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BNP uses St George's day to slay irony
The BNP today tried to cast off their racist, xenophobic image by having someone appear dressed in the tunic of the crusades.
Thatcher says "vote Lib Dem"
Lib Dem popularity still surging, as even ex-PM Maggie gives support. Nick Clegg says, 'this is nothing but Tory dirty tricks; a desperate ploy to throw dirt at the Lib Dems'.
Scottish Tories launch manif...ach who gives a toss.
The Scottish Tories today released their Scottish manifesto to universal not-giving-a-toss. A random voter said, 'who ir they again? Oh thaim c***s...aye. D'ye ken the score in the fitba, pal?'
Good news for stranded travellers
Volcano calms: Experts say eruption is now "Strombolian" rather than "Hawiian". This means it will spew Italian turnovers, rather than the damaging ham and pineapple which has caused travel chaos.
Glasgow: Nuclear subs to combat binge drink culture
Strathclyde police have denied over-reacting to weekend city centre violence, as the entire UK submarine fleet is moved to the Clyde.
Football - Scotland battles with frozen food: loss expected
Following last month's 5-1 gubbing at the hands of Farmfoods, Scotland tonight take on Iceland at Hampden. 'A win is unlikely,' said manager Geroge Burly,'due to us being the Scotland football team.'
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse...
Agadoo is to be re-released.
Forecasts suggest this still may not the worst that's to come, as predictions suggest Sir Cliff will have another record out at around December.
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