Funny story: Women Told They Were Too Old To Go In Bar

Women Told They Were Too Old To Go In Bar

The 15-strong group, a mixture of middle-aged women and their daughters, had enjoyed a meal together before wandering over to the Crown Bar in Leeds. As soon as they reached the doorway they were told they could only go inside if they were 35 or y...
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Funny story: England cricketers quit Indian tour

England cricketers quit Indian tour

CONTROVERSY surrounds the decision by the England cricket squad to abandon their Indian tour after fears were raised for their safety. The series started badly when Ryan "Runny" Sidebottom was ruled out of the rest of the tour due to sustaining a...
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Funny story: Snowfall Affected By Credit Crunch

Snowfall Affected By Credit Crunch

Winter arrived early in many parts of the UK today, with snow falling across the country, but weather experts say snowfalls were lighter than expected, and have possibly been affected by the worldwide economic and financial crisis, known chillingly a...
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Funny story: Freddie Starr's Hamster Ate Mine, Says Neighbour

Freddie Starr's Hamster Ate Mine, Says Neighbour

RSPCA inspectors were called in to an emergency this week, when a man living next-door to ex-comedian Freddie Starr claimed his hamster had been eaten by one belonging to the faded comic. Hubert Umbro, 79, told the pet-lovers that he had allowed h...
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Funny story: Son Attacks Dad With Christmas Tree

Son Attacks Dad With Christmas Tree

Police say a Florida man who lives with his parents has been charged with attacking his father with a Christmas tree and its metal stand. According to the Manatee County sheriff's report, 37-year-old Thomas Edward Backie was arrested and charged...
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Funny story: Freddie Starr Eaten By Hamster

Freddie Starr Eaten By Hamster

Freddie Starr, the 'comedian' who was once reported by the Sun newspaper to have eaten a hamster, has, himself, become the unfortunate victim of one of the playful rodents, it has been rumoured. Starr was sitting in the back garden of his home in...
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Funny story: Hull City given Champions League spot!

Hull City given Champions League spot!

Following the collapse late last night of Chelsea Football Club after the sudden and unfortunate death of Mr. Roman Abramovich, UEFA have announced that the team drawn out of the hat to recieve the blue's Champions League history and current place in...
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Funny story: Biff Baff Blair!

Biff Baff Blair!

I'm A "Celebrity" loner David Van Day has revealed the true reason behind his weird personality... his true identity is the one and only former Prime Minister of England and Wales Tony Blair! Yes, the character, who thrilled the British public eve...
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Funny story: Confucius: The Return of The Original Chinese Punster

Confucius: The Return of The Original Chinese Punster

BRISBANE, Australia - Noted Australian author and koala bear breeder, Panpandie Birdwood-Boongala has just written a follow-up book to her best seller, 'Hardly Known and Pretty Much Almost Forgotten Sayings By The Chinese Master Known As Confucius.'...
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Funny story: Sports Logo Caskets Now Available

Sports Logo Caskets Now Available

One company is now catering to the many sports fans by manufacturing signature caskets with their favorite sports team's logo on the side. Eternal Image of Illinois, which has a licensing agreement with Major League Baseball, recently has delive...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton Is Suing Herself

Paris Hilton Is Suing Herself

The December issue of the infamous celebrity publication, American Paparazzi Illustrated Magazine has just hit the news stands. Paris Hilton is featured on the magazine's cover. In a rather strange turn of events, Miss Hilton has hired famed attorney to the stars, Giselle Ogelsby. Miss Ogelsby has been hired to sue Paris Hilton. When contacted by phone, Miss Hilton's attorney said, "Yes, yo...
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Funny story: Santa Claus asks Congress for Christmas Bailout

Santa Claus asks Congress for Christmas Bailout

Washington D.C. Visitors to the nation's capitol were treated to an unusual sight Wednesday morning as an airborne sleigh powered by eight tiny reindeer and piloted by a short bearded fat man in a red suit landed on the roof the Capitol building.
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Funny story: Your Mother's a Fat Slag

Your Mother's a Fat Slag

It's official - well, according to 13-year old little Jimmy Brennan it is. The pubic-faced ginger nonce has confirmed that Tony Smith's mother is a slag - and a fat one at that. The troublesome teen made the bold statement round the back of the bi...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus To Join Benny Hill, Stan Laurel And Oliver Hardy In 'On The Buses' Remake!

Miley Cyrus To Join Benny Hill, Stan Laurel And Oliver Hardy In 'On The Buses' Remake!

Cryogenics and digital editing have enabled teen sensation Miley Cyrus, to star in a $200 dollar remake of 'On the Buses'. The sexy teen who bears no resemblence to Hilary Duff will replace Ana Karen as Olive. Producers state "While age has been u...
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Funny story: Somalia's Pirates Buy Tanks, Jets and Nukes

Somalia's Pirates Buy Tanks, Jets and Nukes

A Ukrainian ship supposedly seized by pirates off the coast of Somalia was carrying battle tanks, fighter jets and tactical nuclear weapons, the Ukrainian defence ministry has confirmed. Earlier, the country's foreign ministry said the ship and i...
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Funny story: Chevron's General Jones warned of Mumbai UFO 'rising from the sea'

Chevron's General Jones warned of Mumbai UFO 'rising from the sea'

Mumbai - (X-Files Mess): Top Pentagon official General James Jones repeatedly warned India's military intelligence ministry that a UFO mothership would 'rise from the sea' ahead of last week's terrorist bloodbath. But the tipoff failed to stop the...
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Funny story: New Terms Coined

New Terms Coined

Many phrases within the English Language are said to be re-thought due to the Credit Crunch. The saying 'You can't afford to miss this' when in reference to Television or a bargain product will become 'You can probably live very well without this'...
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Funny story: Just the Dickens

Just the Dickens

Holborn England, In a coincidental juxtaposition, that even Charles Dickens could appreciate, a written manuscript, by him, dropped from a hidden drawer in his old desk, just in time for Christmas. Not only is it an unpublished, unknown novel writ...
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Funny story: More Tory misery as councillor quits cabinet amid former IRA membership disclosure

More Tory misery as councillor quits cabinet amid former IRA membership disclosure

London - (Cold War Ass Mess): UK anti-terror cops are having another brilliant week following the resignation of a former top Provisional IRA slapper who has masquaraded as a Tory councillor and Croydon Council's education chief for the last six year...
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Funny story: The Great Porn Clean-up

The Great Porn Clean-up

The citizens committee to clean up New York's porn-infested areas continued its series of rallies today, as a huge, throbbing, pulsating crowd sprang erect from nowhere and forced its way into the steaming nether regions surrounding the glistening, sweating intersection of Eighth Avenue and Forty-second Street. Thrusting, driving, pushing its way into the usually receptive neighborhood, the ex...
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Funny story: Seaworld Buys Venice

Seaworld Buys Venice

Venice, Italy - In the wake of this week's devastating floods, Italy's most romantic tourist city has been sold to Seaworld. Mayor of Venice, Backupo Sewero held a press conference in flooded St Mark's Square to make the dramatic announcement.
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Funny story: Ugandan Women Use Breasts To Rob Foreign Travelers

Ugandan Women Use Breasts To Rob Foreign Travelers

Police in Unganda have released a warning to travelers about criminal gangs in the country that use women to lure men into sexual trysts in order to rob them after they are rendered unconscious with chloroform smeared over the women's breasts. Po...
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Funny story: Queen witnessed rehearsing new speech tactics

Queen witnessed rehearsing new speech tactics

During the early hours of this morning. MR Tap, a local postman for the area witnessed Her Majesty performing what can only be described as a 'Bizarre and vicious rehearsal' for her new angle on the annual gibberish spouted during Christmas lunch.
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Funny story: Santa Warned By Health And Safety Executive - Christmas Expected To Drag On For Months

Santa Warned By Health And Safety Executive - Christmas Expected To Drag On For Months

The Health And Safety Executive today issued a stern warning to Santa Claus, to the effect that that he must desist from utilising unsafe practices whilst conducting his annual present delivering bonanza. 'We're not having him driving his sleigh t...
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Funny story: Supermarket Giant Puts Bush Meat On The The Menu For Poverty Stricken Brits

Supermarket Giant Puts Bush Meat On The The Menu For Poverty Stricken Brits

London, England - A delegation of workers from a leading supermarket chain is claiming that their bosses are to introduce African bush meat onto British supermarket shelves in the run up to Christmas. 'They say it's a cheap source of protein,' sai...
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Funny story: Married men live longer

Married men live longer

In a recent study by John Lennon University, Liverpool, it was shown that married men live on average seven years longer than their unmarried but dating counterparts. This outweighs any early deaths from being overweight, drinking too much or smoking...
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Funny story: Obama Naked

Obama Naked

Washington -- President Barack Oblama is considering naked meetings in the oval office and will ask all staff to remove all items of clothing aimed at creating "greener white house". Obama wants to enact a naked plan soon after his dogs inaugurat...
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Funny story: Claus plc. in receivership

Claus plc. in receivership

After several days of uncertainty, Claus plc. was today in the hands of receivers D'Toilette and Down. The UK institution with it's iconic Father Christmas brand appears to be well and truly stuffed. Dating back to the 1920's Claus was set up in the...
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Funny story: Little Tommy trades his Batman sheets for Princess Barbie

Little Tommy trades his Batman sheets for Princess Barbie

Little Tommy Wallerby had quite the outing on December 1, 2008. The four-year-old tyke's West Vancouver parents were a little put off when their belligerent son requested Princess Barbie sheets during a recent family shopping trip to Wal Mart.
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Funny story: Alien Ship Lands on White House Lawn; Claims Bush Phoned Home

Alien Ship Lands on White House Lawn; Claims Bush Phoned Home

With all of the attention focused on the next White House boarder, the media almost missed the landing of an alien spaceship on the White House lawn. But not for long! Who could miss the whirring sounds and blinking lights? The slowly descendin...
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Funny story: Minnie Mouse to sue Mickey over recent birthday celebrations

Minnie Mouse to sue Mickey over recent birthday celebrations

It has been revealed that Minnie Mouse, outraged by being ignored and left out of Mickey's 80th Birthday celebrations, has taken out a writ against her partner of 70 years in an attempt to balance the popularity ledger and maintain her significant pr...
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Funny story: Royals Fail Housing Lie Detector Test; Buckingham Looks for New Tenants

Royals Fail Housing Lie Detector Test; Buckingham Looks for New Tenants

With most british politicians putting pressure on the costly welfare state in this time of economic crisis, the royal family must have felt that it needed to join forces with the pile on the poor mob. So the Queen demanded that all beneficiaries of g...
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Funny story: Aspartame Approved for Use in Pools

Aspartame Approved for Use in Pools

EMMAUS, Penn. Ben Dover, of Emmaus has reported that he has been using aspartame in his pool now instead of chlorine for about a year now. "It saves us a lot of money,and my dog likes to lick it off me when I get out of the pool. We had our water...
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Funny story: Aspartame Approved for Water Treatment Plants

Aspartame Approved for Water Treatment Plants

PHILADELPHIA - People ordering sodas in diners around town are very pleased to report, "No more chlorine taste in the soda". Sodas (pop to us out West) have tasted terrible in this town due to all the chlorine used to kill germs in the water. No...
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Funny story: Barney Frank Proposes New Patriot Act

Barney Frank Proposes New Patriot Act

Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) introduced a new Patriot Act in the House Tuesday. Unlike the original legislation, this one is focused on the New England Patriots instead of on terrorism. "At a time when the federal government is bailing out a va...
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Funny story: The Jonas Brothers to play sisters in Off Broadway musical reproduction of "Madame Butterfly"

The Jonas Brothers to play sisters in Off Broadway musical reproduction of "Madame Butterfly"

New York, New York - Eager to make inroads into the acting profession and eventually feature films, the Joan Bothers announced today that they would be staring in an Off Broadway reproduction of "Madame Butterfly". The classic musical of forbidden lo...
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Funny story: Rosie O'Donnell's version of a New Variety Show "Rosie Live" canceled

Rosie O'Donnell's version of a New Variety Show "Rosie Live" canceled

Hollywood, California - Promoted to the tune of a catchy jingle that promised viewers that if they tuned into the new variety show "Rosie Live" hosted by Rosie O'Donnell they could expect a train wrack or meltdown of controversy was dropped by NBC to...
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Funny story: Wenger "did not zee" entire Arsenal match

Wenger "did not zee" entire Arsenal match

THE ARSENAL manager, Arsene Wenger, was unable to explain his youthful sides defeat to lowly Burnley in tonights Carling Cup quarter-final clash at Turf Moor. When asked if goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski should have done better after he spilled the b...
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Funny story: Intl Space Station performs first man-made miracle on its own: turning Urine into Water

Intl Space Station performs first man-made miracle on its own: turning Urine into Water

Houston, Texas - NASA's new 'water recycling' system converts a once discarded human waste product, urine, into a life sustaining renewable resource, turning an outhouse into outpost at the very frontier of boundless space aboard the Intl Space Stati...
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Funny story: BNP Intimidation To Blame For Arsenal Exit

BNP Intimidation To Blame For Arsenal Exit

Arsenal FC representatives tonight blamed the BNP and a pan-continental conspiracy on their ignominious exit from the the Carling Cup at the hands of unfashionable underdogs, Burnley. 'It's been hell up here,' an Arsenal official said. 'It's freez...
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