The BBC switchboard was jammed after last week's edition of Groundforce brought a flood of complaints from angry male viewers.
It was just one gigantic hoax, folks! Those colourful Sunday Sport stories from the eighties that gripped the nation's imagination were nothing more than barefaced lies!...
Sources close to the Conservative Party today reiterated claims that Ann Widdecombe was not in fact anorexic. In refuting the claims, the way would now seem clear for Miss Widdecombe to stand for the Tory Leadership.
In a dramatic change of heart, Boyzone member Stephen Gately is poised to announce that he is straight.
Yesterday, Jonathan Gasoven, English Teacher at Laughborough School, Middlesex, was given a long sentence by Judge Mortimer Mcloud.
The Hanes Company, long known for it fine undershirts, socks, and underwear, delved into a new market with the announcement of their new line of crotch socks.
The Great Gorgonzola, master magician with 'The Zwumpee Baloney Circus' troupe, yesterday unveiled his new trick to a crowd of reporters in London.
The Queen Mother made a firm stand against would-be thieves yesterday when she said that she "couldn't abide people who steal things".
Developers at Core design, the people who 'gave birth' to Lara Croft, sex-icon of the virtual world, have announced that Ms. Croft has taken her life into her own hands and now acts independently of the team at Core.
A shocking revelation came to light earlier today from the Minister of Education that is sure to cause controversy.
The new Mark Wahlberg movie Planet of the Apes has come under fire for adding to a teenage boys sexual confusion.
The Health and Safety Executive has recently been called in to investigate a spate of freak accidents, involving 'flying pensioners', that continue to plague nursing homes in the Border regions of Scotland.
What do Sir David Attenborough, Craig Doyle and Keith Floyd have in common? They're all fakes according to Jim Wriddle, who worked in the BBC canteen for more than thirty years.
Scientists today released findings that suggest a great big arse has been found on Mars.
Outrageous rocker Marilyn Manson has once again shocked the rock establishment by announcing his decision to become "normal".
The British weather boom continues. According to a leading meteorological expert we've already had more weather this year than in the last three years put together.
Last week, Scientists at the University of Wales discovered a new strain of rabies in ants.
Yesterday it transpired that an escapologist by the name of Keys Maloney was involved in a prison escape bid with auctioneer Harry Dunworthy. The bid, which took place at Dartmoor, involved Keys Maloney in infiltrating an auction house and waiting p...
A teenager yesterday admitted that a ludicrously stupid stunt he had pulled was completely his own idea and not at all influenced by TV or films.
A medical report published last week states that the popular supplement taken by pregnant mothers may raise the chances of a pregnancy resulting in twins. Many women take folic acid during pregnancy to prevent their child from getting spina bifida or...
The Students Union expressed its horror at proposals by his Royal Highness, Prince William , that all students should be tattooed with barcodes.
A probe was launched at the BBC today amid claims that award winning children's television programme Blue Peter was making use of subliminal messages designed to warp young minds.
School kids in Arizona are to start a new subject as part of their syllabus: exams.
The Ku Klux Klan has long been known for its ideals of being a caring and impartial group. The group that would set fire to crosses so non-believers could be reminded of Jesus' sacrifice even at night. A group who was just searching for what we...
A simple numerical test has proven that 14 year old Kayleigh Roberts of Atlanta, Georgia is 76% compatible with the actor Josh Hartnett.
CBS' The Late Show with David Letterman has emerged the victor in the most heated jokes auction in entertainment history.
A gang of thieves, whose blatant scummery has shocked locals, has rocked Milton Keynes, North Bucks. They've been nicking public loo-rolls, and the council is doing practically absolutely nothing about it.
Confusion reigned in Rome today amid reports that next month's opening of the Gladiatorial Games at the Coliseum was under threat. Snuff movie mogul Theopolis Theodopholis was distraught when interviewed at his Pisa mansion. "It's not...
I was watching tennis last night on the telly, and I didn't quite understand what it was about. Two people just hitting a ball around, I mean come on! At least with football you have some kind of team action going on. But with tennis it's just like, what?!...
A British scientists have discovered that the hokey cokey is not in fact what it's all about, in a report to be published later today.
David's done it again. Not content with the sarong and sexy knickers, Becks has been compelled to top them all with his latest fashion statement.
As most kids, I was always a big fan of Yogi Bear. So when I heard that Boo Boo & Yogi were a pair I sent one of my field agents to investigate.
Police officials in California continue to deny rumors of Bea Arthur's eminent arrest in connection with the recent disappearance of Oscar winning actor and Hollywood heartthrob, Russell Crowe.
Phillip Morris is sueing Arnold Schwazeneggar for breach of contract. It seems the giant tobacco company contracted Arnold as it's spokesperson for it's new line of cigar, The Terminator.
Milton Stamp, office supply entrepreneur and inventor died at his home recently after an extended illness. Stamp was well known to his colleagues, who, according to his wife Berta, were always somewhat skeptical about his ideas.
In an extraordinary move Home Secretary David Blunkett has forwarded proposals for the cheesy pop/ novelty covers band Steps to be reclassified.
The daughter of Mr. Spoon, once celebrated children's entertainer and all round friendly alien, has revealed that the moon upon which Mr. Spoon lived had no buttons.
Sarah Michelle Geller was charged with murder yesterday. Geller accidentally plunged a wooden stake through the heart of the shows director.
With summer already here, many readers may have already been on their annual summertime excursions to the beach and held many a cookout. However, its never too late to learn some new fun and safety tips.
Play at wimbledon was stopped at the beginning of this month by a drug police squad, after they had recieved an anonymous tip-off that the ground keepers at the Wimbledon tennis grounds had been growing an illegal drug on centre court.
After years of research, Canadian scientists have discovered the chemical make-up of nougat, the tasty, soft compound found in candy bars such as Snickers. Six years of laboratory testing have finally paid of for the team of researchers based in a se...
Poets, writers and musicians could face weeks of severe disruption if a strike by the muse goes ahead.
Well, how rich do you want to be? If you are a poor, talentless, loser, then its time you consulted our resident team of cheats, liars and fraudsters at 'AMBULANCE CHASERS R' US'.
Pluto has been arrested following a violent fracas with owner, Mickey Mouse. The naughty dog is expected to be freed on bail with the words: "Bad dog, naughty dog, get in your basket!"...
There was a time when Britain just had to worry about its raging drug problem. Now, there is a new social plague on our streets, and it is people who deal and take illness purely for recreation.
WHOPEE!! It's summer holidays again --- pack the suitcases, cancel the milk, take the dog to the kennels - big sigh of relief! Everything done and dusted! All set for fun and sun --- But wait a minute! Haven't we forgotten something?...
Her Majesty the Queen launched a damning indictment of the British people today.
As confusion hangs over their entry into the English Premiership, Celtic and Rangers have turned elsewhere in their desperate attempt to finish 7th and 8th in the league by moving to America to join one of the successful Rollerball leagues.
At school, sport's day was one of those classic occasions in which the strong survive and the weak get hurt and then later lambasted for it.
At last the secret of Michael Schumacher's phenomenal success in Formula One racing, has been leaked to the public.
British scientists have announced today that they have formulated a glue which they believe is the strongest in the world.
Star Trek fans reacted with horror today as the US Federal Court returned a guilty verdict against the show's producers over cruelty to crewmembers in red sweaters.
People who chat on the internet should be aware, a group of thieves are working the web and taking what they see. E-Crime is on the up, and the E part is only half the operation.
"Internet thieves? Ha - Don't make me laugh!", I hear you cry. But don't get too complacent my dears, these people are professionals, and very light fingered ones at that!
The thieves mainly target single males, who...
Shocking news for all us news fans. Some buffed-up critic called Funky Spyglass has described our television as "pap" and the Internet as "useless".
Pop, the cheeky little fella from the Rice Krispies adverts, has been mauled to death by Tony the Tiger following years of enforced vegetarianism.
Soon to be on the lips of all, is "Gypsy Mozzarella, pavement pizza artist to the stars!"...
In a shock revelation it has transpired that 'Cravens' is not John Newsround's middle name.
The presenter of the TV series "Changing Rooms", Carol Smelly, was described as "distraught, a complete mess" after vandals spent 3 weeks in her house redecorating. The sick odd-jobbers filled every room with MDF "Handy Andy...
Average businessman, Keith Remington, is to sue fast food chain McDonalds amid claims that food he ordered via a local drive-thru came to him without error.
Utah Jazz guard John Starks hasn't been the same since his playing minutes shrunk this past season. Just recently he found out his testicle was missing.
William Hague, leader of the UK Conservative party, has been forced to re-sign a personal document after he was caught in a landslide and his writing went wobbly.
A hairdresser whose salon has won a New Business award for outstanding achievement says his success is all thanks to his driving.
Avant gardener Diarmuid Gavin has been severely told off, according to neighbours.
The United States says Steps are being taken to rebuild Afghanistan. The all-singing, all-dancing group will accompany senior UN officials on a tour of the war-torn country.
An Essex man was in trouble this morning when he ran out of new things to read on the toilet.
A senior management executive is celebrating today after finally being able to comb his eyebrows upwards.
Margo Beckinsall was injured this week when she tried to befriend an evil gecko.
Jubilant British Cyber-physicists were last night on the brink of making the most important scientific breakthrough since man first stepped on the moon - or so they say. After weeks of painstaking research and endless fruitless experimentation, it is...
A survey published this week has found the state of British dance music to be very unhealthy.
Police were called early today to the vicarage of the church of Donny in the Wold amid reports that the resident vicar, Father Seamus O'Flannigan, had sunk his teeth into the Bishop of Brighton's bottom.
After discovering some dated literature in the House of Commons, a recent speech made by Tony Blair did not help him in beginning his new term in office well. Not well at all.
Magician and legend, Harry Potter, has been diagnosed allergic to magic dust.
The director who made blockbusters such as Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind claims he was abducted by aliens before he became famous.
Student leaders were stunned when the brutality of the latest E.E.C. Directive began to sink in!...
A woman has been sentenced to 6 months in prison for stealing over £10,000 of goods from various shops. Over the course of a year, she had been concealing items including buttons, soap-powder, and fridge-freezers in her prodigious eyebags.
Aunt Bessie, the Yorkshire pudding millionairess and Uncle Ben, the rice magnate are engaged again and will marry next year, according to close friends.
Composers around the world are in a state of shock this morning when it was announced that no more new tunes can be written.
SOUTHERN PODUNK, AL Residents of Southern Podunk will finally have the opportunity to experience all of the conveniences of big-city living when the Rensfield Development Company (RDC) opens the doors of its new residential high-ri...
Police are to launch an investigation after a boy of 12 told them an elderly actor had been stalking him at a rugby match. The incident took place at Esher rugby ground in Surrey last month.
Fashion expert John Gaudie has said it is "quite right too" that Osama Bin Laden is the world's most wanted man. "I really want to get my hands on him" he said last night.
The terrorist attacks on America and war in Afghanistan is dominating the news so much that other important news is not being covered in the media. Government announcements, scandals and other necessary information are not being covered. This report...
The Press Complaints Authority issued its strongest protest yet over harassment of members of the 'gutter press' by celebrities, pop stars and members of the royal family.
"I know, I know," said God to Moses over the telephone. "But I had to add Carpets because someone already had TheLordGod.com."...
The row over claims that NHS surgeons were manipulating waiting lists in order to comply with strict government guidelines continued today amid accusations that the clock in the waiting room of St James's Hospital, Leeds A and E department was ru...
United Nations President Kofi Annan issued a plea for calm today amid claims that disgraced former Tory MP Neil Hamilton and his wife Christine sexually assaulted the island of Tonganoma during an official government visit in 1993.
Yesterday, a match factory in Wick, Scotland went on strike.
Irish boy band Westlife have stunned the public by announcing that their latest album will be written entirely by themselves and will not be full of dreary ballads.
Prime Minister Tony Blair today defended his government's apparent U-turn on allowing NHS patients to be treated abroad. "We are a pan European community," said Mr Blair. "Why shouldn't patients be treated in Germany or Franc...
Bournemouth car dealer Nigel Duncan was still in a state of shock last night after finding gloves in a car's glove compartment.
A Heron sanctuary in Somerset has run up a huge bill.
An insider for Microsoft yesterday revealed to us that:...
Forget war in Afghanistan; forget AIDS in Africa; real news could affect your Little English selves! Summer's gone, and so it's time for localised flooding to take over the news. Small-scale damage will occur for a day or two in towns like...
A beech-effect internal door was slammed last night for its behaviour.
BBC bosses have decided to waste the licence fee on a sit-com based on the life and loves of Jimmy Somerville. An all-star cast has been lined up including Ian Hislop as his deformed younger sister, and Brian...
After over 40 years in the jungle Nellie the elephant is said to be considering moving back to the circus.
Baseball reliever and bigot John Rocker has a new pitch. "If you want a piece of me buy my new CD". It seems the tempermental Rocker has a country side. His new CD, "Rock Ya to Sleep" hits stores next month.
Cumbria farmer Arthur Sidebottom today shocked the agricultural community by suggesting radical reforms as the county's farmers prepare to restock their farms following the foot-and-mouth crisis.
The National intern shortage worsened last night as new appointments fell for the third time in as many months.
A man in Basildon is seriously ill in hospital, after contracting an e-mail virus from the Philippines. It is believed that he contracted the "Contract_Me virus" file, when he thought it looked like a mysteriously exciting file from a stra...
A Bostonian man who always signs his e-mails with ;-) is in hospital today with a slipped face.Barry Large of Boston, Mass., reported feeling unwell late Thursday night. He telephoned is doctor to say his face felt "like it was turning sideways&...