Showing snippets written by Wickham Chase.
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I'll have a Coke please
With the announcement of NASA's "urine into water machine", a spokesperson for Budweiser said, "What's the big deal? We've been turning water into piss for years".
Hard to believe
Janet Reno and Verne Troyer are to marry and take a short nuptial on Long Island. A spokesman for the long legged legal and the short superstar said, "The long and the short of it, they are in love".
Reaching across the aisle
Advert reads: "Joy Behar on Sarah Palin" - - Now we're talkin', that's the bi-partisan across the aisle kind of stuff I'd like to see.
Harrison Ford left an apothecary in San Francisco's Chinatown with a bag of antlers. He had gone three blocks before realizing his mistake and returned for Ally Mcbeal.
What a way to go
A bedroom dirty laundry pile has collapsed smothering a local boy in his sleep. Sergeant Tide said, "It seems the family dog, a pug, pulled a sock from the bottom of the heap and the weight shifted".
The annual meeting of the National Procrastinators Society has been postponed again. They now plan to meet in '09, perhaps.
This just in from a spokesman at the International Mime Convention, " ". He went on, " ". They meet every year in a huge invisible box.
Bring it on
John McCain, in an announcement today, said he plans to run again in 2012, as DeWayne LeShaun Jackson. Lateisha Ashanti Palin tapped as running mate.
Up all night
Local insomniac complains, "A diabetic leg gets more sleep than I do".
The Samaritans Suicide hotline will be closed down between Christmas and New Year.
Troubled individuals are advised to call early or leave a message. They will get back to you if it's not too late.
Birds of a feather
"David Beckham is as gay as a maypole", claims Tom Cruise. "And he would know". Added Nicole Kidman.
I rest my case
Area man claims George Clooney and Janet Reno are the same person. When questioned he asked, "Well, have you ever seen the two of them together".
Oprah's Ass Secedes From Union
In a statement today Oprahs Ass said, "I have taken all I can from that insufferable blabber mouth. "Stedman this, Stedman that, ooh Dr. Phil, Today Tom Cruise!" Oy!"
Buddy, you've got a lawsuit on your hands.
California man plans to sue court after court rules he can sue no more after suing more than 400 times.
80's pop icon and talent-less Culture Club front man, Boy George, wakes up to find that the band was completely bereft of any culture nor was it indeed a club of any kind.
New Diana Tell-All
Orlando Florida. The neighbors of Lady Diana's former butler and "tell all" author, Paul Burrell, describe him as an insufferable little shit and the reason why abortion was invented.
Speaker Pelosi declared to the American people, "We're out of ideas, you're on your own". Leaving Washington for her multi million-dollar California vineyard she added, "Good luck".
Gary Glitter relocating
Gary Glitter is relocating to County Durham after learning of the number of miners there.
Lemmings meet to discuss ongoing rumors that they are a suicidal group
"We have reached a precipice after years of innuendo" one said. "We must throw ourselves into this to clear our good name".
Spider-man impersonator caught in web of lies.
Annual ADD conference cancelled due to lack of interest.
Latest from Tourettes symposium
"There's nothing f*&%$#g wrong with me you f*&%$#g c*&^s"!
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