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Pope Resigns due to Lost Voice
It's been revealed that the Pope has stood down because he has lost his voice. The head of the Catholic Church has been living on a diet solely made up of Findus Lasagnes. This has left him hoarse.
Peter Odemwingie to be Next Pope?
News is coming in that Peter Odemwingie has just pulled up in the Vatican car park in an effort to force through a move to become the next Pope.
David Beckham to quit LA Galaxy next month
David Beckham is leaving LA Galaxy next month. A spokesman advised that Beckham was recently shocked to learn that Galaxy arent in the Premiership and that LA isnt in England.
Hughes Remains Manager of QPR
QPR boss Mark Hughes remains in charge of the Premier League strugglers following a meeting with chief executive Philip Beard in which by winning a 2 hour game of Buckaroo the Welshman kept his job.
Ricky Ponting Chased out of Australia due to Weather
Cricket captain Ricky Ponting is said to have had to flee Australia following press claims that he was responsible for the flooding in the country as well as the dismal performance in the Ashes.
2011 to be Sponsored to Raise Tax Funds
Each nation is to offer the chance for companies to sponsor the 2011 as a initiative to raise tax funds. In the UK, all mentions of the year will be written as '2011 - brought to you by Burger King'
Gordon Ramseys Plastic Sugery Gone Too Far?
Rumours are circulating that the TV Chef and Olympic level Swearer, Gordon Ramsey has gone too far with his plastic surgery activities. He now is an exact likeness for Anthony Worrall Thompson.
Giant Internet Companies to Merge
Rumours are emerging that 2 of the world's largest Internet companies are to merge to form FaceBoogle. Further rumours suggest a third party joining which would create TwiceBoogle.
Jacqui Smith issues further bans
Following her banning 22 foreigners from entering the UK, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has banned her husband from going on the internet late at night
Keith Richards still going...
A Rolling Stones spokesman has confirmed that contrary to popular opinion and scientific logic and reason, Keith Richards is still alive.
Ricky Hatton's sandwich shop plans
Boxer Ricky Hatton has announced that he intends to open a sandwich shop in Manchester in the next few weeks. It will be called "Hatton down the Batches".
Kevin Keegan to coach Team GB for 2012 Olympics
Lord Coe has confirmed that Kevin Keegan will coach the British team in the build up to the 2012 olympics. He also confirmed that there is a back up plan in place for Keegan's inevitable resignation.
David Baddiel to host gameshow
David Baddiel has confirmed he has written a new gameshow where the contestants must guess whether people that they see are related to the host. The show will be called "Baddiel or No Baddiel".
Tears for Blears
Hazel Blears has emotionally explained her article damning Gordon Brown over the weekend stating "I had been drinking Baileys all afternoon and was in a terrible drunken rage"
Sheen denies political ambition
Foremer West Wing President Martin Sheen has stated that he has no intention to run for political office. He does however intend to run for the US athletics team in the next Olympics.
Brown denies bike crimes
UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown has adamantly denied rumours that he is the mystery thief that has stolen David Cameron's bicycle twice in the last 12 months
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