Funny story: Paris Hilton Surrenders, Strip Search Tapes to be Released

Paris Hilton Surrenders, Strip Search Tapes to be Released

Lynwood Calif. Paris Hilton surrendered herself to the Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department Sunday night at 11:30 pm. Paris was booked into The Century Regional Detention Facility one day earlier than ordered by a Los Angeles judge.
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Funny story: Disgruntled lab chimps banding together; Science gone mad?

Disgruntled lab chimps banding together; Science gone mad?

Chimpanzees liberated from Los Angeles sweatshop computer spamming have been going apes over news coverage of their kin's revolt at Hardly University. The apes at Hardly escaped and have been planning to launch a spacecraft, raising concerns from...
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Funny story: Lily to the knife

Lily to the knife

Singing sensation Lily Allen has confirmed on her official myspace profile (which she has over 100,000 friends as we are constantly told) that she will head to the operating table to finish off her sex change. So far, she only has a voice of a female...
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Funny story: Taliban boat captain blamed in fatal sinking

Taliban boat captain blamed in fatal sinking

Helmand Province, Afghanistan (New York Times) - A weekend boating accident on the Helmand River in which several Taliban fighters died has been blamed on the boat's captain, Yosef Hazelwood. Mr. Hazelwood was not from the area and lacked famili...
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Funny story: XBox 360 Semen Protector - Inventor talks!

XBox 360 Semen Protector - Inventor talks!

CAMBRIDGE, UK - 04/06/07. When Professor Masterton Lovecraft walked in on his son, Marmalade, he was shocked at what he found. Thinking that the grunting noises coming from his son's bedroom were that from Microsoft's mega-hit "Gears of...
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Funny story: Do the stars augur well asks Amitabh Bachchan in land fraud case?

Do the stars augur well asks Amitabh Bachchan in land fraud case?

Mumbai - (Ass Mess): Fabled Bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan has consulted India's top astrologers on the dilemma he is facing amid the possibility of fraud charges being brought against him in an illegal land deal.
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Funny story: House Of Glitter

House Of Glitter

Sources at Channel 4 earlier this week told us that hundreds of emails containing a shortlist of candidates for next seasons Celebrity Big Brother had been mis-sent, to people unconnected with Endemol.
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Funny story: William Jefferson joins Corupt Bastards Club

William Jefferson joins Corupt Bastards Club

Washington - (Ass Mess): Louisiana Democrat Representative...
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Funny story: Essien picks up BBC gong

Essien picks up BBC gong

Chelsea's Ghanaian midfielder-cum-strongman Michael Essien not only won the African Footballer of the Year award, he also picked up the "BBC gong", at an historic and highly entertaining awards ceremony on Monday evening.
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Funny story: Kermit kidnapped by French Terrorists

Kermit kidnapped by French Terrorists

PARIS, FRANCE - 04/06/07. Muppet fans around the world were shocked today to learn that Hollywood legend, Kermit the Frog has been kidnapped by French Terrorist Group, Grenouilles Sans Crainte (Frogs Without Fear). At this current time, no ransom dem...
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Funny story: Vermont Steals Ron Paul And Secedes From US

Vermont Steals Ron Paul And Secedes From US

Montpelier, VT (FP) - In a shocking, historic move, the entire state of Vermont has voted to secede from the United States of America. Representatives from the newly formed Republic of Vermont stated various grievances against The United States Of Am...
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Funny story: Judge says Gitmo is Spanish Inquisition Mark 2

Judge says Gitmo is Spanish Inquisition Mark 2

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba - (Ass Mess): A senior military judge told Pentagon top brass today that the Guantanamo Bay detention camp is nothing more than a re-invented Spanish Inquisition run along the same barbaric lines that were outlawed by civilised c...
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Funny story: Ireland's government to take drastic steps

Ireland's government to take drastic steps

In a bid to gain popularity with the public,Irish government is set to review a 500 year old document written by the catholic church. The document,titled the Anglo-Hibernicus implicitly hands over jurisdiction of all British lands to the people...
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Funny story: Coe spills beans on Olympic Mascot

Coe spills beans on Olympic Mascot

LONDON, UK - 4/6/07 - Lord Coe, ebullient with the success of the 2012 Olympic Logo, today showed this lucky reporter a sneak preview of the Olympic's mascot - Fingy the Finger.
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Funny story: Two of Santa's Reindeer on the Lam

Two of Santa's Reindeer on the Lam

North Pole - Today Santa's Little Helper Gazette reported that two of Santa's reindeer have escaped the North Pole Toy Factory and Compound and are on the lam. "Donner and Blitzen have escaped," shouted Santa Claus above the clatter, as he t...
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Funny story: Man Attacked By Hamster

Man Attacked By Hamster

Armed police were called to a house in Evesham today after a man was attacked by a crazed escaped hamster.
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Funny story: Police investigate strange lights downtown

Police investigate strange lights downtown

After two uninterrupted weeks of rain and overcast skies, the Dallas Police Department has responded to dozens of reports of strange light above downtown's tallest buildings.
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Funny story: Aliens Make Galactic Mistake in Probe Placement

Aliens Make Galactic Mistake in Probe Placement

Backwater, TN - Aliens from the planet ~Frdcfvbflbmt! today admitted a massive mistake when they accidentally inserted a standard-issue redneck anal probe into a host's mouth.
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Funny story: Bush, Putin to settle international differences with drinking contest

Bush, Putin to settle international differences with drinking contest

Washington D.C. - At the upcoming G-8 summit in Heiligendamm, Germany, President Bush and and Russian President Vladimir Putin have set aside an evening that they claim will settle a number of sensitive issues separating the two countries.
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Funny story: Swedish Porno Industry Used Audio in movies from Women's French Open

Swedish Porno Industry Used Audio in movies from Women's French Open

Gammalsvenskby, Sweden - In an early dawn raid today, Swedish police seized hundreds of hours worth of audio recordings from the Women's French Open at dozens of Swedish porno companies. Suspecting the audio recordings were made just as recent as...
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Funny story: Man in Trench Coat Is Arrested at Women's French Open, Again

Man in Trench Coat Is Arrested at Women's French Open, Again

Paris, France - Police arrested a yet another man dressed in a tan ankle length trench coat in attendance at the French opening today. However, this one wore it in an apparent attempt to conceal sophisticated audio recording equipment he was carrying...
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Funny story: Dick Cheney To Run For President

Dick Cheney To Run For President

Washington Toast - It was reported today, according to TheSpoof.com's usually unreliable sources, that Vice President Dick Cheney has decided to run for President of the United States, suggesting the other chicken liver candidates were second str...
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Funny story: Easter Island Statue Begs for Somebody to Scratch his Nose

Easter Island Statue Begs for Somebody to Scratch his Nose

EASTER ISLAND (AP Newsliar) -- Breaking a seven hundred year long vow of silence, Matumanaraku -- one of the giant "moai" statue heads found throughout Easter Island -- pleaded for somebody to scratch his nose.
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Funny story: Putin vows to nuke Europe if Pope Ratzinger is outed as his dad

Putin vows to nuke Europe if Pope Ratzinger is outed as his dad

Moscow - (Ass Mess): An increasingly paranoid Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin has threatened to 'nuke the shit' out of Europe if the CIA outs Pope Josef Ratzinger as his father and nails him for the 1982 murder of God's Bank Roberto Calv...
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Funny story: Company reduces carbon footprint using stilts

Company reduces carbon footprint using stilts

As concern for the environment grows, and the impacts of climate change are becoming increasingly alarming, businesses everywhere are looking for new ways to offset their 'carbon footprint' and some are taking drastic measures to reduce their...
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Funny story: CPS tells cash-for-honor cops: "Go get the bastard!"

CPS tells cash-for-honor cops: "Go get the bastard!"

Whitehall - (Ass Mess): The Crown Prosecution Service has told the Metropolitan Police Fraud Squad to 'go nail that bastard Blair' after scrutinising the dossier of cash-for-honors evidence against him, his blind trust portfolio bagman Lord L...
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Funny story: Bob Woolmer 'Definitely' Not Murdered

Bob Woolmer 'Definitely' Not Murdered

Bob Woolmer, the Pakistan cricket coach murdered in Jamaica, then 'unmurdered', was 'definitely' not murdered, say police officers from Scotland Yard.
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Funny story: Rev. Fullafit Speaks

Rev. Fullafit Speaks

In a bizarre speech delivered from a Manhattan street corner to passing strangers this week, the Rev. Cotton Fullafit said the following:...
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Funny story: Rudy Giuliani to give Ron Paul the Finger

Rudy Giuliani to give Ron Paul the Finger

Prediction: Rudy gives Ron Paul the Finger.
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Funny story: Gorby and JK Rowling in Charity Gala

Gorby and JK Rowling in Charity Gala

A gilttering array of stars attended a Gala evening hosted by former Russian communal President Mikhail Gorbachev. The event was held to raise funds in aid of the charity namede after Gorbachev's late wife.
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Funny story: David Beckham Could Represent USA at World Cup - Bending the Rules Like Beckham

David Beckham Could Represent USA at World Cup - Bending the Rules Like Beckham

Soon to be LA Galaxy star, David Beckham, who made a decent comeback for England against Brazil, could amazingly be running on to the field for the USA at the next World Cup.
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Funny story: Liverpool Fans The Worst In Europe - Report

Liverpool Fans The Worst In Europe - Report

Liverpool supporters are the subjects of a damning report by European football's governing body which says they are the worst in Europe. UEFA claims that Reds fans cause more trouble than those of any other club, and have hinted that, should they qua...
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Funny story: New Gig for Saddam Hussein: Satan's Court Jester

New Gig for Saddam Hussein: Satan's Court Jester

FIFTH CIRCLE OF HELL (AP Newsliar) -- Deposed Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, executed on December 30, 2006 for crimes against the people of Iraq, has been selected for a new role as Satan's official court jester.
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Funny story: Memoir says Hillary's lover Vincenzo Fosterini was 'assassinated by Tenet'

Memoir says Hillary's lover Vincenzo Fosterini was 'assassinated by Tenet'

Washington - (Ass Mess): A new biography about Hillary Clinton says that her former law partner Vince Foster was assassinated by ex-CIA top spook George Tenet on orders from President George Bush Senior.
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Funny story: Bush triumph at completing jigsaw in twelve months

Bush triumph at completing jigsaw in twelve months

Washington - (Ass Mess): President George Bush was reported to be 'thrilled and amazed' after completing a jigsaw puzzle that wife Laura gave him for his 60th birthday that depicted the couple's two pooches Barney and Miss Beasley.
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Funny story: Blair unveils London 2012 Olympic swastika logo

Blair unveils London 2012 Olympic swastika logo

London - (Ass Mess): UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has unveiled the official London 2012 Oympic logo in the 'style and title' of a Nazi swastika.
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Funny story: Bill Gates is Skint!

Bill Gates is Skint!

The financial markets of the world are bracing themselves for an economic nosedive into depression as Bill Gates revealed on Monday he actually has no money.
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Funny story: Former Royal Butler Burrell to release more Memorabilia

Former Royal Butler Burrell to release more Memorabilia

Former Butler to Princess Diana Paul Burrell has announced the latest additions to his growing range of Diana themed merchandise.
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Funny story: Bin Laden Uses Most Terroristic Tactic Yet!

Bin Laden Uses Most Terroristic Tactic Yet!

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Crawford, TX - Bin Laden, staying at the president's Crawford Ranch, is using his most destructive terrorist tactic yet! He's NOT attacking America. This is causing the biggest collapse in the Bush administration sinc...
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Funny story: UFO Mind Control by Billy Bob

UFO Mind Control by Billy Bob

Me, Roger, & the boys went down to tha crik and burned a cross fer George Dubbya last night. We nailed a life sized effa... effe... affe... dummy of Ron Paul on it afore we lit it. Aftur it went out, we saw one of them real live UFOs! I think I was aducted cause I been fergittin things, specially when I smoke one of them funny cigarettes what mah son brings home frum school.
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Funny story: Queen Upset By Frankie Dettori's Swearing Fit

Queen Upset By Frankie Dettori's Swearing Fit

In the second major 'bad language' incident of the weekend, Frankie Dettori, the National Hunt jockey, upset the Queen with a hail of F-words immediately after winning the Epsom Derby...
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Funny story: Big Brother 'Bibble-Babblers' Bibble-Babble Bibble-Babble All Weekend Long

Big Brother 'Bibble-Babblers' Bibble-Babble Bibble-Babble All Weekend Long

After the excitement of the lone male housemate, Ziggy, entereing the Big Brother house on Friday night, it was a case of bibble-babble bibble-babble all weekend long.
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Funny story: KISS Releases New Album

KISS Releases New Album

As you know, we were the first to break the news about talk show legend Larry King joining the rock band KISS as keyboardist and vocalist. Now we are pleased to bring you news that the band has finished recording its newest album, entitled, Not...
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Funny story: Male Enhancement Cream Recalled

Male Enhancement Cream Recalled

The federal government's Food and Drug Administration announced today that the popular product known as M.O.E. Cream is being recalled by its manufacturer.
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Funny story: "Fat Chance" New Reality Game Show

"Fat Chance" New Reality Game Show

Anathema Telecommunications has just announced that a new reality game show will air this fall. Entitled Fat Chance, the show will feature morbidly obese contestants, competing for the chance to receive free liposuction.
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Funny story: Cheney Arrested in latest D.C. Drive-by Shooting

Cheney Arrested in latest D.C. Drive-by Shooting

Washington D.C. police announced that they have arrested Vice President Dick Cheney on charges of taking part in the crime ridden city's latest drive-by shooting.
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Funny story: Super Fast Cell Phone Cooled with Liquid Nitrogen

Super Fast Cell Phone Cooled with Liquid Nitrogen

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The nitrogen cooled super high speed cell phone by Cingurizon features a quadruple core 31.9 Thz processor which allows those with super fast fingers to text away to their heart's content while watching movies in stereoscop...
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Funny story: Reagan Turns Over in Grave

Reagan Turns Over in Grave

A spike in seismic activity in Southern California yesterday morning has been determined to have actually been former United States President Ronald Wilson Reagan turning over in his grave.
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Funny story: Former Mafia Kingpin Jimmy "The Rat" Manella Assassinated

Former Mafia Kingpin Jimmy "The Rat" Manella Assassinated

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) announced today that noted organized crime figure turned informant Jimmy 'The Rat" Manella* has been assassinated.
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Funny story: Kevorkian Released From Prison

Kevorkian Released From Prison

Jack Kevorkian, the so-called "suicide doctor", was released from prison today, after serving eight years for assisting a Michigan man in ending his own life.
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Funny story: Disneyworld site of controversial new ride

Disneyworld site of controversial new ride

In spite of recent injuries on some of its rides and the deaths of several patrons in the past few years, Disney announced yesterday that it plans to go ahead with plans to open a controversial new ride this summer at its amusement park in Orlando, F...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton IQ Test is Negative

Paris Hilton IQ Test is Negative

A spokesperson for hotel fortune heiress Paris Hilton announced today that the results of her I.Q. test have come back and the results are hardly surprising. According to the spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous, Ms. Hilton tested negative f...
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Funny story: Sith Lord Cheney?

Sith Lord Cheney?

A former aid to Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking under condition of strict anonymity, stated that Cheney turned to the so-called 'dark side' of the Force years ago, in the early 1970s, when he worked in the Nixon administration.
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Funny story: TB Infected Lawyer Declared Enemy Combatant

TB Infected Lawyer Declared Enemy Combatant

Andrew Speaker, the lawyer infected with a medication-resistant strain of tuberculosis, has been declared an enemy combatant and remanded to the custody of the Department of Defense, according to a Bush administration official, who spoke to this repo...
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Funny story: Tony Tiger Serial Killer?

Tony Tiger Serial Killer?

Tony Tiger, the beloved feline ambassador of Frosted Flakes, has been arrested and charged with twenty-seven counts of first-degree murder. Tiger, it appears, had been keeping a deep, dark secret from the world. He was a serial killer.
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Funny story: Coastal Residents Flee Inland After FEMA Announcement

Coastal Residents Flee Inland After FEMA Announcement

A spokesperson for the Federal Emergency Management Administration (FEMA) announced today that the federal agency is "adequately prepared" to assist victims of what meteorologists predict will be a very active hurricane season.
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Funny story: Queen Elizabeth Eats Rat

Queen Elizabeth Eats Rat

In response the eating of a Corgi dog, which was itself a reaction to Prince Phillip killing a fox, Queen Elizabeth II has entered the fray by publicly eating a rat.
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Funny story: New Mental Illness Identified

New Mental Illness Identified

A spokesperson from the World Psychological Association announced yesterday that a new mental disorder will be added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, which is the guidebook clinicians use in assigning mental illness diagnoses.
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Funny story: Bush Suffers Near-Fatal Orgasm

Bush Suffers Near-Fatal Orgasm

President George W. Bush suffered a near-fatal orgasm this afternoon while attending to his duties in the Oval Office, according to doctors who are treating him.
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Funny story: Excessive Masturbation Leads to Growth of Extra Finger

Excessive Masturbation Leads to Growth of Extra Finger

While masturbation may not lead to blindness or the growth of hair on one's palms, as people have been told for hundreds, likely thousands of years, excessive masturbation appears to be linked to the growth of an extra digit on the primary hand u...
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Funny story: Schwarzenegger goes 'green', harnesses Humpbacks

Schwarzenegger goes 'green', harnesses Humpbacks

CALIFORNIA (Sacramento Bee) - A wayward mother humpback whale and her calf seen leaving San Francisco Bay last week were found making their toward the Sacramento River again late Sunday.
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