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Labour Announce Brussels Seats Gain

EU News: New Labour have announced they've gained an unprecedented 15 more seats in Brussels. They won a minibus in a raffle.

written by Dungeekin, 04 June 2009
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Tom Watson MP in Libel Case

MP Tom Watson has hired solicitors Carter Ruck to defend him after allegations made during the 'Smeargate' controversy. Watson is to sue over the 'base slur' that he's a competent, hardworking MP.

written by Dungeekin, 15 April 2009
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Nadine Dorries: PM Apology 'Not Good Enough'

Tory MP Nadine Dorries has rejected Gordon Brown's apology as 'unsatisfactory', pointing out it's written in felt-tip. Sources at No 10 said that Mr Brown isn't allowed sharp things.

written by Dungeekin, 15 April 2009
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Lance Armstrong: I'll race one-armed in TdF

Lance Armstrong says he'll be fit for the Tour de France after breaking his collarbone in a crash last week. He said, I can ride with one arm - after all, I've been riding with one bollock for years".

written by Dungeekin, 25 March 2009
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Giant Prick Shock

Parents of an 18-year-old took over a year to realise he'd painted a 60ft penis on the roof of their house. That's nothing - it took the UK electorate a decade to work out that Gordon Brown's a cock.

written by Dungeekin, 24 March 2009
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Max Clifford Seriously Ill

Doctors treating Max Clifford have announced that he's 'seriously ill', suffering severe withdrawal symptoms. His illess is caused by having entered a second day without Jade Goody on the front pages.

written by Dungeekin, 20 March 2009
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Jade to Publish Cancer Diary

The final months of Jade Goody's battle with cancer are to be detailed in a new book. Guess that'll be ghost-written then.

written by Dungeekin, 18 March 2009
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WBC Protesters to Come to UK

Christian hate-peddlers Westboro Baptist Church have announced they are to picket a tobacconists in Basingstoke, UK, having completely misunderstood the point of their 'God Hates Fags' message.

written by Dungeekin, 18 February 2009
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GM Cuts White-Collar Workforce by 14%

Struggling car-maker General Motors has announced it is to cut 10,000 staff, all from the white-collar areas of their business. Some managers have attempted to dodge the axe by changing their shirts.

written by Dungeekin, 10 February 2009
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Welsh Honours List to be Considered

The Welsh Assembly is to consider developing its own Honours system. Reports that the MBE is to be named 'Member in Bronwen's Ewe' are as yet unconfirmed.

written by Dungeekin, 10 February 2009
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Bank of England Cuts Interest

The Bank of England announced today that the Monetary Policy Committee was no longer interested in the UK. Mervyn King said, "UK PLC is too far gone to save - we're investing in Zimbabwean Dollars".

written by Dungeekin, 05 February 2009
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Country Braced for 'Big Dump'

The UK is braced for a 'Big Dump' overnight, as PM Gordon Brown has his annual bowel movement. Chaos is forecast as last time he had one, he shat on the economy.

written by Dungeekin, 05 February 2009
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Donor Kidney Removed Via Vagina

Surgeons have successfully removed a kidney through a woman's vagina. In a press conference, they said their next procedure was to remove a c**t from Downing Street.

written by Dungeekin, 03 February 2009
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More Snow Woes: Britain Faces 10 Inches

Further heavy snowfall is expected this week, with up to 10 inches forecast. BBC Weathergirl Carol Kirkwood predicted chaos, saying, "anything that gets 10 inches is well fucked. I wish I was".

written by Dungeekin, 03 February 2009
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Seattle Suffers Mild Earthquake

An earthquake measuring 4.6 on the Richter Scale has hit Seattle, according to the USGS. Seismologists believe the epicentre of the tremors to be Dr Frasier Crane's ego.

written by Dungeekin, 30 January 2009
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US Economy Shrinks 3.8%

The US economy shrank by 3.8% last quarter, according to figures released today. American waist measurements decreased by the same percentage. IQ's are up, as GW Bush is currently out of the country.

written by Dungeekin, 30 January 2009
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Reports of White House Pregnancy

There are rumours that First Lady Michelle Obama may be pregnant with their third child. A Downing St. Spokesman said, "we're impressed - our Prime Minister only fucks the economy".

written by Dungeekin, 30 January 2009
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Blears Publishes Sex Manual

Hazel Blears MP has published her 'Guide To Good Socialist Sex', available on Amazon. She says, "sex is like campaigning. . . high energy, high impact, low cost".

written by Dungeekin, 30 January 2009
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Nokia Reports Record UK Sales

Mobile phone company Nokia has announced a record 34% increase in UK sales. Reports are that the bulk of sales are to PM Gordon Brown, currently smashing three phones a week in uncontrolled rages.

written by Dungeekin, 30 January 2009
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Blagovejich Ousted as Illinois Governor

Rod Blagovejich ousted following impeachment for allegedly trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Illinois Senate spokesman said Blogovejich had violated the terms of their contract with eBay.

written by Dungeekin, 30 January 2009
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Scottish Lib-Dems Offer SNP Outside Over Budget

Tavish Scott, Scottish Lib-Dem Leader, has invited the SNP outside to resolve the current Budget vote. He was quoted as saying "I'll have the lot o'ye, ya bastids, bytheway", before nutting reporters.

written by Dungeekin, 29 January 2009
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Strewth! Aussies Face Record Heat

A severe heatwave hits northern Australia, with temperatures over 40C. Sales of shrimp and barbies soar. Briton who claimed it was a bit hot branded a 'whinging Pommie poofter'.

written by Dungeekin, 29 January 2009
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Parents to Get Advice on Kids Drinking at Home

Chief Medical Office Liam Donaldson to offer parents advice on children drinking at home. He says, "vodka sick doesn't leave stains, and mixes well with baby milk if you want a good nights' sleep".

written by Dungeekin, 29 January 2009
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Scottish Nationalists Lose Budget Vote

The SNP failed to pass its Budget vote in the devolved Holyrood Assembly, amid fears that the Jocks would blow the whole lot on McEwans Export and deep-fried Mars Bars.

written by Dungeekin, 28 January 2009
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