Wary consumers nearly barfed yesterday, when the mainstream media reported that an uptick in the DOW was the result of investor optimism, resulting from reports of increased earnings from WalMart and Costco.
Crawford, Texas - (Shotgun Wedding Mess): "Some asshole's gone and barfed on my ten grand Oscar de la Renta wedding gown!"...
Grizzled rock group Guns 'N Roses are to perform songs from their much anticipated Chinese Democracy album at this years Olympic Games in Beijing, China.
Acknowledging that she went on "one hell of a rampage," embattled pop star Amy Winehouse said yesterday that she was "primarily responsible" for the devastating damage afflicting Burma's coastal region.
Amstetten - (Sordid Mess): Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl has entered a plea bargain saying that his brother the Pope is holding hundreds of sex slaves in the Catacombs under the Vatican.
London - (Ass Mess): Ken Livingstone is being backed by a Hellfire Club cabal to stand for Parliament and challenge Gorgon Brown for the job of Prime Monster.
The elephant that has been in the room for some time has now left, after being successfully coaxed out by trained elephant tamers. So ends a decade of overused metaphor creating a problem for management consultants, conservationists and interior desi...
Ant and Dec are to sensationally quit their famous 'double act' after they became increasingly frustrated that in a recent poll, 88% of the general public still did not know who was Ant and who was Dec.
In a shock move, George H. Bush announced that millions of books and newspapers were going to be burnt across America today, to root out what he called 'socialism and democracy and fairness.'...
Hillary Clinton decided that if she isn't going to win the Presidency (Dictatorship) of the USA she will cut off "little Hill" and send it around the world on tour.
Smarmy young republican butt-suck Henry Hager should be careful what he wishes for. Now he's shackled to druken sex-crazed skank Jenna Bush. Maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time. Hell, it beats going over to the war, something no elite sc...
What's the story in Balamory? We'll tell you and then you'll know! It seems that Hollywood actor, Orlando Bloom, has accepted a role in the new big screen adaptation of children's programme, Balamory.
Centuries after British eccentric Lord Elgin removed the 'Elgin Marbles' from the Parthenon in Athens, Greeks finally noticed they were missing seven years ago. But then almost overnight a hysterical and retrospective industry began, demanding for th...
Fifth State Bank, NA, will promote increased business by offering a mortgage contract to any customer who opens a new savings account with USD $1,500 or a current customer who adds $1,000 to an existing account. To reward thrifty habits, the bank wi...
A pensioner has been charged with shouting a bit loudly at his wife, in Ballahuilish, in the north west Highlands of Scotland.
35 year old Barry Jennings, from Manchester, England has refused to come out of his mothers womb despite repeated attempts by family, friends, neighbors and medical professionals.
In a surprise move, the Labour Government in Britain is to rush new emergency laws through Parliament, to regulate the United Kingdom's satirists.
In a surprising intellectual twist to the complex American Presidential election, an orthadontist has come forward with the shock claim that Barack Obama has 'better teeth than Mrs. Clinton.'...
Los Angeles, California - (Bare Ass Mess): A record breaking five million dollar contract has been signed in secret between a men's magazine and Hannah Montana starlet Miley Cyrus.
"I know where Shergar is and I know what happened to Lord Lucan. How much?" she asked our reporter.
Cherie Blair, nee Booth, is giving advice to her husband, Anthony Hasbeen, so she said in this contrived interview.
The Roman Catholic Church has given the ancient German tongue a boost by launching a website in Deutsche.
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The Pentagon has announced that it will immediately stop cremating slain US soldiers in pet crematoria.
Officials in Burma commenting on the country's current constitutional referendum being held today, have said that turnout figures have been "exceedingly low".
London, UK - A message from Osama Bin Laden was broadcast by the El Jazeera network today that carried renewed threats against the west.
On the ever shifting moonscape of medical specialities, the proctologist has consistently found themselves coming up the rear. A new insertive action committee of assmen and asswomen has been fighting to improve the public perception and the professi...
For two hundred years, literature lovers, German majors, archaeologists and grave robbers have been searching for the true dead body of Friedrich Schiller.
The US Congress that hasn't lifted a finger to halt the cataclysm of national economic disasters has decided to investigate a mine collapse in Huntington, Utah.
The real estate crisis caused by Bush administration Lazy Unfaire deregulated capitalist practices has given rise to a new breed of urban vermin.
Romney, WV - Today, Hillary Clinton stated her plan to allow Barack Obama to become the Democratic nominee and quite possibly, the next President of the United States.
Little Rock, Arkansas -- TV weather forecaster and enthusiast Howey Carroll of Little Rock's KFUJ Channel 8 was fired yesterday for his unabashed, on-the-air celebration of the state's deadly tornado outbreak earlier this week.