Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.Show all snippets.
BOJO or Putin? You choose your fav NUTTER!
UK foreign diplomacy, once a great way of solving poisonous Russian storms in tea-cups, has been replaced by BOJO's version; Auf Deutsch gesagt; 'Scheisse!' Buckets of it!
written by Jaggedone, 22 March 2018
Blue tits, lavender tits, silicone tits!
Tea tree oils and lavender oil increase the size of male breasts scientists have discovered. Sorry ladies, a trip to Silicone Valley is still necessary for you!
written by Jaggedone, 18 March 2018
10 kg suitcases filled with children are forbidden!!
Cheap Brit/Irish airlines are warning their customers that 10 kg suitcases stuffed with illegal children are forbidden and if one does slip on board they will not be given free food or drink, no way!
written by Jaggedone, 21 February 2018
When does a US chicken do a runner in the UK?
Answer; when its brain is pumped full with chemicals and starts to think before going to be mass slaughtered! No headless EU chickens for the UK nugget market, only chemically infused ones!
written by Jaggedone, 20 February 2018
Potential Louis Vuitton handbags saved by Indian Rubber Man!
An Indian Rubber Man saved the skin of a 12ft croc before croc poachers could skin the thing alive! Louis Vuitton has now gone vegan!
written by Jaggedone, 02 November 2017
Strictly come dancing with the dead!
Madagascans do it, so why shouldn't the rest of the world! Fred Astaire would be tap dancing in his grave!
written by Jaggedone, 09 October 2017
When is a leg of lamb not?
The answer is when a lamb is born with five legs and one is amputated before somebody butcher's it! No mint required...
written by Jaggedone, 03 October 2017
When is a US toy not a Chinese sex toy?
Chinese sex toy producers saves US giant toy retailer's neck by flogging its whole stock to them! US kids aint happy, but their dads certainly R, us too!
written by Jaggedone, 19 September 2017
Keep your pistol in your pocket during kinky sex!
UK sexual psychologists are telling lovers of kinky sex to keep their "pistols" in their pockets and not stick it in where the sun never shines OUCH!
written by Jaggedone, 05 August 2017
Brit boozing, binge drinking UK birds die earlier!
Scientists discovered that Brit female binge drinkers die earlier than their European counterparts, WHY? Easy; UK booze due to Brexit will now become 35% more expensive! That's enough to kill anybody!
written by Jaggedone, 23 July 2017
Irish eyes were not smiling on this cheap flight!
Scottish bagpipe playing granny upsets Irish eyes on cheap Irish flight from Belgium to the UK. She blasted out Scottish traditional songs on board, was ejected, and told, "Fack Brexit, we're Irish!"
written by Jaggedone, 18 July 2017
Farage's fishy fugu facts!
Nigel Farage stinks, and now he's backing a campaign to reduce fish loving Eastern European immigrants in the UK by slipping a fugu or 2 between sushi rice snacks or is this a red herring?
written by Jaggedone, 17 July 2017
Brazilian GREEN puppy is an alien!
A golden retriever that gave birth to a GREEN puppy is not its real mum, an alien is! A UFO was seen flying over Brazil as dad did it doggy style! Now we all know Martians exist because dogs do too!
written by Jaggedone, 15 July 2017
UK schoolboys wearing skirts!
The heatwave brings the weirdest out of people and schoolboys wearing schoolgirls skirts is weird, but then again, at least they aint big girl's blouses! Free the COJONES!
written by Jaggedone, 05 July 2017
UK Police officer takes the biscuit!
The UK police force has taken the biscuit because a police officer nicked a biscuit and now he's been taken off the beat for a year! Crumbs!
written by Jaggedone, 03 July 2017
An Indian Moo!
Indian holy cows are more important than women and here is the proof: Moo in Indian translated to English = AMEN!
written by Jaggedone, 28 June 2017
A non-wanking website is gaining in popularity and is offering males, not females, how not to become a 'Tosser'! Sadly BOJO failed miserably after ignoring their advice!
written by Jaggedone, 24 June 2017
Chinese toothpick plague!
Chinese kids have caused a dental plague in China by shooting used toothpicks with toothpick crossbows! The disease is spreading rapidly because Chinese adults cannot pick their teeth anymore!
written by Jaggedone, 22 June 2017
Bees instead of sex on the backseat of your Nissan!
Coitus interruptus took on a new meaning as a swarm of honey making bees annexed the backseat of a Nissan in Hull. Normally "bees knees" sex is sweet but; making both can be a sticky experience!
written by Jaggedone, 13 June 2017
May is hung without her balls!
May is not a replica of Maggie because Maggie had balls, Theresa's are hung, drawn, quartered and sucked dry by a bunch of DUP's!
written by Jaggedone, 12 June 2017
Cows storm ATM in Lancashire!
written by Jaggedone, 03 June 2017
No fun being a burger bun on the buses!
UK buses are banning burgers and their owners from boarding! Obese munching burger people take up too many seats and skinnies are being squeezed on to bikes! Terrible for the economy!
written by Jaggedone, 20 May 2017
Beware of flying, fire-spouting Dino!
Chinese scientists have discovered Theresa May's DNA is the same as a fire-spouting, flying, dino-dragon that once ruled the planet! Well that explains everything!
written by Jaggedone, 10 May 2017
France bans skinny models!
Rich and famous people attending Parisian fashion shows can now remove their earplugs! Because the sound of strutting, Rolling Bones rattling catwalks has been banned!
written by Jaggedone, 07 May 2017