Funny story: Bush to Minions: Save My Legacy

Bush to Minions: Save My Legacy

Washington, D.C. - With the Iraq war going badly and Afghanistan slipping back into Taliban control, President Bush has given notice that his legacy must be rescued by winning a war. Senior administration officials announced today that the President...
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Funny story: Pyramid Schemes Updated to Reflect New Food Pyramid Guidelines

Pyramid Schemes Updated to Reflect New Food Pyramid Guidelines

Grand Rapids, MI- In a move that pyramid schemers around the world agree will help them keep pace with changing times, new schemes are being arranged to reflect the updated USDA food guide pyramid.
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Funny story: Secret Report By Israeli Intelligence Proves Speaker Nancy Pelosi Bankrolled Al Qaeda

Secret Report By Israeli Intelligence Proves Speaker Nancy Pelosi Bankrolled Al Qaeda

A shocking report released today by the Israeli Intelligence Agency Mossad, seems to offer definitive proof that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (Democrat-Peoples Republic of San Francisco) funded the purchase of arms by Al Qaeda through the earmar...
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Funny story: New lung medicine worries police

New lung medicine worries police

While developing an aerosol to break down tars in smokers' repiratory tracts, researchers at the University of Maryland Munich Campus in Germany discovered an unexpected side effect that has raised some controversy.
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Funny story: Virgie Arthur triumphant as Anna Nicole judge caught on the pot

Virgie Arthur triumphant as Anna Nicole judge caught on the pot

Stanley Goldman Park, Hollywood, Fla. -(Ass Mess): Another twist of fate has struck the epic Anna Nicole Smith saga as Judge Lawrence Korda was caught spliffin' up in the Florida sunshine this weekend by Stanley Goldman Park cops on routine patro...
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Funny story: Rigor mortis feigning pandemic hits British Airways

Rigor mortis feigning pandemic hits British Airways

Heathrow Airport - (Ass Press): The UK civil aviation industry is under seige with a pandemic of terminal rigor mortis feigning after canny passengers discovered British Airways' policy of automatically upgrading corpses to first class travel on...
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Funny story: Polar Bears Agree To Settle Suit Against Publisher of Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth"

Polar Bears Agree To Settle Suit Against Publisher of Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth"

Ms. Edith Weenie-Tickler, Vice President of Rodale, publisher of Al Gore's book "An Invonvenient Truth", was pleased as she announced the terms of the negotiated settlement with the Polar Bears that had sued her firm f...
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Funny story: Swastika slave girls in Argentina's no escape brothel camps

Swastika slave girls in Argentina's no escape brothel camps

Buenos Aries- The proud Argentine nation may be best known for the Tango, Evita, beef and cheating soccer midgets.
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Funny story: Disease Halts Inadequate Musicians

Disease Halts Inadequate Musicians

LAS VEGAS--Several individuals with various disabling ailments are slowly fighting back after it became apparent than no one cares about them. The focus of the group who is calling themselves SEA, Surely and Eventually Able, will be drawing attention...
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Funny story: Playboy buys Pottery magazine for 120 million dollars

Playboy buys Pottery magazine for 120 million dollars

They say a lot can be lost in translation and this weeks acquisition of a Swedish pottery magazine by Hugh Hefner's Playboy Corporation proves that even huge multinationals can be caught out.
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Funny story: Paris Hilton Breasts Too Big Body Too Thin Headline Dilemma

Paris Hilton Breasts Too Big Body Too Thin Headline Dilemma

AMANDA MANNING Paris Hilton was spotted leaving for Arena nightclub in Hollywood looking like she hit curvaceous puberty while at the same time starving herself to get that too thin figure to make her breasts look
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Funny story: Bush Asks for Patience, "Waiting will win the war in Iraq."

Bush Asks for Patience, "Waiting will win the war in Iraq."

American President George W. Bush now insists that 'patience' is the key to success in Iraq.
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Funny story: Bob Woolmer Dies Of Cricket

Bob Woolmer Dies Of Cricket

Cricket fans the world over, today mourned the passing of a truly world-class cricketer, batsman Bob Woolmer.
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Funny story: Not quite a Ralph Fiennes moment #2: British Airways and the Mile High Corpse

Not quite a Ralph Fiennes moment #2: British Airways and the Mile High Corpse

Heathrow Airport - (Disaster Press): First it was Ralph Fiennes and the mile-high encounter with a Quanitarse steward.
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Funny story: England World Cup Cricket Bid Already On The Rocks

England World Cup Cricket Bid Already On The Rocks

The England cricket team will face up to their tricky qualifying group match against Kenya on Saturday, bolstered by the return of Andrew Flintoff, after his one-match ban yesterday against Canada.
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Funny story: Harry Potter's Hermione, Emma Watson, May Magically Disappear.

Harry Potter's Hermione, Emma Watson, May Magically Disappear.

Emma Watson, who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films, will apparently not be playing her anymore.
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Funny story: Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid

Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid

Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo have pleaded with fans to stop reading transfer rumours.
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Funny story: Rush Limbaugh Admits Hots for 'Babe' Ann Coulter

Rush Limbaugh Admits Hots for 'Babe' Ann Coulter

ST. LOUIS (AP) -- Rush Limbaugh, the right-wing radio talk-show host who says he has half his brain jammed up his posterior "just to keep things fair," has admitted that he has the other half of his brain amorously infatuated with Ann Coult...
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Funny story: Hermione quits Hogwarts - actress to be replaced by Virgin Mary

Hermione quits Hogwarts - actress to be replaced by Virgin Mary

Emma Watson is quitting her role as Hermione in the Harry Potter film series, despite an offer of 808,874 galleons and 4 sickles ($3.9 million) per film, and as much butterbeer as she can drink. The sixteen year old actress fears she is at risk from...
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Funny story: Cameron To Step Down As Tory Leader

Cameron To Step Down As Tory Leader

There was shock today on the Conservative front bench, when it was announced that Tory leader, David Charlatan, was to step down from his role after only 15 months in charge.
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Funny story: Bong Hits 4 Jesus a diabolical liberty

Bong Hits 4 Jesus a diabolical liberty

Washington - (Dissassociated Mess): A Supreme Court hearing today will evaluate the God-given rights of rabid fundamentalist religious educationalist nutters and their Diabolical Liberties Union supporters to gag students' First Amendment rites...
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Funny story: Court Grants Restraining Order for Dead Woman

Court Grants Restraining Order for Dead Woman

Nimbin, Australia. A Local Court in the hippie capital of Australia has taken the unprecedented action of granting an Apprehended Violence Restraining Order (known locally as an AVO), even though the complainant had died three days earlier.
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Funny story: Sinbad Alive & Well

Sinbad Alive & Well

Sinbad has been spotted. He is alive and walking around free. He was originally a genie in a bottle but has now graduated to genie in a "lamp". Due to numerous family concerns that he may be dead, he has been allowed temporary release fr...
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Funny story: Pat Robertson Supports Bong4Jesus

Pat Robertson Supports Bong4Jesus

Students who displayed a Bong4Jesus banner during the Olympic torch relay from their high school window were denied the right of free speech by their principal. Now Pat Robertson and an array of Christian conservative groups are filing friend of the...
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Funny story: Homeless Americans Take to the Roofs of American Homes

Homeless Americans Take to the Roofs of American Homes

Homeless American have found the second best way to have a home. They are camping on the roofs of US houses and businesses. It took quite a while for homeowners to even notice their new roof dwellers. Stealthy campers pitch their tents late into the...
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Funny story: Al-Sadr Produces No, No, America on Iranian Broadway

Al-Sadr Produces No, No, America on Iranian Broadway

Shiite leader Al Sadr has produced an Iraqi spoof on the old time Broadway musical, No, No, Nannette. In No, No, America a chorus line of Shiites, Kurds(small and large)and some delightful Sunnis kick and wiggle their way across the stage at Teheran&...
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Funny story: President George W. Bush Admits To 911 HOAX

President George W. Bush Admits To 911 HOAX

WASHINGTON D.C.--(ASSOCSHAT PRESS) President George Walker Bush was arrested at the White House today based upon clear evidence which surfaced proving that he masterminded 911 Hoax. Secret Service pe...
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Funny story: Satangate heats up the Capital

Satangate heats up the Capital

WASHINGTON D.C. - Recently leaked visitor records from Vice President Cheney's office reveal a startling number of visits by Satan over the past six years. According to the records, the Vice President saw Satan more than 23 times since 2000.
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Funny story: What Republicans Say and What They Mean

What Republicans Say and What They Mean

A handy field guide for voters...
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Funny story: World's smallest whores raising $$$$s for charity

World's smallest whores raising $$$$s for charity

St Louis - (Ass Press): They're tiny, they're cute-looking and they're pulling in the punters. Yes, the world's smallest whores have turned their natural talents to charity fundraising and are on a roll touring the US states coast to...
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