Spoof news stories from Thursday 20 November 2003
The latest sales figures for the UK album chart suggest R & B crooner R Kelly's new album: "Chocolate Factory" is actually selling better amidst allegations that R Kelly has slept with a minor.
In some kind of wondrous cock-up, UEFA have decided that Wales and Scotland not only qualified for the Euro 2004 finals, but that they are actually alongside France and Portugal in the top seedings.
New Tory leader Michael Howard has unveiled controversial plans to switch constituency to the seat of Margate - and move Conservative Party headquarters to the seaside town's famous fun fair.
The British Tourist Board has described the UK's seaside resorts as "sh*t", "dirty scum holes", "fat northerner meccas" and "Blackpool".