Emma Watson, the young actress from the Harry Potter movies, will turn 18 on April 15th. This will move her from jailbait to official hottie status in Hollywood and in the pages of the gossip rags/supermarket tabloids.
To celebrate her birthday...
Cyberspace - (Bare Faced Cheek Mess): Gay American Idol semi-finalist David Hernandez's nude lapdancing photos have flooded the net after appreciative fans from Phoenix's Dick's Cabaret & Strip Club mounted a spirited ca...
After weeks of relentless pressure, Duffy has agreed to pose nude for a magazine for an undisclosed fee. The details of the magazine or the photos have yet to be released, but Duffy made the announcement at a press conference yesterday.
In an incident that will take the stripping world and the musical world by storm, E! News has recently revealed* that American Idol music contestant (ex music contestant a day after this article is published)
Have you ever got Daniel Craig mixed up with Daniel Radcliffe? Thought not. One is a forty year old secret agent and the other is an eighteen year old wizard. Yet Craig seems to think that the public get mixed up between the two Daniels. He is so unh...
(Tijuana, Mexico), Enrique Gonzales, a 33 year old Mexican laborer, says he would still like to live in the United States even though his country now has a higher standard of living.
Prince Harry has just returned from Helmand Province, Afghanistan from where he has been serving on the front line of the British Army facing the Taliban, one of the most ferocious foes on this planet.
Washington AC/DC - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): NYPD officers seized dozens of gay porn videos featuring Eliot Spitzer and Capitol Hill interns just hours before the Governor's March 10 televised press conference.
California - (Bare Ass Mess): The Hills starlet Audrina Patridge has spoken about the 2003 nude porn videos that are doing the internet rounds this week showing the then underage reality TV wannabe promoting her inner talents.
Cleveland, Ohio (IPP) - Authorities report a dramatic decline in the use of steroids by athletes in baseball and other sports. Butt plugs have replaced steroid use and its inherent dangers.
The sexy BBC newsreader Kate Silverton is in trouble with her bosses after more than 2500 viewers rang the Beeb yesterday afternoon to complain that the vampish presenter's lips were "too pink", and that she was putting many of them off their lunch.
New York - (Naked Ass Mess): A naked pornographic video of France's Madame Carla Brunei is to be auctioned in New York next month.
Teenagers all across the globe have been banned from accessing magazines, televison and their computers by frustrated parents following the leaking of an image of explicit images of Miley Cyrus and Zac Efron in '...
Sacramento, California - A three-judge panel from the 2nd District Court of Appeals made it illegal on February 28 for any parent to home school their child, unless they have a teaching or tutor credential. Upon hearing the ruling, school districts o...
During a small get together of Harry Potter stars, Harry Potter himself Daniel Radcliffe and Draco Malfoy, Tom Felton, reluctantly came out of the closet.
Leona Lewis, the British songstress currently storming her way to success in the US, has admitted that she is naked under her clothes all day, every day. She even takes off those clothes at night and to have a shower.
Scandals, Scandals, Scandals! It's more about the scandals on American Idol season 7 than it is about the singing.
Crawford, Texas - (Rioters): Officials from the Keep-Texas-Wholesome Alcoholic Beverage Commission have seized 911 bottles of an illicit 75 degree proof rattle snake-infused vodka bound for Jenna Bush's Predator Chapel Ranch wedding in May.
Hannah Montanna star Miley Cyrus, and Harry Potter starlet Emma Watson, have more in common than fame and Google searches. It seems both have been victims of a Peeping Tom.
While riding her bicycle to school, thirteen year old Amanda Peterson swerved to avoid a traffic accident. The collision flipped the young girl over the bars and onto the grassy area next to the road and her bike fell onto her in a compromising posi...
Today stars of the Harry Potter film series took a well earned rest from...what ever it is they do, by going on their annual trip to the British seaside.
In a test case children's TV favourite Bob the Builder is suing black Messiah Barack Obama over what he describes as "Stealing my whole schtick"...
Know it all witch Hermione Granger has disgraced Hogwarts school by being the first pupil in a century to fall pregnant whilst attending.
Scientists in India have concluded that Indian men have the smallest penises in the world. Condom makers have been advised that they need to make mini condoms to help these poor afflicted men.
Washington, DC - In the latest attack on Obama, the Hillary Clinton political campaign alleged today that Ashley Dupré is not a real woman (or a prostitute), but a Fembot (a robotic woman) trained at a secret camp run personally by Barack Obama. Clin...
The London Marathon is to be granted a special license that will prevent runners from being prosecuted for defacating and urinating while completing the 26 mile course.
In entertainment news, tween star, Zac Efron, was reported to have gone to renowned plastic surgeon Dr. Ken Barberie, to remove a few 'wrinkles'. This minor procedure should have only taken a few minutes and relatively easy. However, it ended...
It has been revealed today that the popular Disney movie The Jungle Book is actually a true story of prostitution and bestiality.
Scientists in Plymouth have concluded that British men have the largest penises in the world. Condom makers have been advised that they need to make mega condoms to help these poor afflicted men, but they have said a straight no.
London - (Putrid Ass Mess): Paul McCartney's daughter has hit out at ex-step mother Heather Mills and told reporters she has proof Helter Skelter cultist murderer Charles Manson is Heather's real father.
Tempe, AZ - Presidential candidate John Sidney McCain angrily denounced Washington insiders and politicians in Congress, such as Senator McCain of Arizona.
It has emerge today that the chambers underneath Hogwarts school, formally known as the chamber of secrets, is getting a new name these days due to its raunchy sex reputation.
A boy with a zit large enough to be considered an environmental threat to others has had the pus-filled tumour removed, authorities in India said today.
Comedienne and entertainer Sarah Silverman is reportedly seeing actor Matt Damon. The couple first went public about the relationship on the Jimmy Kimmel show with a video clip that has become wildly popular on YouTube and other web video sites.
In the early hours of the morning news broke that staff at The White House were in a state of panic as Laura Bush's pussy had gone missing.
Yesterday Harry Potter star and teenage heart throb Daniel Radcliffe took things a little too far, fully stripping in a busy high street in London.
After long years of research, and one too many beers, the researches at Fartinston Labs finally have answered the question. Which sport hits harder Rugby or American Football. The answer is mixed but comes as this, more damage is done to a rugby pl...
Straight out of the back seat of the yellow taxi comes the overwhelming truth that has the world reeling. For a Hollywood variation Brad Pitt is now the talk of the town.
Another earthquake of a similar magnitude to that experienced in the UK this week, could split the Earth in two, say barmy scientists.
The Earth, they say, is going through volatile and unprecedented changes, and is extremely prone to another majo...
Prison Break star Wentworth Miller has beaten off rival Clint Eastwood in a live televised squinting contest watched by millions.
An insider has revealed that heart-throb movie star Tom Cruise is the gayest man in Hollywood history.
In movie news- Warner Brothers studios has put in a bid to buy the rights to Disney's High School Musical franchise. It has been reported that the WB has offered up several million dollars for High School Musical, and Disney is interested.
An associate producer for the hit TV series Prison Break has revealed some of the plot details for the latest series which is currently in production.
(Rotters) U.S. President Bush and his administration recently announced a bonus tax rebate to most American tax filers.
Brad Pitt and Leona Lewis have made a press announcement confirming that which many people have suspected for some time, that they are in the middle of a passionate affair.
Amidst all the pomp and ceremony of the French state visit by Nicolas Sarkozy and his new Mrs, Carla Brunei, cracks in their relationship are already showing. Ms Brunei delights in showing her dirty washing in public.
It has been reported that, starlet, Ashley Tisdale had been abducted by aliens.
"Ash is not pregnant with my child," heartthrob Zac Efron states. "She was abducted by one of the aliens they were using to film her new movie. The little guy got a li...
Cornwall - (Nazi Mess): The only son of Fuhrer Adolf Hitler is alive and well living in an English village and has several Grandchildren according to reports circulating on the internet.
New York - (Cheap Ass Mess): Federal agents looking for Eliot Spitzer's favorite hooker have said that 'Kirsten' as she is known is really a gay Queens transvestite contortionist called Horace Bagpus.
About 1 in 4 teenage girls, in the United States, have had at least one sexually transmitted disease according to a recent study released by the CDC.
Sun Exclusive! - Prince Phillip is said to be among the most enthusiastic bidders on the steamy photographs of Carla Bruni, slutty wife to French president Nicolas Sarkozy, which are set to be auctioned at Christie's early next month.
JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, announced today that she has started a series of "sleazy romance" novels and hopes they become as popular as Harry Potter.
Oberammergau, Austria - (Bare-Faced Cheek & Ass Mess): "We did it for a bet and a bit of a laugh, really," was all that Royal Opera House executives said initially about their remorseless downsizing of an operatic tenor's penis in a po...
Egypt - Scientists in Egypt working on the creation of a synthetic, clean burning fuel to replace fossil fuels in aid of reversing global warming discovered a solution after accidentally set fire to one of the laboratory's pet cats. They found t...
Derrick Tugstaff, 43, of Spokane USA, has put a cheeky new twist on the familiar scene of photographers snapping holidaymakers and selling the pictures back to them.
Women's football has never been so popular, with both FA Cup semi-finals played at Wembley in front of capacity crowds.
New documents have surfaced in the world of religion. Specifically, the Wicca religion. The chronicles in question, shed some light on the formation of the "world's oldest religion".
(New York, NY) New age guru and Nostradamus scholar Brynne Tick announced today the discovery of several new quatrains of the famous prophet.
Locally famous 'Pussy Whisperer' Smitch Cumstein of County County, Idaho, Nebraska yesterday had his jaw relocated after it was swiped by 'Toot Toot', a 2 year old Siamese three legged cat of minor proportions, but an excellent Forward Defensive Stro...
Professor Stephen Hawking, the cleverest man in the world, has been dubbed "an idiot" by a lady on a bus in Yorkshire, over the paraplegic's dealings with his second wife.
A strike at mousetrap factory, which has been at the center of a protest by a group of nudist workers, has finally ended with both sides agreeing to a peace deal.
Tina Louise, better known as 'Ginger' from 'Gilligan's Island', issued a statement today denouncing fellow cast mate, Dawn Wells', aka Mary Ann, drug abuse. Louise, calling from Hollywood's famous 'Home for Aged Actors...
Harry Potter actress Emma Watson, 17, has got a calling from God and now realises that she can no longer go on working on the films because she must take her place in her local convent.
Foul mouthed celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has paid Michael Jackson a reported £450,000 for the Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara, California.
(ROME) The Vatican has spoken out on the subject of the Seven Magnificent Deadly Sins, and has come up with a modernised version of 'things to go to Hell for'.
Los Angeles: American Idol contestant and future American Idol David Awwww-chuleta has already won many talent contests, regional as well as national, but the 17 year old still seems to be unaccustomed to all the media attention tha...
DURHAM -- At the halftime of the Duke-Carolina men's basketball game, Duke University will award its highest non-academic honor, the Spire Award, which recognizes those who make the significant contributions "to improving the aesthetics of t...
TV surprise hit show, Cash Cab where unsuspecting though rather rehearsed-looking passengers board a NYC cab and end up on a quiz show has captivated audiences for months now.
Nassau, Bahamas - (ReUterus): An inquest has heard how Daniel Smith, 20 year-old deceased son of Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith, had become terrified and psychotic because of his mother's enormous false breasts.
The makers of the Wonder Bra have announced a new line of Wonder Boxer Shorts for men. Dubbed the "Wonder Pants", the male underwear 'enhancer' works much the same, as it's fema...
Prison Break star Wentworth Miller won a large wager today when betting against a marginally talented writer who decided to try his hand at betting.
Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise has finally found the man he wants. The loveable Scientologist has been searching the nation for a hand masseuse to keep his delicate hands soft and "calm his raging spirit" w...
Just one day after announcing his retirement, the NFL's all-time touchdown, completion, and interception leader has announced that he is coming out of retirement.
Jeremy Clarkson has admitted today, that he never passed his driver's test. The broadcaster and TV presenter, from Oxfordshire, told the press this morning, that he failed his exam.
Washington - As this story continues to unfold, there is an ever increasing amount of suspicion aimed at the Federal government, military and intelligence agencies. While most are over joyed with the continuous outpour of seemingly endless informati...
New York - (Bare Ass Mess): Key political mysteries of the 21st century are about to be revealed with Hustler magazine's announcement today that it has signed a $5 million 10-page centerfold deal with Gov Spitzer's call girl Ashley A...
Famous fashion designer Ralph Lauren (68) thinks he has stumbled upon on a tremendous idea that will take the fashion world by storm. His is going to design special bikinis for men, the bikinis will be nicknamed the man-kini and Ralph is hoping men w...
London - (Lurid Ass Mess): Mick Jagger's ex-missus Jerry Hall has told reporters of her pubic lice horrors after the ageing rocker slept with Carla Brunei, current spouse of the French president.
The Chicago police dept has been gorging itself on deep dish pizza, Chicago Dogs and of course lots and lots of Doughnuts. As a result, they have been declared the pudgiest police in the USA. That is, until new Supt. Det. Dick Simmons brought his wor...
A very appealling film is set to begin filming this week in Plymouth, sometimes known as 'Pastietown'. The film is set to star Xena actress Lucy Lawless as an Amazonian warrior from beyond the stars.
The 2008 Boat Race gets under way this Saturday, with the news that this year's event is to be longer than in previous years, by some considerable distance, and will be rowed in the opposite direction
The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) confirmed today that Brigham Young University (BYU) has filed a racial discrimination lawsuit against the NBA. BYU's claims allege that "the NBA was reticent in hiring proportionate percenta...
Hollywood, California - Although Miley Cyrus's name change barely registering on the media's radar as a blip, Dr. Phil may have just finished taping his last show dedicated to examining the tidbits of the fractured life of yet another celebri...
Devon - (Ass Mess): "This is not some fetid sleazebag sex tourism hell-hole like Los Angeles but a beautiful, unspoilt holiday destination," a Barnstaple Rotary Club source complained today.
In entertainment news- Daniel Radcliffe's co-star, in the theater production of Equus, is suing him for child support. It appears that in one the "sex" scenes, young Daniel got a little carried away. Now his co-star has given birth to h...
London - (Chrysanthemum Puppet Throne Mess): In a surprise legal move the CIA was finally successfully subpoenaed in the Bahraini Royal Princeling v Michael Jackson lawsuit in London today.
Two men have invented a way to enhance human health and profit while doing so.
Hollywood, California (IPP) - Elephant girl will appear on American Idol this week. Stage hands are busy making preparations for the 857 pound American beauty and singing wonder.
Since the tragic disappearance of three year old Maddie McCann on 3rd May 2007, Clarence Mitchell, the McCann's Spokesman, and several well known Newspapers, have named every conceivably mode of transport, that Maddy may have been abducted in, t...
Radcliffe's squeaky clean image up in smoke.
It has been reported on all the leading TV Channels, that legendary screen Goddess Lauren Bacall, arrived yesterday at a publicity event in New York, showing rather too much cleavage.
Rumours have been circulating that teen actor Daniel Radcliffe (18) is up the duff. Yes, Pregnant.
"I am so going to be a Bugaloo!" - That's the message Orlando Bloom wants his fans to hear.
In the bid to outdo her rival Angelina Jolie - Jennifer Aniston has conned poor Mr Luke Owen into impregnating her with his very soul.
Mexico City, Mexico (IPP) - The Mexican Aeronautics and Space Administration (MASA) has successfully landed three manned and three unmanned spacecraft on the planet Mars.
(Philadelphia PA) Millions of Americans perished in flames during Earth Hour. The hour was meant to get people to conserve energy and fuel but it only led to an agonizing death for 299 million people across the country.
Dublin (What's the crack mess) An underground network of evil Irish nuns are laundering drug money obtained via Al Queda sources and sending it to French Polishers - who then funnel the money back to Ireland where the nuns use the cash to buy Dan...
In order to increase support for his waning presidential candidacy and to attract more gay and female voters, Senator Barack Obama has agreed to pose nude for Playgirl Magazine.
HOLLYWOD -- According to friends close to Jennifer Aniston, the famous actress was "solicited for a rendezvous" by Eliot Spitzer in what would have been a real-life version of the 1992 movie Honeymoon in Vegas.
Earlier today a dog walker, walking her dog in Farnham near the Harry Potter film set stumbled upon something very unexpected. She discovered the famous actor's very own psilocybin farm (commonly known as magic mushrooms)...