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Chocalate money shortage

The imminent Euro collapse has resulted in a massive stockpile of chocolate coins held by Greeks. Finance chief Stavros Souvlaki admitted, "The currency is screwed, but we can at least eat the stuff".

written by jeremy griffiths, 26 December 2011
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Climate change activist chipped off pavement

Prominent missing Climate Change activist Biolene Gullible was today found frozen to death in Trafalgar Square wearing a bikini,tragically still clutching a banner reading "We'll never see snow again"

written by jeremy griffiths, 09 January 2010
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Emergency call for more CO2

As the big freeze continues the EU today called for an increase in Carbon emmissions in order to combat Global cooling."For god's sake chuck some more coal on the fire" the directive urged.

written by jeremy griffiths, 09 January 2010
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Snow cancels Climate Warming Demo

London: Climate Demo.postponed due to big freeze,"We are waiting for warmer weather" said spokesperson Miss Guided,for W.A.D. (We're all doomed)

written by jeremy griffiths, 07 January 2010
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Dyslexic Times "Tiger's 18 hoes"

Tiger goes 18 hoes with 2 hoes in one screams local paper, what the "l" says his manager, he loves his birdies.

written by jeremy griffiths, 11 December 2009
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Rubber omlette industry in crisis

The airline industry downturn has left ROI, the Rubber Omlette producer with egg on it's face as it scrambles to cut production. Director Igg Flan announced the closure of several plants today.

written by jeremy griffiths, 06 July 2009
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Boring Bono at Obama Bash

Boring Bono from Useless2 was making desperate attempts to self publicise at the Obama bash. O'Bama, also of Irish decent, was seen prising the aged rocker from his backside at todays party.

written by jeremy griffiths, 20 January 2009
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Korean car co. in jeopardy.

Troubled SSangYong Autos were today attempting to file for bankruptcy,"Just as soon as we can spell the name correctly on the appropriate forms". said CEO, SShang-a-Lang-a-Ding-Dong

written by jeremy griffiths, 12 January 2009
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Waterford "Shattered"

Employees at Waterford-Wedgewood group today were 'shattered and broken' by news of the co's failure. Working with Wedgewood certainly is'nt all it's cracked up to be bemoaned Josiah Egg-Coddler (186)

written by jeremy griffiths, 07 January 2009
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RSPCA issues Cat care alert.

The RSPCA today issued a warning to pet owners after a man bought a tin of catfood and a jar of vaseline from Tesco Extra in Chipping Sodbury.

written by jeremy griffiths, 22 December 2008
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Rubber Omlette Industry in Crisis.

Rubber Omlette inc. Major provider of airline food, is in crisis following the catastrophic decline in air travel. "We're cracking up", bemoaned Cheesen Am, "The industry is scrambled, it's no yolk".

written by jeremy griffiths, 21 December 2008
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No.11. Revamp.

Deckchairs have been re-arranged at No.11 Downing St. The band have had their season extended and will continue to play on.

written by jeremy griffiths, 20 December 2008
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Footwear Security Measures.

Effective today, attendees at US govt. press conferences must wear padded Ugg boots with a 1 metre security chain securing them together. "Any colour is fine, said Dick Brain for Homeland security".

written by jeremy griffiths, 18 December 2008
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"Tables Turned" A Brighter Tomorrow!

A breathless O.P.Timistic, spokesperson for A.Darling announced today that "The Tables have been turned in the Treasury, the faded bits are now hidden, tomorrow is sunny, all our troubles are over!"

written by jeremy griffiths, 18 December 2008
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Baghdad Health and Safety to procecute

Serious charges will be laid by Baghdad H and S Bureau following the infamous shoe incident. Under s.83 para 5. socks (clean) are acceptable projectiles, but shoes (used) are catt.A.dangerous

written by jeremy griffiths, 17 December 2008
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Signs of World Economy Recovering.

The US government was today "optimistic" that retail sales were recovering after reports of the sale of a replacement pair of shoes in Baghdad yesterday.

written by jeremy griffiths, 17 December 2008
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Ripoff Madoff Fucksoff with loot

Aged Ponzi-Bastard Madoff (98) fucksoff with the loot. "Our Bernie", lovable old rogue, revealed as shyster who rips off charities, wealthy old farts, and eats babies for lunch.

written by jeremy griffiths, 15 December 2008
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"Euro your Boat - Fritzy"

In a barbed comment aimed at the Germans after they criticized British monetary policy, Alastair Darling suggested, "You-row your lifeboat Fritzy, we'll row ours".

written by jeremy griffiths, 15 December 2008
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Woolies break-up

Woolies stores are to be packaged into pic'n mix lots, four good ones, four average and a couple of duff ones in Wales and sold off at £145.00/sq.metre

written by jeremy griffiths, 13 December 2008
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Miley Cyrus:- GIMME an "S"--GIMME a "P"

Miley sings: Gimme me an 'S' gimme me a "P" WHAT'S THAT SPELL?? -----SMILEY CYPRUS!!------- The campaign is expected to bring a whole new age group flocking to the mediterranean isle.

written by jeremy griffiths, 10 December 2008
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Detroit, "Motown" now " Doh-Town".

"The Simpsons" scriptwritering industry move to Detroit has given the city a lease of life,and a new monicker- "Doh-Town'

written by jeremy griffiths, 08 December 2008
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Range 'Over

As 4X4 sales plunge to record lows, is it "TATA" or "RANGE 'OVER" to the glory days at Land-Rover's Solihull plant.

written by jeremy griffiths, 07 December 2008
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Hummer to Bummer

General Motors have rebranded the HUMMER as The BUMMER in an attempt to get "sympathy" sales

written by jeremy griffiths, 05 December 2008
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Weightwatchers relocates to Nuneaton.

Weightwatchers have completed their move to Nuneaton Warwickshire. "It is both a physical and phychological move for us" commented M.T. Smeg- Kelvinator for the company.

written by jeremy griffiths, 03 December 2008
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