Funny story: IBM's Roadrunner Supercomputer goes online - Then accesses Internet Porn, downloading 80 terabytes into its memory banks

IBM's Roadrunner Supercomputer goes online - Then accesses Internet Porn, downloading 80 terabytes into its memory banks

Los Alamos, New Mexico - The new IBM Roadrunner supercomputer (capable of making 1,000 trillion calculations per second), can do in a day what it would take every man and woman on the planet working around the clock seven days a week over 40 years to...
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Funny story: Hot Hollywood Headlines - Weekly Wrap

Hot Hollywood Headlines - Weekly Wrap

- At the IAAF World Athletics Tour meeting in New York, Jamaica's Usain Bolt set a new World record for the men's 100m in a time of 9.72 seconds. Bolt said he wasn't even trying to set a record. It turns out, Bolt is a super-delegate and was just running away from Hillary Clinton.
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Funny story: Rural U.S. Takes Worst Hit as Gas Tops $4 Average

Rural U.S. Takes Worst Hit as Gas Tops $4 Average

Gas prices are starting to hit rural America the hardest, but the pain is not being felt uniformly. Across broad swaths of the South, Southwest and the upper Great Plains, the combination of low incomes, high gas prices and heavy dependence on pickup...
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Funny story: Obama and Clinton Arrested And Charged With Soliciting!

Obama and Clinton Arrested And Charged With Soliciting!

Barack Obama has been arrested along with Hilary Clinton.
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Funny story: Fraud Squad lures Bush to Windsor Castle after safety deposit vault bonanza

Fraud Squad lures Bush to Windsor Castle after safety deposit vault bonanza

London - (Ass Mess): "Gotcha, bastard!" UK Top cops are pleased as punch today. Their ruse to lure feckless Cuban-born KGB tribute artiste George W Bush on a Windsor Castle valedictory freebie is a winner.
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Funny story: Clinton Launches Bid to Recoup Losses

Clinton Launches Bid to Recoup Losses

A Washington insider confirmed today that Hillary Clinton has pulled together a coalition of high profile political women to help her recover the 11 plus million dollars she lent her own campaign in a losing bid to be the Democratic candidate for Pre...
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Funny story: Obama Campaign Employs Unique Media Approach

Obama Campaign Employs Unique Media Approach

Washington DC: Now that Senator Clinton is on board to lend her support to the Obama campaign, communication strategists can concentrate on getting Senator Obama's message out.
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Funny story: Biggest Robbery In British History

Biggest Robbery In British History

The biggest robbery in British history occurred earlier this week, as thieves made off with the astonishing amount of £3.2 billion, dwarfing such robberies as the Brinks-Mat one. Police are uncertain as to how this was pulled off, but are questioning...
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Funny story: Kung Fu Panda, Zohan Lead Box Office Youth Movement

Kung Fu Panda, Zohan Lead Box Office Youth Movement

(La La Land, CA) - For the first time in weeks, geriatric action heroes and old ladies having sex took a back seat to kids who just wanted a crappy movie they could laugh at while getting stoned, as the American box office was ass-kicked into submiss...
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Funny story: American Dentists Association claims Obama victory

American Dentists Association claims Obama victory

Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama owes his entire White House campaign victory to brilliant restorative dentistry according to the US Dentists Association which has voted his smile as his most con...
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Funny story: Pure Bollocks!

Pure Bollocks!

Whats the score with mens bollocks? Why on earth did God decide to have them hanging loose where they are easily knocked?...
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Funny story: Leeds United latest - Can they be saved?

Leeds United latest - Can they be saved?

Concern was mounting amongst fish and animal lovers amongst others today after the tank temperature of the fish in the Leeds United board room fish tanks plummeted by 15 degree points. Fish are said to be hardy and able to withstand changes in fortu...
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Funny story: Wayne Rooney IS worth 5 NHS Nurses annual salaries a week

Wayne Rooney IS worth 5 NHS Nurses annual salaries a week

A major report issued by some very influential people who know an awful lot about these things, has revealed that footballer Wayne Rooney is worth every penny of the salary he is paid, currently the equivalent in one week to the annual salary of 5 qu...
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Funny story: News Blackout Due To Excessive Bad News

News Blackout Due To Excessive Bad News

News stations around the world observed a self-imposed news ban today after several breaking news stories signalled the worst day of news in the history of news reporting.
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Funny story: Micro Machine Solves Gender Imbalance

Micro Machine Solves Gender Imbalance

Nano-technologists have created a washing machine so small it can be fitted into a nose piercing stud. The breakthrough has come after years of painstaking research into the problems associated with getting clothes into the door. Detergent levels...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton's interview with Burma's General Than Shwe

Paris Hilton's interview with Burma's General Than Shwe

(Yangon) - Celebutante, singer, song writer, model, actress, tabletop dancer, humanitarian and international diplomat the georgeous Paris Hilton has managed to obtain an exclusive interview with Burma's reclusive strongman General Than Shwe. Paris...
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Funny story: Big Brother Housemate Is On The Run From Terror Police

Big Brother Housemate Is On The Run From Terror Police

Big Brother 9 got off to an 'explosive start' last Thursady with the news that one of the housemates, is actually an Islamic Fundamentalist on the run from Terror Police.
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Funny story: Isle Of Man TT Latest: Records (And Other Things) Broken

Isle Of Man TT Latest: Records (And Other Things) Broken

The Isle of Man TT Race finished yesterday with the usual worries from locals about the dangers involved proving unfounded in this, the most dangerous race in the Isle of Man sporting calendar.
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Funny story: Obama Gives Away Jerusalem to the Jews!

Obama Gives Away Jerusalem to the Jews!

In his speech before a US Jewish organization, Barack Hussein Obama wanted to reassure his audience that they had nothing to fear from a Presidential candidate whose name sounds like it came off a terrorist watch list.
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Funny story: Competitors Heed Obama Supporters' Advice; Quit When You Are Behind!

Competitors Heed Obama Supporters' Advice; Quit When You Are Behind!

Marathoners are dropping out, MLB catchers are refusing to suit up in the late innings and whole teams are waking off the field as soon as they realize that they have no chance to win. For most of human competitive history, it has been customary for...
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Funny story: Oil not slavery the real cause for the Civil War

Oil not slavery the real cause for the Civil War

Historians on Tuesday discovered a missing diary belonging to a Union Officer describing the real reasons for going to war with the South.
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Funny story: Big Brown, Latest Low Cholesterol Pet Food!

Big Brown, Latest Low Cholesterol Pet Food!

Kentucky Derby Dog Food Inc has diversified to include the new Breeders' Cupful, a fertility and sexsual stimulating animal feed and now Big Brown, a low cholesterol doggie treat made from big brown horse meat. The upstart company is not without...
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Funny story: Japanese snow monkeys commit mass seppuku in protest of habitat loss

Japanese snow monkeys commit mass seppuku in protest of habitat loss

Carrying out what is believed to be a perfectly planned and orchestrated move, 25,000 macaques across Japan ritually disembowelled themselves at lunch time yesterday, to protest the ongoing destruction of their habitat.
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Funny story: Exxon to give away a SUV with each fill up

Exxon to give away a SUV with each fill up

Top Exxon executives announced today that they have come up with a plan that will give a SUV with each fill up, a move that top brass says is their way to give back to the American people.
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Funny story: Easy-Bake Ovens Cause of Phoenix Lander Failure

Easy-Bake Ovens Cause of Phoenix Lander Failure

Scientists have confirmed that the first sample of Martian dirt dumped onto the opening of the Phoenix lander's tiny testing oven failed to work like mommy's grown-up oven as expected causing many of the younger scientists to break down and c...
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Funny story: Global Food Summit in Rome

Global Food Summit in Rome

The Global Food Crisis Summit was held in Rome, Italy this past week. Agricultural ministers, medical experts, and political activists from around the world convened in the Eternal City to resolve the present worldwide food crisis. Below is a copy of the first day's schedule of lectures and activities that have been sponsored by the United Nation's Food and Agriculture Organization.
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Funny story: Phoenix Lands on Mars, Discovers Oil

Phoenix Lands on Mars, Discovers Oil

LBJ Space Center, Houston TX: Engineers waited patiently for the telemetry signal to be received that indicated the Phoenix Mars Lander (PML) had touched down safely.
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Funny story: Federer Retaliates for Loss to Nadal in Men's Shower

Federer Retaliates for Loss to Nadal in Men's Shower

Paris - It was a stunning performance by Rafael Nadal. Nobody has as thoroughly whiped the court with Roger Federer in any recent years as he did to day on the red clay of Roland Garros. Even though he once again appeared to try and take a bite out h...
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Funny story: Hudd and his Gland-son have a heated exchange!

Hudd and his Gland-son have a heated exchange!

Irksome Music Hall warm-up man and Broadcaster Roy Hudd had a nasty surprise a few days ago when his mischievous grandson Barnaby replaced a can of Ball-freshener with Deep Heat.
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja On Imagery

Grandpa Ganja On Imagery

We live in remarkable times, but they're also complicated times. Nothing is as simple as it once was. Take cars, for example. There was a time when a car was a fairly simple machine, one that could be understood by just about anybody who owned a pair of pliers and some baling wire. You ever look at a Model A engine? There's nothing there. An engine block, a few wires, some spark plugs and...
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