Spoof news stories from September 2003
There were 63 spoof news stories published in September 2003. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
In a bid to irradicate stress from the workplace, Japanese bosses have ordered their workforce to have designated sex-breaks during the day to keep levels of stress to an absolute minimum.
In a shocking speech early this morning, President of America George Bush announced that the American army would be launching an attack on Iceland. The world looks on as America once again makes an attack on an opponent that is not fully equipped to...
Mrs Christmas' latest tirade against her husband has sparked interest amongst media moguls and advertising men. The portly old lady has criticised her husband for being 'lazy and fat'. Mr Christmas (also known as 'Father' Christma...
Bernard Blunt, a sad loner, boasted to his mates about a whole new world that had opened up for him.
Rage software have released details of their upcoming game, "Kylie: Unleashed!". The game, set to release on X-Box, PS2 and Game Cube, stars diminutive popstrel Kylie Minogue and is said to be mostly about her arse.
Beef farming, the latest vogue in farming circles, has turned one happy farmer's long love affair with the business, in to one big nightmare.
Jeff Blake, 143, has refused to comment to journalists on his apparently scandelous attempts at tax-evasion. Jeff, who died at age 82, is being investigated by US detectives for his non-compliance.
The fast food chain McDonalds was shocked yesterday as it's most famous icon, Ronald McDonald, was charged with downloading offensive images from the internet. His laptop, pictured above, was confiscated pending a police investigation. The clow...
Sex goddess, Britney Spears, astounded her fans with claims that her bra was haunted by the ghost of Elvis.
Research carried out by linguists at Lancaster University, England, has revealed that children just don't swear like they used to.
It emerged yesterday that singer with band REM, Michael Stipe, has been admitted to a mental institution. Friends and family refused to comment on the matter, but a band spokesperson confirmed that Michael's mental capabilities had been deterior...
HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a shock announcement, Celebrities have said they just can't stomach their own feet.
The White House was working hard to cover up President Bush's latest diplomatic blunder.
A woman, yet to be named, is in hospital with second degree burns to her groin after attempting to rid herself from an infestation of Pthirus pubis (Pubic lice, or Crabs). The woman is believed to have used a whole can of foaming insect killer to...
Nora Williams, a plain speaking Yorkshire lass, claims that her newly fitted patio windows are haunted by the ghost of Lady Diana.
Ice cream makers Ben & Jerry's are reported to have separated. Hopes of marriage are now all but gone.
Boffins at Lancaster University have determined that...
Prime Minister Tony Blair rocked the political scene throughout the world today by sensationally outing himself in the public eye.
Yes, as if Christina Aguilera couldn't get any crazier, reports have come in that she's bitten the head off of a chicken.
In a bizarre, but not terribly shocking move, Jennifer Lopez has decided to change her name once more. The name change coincides with her new album: "I have lots of money but I love you all".
Tony Blair was formally removed from the Labour Party yesterday, after making homosexual advances towards John "Prezza" Prescott and unconfirmed reports state these may have involved Humphrey, the Downing Street cat.
The Metropolitan Police announced yesterday that they were set to launch a radical new drugs policy aimed at driving out dealers and reducing organised crime. The as yet untitled policy has been given the working name 'Operation Needle City'...
To Dougie and Freda Duckpond, Benidorm was like a second home. But after spending many happy holidays at the popular Spanish resort, they have now vowed never to return after strange events ruined their stay two months ago. Happy...
Pop teen virgin, Britney Spears, (who is no longer any of those qualifiers), has started her celebrity comeback in vicious style.
A new concept developed 'down-under' is proving to be a massive success with golfers. Underwater Golf is turning out to be quite the hit with local pros. "It's fantastic," says Bruce Almatey, owner of the local club. "This morning I cracked up a s...
British Prime Minister Tony Blair is to answer allegations that he performed a raunchy dance for the US President to persuade him to wage war on Iraq. Up until now, most reports of this nature have implied that it was American President, George Bush...
Tell all the Christians to stop fussing and searching, Jesus has at last been found! Around the hour of Midnight, The Spoof''s very own reporter Jackie Sharp, under the influence of alcohol you understand, walked into a brothel, in an area which will remain unnamed, and saw, none other than the Christian deity himself, Mr. Jesus Christ.
Researchers at Lancaster University, England, have invented something to assist the more disabled wheelchair bound person in consuming beverages from their chair.
The small town of Gosh, nestled somewhere between Newcastle and London, is to erect a new public toilet block in its main square to commemorate the life of the late Diana, Princess of Wales.
Spoofology, the study of all things spoof related, is a relatively new course being offered to students at Lancaster University, England. The first graduate of this course, Mr. Paul Lowton B.A. (Hons) is said to be delighted with the vast number of o...
The producers of Big Brother have announced a new game "Despair" which puts a fresh slant on the reality-television genre. A group of people, selected for their contrasting interests, beliefs and personalities, are placed on a lawless islan...
The lowly coin started life in 3000BC by Egyptian slave-monkeys who needed a way to barter for drinks that their evil overlords would deny them. Back then, the 1 pence piece was formed with cattle dung and spittle, curved into a crude circular shape. Even now, some coins are made using dung and spittle - the 1 Euro coin is the best example.
Jimbo, the monkey, has escaped from Lancaster University Monkey Research Centre (LUMRC). He is said to be extremely dangerous and residents of the local area are being advised to remain in their homes until he is safely returned.
The Guiness Company today confirmed that actor and girl look-a-like Orlando Bloom has now been interviewed by every journalist living on the planet today.
In a bizarre turn of events, Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted lying to the people of Great Britain. In an unusually open and frank interview with Sir David Frost which is due to be aired this Sunday, Tony Blair explained the level of his deception...
The Pope attempted to stem the declining numbers of church weddings by offering a 5 year 'no divorce' warranty on all new marriages in his Catholic churches.
Whilst many people are bemoaning the loss of several of England's finest thugs after their arrests in several Greek islands over the past few weeks, Arsene Wenger has kindly offered the services of his back 4 players to take up the role.
Following the disastrous Iraqi war, the British Prime Minister has managed to persuade her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II to allow him to convert to the Muslim faith.
Ronald Blair and Jack Brown, joint holders of the "2002 Biscuits for Britain" biscuit eating championship, are set to go head-to-head once more this month.
US Police officials have today announced a crackdown on 'gun shaped' fruit, specifically bananas, from American airports.
The UK government has today admitted that plans to sell Cocaine as a 'light pick-me-up', have been approved by top-tier cabinet members. The plan is set to go to the vote on Wednesday.
Mr T was smiling above his hundreds of gold chains yesterday, as he heard he was to be an official nominee for the Nobel Prize. The star, famously known for his role as BA Barracuss in The A-Team, commented: "Hey fool. I'm very happy to be...
EMI, the record label behind so many great artists such as Billy Joel, M People and Robbie Williams have recently won a court case that will change the world forever! The case was unprecidented, but EMI have promised "there'll be plenty more...
Huge fore-headed Geordie sex symbols PJ and Duncan aka Ant and Dec, have announced their decision to go their separate ways after a huge fight at the final round of Pop Idol.
In the latest crazy political stunt by the British Government, it has been announced that all British Ambassadors will be forced to don the famous Beafeater costume.
Tony Blair delighted his criminal community when he proposed that dogs and old gits were to be banned from using Britain's pavements.
Old Aged Pensioners from across the United Kingdom have united and attacked Tony Blair's house at 10 Downing Street, London.
The British government was reeling after the latest ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.
International rap superstar Nelly is being sued for 1,000,000 in damages by Nelly the Elephant.
The GibberBrit Party today released a terror alert for Britain.
There was a shocked silence amongst the sporting community, when it was announced that the Olympic games were to be discontinued because they are too racist.
Manchester came to a halt today when the police force went on strike.
The leaders and officials of the world are today trying to think up of a some sort of scandal about Arnold Schwarzeneggar to hide the embarassing news that their 9/11 security alerts were pointless.
David Blaine was spotted in the top London egg & ripe tomato restaurant "The Red White and Yellow Gunge," yesterday afternoon.
Jalapeños, the Mexican left-wing political party has demanded better human rights for the peppers of the world. Their radical suggestion is that peppers should be allowed to vote in elections to gain a fair representation of the country's politic...
The British government was reeling after the latest ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.
A newly formed political party hit the street today campaign for you vote in the forthcoming 2005 Elections. The newly formed GibberBrit Party today announced it's intentions to stand at the next general election. It is looking for your support.
Publican, Beverly Basket, has re-discovered an ancient Egyptian recipe originally used during the mummification process, but now prefers it as an additive in her ale. The formula is still top secret, but, as Bev explained, it's not as scary as it...
The US Government has now decided that war is the only thing that brings about peace in the world. Bush (George W) announced yesterday:...
Official polls have described the Hutton Enquiry as enormously dull and boring. Many UK television viewers have been turned off the news due to at least half of every news-programme being dedicated to an enquiry full of lying, cheating losers.
Under new government proposals, asylum seekers reaching the pearly gates of Dover will be forced to take David Blunkett's new "Citizenship Classes" before being accepted as British Citizens.
An investigation has begun in Buck palace after it was discovered that the Queen had eaten liver, fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Tag-Heuer have announced news that has devastated the Athletics World Championships. The infamous time-keeping company have declared that their devices have been affected by the 2003 bug, a slightly older brother of the Millenium Bug. The bug has app...