Spoof news stories from Wednesday 5 September 2001
Yesterday, a tailor in Gloucester proclaimed loudly, "Whoops! There go my pants!" before becoming sombre and moodily whispering, "This job doesn't suit me any more."...
Margo Beckinsall was injured this week when she tried to befriend an evil gecko.
The Queen Mother made a firm stand against would-be thieves yesterday when she said that she "couldn't abide people who steal things".
WHOPEE!! It's summer holidays again --- pack the suitcases, cancel the milk, take the dog to the kennels - big sigh of relief! Everything done and dusted! All set for fun and sun --- But wait a minute! Haven't we forgotten something?...
The Ku Klux Klan has long been known for its ideals of being a caring and impartial group. The group that would set fire to crosses so non-believers could be reminded of Jesus' sacrifice even at night. A group who was just searching for what we...
In a shock revelation it has transpired that 'Cravens' is not John Newsround's middle name.
Last week scientists at Jodrell Bank discovered a new consonant on Mars.
A hairdresser whose salon has won a New Business award for outstanding achievement says his success is all thanks to his driving.
David's done it again. Not content with the sarong and sexy knickers, Becks has been compelled to top them all with his latest fashion statement.
The amazingly successful and incredibly tedious reality show, "The Jagoff Chronicles" recently got an unexpected publicity boost from one of its contestants. Harper Q. Griswold, of Iguana Breath, Indiana, automatically became the winner of...
After over 40 years in the jungle Nellie the elephant is said to be considering moving back to the circus.
Composers around the world are in a state of shock this morning when it was announced that no more new tunes can be written.
At last the secret of Michael Schumacher's phenomenal success in Formula One racing, has been leaked to the public.
The presenter of the TV series "Changing Rooms", Carol Smelly, was described as "distraught, a complete mess" after vandals spent 3 weeks in her house redecorating. The sick odd-jobbers filled every room with MDF "Handy Andy...
Last night during the National Night Out functions, something went terribly wrong. According to police from all over the United States, certain crimes took a huge increase.
The world was rocked yesterday by the news that there is absolutely nothing to complain about in the country affectionately known by locals as "Britannia's huge shield".
As most kids, I was always a big fan of Yogi Bear. So when I heard that Boo Boo & Yogi were a pair I sent one of my field agents to investigate.
Motorists are to be confronted by slow cameras on UK roads after it was announced that the government intends to expand a controversial pilot scheme in Woking to the rest of the country.
BBC bosses have decided to waste the licence fee on a sit-com based on the life and loves of Jimmy Somerville. An all-star cast has been lined up including Ian Hislop as his deformed younger sister, and Brian...
BBC Breakfast host Jeremy Bowen didn't mumble a link yesterday. The incident occurred at around 8.24 am when Bowen introduced the weather. Distressed viewers phoned the BBC to say they could hear Bowen and he had announced the correct time.
According to a new study that comes self-assembly in MDF from Ikea, graffiti artists are swapping spray cans for lopping shears. Now the way to leave your mark or tag is to prune a tree or clip back an untidy hedge.
Yesterday a darts fan walked into a popular high street clothing outlet and bought two identical tops. Upon leaving the shop he viciously threw them at a passer-by.
God surprised the Christian world today by saying he was 'packing it all in'. In a statement issued today he said he was "not prepared for the media intrusion that being the creator and runner of a universe entails". He added that...
A 8 month-old baby in Eastbourne said his first word yesterday. Henry Searle, who is being looked after by his grandparents, said "wossname" quite clearly around breakfast time.
The daughter of Mr. Spoon, once celebrated children's entertainer and all round friendly alien, has revealed that the moon upon which Mr. Spoon lived had no buttons.
An amateur astronomer accidentally found his telescope trained on Mars and discovered, to his surprise, some Martians regarding him with ties which he could only describe as 'envious'. I asked Mr Jeff Wayne of Colchester what his first impres...
A young man who had a nasty scare yesterday is recovering at his home in Peterborough today.
Microsoft Industries held an unexpected press conference early this month to announce their recent takeover of Heaven (Inc).