Funny story: Blanket Ban leaves Eidur Down

Blanket Ban leaves Eidur Down

FURIOUS Barcelona benchwarmer Eidur Gudjohnsen last night slapped in a transfer request after boss Frank Rijkaard sensationally banned his substitutes from keeping their legs warm with a blanket.
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Funny story: Inventor Of The Box Dies Broke & Lonely

Inventor Of The Box Dies Broke & Lonely

LONDON (Defecated News) - North London has been mourning the loss of Hans Bokz (109), German born inventor who took Harrow to be his home after The War. Hans had shot to fame in the swinging sixties after inventing the box. Prior to...
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Funny story: Study: Children crave McDonalds

Study: Children crave McDonalds

A recent study was conducted to discover the impact the fast food chain McDonalds has on children. The results were surprising.
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Funny story: Flying monkey stowaway aboard plane bound for New York; suspected to have Eco-Terrorist ties

Flying monkey stowaway aboard plane bound for New York; suspected to have Eco-Terrorist ties

New York, New York - According to authorities, a man vacationing in Lima, Peru, was abducted, drugged and taken hostage by a pygmy marmoset monkey just before boarding a plane bound for New York City today. The pygmy marmoset monkey alluded TSA airpo...
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Funny story: Another abandoned Putin sub explodes in Indian Ocean

Another abandoned Putin sub explodes in Indian Ocean

Jakarta, Indonesia - (Rioters): Seismologists have been ordered to blame an earthquake for the 7.5 magnitude tremor that rocked Indonesia's main island of Java today at an epicenter somewhere in the Indian Ocean at a depth of 289 kilometers.
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Funny story: Republican Campaign Strategy Includes Scratch and Sniff Ad

Republican Campaign Strategy Includes Scratch and Sniff Ad

Austin, Texas (IP) - The Republican Party has developed a one-two punch designed to insure Obama's defeat in the upcoming presidential election. The first punch involves drawing Obama in as the Democrat's candidate by pouring money into his...
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Funny story: Roseanne Barr sex tape goes missing

Roseanne Barr sex tape goes missing

The man who found the Roseanne Barr sex tape has offered a reward to anyone that can fire the tape at the sun and remove the memories from his mind.
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Funny story: Belgians Booted Sprout

Belgians Booted Sprout

BELGIUM was last night booted off the UN's Security Council amid claims that its delegates were 'roustabouts' who treated the powerful organisation like a 'gentleman's club'.
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Funny story: Christa McAuliffe's backup hopes Virgin Intergalactic not in charge of Endeavour launch

Christa McAuliffe's backup hopes Virgin Intergalactic not in charge of Endeavour launch

Cape Canaveral, Florida - (Ass Mess): The astronut who was Christa McAuliffe's back-up twenty years ago in the tragic Challenger space shuttle disaster has said she is thrilled to be going up in Wednesday night's launch of the En...
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Funny story: Obama Campaign Coffers Swell With Conservative Donations

Obama Campaign Coffers Swell With Conservative Donations

Austin, Texas (IP) - Barack Obama's campaign donations are growing at a record pace and the bulk of the money is being donated by a surprising source. The money is pouring in thanks to massive donations originating from conservative sources.
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Funny story: Date to be announced for Spoof Veterans' Day

Date to be announced for Spoof Veterans' Day

Cyberspace - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The world of cyberparody is eagerly awaiting the announcement of a new International Spoof Veterans' Day which will commemorate the merciless art of lampoonery. A source close to leading satire website The...
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Funny story: Injured Chelsea Captain Dreads 'Bracist' Comments

Injured Chelsea Captain Dreads 'Bracist' Comments

LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- Injured Chelsea captain John Terry said yesterday he is "dreading" his return to fitness this season because of bracist fans.
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Funny story: Channel 4 'misrepresented' Muslim preachers

Channel 4 'misrepresented' Muslim preachers

West Midlands Police, anxious to build fences with the Muslim community following arrests of terrorist suspects, have accused Channel 4 of deceitful editing techniques in a recent documentary about Muslim fundamentalism in the area's mosques.
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Funny story: The Monkey's Tail

The Monkey's Tail

A man questioned by police at LaGuardia airport in New York after smuggling a monkey onto a flight from Florida by hiding it under his hat, said the monkey made him do it.
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Funny story: Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, New Stewardess on Virgin American Airlines

Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, New Stewardess on Virgin American Airlines

Ruetours Press - Virgin American Airlines is hiring psuedo celebrities to serve as crew members on their maiden "virgin" flights between New York and Los Angelos.
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Funny story: Ham Radio Transmissions Attract Meteors

Ham Radio Transmissions Attract Meteors

Hamsterdam, Pennsylvannia (IP) - Government officials in cities and especially rural areas throughout America are urging people who plan to be outside during this month's Perseid meteor shower to purchase meteorite protection umbrellas. More me...
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Funny story: Perseid Meteor Sower Will Cause Great Damage

Perseid Meteor Sower Will Cause Great Damage

Mount Palomar, California (IP) - The Perseid meteor shower will occur this year and will peak between August the 10th and the 13th. It promises to be a better show than usual because the Moon is in its new phase on those days. The center of the rad...
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Funny story: Tevez and the Klingons agree Release

Tevez and the Klingons agree Release

Carlos Tevez "Football Slave" is finally going to have his registration released...but our sources can reveal that it wasn't a negotiation between "DODGY MSI" and serial
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Funny story: Global Warming Will End This Week

Global Warming Will End This Week

Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Global warming will end abruptly this week as Earth will once again leave its orbit and will wander through the solar system. This event happens on a regular basis every 30,000 years and is responsible for the recurr...
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Funny story: Passenger 'hid monkey in his trousers'

Passenger 'hid monkey in his trousers'

La Guardia Airport - (Rioters): NY cops have arrested a man who nearly suffocated a marmoset monkey by stuffing it inside his trousers during a flight fromFlorida.
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Funny story: Chasing One's Own Tail

Chasing One's Own Tail

Although millions of people do not play baseball or engage in politics, they do enjoy watching these two exciting games.
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Funny story: Has Kate become a heroin addict like Diana?

Has Kate become a heroin addict like Diana?

London - (Ass Mess): It's an old, old story typical of the times: a love affair between a Puppet Monarchy prince and a desperately wannabe somebody commoner addicted to self-publicity, free dosh and heroin.
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Funny story: First Easyjet, then EasyCar, now EasyBlowJobs.

First Easyjet, then EasyCar, now EasyBlowJobs.

LONDON (Defecated Press) - The master if all things orange and cheap, Stelios Haji Ioannou has revealed his new venture - Cheap and convenient oral sex.
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Funny story: World To End On Monday

World To End On Monday

(Las Vegas) - According to well known Las Vegas odds maker, Ivantu Gamble, the world will end on Monday.
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Funny story: House of Commons Files Law Suit Against Spain

House of Commons Files Law Suit Against Spain

The United States Supreme Court has been asked to mediate a case that is promising to be the trial of the century; the U.K. vs. Spain. In a pelican brief submitted by former Prime Minister Tony Blair, allegations are made that, "The running of...
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Funny story: Lily Allen Gets Boot From US

Lily Allen Gets Boot From US

Lily Allen, the 'pop star' of questionable parentage, has fallen foul of the strict US immigration rules, and has been told that she is no longer welcome in the country.
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Funny story: Queens Head To Be Replaced With Qu'ran Text

Queens Head To Be Replaced With Qu'ran Text

LONDON (Defecated Press) - In a shock announcement, Royal Mint confirmed that the queen's head will be removed, from coins. In a gesture made to improve interfaith relations, text from the Qu'ran will be used instead.
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Funny story: What A Wonderful Woild

What A Wonderful Woild

Big Geno's Chop House on Bourbon Street New Orleans looks set to become a Mecca to Jazz fans from around the world.
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Funny story: Gordon Brown "All farmers must pass strict hygiene rules". 'No more intimacy with sheep' sanctions.

Gordon Brown "All farmers must pass strict hygiene rules". 'No more intimacy with sheep' sanctions.

Gordon Brown, former Girl Guide, passed strict rules today in a bid to stop sheep shagging Farmers from defiling innocent Bovines and Ovus and thus end their suffering.
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Funny story: Noshing Mink Receives Deserved Booker Prize Nomination

Noshing Mink Receives Deserved Booker Prize Nomination

This year's Booker Prize for outstanding literary prowess, added to its list of nominees the noted parodist and satire scribbler Noshing Mink yesterday, realising the writer's lifetime ambition of be...
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Funny story: Blair & Clinton "Enjoyed Intense Love Affair"

Blair & Clinton "Enjoyed Intense Love Affair"

LONDON (Defecated News) - Both were strong charismatic and popular centre-left leaders. They both liked whisky, crosswords and paleontology. In his upcoming memoirs, however, Tony Blair spills the beans on the passionate love affair he had with Bill...
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Funny story: Severe outbreak of peace in Korea!

Severe outbreak of peace in Korea!

Leaders from North and South Korea are to hold their second-ever summit, officials have announced.
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Funny story: Oh boy! I've killed millions

Oh boy! I've killed millions

WASHED-UP actor Scott Bakula last night handed himself in after claiming he was responsible for the deaths of over 100 million people.
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Funny story: Prescott In New Casino Scandal

Prescott In New Casino Scandal

LONDON (Defecated News) - John Prescott, former Deputy Prime Minister and ex-Heavyweight boxing champ was linked today to a new scandal involving casinos.
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Funny story: Ron Paul wins 2008 Presidential Election

Ron Paul wins 2008 Presidential Election

A time traveler from 2008 has video evidence that Ron Paul will become the next president when America goes to the polls in 2008.
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Funny story: Hey You Schmucks! Bugsy Malone Is Back

Hey You Schmucks! Bugsy Malone Is Back

Top psychic and only the supernaturalist whose name rhymes with a tasty Indian snack, Derek Acorah, is today at the centre of a new sensation.
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Funny story: Government to ban women drivers

Government to ban women drivers

In its first sensible policy for years, the Government has announced that it will ban women drivers from our roads. Since just under half of all road traffic accidents are caused by women, this policy is expected to save thousands of...
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Funny story: Al Gore - Fat Americans Are Killing This Planet

Al Gore - Fat Americans Are Killing This Planet

NEW YOIK (Defecated News) - Former 'nearly president but not quite' Al Gore launched a new objective yesterday in Manhattan. The 'Kill The Fat, Save The World' Campaign was launched after overpaid researchers found that fat people are...
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Funny story: China Sends Terracotta Army To Invade Britain

China Sends Terracotta Army To Invade Britain

The Chinese government, unhappy with the way their country has been labelled 'developing' and 'polluted', has declared war on Great Britain, and has...
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Funny story: Binge Drinkers Like Beer - Research Says

Binge Drinkers Like Beer - Research Says

In an amazing feat of researching genius, the CDC figured out this morning that adult binge drinkers like beer. Although the news may come as a shock to many, the CDC assures the public that the study is in fact true.
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Funny story: Terminally-ill Chimp Asks Make-A-Wish for Opposable Thumbs

Terminally-ill Chimp Asks Make-A-Wish for Opposable Thumbs

Apples, a highly intelligent, sign-language-using chimpanzee at Washington's Chimpanzee and Human Communications Institute (CHCI), was diagnosed last month with an aggressive form of bone cancer that gives her, at most, nine months to live. The...
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Funny story: Controversial U.S Pastor Fred Phelps enrages Irish farmers, Prisoners and Confectionary employees

Controversial U.S Pastor Fred Phelps enrages Irish farmers, Prisoners and Confectionary employees

Outspoken Gay Icon U.S Pastor Fred Phelps has incurred the wrath of Ireland's farmers, Chocolate makers and prisoners after posting on his website "Godhatesireland" some rather strange comments about "Filthy Celtic Fudge Packer&quo...
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