Spoof news stories from Monday 30 June 2003
A young grammar school girl, Felicity Crockett, aged 13 and 3/4, survived a horrific bitch attack today. The young Welsh girl was assaulted by other girls her own age from her Grammar school in Yorkshire.
There was public anger this afternoon after it was discovered that three tonnes of weapons-grade plutonium managed to sneak past Windsor Castle police officers, enter the Royal bedroom, and make love to the Queen.
If I was to say to you that aliens existed, you'd probably stop punching me in the face and kick me in the nuts. But for one small town in the north of England it seems alien technology is high on the agenda.
As is usual at this time of year the tennis craze has hit the UK hard, with the Queens and Wimbledon tournaments making the brits literally drool whilst watching in an often comatose and inebriated state. Pubs have been quick to latch on to this craz...
Shock has spread throughout the political landscape tonight after the news that Tony Blair has sacked Home Secretary David Blunkett for "not knowing what people look like".
My White Plastic Chair by Phrank Phraser. I should be feeling guilty. I really should be hanging my sunburnt head in shame and pleading for forgiveness for having idled away so much precious time doing nothing. But strangely I’m not. And what’s more I don’t care.
The Allies were shaken by intelligence reports suggesting that Saddam has made an audacious escape from Iraq by wearing a pair of ?Y' fronts.
Home Secretary David Blunkett has apologised to the Royal Family and promised tighter security after last week's break in at Prince William's 21st birthday 'bash'. Invited guests at the party were shocked to see Camilla Parker-Bowles...
A.A. Gill is a damn liar. 'The Sunday Times' columnist has, for many years now, fooled the nation's broadsheet-buying public into thinking that he was a food critic. Fools! "Gill" (if, I very much doubt, that is his real name) can now be exposed as the fraud that he truly is. For while the words underneath his name may say 'Food Critic', have you ever actual...