There were 151 spoof news stories published in January 2006. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Rapper Eminem changes name to M&M, Mars Candies Sues

Rapper Eminem changes name to M&M, Mars Candies Sues

DETROIT - Marshall Mathers III, aka dangerous notorious gangster rapper Enimem celebrated his re-re-RE-marriage to estranged wife Kimberly Mathers by formerly changing his name to "M&M" prompting the makers of the REAL bite sized ca...
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Funny story: Jessica Simpson Admits She is Dating Her Father

Jessica Simpson Admits She is Dating Her Father

Just weeks after officially announcing that she and Nick Lachey were calling it quits, blonde bombshell, singing sensation Jessica Simpson announced in an interview Monday that she has been dating her father, Joe for the last two months.
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Funny story: Beyonce: 'Mom, I'm a BIG girl now, stop following me AROUND'

Beyonce: 'Mom, I'm a BIG girl now, stop following me AROUND'

Witnesses say the camel's back was officially snapped when last night at an LA concert Tina Knowles, mother of Beyonce Knowles grabbed the mike from Beyonce and did her own rendition of "Big wheel keep on TURN'n, PROUD Mary Keeps on BUR...
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Funny story: Mr. Haney Challenges Schwarzenegger in California Governor's Race

Mr. Haney Challenges Schwarzenegger in California Governor's Race

"Heck no I'm not dead," Pat Butram (Mr Haney) from Green Acres told reporters. Butram went on to say, "That is an outright lie PERPETRATED by my fine opponent the governor of California, Arnold .. Arnold .. What's that fella&...
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Funny story: Time Travelling Medieval Peasant Farmer Doesn't Find Internet Slow At All

Time Travelling Medieval Peasant Farmer Doesn't Find Internet Slow At All

"I can't believe you find this slow", was the bemused interjection of William Mariner, a time travelling medieval peasant farmer, upon witnessing the information super-highway or "internet" for the first time.
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Funny story: Psychic Predictions Accuracy for 2005 Phenomenal

Psychic Predictions Accuracy for 2005 Phenomenal

Baton Rouge, Jan. 10, 2006 - Each new year always brings with it a long list of predictions by psychics and the like, entertaining thousands of readers of tabloids and other such publications. But how often do people look back to the previous years p...
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Funny story: Study Finds People Amazed by Stupid Studies

Study Finds People Amazed by Stupid Studies

A recent governmental study shows that most American's are bewildered and dumbfounded by the number of useless, senseless, and brainless studies that are done each year by both the government and private sectors.
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Funny story: Pope Benedict XVI To Change Name To Pope Jesus

Pope Benedict XVI To Change Name To Pope Jesus

The Pope has announced he will change his name after admitting that his current title "Benedict XVI" just isn't "catchy enough to make an impression on the world stage". He now wishes to be addressed instead as "His Holin...
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Funny story: Alan Greenspan Interred With Full Honors by Ben Bernanke

Alan Greenspan Interred With Full Honors by Ben Bernanke

WASHINGTON (AP)-Outgoing Chairman of the US Federal Reserve Alan Greenspan was interred with full honors in a special mausoleum on the grounds of the Federal Reserve here on Wednesday.
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Funny story: George Bush Recorded Latest Bin Laden Tape Himself Says Abramoff

George Bush Recorded Latest Bin Laden Tape Himself Says Abramoff

WASHINGTON (AP)-President George Bush himself made the latest threatening audiotape allegedly made by Osama Bin Laden, with the help of Karl Rove and the CIA, indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff has stated to federal prosecutors as part of his plea barga...
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Funny story: Ooo La La!! Extreme Makeover Ultimate Challenge: France!!

Ooo La La!! Extreme Makeover Ultimate Challenge: France!!

HOLLYWOOD-Blockbuster ABC television's Extreme Makeover producers have exhausted all their likely suspects here in the US, so they've taken their show on the road. Yes, they're going international…across the pond…to the next most...
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Funny story: Jay Leno To Deliver President Bush's State of the Union Address

Jay Leno To Deliver President Bush's State of the Union Address

After 23 false starts, 24 failed drafts and "more than a bucketful of mini dubya tantrums", President Bush finally THREW up his hands, phoned Jay Leno and asked the late night comedienne if HE could create and perform his State of th...
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Funny story: Shock Rent Boy Resignation - Admits to Affair with Mark Oaten MP

Shock Rent Boy Resignation - Admits to Affair with Mark Oaten MP

The dimly lit world of male prostitution was today exposed to the glaring searchlight of Her Majesty's Press as allegations have surfaced that one of its prominent members, has brought disgrace on the profession.
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Funny story: Chicago High School Shootings Prompt New R.O.T.C. Program

Chicago High School Shootings Prompt New R.O.T.C. Program

(AP) News item out of Chicago: Three high school students from Chicago's Northwest Side are shot near Schurz High about 7:52 a.m. on January 31, 2006. Police spokesman Fred Fletfoote reported that the shooting took place outside a convenience store a...
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Funny story: Suicide Bomber Stages Funeral Within Funeral

Suicide Bomber Stages Funeral Within Funeral

MIQDADIYA - This city sixty miles north of Baghdad held its first ever funeral within a funeral.
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Funny story: Jennifer Aniston to Brad and Angelina: 'Ok .. how'd THAT happen? Eh?'

Jennifer Aniston to Brad and Angelina: 'Ok .. how'd THAT happen? Eh?'

CNN's Dr Sanja Gupta answered Jennifer Aniston's question on air by explaining the miracle of conception via charts, slides, videos and tastefully done 3D models. "First", said Gupta, "First you have these egg cells in the huma...
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Funny story: He-Man Kills Skeletor, Bush Applauds

He-Man Kills Skeletor, Bush Applauds

After years of brutal, yet never fatal, combat, He-Man, Master of the Universe, has killed Skeletor, the self-proclaimed "Prince of Darkness" and He-Man's arch nemisis. He-Man claims the death was "accidental", and only attack...
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Funny story: Mount St Helens Erupts Skittles

Mount St Helens Erupts Skittles

For over a year Mount St Helens has been threatening to blow her top. Today she did, raining down billions of colorful bite-sized candy shells with the chewy fruity centers upon the surrounding countryside complete with the Skittles signature fluore...
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Funny story: Just Released: Beyond ‘Intelligent Design' Book Exposes Politics of Life

Just Released: Beyond ‘Intelligent Design' Book Exposes Politics of Life

PERTH, AUSTRALIA- Reginald "Rush" Darwin, great-great-great grandson of the father of the theory of evolution announces the publication of a revolutionary alternative to both evolution and intelligent design at an introductory signing event to...
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Funny story: Amelia Earhart Luggage Lost

Amelia Earhart Luggage Lost

JACKSONVILLE - This city at the top of the Florida peninsula is home to the headquarters of the American Tourister and Samsonite brands of luggage. And the company makes a luggage brand less well known - Amelia Earhart Luggage.
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Funny story: The real Cap'n Crunch dies at age 82

The real Cap'n Crunch dies at age 82

Captain Jebediah Crunch, Cap'n Crunch, had his ashes ceremonially converted into crunchy breakfast cereal, frosted with sugar then scattered out to sea. "That was his last wish" one Quaker Oats executive said. "Hopefully th...
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Funny story: James Lovelock Says Earth Is Doomed, Leaves On Branson Starship to Colonize New Planet

James Lovelock Says Earth Is Doomed, Leaves On Branson Starship to Colonize New Planet

NEW MEXICO (AP)--Renowned scientist James Lovelock and a small group of adventurers have left the planet Earth after Lovelock warned that the world has passed the point of no return for climate change and civilization is unlikely to survive.
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Funny story: Soviet cold war weapons discovered

Soviet cold war weapons discovered

Shocking new evidence has appeared in the recent "ortherised" American search of old Soviet missile bunkers that the Soviet union was going to unleash a terrifying wave of "Dogkets" (seen in picture) on any ground forces that happ...
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Funny story: TBN Duck tapes Pat Robertson's Mouth Shut

TBN Duck tapes Pat Robertson's Mouth Shut

DUCK tape brand, predecessor to "DUCT" brand tape gets the job done and it indeed GOT the job done when TBN officials officially Duck taped Pat Robertson's mouth shut good and tight. TBN said it's on so tight that God Himself can...
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Funny story: Hurricane Andrea Already Forming

Hurricane Andrea Already Forming

DEAD of winter. Snow everywhere and then some. Santa Claus still recovering from his sleigh ride. Tropical depression Andrea has been upgraded to CATEGORY 1 HURRICANE STATUS. "That cannot happen" meteorologists say. "It just...
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Funny story: California suspends Stevie Wonder's Drivers License

California suspends Stevie Wonder's Drivers License

LAPD Officer Shaun Watson told reporters, "The reason I pulled him over is because he was driving the wrong way down a one way street. On the sidewalk. With his blinkers, headlights and windshield wiper on." Stevie Wonder denies that he ha...
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Funny story: Doctors Re-attach Man's head .. Backwards

Doctors Re-attach Man's head .. Backwards

(DALLAS) - He may not be able to see where he's going but he sure knows where he's been. Blake Tanner of Dallas Texas became the world's first life-form to have his entire head surgically re-attached after complete dismemberment. Doctors...
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Funny story: US Census Bureau: 3 out of 4 American's Make Up 75% of Population

US Census Bureau: 3 out of 4 American's Make Up 75% of Population

Washington, D.C.- According to the US Census Bureau, 3 out of every 4 Americans now make up 75% of the total US population.
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Funny story: Doctors to bring President Bush out of Medically Induced Coma

Doctors to bring President Bush out of Medically Induced Coma

Most Americans are unaware that even though President Bush has been leading the nation for 6 years he has in fact been in a medically induced coma since 1991. One White House physician said, "That explains why the President sometimes gets confus...
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Funny story: Janet Jackson downs 150 Pizzas, blames Michael and his Pals for turning her into a Goodyear Blimp

Janet Jackson downs 150 Pizzas, blames Michael and his Pals for turning her into a Goodyear Blimp

Janet Jackson, suddenly 120 lbs chubbier than Roseanne blames brother Micheal and his two 12 year old pals Bobby and Kenny for playing a practical joke on her during their vist to Chucky Cheese Pizza. Michael was unavailable for comment but his pal,...
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Funny story: Top Ten Reasons USC Lost To Texas

Top Ten Reasons USC Lost To Texas

(With apologies to Mr. Letterman, the following are the top ten reasons why the USC Trojans lost the National Championship Game to the University of Texas Longhorns ):...
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Funny story: Fox News Channel Forced To Close Down Issue-Manufacturing Plant

Fox News Channel Forced To Close Down Issue-Manufacturing Plant

NEW YORK, Jan. 14 - Fox News Channel, the 24-hour cable edition of the New York Post, has announced that they will close down their issue-manufacturing plant following a poor year-end showing, citing a downturn in believability and indicatio...
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Funny story: Asian Bird Flu has Deadly "Gene"

Asian Bird Flu has Deadly "Gene"

US Researchers have reportedly discovered what makes the Bird Flu influenza virus so deadly -- they have a gene that may make them especially destructive to cells.
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Funny story: Startling new JFK Book claims: Jackie slept with Marilyn too

Startling new JFK Book claims: Jackie slept with Marilyn too

As former President Reagan would say, "Well .. that changes everything." And everything it does if Stu Dillon's new book, "JFK, the Untold Untold Story" is allowed to be published. Attorneys for the estate of Norma Jean...
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Funny story: Irish Government To Introduce New Pedestrian Speed Limits For City Centre

Irish Government To Introduce New Pedestrian Speed Limits For City Centre

Ireland- The Irish government have called time on reckless pedestrians. Following the recent spate of Dublin shoppers bumping into one another, Transport Minister, Martin Cullen, has announced that new speed limits -some as low as 5kph (3mph)...
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Funny story: Howard Stern booted off Sirius Satellite

Howard Stern booted off Sirius Satellite

"Mom and I had NO idea that Howard Stern had such a POTTY mouth" said Sirius Radio's CEO adding, "How come nobody told me BEFORE I signed that half billion dollar contract folks?" Not only did Stern plunge from the heavens b...
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Funny story: Pat Robertson Explodes after Brokeback Mountain wins Golden Globe

Pat Robertson Explodes after Brokeback Mountain wins Golden Globe

Funeral services for Pat Robertson will be held this Friday after the televangelist exploded, witnesses say "in a billion and one pieces" after Denzel Washington announced last night that the Golden Globe winner of best drama was .. Bro...
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Funny story: Judge Alito successfully whistles Andy Griffith theme, nomination virtually Assured

Judge Alito successfully whistles Andy Griffith theme, nomination virtually Assured

WASHINGTON - Applause rang through both sides of the Senate floor Friday as Judge Samuel Alito successfully whistled the complete theme to the Andy Griffith Show virtually assuring his nomination as the 113th Supreme Court Justice of the United Stat...
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Funny story: Charles Kennedy Resigns Admitting To Being a Scotsman

Charles Kennedy Resigns Admitting To Being a Scotsman

In a startling about turn, flame haired beauty, Charles Kennedy, Leader of The Liberal Democratic Party, has resigned his post, admitting to excessive Scottishness and a desire to spend more time with his Andy Stewart record collection, as the main r...
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Funny story: Rent Boy 'Accidentally' Fingers Oaten

Rent Boy 'Accidentally' Fingers Oaten

Liberal Democrat spokesman for 'Good Things and Pretty Colours', Mark Oaten (41), was outed today when 23 year old rent boy, Denis 'the Rod' Man, accidentally fingered him as one of his clients.
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Funny story: Londoner Sells 'Mysterious' Whale On eBay

Londoner Sells 'Mysterious' Whale On eBay

Days after a whale died in the River Thames, a dead whale was put up for sale on Internet auction site eBay. Currently, the selling price is five hundred thousand pounds, with an extensive bid history.
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Funny story: Bush "Day-Plans" his own Funeral .. White House "Concerned"

Bush "Day-Plans" his own Funeral .. White House "Concerned"

"Bury my rotting bloated carcass next to Davey Crockett's rotting bloated carcass."...
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Funny story: Twelve Simple Rules for Sucking Less Than 'Eight Simple Rules'

Twelve Simple Rules for Sucking Less Than 'Eight Simple Rules'

America is a country of sitcom watchers. We all like a nice chuckle now and again, but unfortunately the good shows are outnumbered, outgunned, overwhelmed, and often obliterated by the bad. In an effort to stem the tide of inane, sugary pap gushing down our satellite feeds, here are a dozen ways to improve the average -- and significantly below-average; I'm looking at you, 'Yes,...
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Funny story: Bin Laden tape traced to Houston's Bust-uh-Rap Recording Studio

Bin Laden tape traced to Houston's Bust-uh-Rap Recording Studio

"Lord if he's in HOUSTON'" Rumsfeld raged, "We''ll never find him!". Tito Lee, owner of Bust-uh-Rap recording studio in Houston Texas told CIA agents that yes a rather tall "dude" with a beard and a turb...
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Funny story: Paris Hilton's Dog Inspires Chihuahua Leather Fashion

Paris Hilton's Dog Inspires Chihuahua Leather Fashion

New York, Jan. 12, 2005: Paris Hilton's habit of carrying around her pets like they were disposable fashion accessories has become a fashion in itself, spawning a new Chihuahua leather market.
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Funny story: Microsoft Buys Ford, Google buys Microsoft

Microsoft Buys Ford, Google buys Microsoft

(CNN BREAKING) In a seriously unlikely series of historic rapid-fire Lemony-Snicket events Ford's CEO yesterday announced massive layoffs resulting 90 minutes later in Microsoft purchasing the entire troubled auto manufacturer itself then, 14 mi...
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Funny story: Terrorist Chatter "Elevated" .. Super Bowl XL to Prohibit Suitcase Nukes

Terrorist Chatter "Elevated" .. Super Bowl XL to Prohibit Suitcase Nukes

Detroit police are issuing the following warning .. "If you are carrying a suitcase nuke, YOU are not getting into the stadium!". Harsh words, especially if you're also carrying a $3000 ticket but Homeland Security Director Mich...
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Funny story: Chemical Company Receives Patent for Air

Chemical Company Receives Patent for Air

Global Chemical Corporation, headquartered in Passaic, New Jersey, has just received a patent on air. Beginning January 1, 2007, Global Chemical will begin sending bills to all persons and operators of equipment in the entire World that use ai...
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Funny story: UT Longhorns to play New England Patriots in Super Bowl XL

UT Longhorns to play New England Patriots in Super Bowl XL

The Patriots are going "You've got to be kidding" while the University of Texas Longhorns are yelling "Bring it on bugle boys!". If the NFL Commissioner approves the deal, this year's Super Bowl will be the first in histor...
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Funny story: George Bush To Star in Sequel to ‘Brokeback Mountain'

George Bush To Star in Sequel to ‘Brokeback Mountain'

WASHINGTON (Reuters)--In a surprisingly public disclosure, President Bush has revealed that he will star in a sequel to the award-winning yet controversial movie ‘Brokeback Mountain,' which he also stated that he "thoroughly enjoyed."...
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Funny story: Pretending To Use Mobile Phones Now Number 1 Way Young People Deal With Socially Awkward Situations

Pretending To Use Mobile Phones Now Number 1 Way Young People Deal With Socially Awkward Situations

Whatever happened to inane weather-related remarks? A new survey has shown that pretending to use Mobile phones has, in recent years, become the most common way young people in the developed world cope with socially awkward situations such as uncomfo...
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Funny story: Teddy Bear Comes To Life, Mauls Baby

Teddy Bear Comes To Life, Mauls Baby

NEW YORK - In this city that never sleeps, in this city where everyone says, "This is New York - I can do anything I want," the unthinkable has finally been breached. This just past Christmas was to have brought happiness and joy to the Smith househo...
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Funny story: NYC Inaugurates Annual Running Of The Rats

NYC Inaugurates Annual Running Of The Rats

NEW YORK - At a press conference held here at the Javits Convention Center, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that New York City was inaugurating an annual Running of the Rats, to compete for tourist dollars with Pamplona, Spain and Mina, Sa...
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Funny story: George Bush Praises Alito, Says He Would Return America to the ‘Leave it to Beaver' Paradise

George Bush Praises Alito, Says He Would Return America to the ‘Leave it to Beaver' Paradise

WASHINGTON (Reuters)-In a major address at a White House news conference, President George Bush urged the approval of Judge Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court since such conservative judges would return America to its 1950s ‘Leave It to Beaver' roots...
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Funny story: Big Brother Baghdad Babe George Galloway Slips In Quietly

Big Brother Baghdad Babe George Galloway Slips In Quietly

Self effacing recluse and patron of gentleman's outfitters charity, Suit You Sir, George Galloway, confounded his critics yesterday by locking himself away from the prying eyes of the public for a period of purdah which may last as long as twenty...
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Funny story: Texas Legalizes Murder

Texas Legalizes Murder

AUSTIN (AP) - Ever been so mad that you just felt like KILLING SOMEBODY? Anybody? Well, now you can .. legally in the State of Texas as long as you have "just cause". Last week Texas passed a law legalizing murder and basically striking do...
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Funny story: Pat Robertson: "I Am Crying For Help"

Pat Robertson: "I Am Crying For Help"

VIRGINIA BEACH - On his 700 Club television show, Pat Robertson told his audience that Israeli Prime Minister's recent massive stroke was divine retribution, stating "I would say woe unto any Prime Minister of Israel who takes a similar course to app...
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Funny story: Terrorist Al-Godiva whale swims up Thames

Terrorist Al-Godiva whale swims up Thames

The whale spotted swimming up the Thames in central London has been unmasked as part of an undercover surveillance operation by terrorist organisation Al-Godiva.
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Funny story: Houston to combine Enron, Tom Delay and Beyonce Trials into One

Houston to combine Enron, Tom Delay and Beyonce Trials into One

HOUSTON - Superstar Beyonce, charged with driving 28 in a 25 mph school zone finds herself sharing the courtroom spotlight with Enron defendants AND former House Majority leader Tom Delay in what Houston bills as "the greatest trial on earth...
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Funny story: Galactic Invasion Imminent .. Bush Requests Emergency Funds

Galactic Invasion Imminent .. Bush Requests Emergency Funds

WMD's? President Bush says "They got em, them alien critters. Real WMD's this time I tell ya!." Congress listened intently for 90 minutes as President Bush spilled the whole can of beans about Roswell, UFO cover-ups, alien...
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Funny story: Government plan to enourage healthy eating 'ludicrous'

Government plan to enourage healthy eating 'ludicrous'

The Health Secretary yesterday unveiled a £5 million plan to encourage healthy eating. Under the controversial plan, a range of gambling devices will be installed in chip shops, schools and arcades acrosss the country. These machines will differ from...
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Funny story: George Clooney Finally Finishes "The Passion of The Clooney"

George Clooney Finally Finishes "The Passion of The Clooney"

According to the Internet Movie Data Base, George Clooney has begun post-production work on the film "The Passion of the Clooney" a movie about his perceived persecution in the media.
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Funny story: Santa Claus Annual Operation 'Basically Illegal'

Santa Claus Annual Operation 'Basically Illegal'

It seems it could be a gloomy Christmas for many children at the close of the year, following a suggestion by the European Union that Saint Nicks' annual present giveaway may come under legal scrutiny.
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Funny story: President Bush chokes on Milk Bone Dog Biscuit, Barney comes to the Rescue

President Bush chokes on Milk Bone Dog Biscuit, Barney comes to the Rescue

Rivaling a scene straight out of a 3 Stooges film, White House security cameras caught President Bush and his dog Barney fighting over a dog biscuit in the White House Kitchen, the President winning, gulping down the biscuit in victory then keeling o...
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Funny story: Laura Bush Defends GOP "Culture of Corruption"

Laura Bush Defends GOP "Culture of Corruption"

MORONIA (Reuters) -- First Lady Laura Bush has acknowledged the truth of Democratic claims that Republicans are mired in a "culture of corruption" and she said she "wouldn't be glad at all" to campaign for the many sleazebag Republican cand...
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Funny story: Titanic In Tort Suit

Titanic In Tort Suit

NEW YORK - The descendants of the Titanic shipwreck passengers have filed a class-action tort suit, here in New York City. Bringing the suit is the self-proclaimed "King of Torts," Melvin Belli.
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Funny story: Sony sends 180 Million Aibos to search for Osama Bin Laden

Sony sends 180 Million Aibos to search for Osama Bin Laden

With the current reward for Bin Laden's head and/or fluffy white turban exceeding 500 MILLION DOLLARS Sony Corporation parachuted 180 million willing Aibo robot dogs over portions of southern Afghanistan as part of an elaborate high tech &...
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Funny story: Scientists Accidentally Discover God

Scientists Accidentally Discover God

An Interview with the Closeted Christian Scientists at the Bee Flight Discovery...
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Funny story: Fat Americans Lie about being Unattractive

Fat Americans Lie about being Unattractive

A recent survey conducted by the market research firm, NPD Group claims America's attitudes toward overweight people are shifting from rejection toward acceptance, citing that over a 20-year period, the percentage of Americans who said they find...
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Funny story: George Bush Wants War Against Iran "Just For the Heck Of It"

George Bush Wants War Against Iran "Just For the Heck Of It"

WASHINGTON (Reuters)-President George Bush has whimsically told a group of newspaper editors that he wants to wage war against Iran "just for the heck of it." Bush dressed informally in a wig and sweater to disguise his appearance at the busy news of...
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Funny story: $3.7 Trillion in Girl Scout Cookies Unaccounted For - Mr. T. Sent to Administer Justice

$3.7 Trillion in Girl Scout Cookies Unaccounted For - Mr. T. Sent to Administer Justice

A shocked nation awoke today to the news of over three and a half trillion dollars in Girl Scout cookies have just up and vanished - completely unaccounted for. "We don't know where they went" parroted a well-groomed Donald Rumsfeld, wiping what app...
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Funny story: Shock Select Committee Report Links John Prescott with Culture of Bullying

Shock Select Committee Report Links John Prescott with Culture of Bullying

The corridors of Whitehall are reverberating to the surprising news that The Office of The Deputy Prime Minister has been infiltrated with an evil culture of bullying, discrimination and harassment.
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Funny story: Mustard May Not Help Prevent Cancer

Mustard May Not Help Prevent Cancer

Mustard, seen as a tasty condiment used on everything from hamburgers to soft pretzels, probably doesn't help prevent cancer, according to a review of studies involving more than 700,000 patients and baseball stadium hotdog eaters.
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Funny story: Are cakes the culprit that cause the look of corpulence?

Are cakes the culprit that cause the look of corpulence?

Goodness Fact Sheet provides that caffeine is a stimulant that works directly on the brain. It can be transmitted through breast milk and pregnant women are advised to restrict their caffeine intake. It has analgesic properties but also has side effects such as anxiety, nervousness …palpitations. It also increases the heart rate and can provoke emotional reactions. It stimulates the gastric juic...
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Funny story: Resolutions for Living: A Guide to Smart New Years Resolutions Guaranteed to Bring Joy Back Into Your Life

Resolutions for Living: A Guide to Smart New Years Resolutions Guaranteed to Bring Joy Back Into Your Life

Ah, New Years Resolutions...... Every year come January first, millions of Americans slam their fists on the table and collectively declare an intent to change. "This is the year, " we all say, "This is it." The first week of any given new year, approxamitely 240,000 perfectly good packs of cigarettes hit the trash, 1.5 million people swear off McDonalds, and an estimated 5.
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Funny story: Just some random thoughts, please don't report me to the authorities

Just some random thoughts, please don't report me to the authorities

BOB Legere of KWXN, Denver and Ted Wallace of WQRZ, Miami attempting to hold a phone conversation ..
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Funny story: 'Raunchy' Cola War Commercials Spark Network Controversy

'Raunchy' Cola War Commercials Spark Network Controversy

(CNN) Actual commercial .. A live studio audience .. Coke folks, Pepsi folks. 2 bowls on stage. A pooch walks up to one bowl labeled "Coke", tinkles on it. The PEPSI crowd goes wild. Pooch then walks over to the Pepsi bowl, squats down, do...
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Funny story: Fiction Writer Admits Making Up Everything

Fiction Writer Admits Making Up Everything

NEW YORK - Damian Quirky, a noted fiction writer, held a press conference here today, and admitted making up everything in his fictional novels and short stories.
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Funny story: Rovers Discover Life on Mars, Claim the Planet in the Name of McDonald Douglas

Rovers Discover Life on Mars, Claim the Planet in the Name of McDonald Douglas

NASA ENGINEER -> Ok Spirit, turn 23.897 degrees starboard to clear that embankment ahead then ..
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Funny story: Sven to step down after World Cup Quarter finals

Sven to step down after World Cup Quarter finals

Following revelations in a Sunday tabloid last week that England football manager Sven Göran Eriksson is swedish and drinks with Arabs, the English FA has announced that England's customary elimination at the quarter final stage of this summers World...
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Funny story: Halliburton Hits Hard Times - Cheney Down On His Luck

Halliburton Hits Hard Times - Cheney Down On His Luck

Vice President/Galaxian Dictator Dick Cheney today announced that due to "Godless communist lies" and "weak liberal thinking" that his trans-galactic empire Halliburton is being forced to actually BID on contracts - not have them...
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Funny story: Patients Forced to Treat Themselves to Save Government Cash

Patients Forced to Treat Themselves to Save Government Cash

LONDON (AFP)-Government cabinet ministers are rescuing Britain's National Health Service, the NHS, from its chronic cash problems with a new scheme that pushes patients out of their hospital rooms and forces them to treat themselves.
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Funny story: Sleestack/Lurch '08

Sleestack/Lurch '08

In a move destined for greatness, the Republican Party today announced their candidates for the 2008 Presidential race: a Sleestack and Lurch. The pairing of the prehistoric reptilian biped and the beloved harpsichord playing, mail-fetching Amazonia...
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Funny story: Bob Geldof and Friends Set to Record Single to Benefit Families of Dead West Virginia Coal Miners

Bob Geldof and Friends Set to Record Single to Benefit Families of Dead West Virginia Coal Miners

LONDON- In what appears to be the latest in a long line of charitable efforts, Sir Bob Geldof is organizing pop-music's A-List to record a song to benefit the families of the recent coal mine disaster in Tallmansville, West Virginia. Geldof held a p...
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Funny story: Ruth Kelly Gives Axe Murderer Teaching Job

Ruth Kelly Gives Axe Murderer Teaching Job

Education Minister Ruth Kelly is under pressure again after it was revealed that a convicted axe murderer, Reginald Pox was cleared to teach in a secondary school in spite of being on the Axe Murderer's Register.
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Funny story: Siamese Cats March On Washington

Siamese Cats March On Washington

WASHINGTON, DC - Overcoming their aversion to herding, thousands of purebred Siamese cats staged their first ever march on Washington, DC.
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Funny story: "King of the Hill" creator hospitalized for Dementia

"King of the Hill" creator hospitalized for Dementia

Austin Resident Mike Judge, voice of King of the Hill's "Hank Hill" was taken into custody and placed under observation after forcing his son "Bobby" to dance naked down 6th street singing Elevation by U2. Judge, also the dire...
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Funny story: Lionel - American Flyer Collision Causes Evacuation

Lionel - American Flyer Collision Causes Evacuation

TONAWANDA - This industrial town north of Buffalo, New York faced an event the citizens thought would never occur: A collision between Bobby's Lionel diesel locomotive and Mikey's American Flyer steam locomotive caused the evacuation of an entire nei...
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Funny story: Menzies fingers Mingus

Menzies fingers Mingus

Menzies Campbell has today pulled out of the race for the Liberal Democrat leadership after admitting to having fingered jazz legend Charles Mingus. 'I've always enjoyed his loose bass-oriented rhythms' said the experienced MP for Fife No...
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Funny story: Iran Nukes it's own Capital

Iran Nukes it's own Capital

Satellite imagery shows a "great big hole in the ground" where Tehran Iran used to be after Iran successfully tested it's first thermonuclear device .. in the middle of downtown Tehran. "I'm sure it was just an accident"...
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Funny story: New Fair Trade Cocaine Launched

New Fair Trade Cocaine Launched

Farmer-friendly version of drug will ease liberal consciences. Consumer groups yesterday lent their support to the launch of new ‘fair trade' cocaine in north-west London. The move, by Jason ‘Jay' Myers of Stonebridge Park, came after years of campai...
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Funny story: Record Cold Prompts Russian Plea for Faster Global Warming

Record Cold Prompts Russian Plea for Faster Global Warming

Moscow- Bone chilling cold has gripped much of Russia, bringing the coldest temperatures in over 50 years. Dozens of people have perished in the winter blast causing Moscow to issue a plea to the International community in hopes of convincing industr...
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Funny story: White House Offers to give Louisiana back to French

White House Offers to give Louisiana back to French

A top economic adviser to President Bush said Tuesday that the White House has offered to give Louisiana back to France along with a full refund for the famous Louisiana Purchase.
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Funny story: George Bush Praises Abramoff, Says ‘Corruption is Good for Washington and Israel'

George Bush Praises Abramoff, Says ‘Corruption is Good for Washington and Israel'

WASHINGTON (AP-Instead of trying to distance himself from lobbyist Jack Abramoff, President George W. Bush instead praised the felon, saying that "corruption is good for Washington and Israel and makes the world go round."...
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Funny story: Iran to receive first International ASBO

Iran to receive first International ASBO

Following weeks of speculation that the new Iranian government has secretly been stockpiling party poppers and streamers left over from new year celebrations, reports from Tehran have indicated that the regime has also acquired a considerable supply...
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Funny story: 36,000 Flu Deaths Won't Be from Bird Flu

36,000 Flu Deaths Won't Be from Bird Flu

ATLANTA - It has yet to sicken a single American, but the potential for a bird flu virus pandemic riveted the attention of health officials and ordinary people in 2005, making it the year's top health news story.
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Funny story: Fish Oil Helps Fish

Fish Oil Helps Fish

NORWICH - Thousands of fish in hundreds of schools across the seven seas, could be the beneficiary of a new ground breaking study now underway in this university city. Young fish are being studied to see if re-ingested fish oil in capsule form, helps...
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Funny story: When You Vomit Fish, Vomit White Wine

When You Vomit Fish, Vomit White Wine

Hello dear readers. My name is Alexander Woolcott, and this is my inaugural column for advice on fine dining and etiquette.
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Funny story: Iran's Nuclear Program: Still a Threat?

Iran's Nuclear Program: Still a Threat?

The threat of a possible future nuclear holocaust at the hands of Iran is up in the air after the surprising resignation of deputy head of Iran's Atomic Energy Agency, Mohammad Saidi. Saidi abrubtly announced his resignation in the middle of a pr...
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Funny story: Sick Chicks

Sick Chicks

A Midwestern farm, ZOOM IN on a BLACK CROW, sitting on the edge of a small opening in the side of a huge metal FARM SHED. ZOOM through the window to reveal that the Black Crow is listening intently to what two caged CHICKENS are saying.
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