Showing snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Strictly come dancing with the dead!
Madagascans do it, so why shouldn't the rest of the world! Fred Astaire would be tap dancing in his grave!
When is a leg of lamb not?
The answer is when a lamb is born with five legs and one is amputated before somebody butcher's it! No mint required...
When is a US toy not a Chinese sex toy?
Chinese sex toy producers saves US giant toy retailer's neck by flogging its whole stock to them! US kids aint happy, but their dads certainly R, us too!
Keep your pistol in your pocket during kinky sex!
UK sexual psychologists are telling lovers of kinky sex to keep their "pistols" in their pockets and not stick it in where the sun never shines OUCH!
Brit boozing, binge drinking UK birds die earlier!
Scientists discovered that Brit female binge drinkers die earlier than their European counterparts, WHY? Easy; UK booze due to Brexit will now become 35% more expensive! That's enough to kill anybody!
Irish eyes were not smiling on this cheap flight!
Scottish bagpipe playing granny upsets Irish eyes on cheap Irish flight from Belgium to the UK. She blasted out Scottish traditional songs on board, was ejected, and told, "Fack Brexit, we're Irish!"
Farage's fishy fugu facts!
Nigel Farage stinks, and now he's backing a campaign to reduce fish loving Eastern European immigrants in the UK by slipping a fugu or 2 between sushi rice snacks or is this a red herring?
Brazilian GREEN puppy is an alien!
A golden retriever that gave birth to a GREEN puppy is not its real mum, an alien is! A UFO was seen flying over Brazil as dad did it doggy style! Now we all know Martians exist because dogs do too!
UK schoolboys wearing skirts!
The heatwave brings the weirdest out of people and schoolboys wearing schoolgirls skirts is weird, but then again, at least they aint big girl's blouses! Free the COJONES!
UK Police officer takes the biscuit!
The UK police force has taken the biscuit because a police officer nicked a biscuit and now he's been taken off the beat for a year! Crumbs!
An Indian Moo!
Indian holy cows are more important than women and here is the proof: Moo in Indian translated to English = AMEN!
A non-wanking website is gaining in popularity and is offering males, not females, how not to become a 'Tosser'! Sadly BOJO failed miserably after ignoring their advice!
Chinese toothpick plague!
Chinese kids have caused a dental plague in China by shooting used toothpicks with toothpick crossbows! The disease is spreading rapidly because Chinese adults cannot pick their teeth anymore!
Bees instead of sex on the backseat of your Nissan!
Coitus interruptus took on a new meaning as a swarm of honey making bees annexed the backseat of a Nissan in Hull. Normally "bees knees" sex is sweet but; making both can be a sticky experience!
May is hung without her balls!
May is not a replica of Maggie because Maggie had balls, Theresa's are hung, drawn, quartered and sucked dry by a bunch of DUP's!
Cows storm ATM in Lancashire!
No fun being a burger bun on the buses!
UK buses are banning burgers and their owners from boarding! Obese munching burger people take up too many seats and skinnies are being squeezed on to bikes! Terrible for the economy!
Beware of flying, fire-spouting Dino!
Chinese scientists have discovered Theresa May's DNA is the same as a fire-spouting, flying, dino-dragon that once ruled the planet! Well that explains everything!
France bans skinny models!
Rich and famous people attending Parisian fashion shows can now remove their earplugs! Because the sound of strutting, Rolling Bones rattling catwalks has been banned!
Jaggedone just reached 1500 spoofs and he's still alive!
Lawsuits, terrorist threats on his life, Mark Lawton's editorial clap-trap cannot keep an old spoofer down! Jaggedone reached a milestone; 1500 spoofs and still bullshitting! Now where's my cheque?
Wonder drug comes too late for Jaggedone!
Scientists have developed a drug that stops neurodegenerative brain diseases, including dementia! Who the fuck is Jaggedone???
Giant iceberg causes meltdown among global drink companies!
A giant iceberg struck the coast of Canada causing a meltdown between global drink giants. Red Bull, Coca Cola, etc, tried but to buy it, but a Scotch whisky giant called it Titanic and won the race!
Celebs should never say never!
John Cleese is the latest celeb to eat his words after crawling back to the BeeB. He will play a gay Basil Fawlty who falls in love with Manuel and divorces Sybil; promises to be a bender!
Excuses, excuses, excuses, Arsene's excuses to be published!
Arsene Wenger is to publish a book about all of his perennial loser, historical excuses! The Crystal Palace slaughterhouse proved last night how right he is; always blame the others, never yourself!
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