There were 70 spoof news stories published in March 2002. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Coronation Street Star gets Kylie's Arse

Coronation Street Star gets Kylie's Arse

Coronation Street's master butcher, Fred Elliot, was the envy of the Showbiz world when he bought Kylie's bum at a charity auction. The auction was held because the gorgeous megastar decided that it was only fair to share the 'leftovers' from the...
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Funny story: Nigella Lawson and Ronald McDonald to divorce

Nigella Lawson and Ronald McDonald to divorce

"It just wasn't working out between us" claimed Nigella, 73, emerging from the solicitors office with Ronald McDonald. "I was on the bounce from John (Diamond, her previous husband who died a few years ago, was a top journalist and to whom this r...
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Funny story: Obesity-Related Injuries Reported

Obesity-Related Injuries Reported

Mr. Homer Bloat, of Altoona, Pennsylvania, was arrested by police last week for his part in an incident in which several people were injured. Mr. Bloat, who is very corpulent (and whose nickname in Immoblie Home), was given a jogging suit by his w...
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Funny story: Woman Suffers Death By Max Bygraves

Woman Suffers Death By Max Bygraves

Police are investigating how a Yorkshire woman was killed today when a recording of Max Bygraves's song 'You Need Hands' became stuck in her CD player's replay mode. "We estimate the song played well over three hundred times," said Inspector Moros...
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Funny story: Robert Mugabe Goes Nude Ice Skating

Robert Mugabe Goes Nude Ice Skating

Robert Mugabe celebrated his election victory, yesterday, by opening the 'Idi Amin' outdoor ice skating rink in the Zimbabwe capital, Harare.
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Funny story: Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

In what is being heralded as the most surprising move in any band's career, thrash metallers "Slipknot" have hired the talents of interior designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Bowen, 36 is rumoured to be thrilled by the new prospect, and is already in t...
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Funny story: Greek Spies Await Decision

Greek Spies Await Decision

A group of Greek holidaymakers are been held in Britain indefinitely whilst a decision is being made as to whether they should be formally charged with spying. The twelve-strong group, disguised as two families, first aroused suspicions whe...
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Funny story: Phil 'The Power' Taylor wins Dutch Pop Idol

Phil 'The Power' Taylor wins Dutch Pop Idol

Darts legend, 9 times SKOL world champion, Phil 'The Power' Taylor has shocked pop fans in Holland by winning through the arduous Pop Idol Competition. "Admittedly, the Dutch competition isn't as difficult as the British one, but Holland is a big...
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Funny story: Bobby Davro is EMINEM

Bobby Davro is EMINEM

Bobby Davro, considered one of the greatest living comedians has announced that he is the real slim shady! The announcement brings an end to rumours that Bobby Davro had started selling carpets. "Yeah" he said "I am the mastermind behind Eminem.
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Funny story: Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis

Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis

David the makeup wearing (though fully heterosexual) squirrel has, today, successfully thwarted the evil plan of his arch enemy Dr. Evil Squirrel, who was attempting to gain access to the USA's nuclear missile launch codes. Dr. Evil Squirrel (kno...
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Funny story: Thatcher's Gob Dead!

Thatcher's Gob Dead!

Margaret Thatcher pretty much died this week, now that she's unable to spook politicians with her outspoken brain-thoughts. TheSpoof.com takes a look back at her mouth's life? 1959 - Elected as Member of Parliament for the first time. A yout...
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Funny story: Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!

Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!

The government has issued a stern warning to the British public: put your clocks forward before 2am on the 31st of March and face the consequences. "It is an offence and legal action will be taken against any offenders," Time Minister, Gerald Smith t...
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Funny story: Cement man eats fruit fly shocker

Cement man eats fruit fly shocker

It has recently been reported that the worlds smallest cement man, handily named Cement Man, has devoured a fruit fly! These shocking events were unveiled earlier this week, it has created a massive response world-wide with riots in every major ci...
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Funny story: Government spy bulbs

Government spy bulbs

In a shocking discovery made by intrepid wannabe scientist, Mark Bramwell, it has been found that every single lightbulb in every single house in every single street on every single... Umm every single light bulb contains top secret high-tech govern...
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Funny story: All cartoon characters are real

All cartoon characters are real

There is a point every person's life where they find out that cartoons are not real. This happens at the tender age of 5 in the summer as the parents want them out of the house. The sucide rate at this time is phenomenal. However, cartoon char...
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Funny story: Saddam Take-Out Plans Revealed

Saddam Take-Out Plans Revealed

The United States has revealed its audacious plans to remove Saddam Hussain from power in Iraq. This comes after fresh accusations of him using weapons of mass-destruction to feed infants as young as seventeen years old. President Bush said in hi...
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Funny story: Israel Attacks Arafat's Pants

Israel Attacks Arafat's Pants

Israeli warplanes have attacked the symbolic target of Yasser Arafat's underpants drawer and the strategic Ramallah quarry. Arafat's personalised "Hail to the Chief" underpants represent his leadership of the Palestinian embryonic state, one that...
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Funny story: Crooks Never Sleep

Crooks Never Sleep

It was another hot December's day, and I'd had all but loaded the Station Wagon when to my suprise I found a Man sleeping in the backseat. I ran inside my 2-bedroom home, dashed through the kitchen, and decided to take my mind off of what I had seen...
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Funny story: Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough

In retailiation to recent threats given by the American and British governments, SADDAM HUSSEIN president of Iraq, has given, what can only be described as a "two-fingered-salute" to the western world. In a video statement that was supplied to The...
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Funny story: Nearly the end of the world

Nearly the end of the world

It should have been the end of the world earlier this morning as a huge asteroid slammed into the Earth at an unimaginable speed. Fortunately for us, another asteroid crashed into us from the exact opposite angle at the exact same time causing bo...
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Funny story: Smiling Norman Tossed Off By Loose Slag

Smiling Norman Tossed Off By Loose Slag

The earth certainly moved for lucky Norman Gingham last Saturday night. "What an experience," he told us from his home yesterday. "It's the first time anything remotely like this has happened to me, I can tell you. What a bloody night that was!"...
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Funny story: 70s police drama addict caused Sept 11 crash

70s police drama addict caused Sept 11 crash

It has been revealed that the plane which struck the South Tower of the World Trade Centre had been hijacked by a Jordanian former traffic policeman with a mania for straight-to-video 70s cop films. Mr Abdul Love Hewitt III, latterly of Monterrey...
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Funny story: Bill Gates Kills Linux

Bill Gates Kills Linux

Bill Gates, the money grabbing monopolist, yesterday achieved his aim of killing Linux when Linus Torvalds, the eminent creator of what is acclaimed to be "the best OS in the world today" was savagely murdered by a Microsoft designed virus. The ne...
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Funny story: Easter Bunny retires after family tragedy

Easter Bunny retires after family tragedy

The Easter Bunny has retired from the business after a long and prosperous reign as the number 1 chocolate delivering animal. His retirement came very shortly after police released information that 3 of Mr. Bunny's 5,258 children were taken hostage a...
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Funny story: British curlers to pose naked

British curlers to pose naked

Having been the toast of the country, British gold medallist curlers have really felt the publicity drought recently. This has influenced their recent announcement that they are to pose naked for 'front' magazine.
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Funny story: Masturbation=Bad??

Masturbation=Bad??

That's right people. A new study by the institute of Pointless Research has found that every time a person masturbates, they in fact, manage to kill a kitten. The study took 70 people, male and female, randomly kidnapped from the street and had...
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Funny story: Andrea yates found dead

Andrea yates found dead

Murderer and insane crazy b*tch Andrea Yates has been found dead in her cell. Security camera footage has shown her mother running in with a knife and stabbing her repeatedly in the chest screaming "I'm sorry, I'm just a bad mother!!!" The footage...
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Funny story: Smart Arse Northerner cracks Cockney Rhyming

Smart Arse Northerner cracks Cockney Rhyming

Alan Arkwright, a cheeky Northern smart arse, threw the East End of London into disarray, when he claimed to have cracked Cockney rhyming slang! "Cor blimey guv!" was the shocked response of Arthur Fowler, a very old Cockney person. "Even blee...
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Funny story: Sir Elton John Asked To Sing At QM's Funeral

Sir Elton John Asked To Sing At QM's Funeral

The remaining members of the Royal Family have asked Sir Elton John to sing "There's No-one Quite Like Grandma" at The Queen Mother's funeral. The song - which was so beautifully sung by St Winifred's Girl's School Choir back in 1981 to commemorate t...
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Funny story: The Fisherman

The Fisherman

It all started to happen about 89 years ago when I was forced to become something the world has once and will never see anything like what I've become.. what I've become. For the past couple of years, the changes have appeared to be wired. I'll sta...
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Funny story: Dead Queen Mum causes havoc

Dead Queen Mum causes havoc

The death of the Queen Mother has caused chaos throughout the world. The greatest effect is that to the most important institution in the world: British Television. The two main channels, BBC1 and ITV1, have decided to cancel all programming on t...
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Funny story: Actor's Jowls Explode

Actor's Jowls Explode

Geoffrey Palmer's jowls have exploded. The blast which was heard by neighbours happened at around 6am this morning. Mr Palmer, best known for his lugubrious roles in sitcoms is said to be "looking less lugubrious". The jowls have been steadil...
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Funny story: Cold Woman Faces Death Penalty

Cold Woman Faces Death Penalty

Florida woman Irma Kowalski faces the death penalty if convicted on bio-terrorism charges after knowingly spreading the feared cold virus. Florida State Police Department were flooded with calls after Mrs Kowalski was seen sneezing, coughing, and...
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Funny story: Rap Star Deletes Interludes

Rap Star Deletes Interludes

American rap star Jermaine Dupri's new album should still be released this Summer despite the accidental wiping of his answerphone messages. The deleted messages were intended to form 11 interludes between the four new tracks. A spokesman for his...
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Funny story: Wife Forces Man to Buy Minivan

Wife Forces Man to Buy Minivan

The mood was somber at Rico's Southwestern Tavern last night as five men came together to mourn the lost youth of David Chambers, whose wife forced him to buy a minivan. "Look at that thing!" Chambers exclaimed, sorrowfully pointing to the burgund...
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Funny story: Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Get More

Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Get More

In an attempt to compromise with the demands being put forward in court by families of the prisoners being held there, US military officials are increasing the rights of all suspects at Guantanamo Bay, of which there are now in excess of 300. The...
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Funny story: Gareth Gates can speak!

Gareth Gates can speak!

In a shocking revelation, TheSpoof.com has found out that Gareth GGGGGGGGGates can actually speak properly. He announced this after revealing that Will only announced he was Gay due to him losing a contest of truth or dare, and the same apparently ap...
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Funny story: Gordon Burns: "I am KRYPTOMAN"

Gordon Burns: "I am KRYPTOMAN"

"Superman was allergic to anything krypto-. I thrive on the stuff!" claimed Gordon Burns, former host of The Krypton Factor and proud owner of the smallest head in show business, before a press conference. Burns went on to explain that his super p...
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Funny story: Blonde Bombshell In Breaststroke Bugger-Up!

Blonde Bombshell In Breaststroke Bugger-Up!

Pretty regional swimming champion Claudia Bartlett was so close to reaching her ambitious target of swimming 20 kilometres, but had to stop just fifty agonising metres from the end of the marathon record attempt. The tearful twenty-two year-...
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Funny story: Handbags Get Turbocharged

Handbags Get Turbocharged

In a somewhat surprising move, boots the chemist have today introduced miniature jet engines into their small range of ladies' handbags. The engines are said to vary from a V6 to a V12, and also differ in their gearing - some are a mere single speed,...
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Funny story: All is Fair in Love and War

All is Fair in Love and War

It has been reported by scientists at the University of Berkley, California, that 'all really is fair in love and war'. The study, part funded by the Pentagon and the Seventh-day Adventist Church of America Ltd, surveyed couples in the West-Texas ar...
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Funny story: Warnock's Gang Mean Business!

Warnock's Gang Mean Business!

Neil Warnock and his Sheffield United football team - who on Saturday successfully kicked the shit out of a West Brom side who mistakenly thought they were playing in a football match - have been asked to stand down as players and become supporters i...
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Funny story: New Linux Mascot Created

New Linux Mascot Created

Following up on last months exclusive report on the "branching out" of Linux mascot Tux the penguin, this privileged reporter has been shown official primary sketches of what has been confirmed as the replacement for Tux. The character is a large-...
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Funny story: Stuffed Bunny, Mr Floppels, Disappears.

Stuffed Bunny, Mr Floppels, Disappears.

KETCHUM, WY -- Tragedy struck the Shiny Smiles Community Play Center last Wednesday when Samantha Togglson's beloved stuffed bunny Mr. Floppels mysteriously disappeared. At 2 o'clock as Sam and her mother Helen Togglson were leaving the center, w...
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Funny story: Basingstoke Pensioner Accused Of Stockpiling Jif

Basingstoke Pensioner Accused Of Stockpiling Jif

Basingstoke pensioner Mrs Alma Potter (87) claimed today that she had been named by US President George Dubya Bush as the next likely target in his war against terrorism. Speaking through the letterbox of her terraced home at number seven Albion S...
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Funny story: Jerry Springer kills the Roswell Aliens

Jerry Springer kills the Roswell Aliens

We shall never know all the sinister details of the 'Roswell Aliens Cover-up'. One irrefutable fact, however, is that the surviving aliens went to live in England until March 2002 when they were 'killed' by none other than the celebrated Jerry Spri...
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Funny story: Teen Meets Carson Daly, Realizes He's a Dick

Teen Meets Carson Daly, Realizes He's a Dick

After waiting in the cold New York Winter for nearly three hours 16 year-old Kristin Myers finally was invited up to the prestigous TRL Studio. "It was really cold that day and my friend Jenny and I were super-excited when they told us we could g...
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Funny story: Friends Cast Member Sighted At Walt's Tavern

Friends Cast Member Sighted At Walt's Tavern

RIBERA, NM - Ribera radio station 94.3 KGUN runs a daily segment called "celebrity sighting". This is where anyone within listening range of the station calls in to report having seen a celebrity the night before. DJ Rob "spinnin" Jones said ab...
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Funny story: Celebrities to be Privatised?

Celebrities to be Privatised?

Celebrities are to be made more efficient, and finally receive the investment they deserve when plans to fund them with private finance are unveiled by the Briton Party this week. A number of different concepts are being toyed with. They are as f...
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Funny story: Woman Goes to Work With Wet Hair

Woman Goes to Work With Wet Hair

POTEAU, AK -- Thursday morning, in an act that defied all logic, Tamera Patterson arrived at her Stallion Food Mart job, with wet hair. Fellow workers were confused and awestruck by the events of that day. James Frier, a stock boy at Stallion Food...
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Funny story: Blair's Worrying Wrinkly Erections

Blair's Worrying Wrinkly Erections

Tony Blair was in jubilant mood, today, because he had solved the problem of funding pensions for the ageing population. "It's so simple" he enthused, "I'll kill the wrinkly old gits off with my new 'wonder- drug', which I've named DIE-AGRA". "Thi...
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Funny story: Queen Mother - Alive!

Queen Mother - Alive!

Representatives from the union of Documentary and Tributary Film Makers will today travel to Buckingham Palace to protest about the queen mother's seemingly endless longevity. "We've had the queen mother's life tributes in the can since 1961," sai...
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Funny story: Angel of Death Retires

Angel of Death Retires

After one thousand years and millions of cases handled, the time has come for the man in black to step down. Reporter Will Da Thrill caught up with Death at the airport for a quick interview. WDT - So Mr. Death how does it feel to retire? AOD-...
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Funny story: Hollywood Grows Child Stars

Hollywood Grows Child Stars

Hollywood studios recently admitted that their child stars are specially bred for filming. This child star breeding, Hollywood executives revealed, began long ago - when there just weren't enough child actors to go around. In those days, everyone...
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Funny story: England Threaten To Boycott World Cup

England Threaten To Boycott World Cup

TheSpoof can reveal that the entire England football squad - led by 'Captain Goldenballs' himself, David Beckham - are on the verge of pulling out of this summer's World Cup finals in Japan and South Korea. "They're going to spoil it for th...
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Funny story: Rejected by Letterman, ABC Set To Hire Bin Laden

Rejected by Letterman, ABC Set To Hire Bin Laden

The American Broadcasting Network (ABC), having been turned down by David Letterman and already having strained relations with Ted Koppel of Nightline and Bill Maher of Politically Incorrect, is branching outside of the normal entertainment circles t...
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Funny story: Update: Small Girl's Stuffed Rabbit Missing!

Update: Small Girl's Stuffed Rabbit Missing!

KETCHUM, WY -- At 7:30 pm last Wednesday Jim Togglson, husband of Helen Togglson, sat down to have a "brewski", and watch the local news. Jim got comfortable in his La-Z-Boy Nelson, and stuck his hand down the side in search of the television remote...
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Funny story: Zimbabwe Election: Mugabe Turns on Blacks

Zimbabwe Election: Mugabe Turns on Blacks

President Mugabe, the Zimbabwean electoral spoilsport, has declared vengeance upon the black population of his country. He also banned the movement of limbs during election week, reducing the chance of it being a free and fair vote. In a speech m...
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Funny story: Jury: Buck did not cause 9/11

Jury: Buck did not cause 9/11

Peter Buck was not responsible for the 9/11th September 11th atrocities, a court in Middlesex has decided. Happy New Yorkers now call for a tribute to the REM pensioner. The verdict comes as a relief for the REM guitarist, who claimed, "the only...
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Funny story: More Concern Rises After Another Hospital Cock-up

More Concern Rises After Another Hospital Cock-up

The NHS is being put under increasing pressure after one of their hospitals in Nottingham made yet another cock-up. Instead of connecting nearly twenty-five of their patients' to a machine designed to simulate the heart, they got a big sledgehamme...
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Funny story: Israelibus Introduces Suicide Saver Ticket

Israelibus Introduces Suicide Saver Ticket

Israeli bus company officials today unveiled their new 'Suicide Saver' ticket that promises significant savings on the cost of a standard return fare. The tickets, which may be purchased on the day of travel at any Hamas explosives outlet, are the la...
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Funny story: 17 Year-Old Wants It To Be Clear That He Isn't Gay

17 Year-Old Wants It To Be Clear That He Isn't Gay

Casey Douglas, a 17 year-old Junior at Mona Shores High Schools wants it to be perfectly clear that he is indeed not a homosexual. Douglas makes this claim after years of speculation. The speculation is due to Douglas involvement in with the dance...
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Funny story: "Ali Me" Film Offends Ethnics

"Ali Me" Film Offends Ethnics

The latest film that's expected to get 14-year-old kids repeating his sweary catch phrases, is released this week. The film: "I'm A White Man that Does Them Nigga Phrases", stars Ali Me, a character devised by self-proclaimed genius Jama Viceroy-Plag...
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Funny story: 1337 haX0rs GeT SpElLiNg hElP fR0M M$ w0rD

1337 haX0rs GeT SpElLiNg hElP fR0M M$ w0rD

Az a fO|l0w up tO a Story fr0m Th3 |ast 3ditiOn micr0$0ft HaV3 mad3 An unuSual aDdit1On t0 m1cro$0ft woRd inC|uDinG aN OpT1on tO s3arch thrOugh hacK3r languag3 Ch3Cking f0r spellInG m1sTak3z.at laSt U'l| b3 ab|3 t0 und3rst& wH0 HaZ haCK3d wHAT &a...
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Funny story: Germany : Introduce Single European Nation Now

Germany : Introduce Single European Nation Now

Buoyed by the recent successful introduction of the single European currency, German chancellor Gerhard Schroeder has put forward controversial plans that he claims will unify Europe to levels never before seen. "What we need is a strong nation to...
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Funny story: Raw Rainbowfish Ryvita Rage

Raw Rainbowfish Ryvita Rage

Ryvita, UK's largest selling crispbread vendor, have received an enormous amount of complaints from unhappy customers. All seem to be complaining about a fishy taste in their famous crispbread. Scientists have analysed a few samples and have found un...
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Funny story: Nations Prepare for World War

Nations Prepare for World War

Thirty-six nations are currently arming themselves and preparing for battle as a result of the 2002 Winter Olympic Games in Salt Lake City, Utah. The Olympics, which are technically supposed to promote world harmony, caused nothing but scandal and...
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Funny story: Nation Of Extremism Seeks Virgins

Nation Of Extremism Seeks Virgins

The Nation of Extremism launched an appeal for virgins today after it was revealed that numbers of available virgins had reached dangerously low levels. "Under Islamic law," explained Mohammad Mahakmahadahha, head of Islamic Virgin Studies at Basi...
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Funny story: Michelangelo - The Missing Years

Michelangelo - The Missing Years

A recently-published book reveals that Renaissance painter, Michelangelo actually disappeared for three years. Albert Crust, author of 'Michelangelo Actually Disappeared For Three Years', explains: "It was during the painting of the Sistine Chapel...
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Funny story: Half Life 2 Shock

Half Life 2 Shock

Sierra Entertainment have recently announced that Half Life 2 is nothing but an Unreal Tournament 2 beta that has been stolen, changed around a bit and re-packaged.Some people find this surprising whereas some hardcore gamers have suspected as much a...
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