dogs go to heaven', but he did think that the concept of talking dogs is too far into the realms of fantasy to make the film 'five-star'. Chris Tarrant once described the queen with explicit language live on air! Thankfully it was never broadcast. In his pre-millionaire d...
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Funny story: TV listings

TV listings

Television is getting weird these days 8:00 Scooby Doo - The team investigate an apparent suicide that just doesn't add up. 8:30 Scooby Doo - Fred seems to think there is a connection between two workers from the same factory being murdered with an eight year difference, is there a connection? 9:00 Morning talk - chat show hosted by James bonds son, jersey bond. Today Sir Kill-a-lot from...
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Funny story: Jade Goody Proves She's 'not fick'

Jade Goody Proves She's 'not fick'

Jade Goody, reportedly feeling stronger than ever despite her recent cancer diagnosis, reveals to us her plans to write a new book. "I'm not fick. People are always accusing me of being illegitimate - I can read and write perfeckly, thankyou! I...
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Funny story: Man Utd And Man City Fans Fighting In The Streets Over Berbatov

Man Utd And Man City Fans Fighting In The Streets Over Berbatov

Greater Manchester Police have declared a State of Emergency in the city centre tonight, after fighting that broke out between rival Manchester United and Manchester City fans escalated into a full scale riot. The trouble started at a news stand n...
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Funny story: Republican Platform Calls for Fetal Right to Vote

Republican Platform Calls for Fetal Right to Vote

In a brilliant political maneuver, the GOP has found a clever way to empower one of their largest constituencies and gain more votes. Fetuses prefer the Party of No Choice 10 to 1. Ultra-sound studies from the labs of mad scientist Dr James Dobso...
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Funny story: Media apologize for Jade Goody slander

Media apologize for Jade Goody slander

Journalists from a national newspaper have today issued a public apology to Big Brother celebrity Jade Goody. The reality TV star, who was recently diagnosed with life-threatening cervical cancer, has been on the receiving end of constant abuse f...
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Funny story: Foreigners Buying Man' City FC

Foreigners Buying Man' City FC

Manchester Shitty Football Club owner Foreskin Shitawaterat has agreed to sell the club to a Middle Eastern camel trading company for what sports business analysts are calling "lots and lots of fucking money." Shitawaterat today signed a memorandu...
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Funny story: A Divorce World Record Attempt

A Divorce World Record Attempt

An 84 year-old religious leader has an unusual hobby. Over the past 70 years he has been collecting wives. He is proud of his massive collection of 86 wives and 172 Mothers-in-law- some of whom, he has maintained for more than 30 years. However af...
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Funny story: Google browser 'Chrome' to have two privacy modes

Google browser 'Chrome' to have two privacy modes

Silicon Valley giant Google has announced that it will shortly be unveiling an Open Source browser currently called 'Chrome'. One of the new key features is it's two privacy modes 'American' and 'Actual'. Google spokesman Larry page said 'With thi...
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Funny story: Berbatov Signs For Man City

Berbatov Signs For Man City

Dimitar Berbatov, the Tottenham striker, who had been expected to sign for Manchester United, has been snapped from under their very noses, by their neighbours, Manchester City! City boss Mark Hughes said that owner Thaksin Shinawatra told him thi...
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Funny story: Fatty Two Jags trades in for Beetle convertible

Fatty Two Jags trades in for Beetle convertible

John Prescott aka Fatty Two Jags has emptied his garage of executive saloons in favour of an entirely new style of car: a yellow Beetle convertible. Tom Foolery, sales manager at Doncaster's VW garage, watched with shock and ore as the portly politi...
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Funny story: Blue Peter dog's death inspired Godfather equine scene

Blue Peter dog's death inspired Godfather equine scene

London - (Shaggy Dog Mess): The former editor of BBC children's TV program Blue Peter has written a book that smashes the mythology of the show's canine star Petra and claims the Alsatian was the true inspiration behind the equine head scene in Oscar...
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Funny story: Abu Dhabi admit cock up - "We thought we were buying the City of Manchester"

Abu Dhabi admit cock up - "We thought we were buying the City of Manchester"

Abu Dhabi - Sulaiman al-Fahim, the tycoon who bought football club Manchester City football club from former That Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra, admitted today that he had made a monumental cock-up. "We thought we were buying the 'City of Man...
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Funny story: New Orleans UFO caused Katrina, Gustav says Pentagon hacker McKinnon

New Orleans UFO caused Katrina, Gustav says Pentagon hacker McKinnon

New Orleans - (X-Files Mess): Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon says he has conclusive evidence that the Pentagon covered up rogue UFO activity which caused Hurricanes Katrina and Gustav. In a lawyers' statement issued today McKinnon said four out-of-...
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Funny story: New "Pay-as-you-Go" airline launched

New "Pay-as-you-Go" airline launched

A new "Pay-as-you-go" airline service was launched today at Humberside International Airport. An offshoot of Irish airline RyanAir, the new service takes fare pricing to a new low, while at the same time maintaining its sister airline's equally lo...
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Funny story: The Wrong Palin

The Wrong Palin

Senator John McCain has admitted that he has hired the wrong Palin to be his running mate. A top secret memo, leaked by Coldpost.com shows that the man who would be President wanted Micheal Palin, of Monty Python fame, rather than Sarah Palin (no...
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Funny story: So she's his daughter?

So she's his daughter?

Juneau-Her, Al-Ask-Her - (Raving Bonkers Mess): John McCain met his running mate's mother just once. Anchorage forensic genealogical sources reckon they have matched Sarah Palin's DNA to Hillary Clinton. "It was just a drunken, seedy one night...
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Funny story: Larger sized clothing banned in fight against obesity

Larger sized clothing banned in fight against obesity

Clothing manufacturers have been told to reduce waistband sizes of all clothes produced in a bid to solve the obesity epidemic gripping the UK. The new regulations coming into effect on 1st January 2009 mean that trousers, skirts and such like wil...
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Funny story: Scribblers Cash in on Da Vinci Code 2

Scribblers Cash in on Da Vinci Code 2

A deluge of Da Vinci Code 2 money-grasping spin-offs is due to hit the bookshops prior to this month's release of the movie adaptation of Dan Brown's latest bestseller, once again starring Tom Wanks. The most controversial, written by Lancashire w...
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Funny story: John McCain and Sarah Palin Treated for Sex Addiction

John McCain and Sarah Palin Treated for Sex Addiction

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - John McCain and Sarah Palin have been admitted to a clinic for the treatment of their sex addiction. "They haven't been able to keep their hands off each other since he named her his running mate," said an anonymous senio...
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Funny story: DIY Chain Land NASA Contract

DIY Chain Land NASA Contract

DIY chain B&Q has been handed a contract believed to be worth $3.5bn to supply around 100 pots of their own brand tile grouting following problems with space shuttle insulation coming away on take-off. The next scheduled scheduled flight was t...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin picked as USA president's running mate because of family connections

Sarah Palin picked as USA president's running mate because of family connections

Presidential hopeful John McCain has picked Sarah Palin because of her British family connections. In a statement issued today, the office of John McCain said: "We felt Sarah Palin's relationship with a brother who has direct access to an impor...
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Funny story: Bible lost

Bible lost

A new edition of the Bible, which is said to contain references to modern life, rather than talk of coverting Oxen has been lost on a Laptop on the way to Rhyll. Macmillan, the publisher who are behind the new edition of the best selling book of a...
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Funny story: Shrooms Ground Flyin' Air

Shrooms Ground Flyin' Air

Airlines have been brought down to earth by everything fro bad weather to mechanical malfunctions but a recent grounding of a Flyin' Air flight may have been a first for any airline in the world. Flying from Budapest to Dublin, the flight requi...
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Funny story: Mafioso "Capo" Capello Fingers Jimmy "Bullocks" Bullard for England!

Mafioso "Capo" Capello Fingers Jimmy "Bullocks" Bullard for England!

Breaking from his strict traditional approach to football, Capo Capello named Jimmy "Bullocks" Bullard to England football squad. Rejecting still wounded soldier Owen down with a case of the "mumps", Capello went with the surprise choice. Bullar...
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Funny story: Home Secretary Jaqui Kennedy Onassis Smith Warns Brown about Downturn!

Home Secretary Jaqui Kennedy Onassis Smith Warns Brown about Downturn!

Britons were struck incredulous when they discovered that Home Secretary Smith was the widow of JFK and Aristotle Onassis. More shock came from a leaked document from the Secretary that warned PM Brown about the impending cataclysm facing the UK fro...
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Funny story: US Drug Demand Makes Life in Mexico Poor and Tired

US Drug Demand Makes Life in Mexico Poor and Tired

The insatiable desire for drugs among the citizens of the land of the free and the brave has turned life in family centered and culturally rich Mexico into a catastrophe of drug war assassinations and kidnappings. Peace loving and fiercely moral M...
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Funny story: Palin Tells Fish and Wildlife: "Polar Bears aren't endangered, they're just whiners!"

Palin Tells Fish and Wildlife: "Polar Bears aren't endangered, they're just whiners!"

Sarah Palin, Governor of a lot of land, animals and less than 1 million people testified before the Fish and Wildlife division of the Department of the Interior that despite numerous reports from highly qualified wildlife researchers, she believes th...
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Funny story: Hitler Worked as Veterinarian in Pennsylvania

Hitler Worked as Veterinarian in Pennsylvania

Meckleburg PA - Hitler's alleged suicide in WWII has been challenged by recent evidence that he lived until 2002 in the small village of Meckleburg as a practicing veterinarian. Villagers say he openly practiced his craft after mysteriously arriving...
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