Funny story: NASA Says Oprah Major Menace To Earth

NASA Says Oprah Major Menace To Earth

Washington DC-- NASA scientist rang the alarm bells today about Oprah Winfrey. They are very concerned about her weight and believe she threatens the Earth. The talk-show queen's weight has ballooned since the election. Her estimated weight is now...
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Funny story: Hull City Fan Predicts Anfield Win

Hull City Fan Predicts Anfield Win

Hull City, the 'Premiership newboys', its 'young pretenders', and 'relegation favourites', take on League leaders Liverpool at Anfield tomorrow, and will win, according to Tigers fan, Paula McKenna. Paula, who has been following City for more than...
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Funny story: UFO Lands On Man's Head

UFO Lands On Man's Head

A man in Gloucester had the scariest moment of his life yesterday, when an unidentified flying object - known as a UFO - landed on his head whilst he was taking cuttings from some roses in his garden. Thomas Giro, 58, had been about his business f...
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Funny story: Artist Sends Decorated Christmas Tree Balls To White House

Artist Sends Decorated Christmas Tree Balls To White House

The White House will not display a set of Christmas tree ornaments that calls for President George W. Bush's impeachment and also that of Vice President Cheney. The ornaments were made by artist Bedorah Flatulance, who says she wanted to honor Rep...
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Funny story: Mastermind To Replace Black Chair With Electric Chair

Mastermind To Replace Black Chair With Electric Chair

Mastermind, the quiz show made famous by Icelander Magnus Magnusson, has been at the cutting edge of 'clever entertainment' for 30 years, with contestants pitting their wits against each other, in the spotlight, sitting in the uncomfortable Black Lea...
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Funny story: Man Cannot Live by Bread alone, claims God

Man Cannot Live by Bread alone, claims God

God's been talking more bollox and this time it's about foodstuffs. The divine being was waiting in line at the local supermarket when he suddenly began preaching in his usual demented manner. He said that man cannot live by bread alone - which is...
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Funny story: Vanessa Hudgens' Ass Smells - Friends Complain about stepping in piles of Shit at her House and foul stench on her furniture

Vanessa Hudgens' Ass Smells - Friends Complain about stepping in piles of Shit at her House and foul stench on her furniture

Vanessa Hudgens' ass problems just keep on getting worse! Now her closest friends are publicly complaining about the stench and the large amounts of of sticky shit that covers that stars carpets and furniture. It's now gone out of all control that...
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Funny story: Obama Economic Plan: Auction Congressional Seats On eBay?

Obama Economic Plan: Auction Congressional Seats On eBay?

(Chicago-Illinois) In the shadow of current Illinois Governor (and soon to be sharing living space with a 300 pound White Aryan Nation member named Pile Driver) Blagojevich's FBI investigation, the Obama Economic Team is alleged to have proposed a pl...
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Funny story: Wallace And Gromit All Set To Restore Feel Good Factor

Wallace And Gromit All Set To Restore Feel Good Factor

In the midst of these recession hit times, it's consoling to know that the BBC is doing it's bit to help our ailing economy. Wallace and Gromit will return to our screens on Christmas day, filling a gap left vacant by Morecambe and Wise many years...
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Funny story: Much Wringing Of Hands And Many Tears As Carol Vorderman And Countdown Part Company

Much Wringing Of Hands And Many Tears As Carol Vorderman And Countdown Part Company

'It's the end of an era,' bemoaned a Geordie today as Carol Vorderman made her final appearance on words and numbers TV gameshow, Countdown. 'She's been treated so shabbily by C4, I'm sorry, It's so emotional.' In scenes reminiscent of the Wailing...
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Funny story: Woman Smuggles Monkey Into Country

Woman Smuggles Monkey Into Country

A Spokane woman who hid a sedated monkey under her blouse on a flight from Thailand to Los Angeles - pretending she was pregnant, although the monkey moved about - has been convicted of smuggling charges. Jemsy Dawson, 27, successfully passed thr...
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Funny story: Ex...communication. Yada ya...

Ex...communication. Yada ya...

Greetings earthlings; this is yet another of my very entertaining and highly informative ramblings, imbued with a virtual plethora of yada yas. I know how very excited you all are to be reading this ramble.....I can see that your middle finger is poised precariously over that delete key....well don't even think about it, or I give your name to Scarpo. You all know Scarpo right?..no,..well thats y...
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Funny story: Greater Manchester Says NO to Con Charge

Greater Manchester Says NO to Con Charge

Greater Manchester has said a resounding NO to the congestion charge, with nearly eighty percent of voters giving a negative on their ballot paper. After spending £34million on the Vote Yes Campaign and sending out the and receiving the ballot pap...
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Funny story: New Federal Holiday Proposed

New Federal Holiday Proposed

Washington DC: Congress is considering a new Federal holiday that would provide an additional three day weekend, help Americans live better and clean up their surroundings. Environmental and health activists have suggested several possibilities...
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Funny story: A Virtual Muslim World?

A Virtual Muslim World?

Have you ever wondered what it's like being a Muslim? Well here's your chance... A new game, based loosely on other virtual worlds such as The Sims, has just been launched in time for Christmas. Its aim is help non-Muslims understand the world of...
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Funny story: Jonathan Ross Rushed Off His Feet At Woolworth Check-out !

Jonathan Ross Rushed Off His Feet At Woolworth Check-out !

Celebrity scrounger Jonathan Woss, was rushed off his feet yesterday, as Woolworth slashed their prices by 2%. Ross, 51, was fined guilty of sitting on his arse and swearing with his mates, by the British Television Licence Payer. The BBC managem...
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Funny story: General Motors To Begin Making Toy Cars

General Motors To Begin Making Toy Cars

DETROIT (FMLiveWire)- The failure on Thursday of a congressional rescue package for the U.S. auto industry has made General Motors Corp. (GM) decide to shift production to toy cars. GM said it was "disappointed" by the Senate's rejection of $14 bi...
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Funny story: Police Are F*ckwits, Say de Menezes Jurors

Police Are F*ckwits, Say de Menezes Jurors

The jurors in the Jean Charles de Menezes Murder Inquiry have returned an open verdict on the killing, but has called members of the Metropolitan Police "liars" and "f*ckwits". Mr de Menezes, a mere electrician, was shot an amazing SEVEN times in...
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Funny story: Dalai Lama Calls for 'World Fleece'

Dalai Lama Calls for 'World Fleece'

In an annual holiday speech, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, planned to speak on many topics affecting countries and people all over the world. Prepared for him by a collaborative team of political speech writers and theologians, the 20 minute emotiona...
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Funny story: Now Police are Looking For 16 Cardiff City Fans

Now Police are Looking For 16 Cardiff City Fans

Police today announced a new Manhunt releasing photographs of 16 Cardiff City "Fans" who sang vile Racist and Homophobic abuse directed at Sol Campbell during the FA Cup Final in May 2008. A spokesman said; "These 16 so-called Fans have been ident...
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Funny story: Second Exerpt From "Found" Dickens Christmas Carol

Second Exerpt From "Found" Dickens Christmas Carol

"It is probably wise dear reader, to keep the continuity, to read from the beginning...which is here..." After several turns, like a dog finding his place, he sat down again, adjusting a cheek for release of his stomach's affluence. As he lolled his head back in the chair, his glance happened to rest upon a cane, a disused cane, perhaps one of Tiny Tims old canes, this one left in the corne...
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Funny story: Police Support Worker to Sue for Shooting

Police Support Worker to Sue for Shooting

A civilian support worker who was shot during a police firearms 'Double-Tap the Terrorist' training session is to sue the force over the incident. The unnamed civilian employee (Mikas Konstipatus) was injured last May at the Smegmadale-on-Sea Extr...
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Funny story: Woolworth-less sh*t!

Woolworth-less sh*t!

It's the most successful day of trading in Woolworth history today! With a load of debt from living in credit, the Woolworth-less head crackpots have hit on a goldmine with a clever marketing scam aimed at the dim-witted. Theresa (16), single moth...
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Funny story: Sol Campbell Angry With The Police Now

Sol Campbell Angry With The Police Now

(Football Agent) Sky Andrews : "Hello Is that Johnny Cochrane?, It's Sky here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, The Police are fucking useless, they've published 16 Photographs of the Homophobic Racists that abused Sol Campbell and they've only found 2, and one of them was the fucking Ball Boy, and well Sol is very upset if he was a Straight White Man they would have got them...
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Funny story: Blagojevich's Lament

Blagojevich's Lament

What Makes The Illinois Governor Wake Up at Night in a Cold, Wet Sweat When the Demons Come There once was a Governor named Blagojevich Whose well-oiled politics hummed till there came a glitch He tried a Senate seat to sell For that he may be going to jail Where he'll oil his cell-mates' backs whenever they get an itch.
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Funny story: Marley to Head Grinch Committee

Marley to Head Grinch Committee

Washington--The U.S. Senate has announced the appointment of a sub committee, Government Research Into Nonessential Christmas Habits (GRINCH) to be headed by Senator Jacob Marley. The committee of three wise Senators, plan to visit the Holy land, North Pole and Lapland. Among the organizations and interested parties expected to testify with their concerns, are: Federal Aviation Administration (...
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Funny story: Ferguson Backs Rooney Investigation

Ferguson Backs Rooney Investigation

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has backed the calls for an investigation into stamping allegations levelled at Wayne Rooney during the Reds' Champions League match with Aalborg on Wednesday. Rooney is alleged to have trodden on the ch...
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Funny story: Santa Exposed

Santa Exposed

Santa Claus was exposed as a fraud today by a school teacher in Liverpool. The young teacher, Miss Take, shocked the pupils in her charge when she announced that Santa Claus was fictitious to a class of six and seven year old children. She shatter...
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Funny story: Ann Coulter has Jaw Wired Shut

Ann Coulter has Jaw Wired Shut

Liberals everywhere rejoiced at the new that Ann Coulter had her jaw wired shut. It turns out that the right-wing hate monger broke her money maker and had to have it immobilized. Victims of her scathing, anti-left books and speeches came out of t...
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Funny story: The Pittsburgh Pirates Are Moving To Somalia

The Pittsburgh Pirates Are Moving To Somalia

PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - Well after months of speculation, Pittsburgh Pirates owner and vice executive assistant director of minor league operations in Latin America, Jamison Desmond Bidwell, has confirmed that the Pittsburgh Pirates are in fact mo...
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Funny story: German Chancellor Merkel May Have Become the Next W

German Chancellor Merkel May Have Become the Next W

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, you may remember, experienced a strange touch from GW Bush that sent her into a rather obvious little fit of revulsion. The clearly unwelcomed contact had been long forgotten until the recent positions of Ms Merk...
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Funny story: UK Peacekeepers Redeploy as International Undertakers

UK Peacekeepers Redeploy as International Undertakers

British and German international peacekeepers have informed the EU and the desperate people of the Congo that they have chosen to retrain as morticians and gravediggers. The UK General in charge of the peacekeeping forces for the EU, Gen Hennie E...
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Funny story: Ciggies "Under the Counter" move.

Ciggies "Under the Counter" move.

A series of what are decribed as "mild" initiatives are tipped to reach the statute book early next year. With a view to making it more difficult to aquire cigarettes, the following are likely to enter the statute book. Cigarettes will only be...
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Funny story: No More Effin' & Jeffin'

No More Effin' & Jeffin'

A 'swearing in public' ban has been introduced by Smegmadale Borough Council in the run-up to Christmas, which councillors say will be maintained into the New Year to try and eliminate the town's reputation as Asbo Central. The effin' and jeffin'...
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Funny story: Rumsfeld Blames Exposure to Bush Family as Cause of his Tolerance of Torture Syndrome

Rumsfeld Blames Exposure to Bush Family as Cause of his Tolerance of Torture Syndrome

Former First US Grand Inquisitor, Donald Rumsfeld has confessed to his involvement in approving and encouraging the use of torture on POW's. Like many shameless criminals, Rummie has hired a team of psychiatrist to say thst he suffers from TOT, Toler...
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Funny story: Obama Claims that He Cannot Even Speak Blagojevich

Obama Claims that He Cannot Even Speak Blagojevich

Barack Obama has been insisting that he and his staff have had no contact with Illin' Guv Rod and his Senatorial Auction Block. Murmurrings across Chicago and Washington have cast a pale over the President-Elect's claims (Shadow is now on the lis...
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Funny story: President Bush receives phone call from Santa Claus

President Bush receives phone call from Santa Claus

The President of the United States, George W Bush, today received a telemarketing call from none other than the jolly fat bloke in the red suit, yes, Santa Claus. In what is believed to be a world first, Santa Claus has decided to ask people pers...
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Funny story: Roger Dodgers Family Claims "New" Orgasmic Birth is Old Hat in their Fam

Roger Dodgers Family Claims "New" Orgasmic Birth is Old Hat in their Fam

Orgasmic birth seems to be all the rage with a rash of books and films touting labor and delivery as the height of passionate sex. The din has reached such a peak that women who fail to climax while bring junior into the world are suffering from fear...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin to Star as Roxie in New Chicago Musical

Sarah Palin to Star as Roxie in New Chicago Musical

Windy City, Illinois - Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's star-power has landed her the leading role in a new production of the hit musical Chicago. The most Googled person in the universe is to star in a remake of the gangster musical that will be lo...
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Funny story: New Dictionary To Include Numbers As Well

New Dictionary To Include Numbers As Well

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Mearriam-Webster Books Incorporated has announced that the new 2010 editions of their best-selling dictionary will include a complete list of numbers, from 1 to 100,000 featured in the edition. "You can imagine how t...
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