Showing breaking news satire snippets written by The Big C O Jones.

Show all snippets.

Big Bad Wolf Industries: We LURRRRV Hurricane Matthew

Big Bad Wolf Industries spokeperson Dorothy Gale today sent a message to the people of Haiti and the rest of the USA - "Guys, keep building your houses out of wood - you keep our business BOOMING!!!"

written by The Big C O Jones, 07 October 2016

Dippy Depp nearly Done!

Weirdo Johnny Depp and some bint he's slotting dodged 10yrs in HMP Australia for breaching quarantine rules by sneaking their pet dogs in - the Aussies said they take TERRIERIST offences seriously.

written by The Big C O Jones, 23 April 2016

What the F*uck!!! Politics

There is a new leader of the SDLP - Clint Eastwood said "WTF, I had no Idea - it actually made my day" as the bemused Octogenarian dribbled onto a big hand gun.

written by The Big C O Jones, 15 November 2015

New divorce ruling - Pukka pie shares up!!!

Supreme Court today ruling allows fat ex-wives to screw more cash from divorce settlements to buy more pies. Paul McCartnery was said today to be shitting himslef - Heather Mills is hopping for joy.

written by The Big C O Jones, 14 October 2015

F1 Women Drivers...Tut!

Dizzy blonde F1 driver Maria de Villota recalls she crashed hitting a tree. "It wasn't my fault" sha said "I beeped the horn!". Villota has since secured a job as a lollipop woman on a one way street.

written by The Big C O Jones, 30 July 2015

It's a Shame about Shane

The anniversary of 80's TV star Paul Shane who died last year was celebrated today. Buried 80ft in the ground; the vicar asked attendees 'How Hi di hi?'. the mourners replying 'Very Low di Low'.

written by The Big C O Jones, 30 July 2015

Cowell's Pet wins BGT

BGT Big-head Simon Cowell's pet hairy chest won the BGT final last weekend. The proud owner put it on display whilst some dog chased the waft of fish. "Look at 1:45 in...there she blows!" Filthy Rug

written by The Big C O Jones, 14 May 2012

Yum Yum - Chinese in Space

The intergalactic fast food war has begun with the first Chinese launching in to space today. 'Velly good' said a racist stereotyping observer earlier.

written by The Big C O Jones, 29 September 2011

FIFA and...oh yeah..all that!

Whilst International eyes remain focussed on the controversies surrounding FIFA, it has been revealed that there are also various wars, injustices and humanitarian crises going on around the globe.

written by The Big C O Jones, 30 May 2011

Blackpool Earthquake Tsunami

The Blackpool earthquake measuring 2.2 on the richter scale has caused the International Scaremongering Society to issue a 2.5 inch Tsunami wave warning in the baby pool in Rhyl Sun Centre.

written by The Big C O Jones, 01 April 2011

BA Unions: Walsh...You Unreasonable Prick!

Hard done by, work 10 days a month cabin crew have rejected the latest BA offer to settle their ridiculous dispute. "All we want is the moon on a stick" said one disappointed soft cunt trolley dolly.

written by The Big C O Jones, 20 July 2010

Robbie Williams Re-joining Take-That a big misunderstanding!

Robbie Williams will actually be 'joining for' Take-That as a welder on the bands world tour stage erecting team. "Ha ha, his career was fucked years ago" said Gary Barlow on hearing the press gaff.

written by The Big C O Jones, 15 July 2010

Sick Squid - Psychic Octopus in the Netherlands

World Cup psychic Paul the Octopus is guest of honour at the Holland sqaud's home the centrepiece of a giant Paella. "He never saw that the jinx inflicting little cunt" said their Queen.

written by The Big C O Jones, 13 July 2010

BP: Bend U.S. over the Barrell

BP has offered a fiver to anyone that shows USA plc has caused disasters in their lands to claim damages against them. Iraq and Afghanistan can't enter the competition, nor Iran - erm - just in case!

written by The Big C O Jones, 16 June 2010

England Goalie offers BP related Olive Branch

Fuc*ing idiot England goal keeper Rob Greene offered himself up as a peace ambassador with the USA today by causing a frigging big spill the Americans won't be complaining about!

written by The Big C O Jones, 12 June 2010

Wacko Jacko Quick Hit Smacko?

The 'Dead King of Pop' coroner confirms that drugs were found in his house. Class A found in his Living Room, Class B found in his Dining Room and Class 4C found in his bedroom.

written by The Big C O Jones, 06 July 2009

Madoff's Lucky Escape

American criminal Bernard Madoff was sentenced to 150 years for the $65bn fraud he masterminded this week. "That was close" said Madhoff on hearing the sentence "I thought I was going to get life".

written by The Big C O Jones, 30 June 2009

Victor Meldrew is New Commons Speaker

OAP actor Richard Wilson is the new Speaker of the House of Commons with the sole remit to shout his tired One Foot in the Grave catchphrase 'I don't believe it' at any MP expenses claims and that.

written by The Big C O Jones, 19 June 2009

Hungry for Pussy!

'8 out of 10 Cats prefer Whiskas' so we're told, but cat spokesman Jimmy Carr said 'We eat that sh*t because it's what we're fed - you notice 2 of our feline comrades prefer to go on a hunger strike'.

written by The Big C O Jones, 27 November 2008

Buy Yourself Something Nice - Love Darling xxx

Trainee Chancellor Alistair Darling said today he will visit every home in the country and 'slip a tenner in the arse pocket of every honest Englishman' if they promise to vote Labour next time.

written by The Big C O Jones, 24 November 2008

Mr. Kipling is going to get well laid!

After a decade of research, scientists have discovered the secret of how to get a fat girl into bed. 'It's a piece of cake!' they revealed at a press conference earlier today.

written by The Big C O Jones, 13 November 2008

World Record Impatient 'Tut' is Smashed

The Impatient 'Tut' record was broken by 6.8k commuters at London's Waterloo Rail Station today after an announcement that a man had fallen on tracks to his death delaying trains by up to 3 minutes!

written by The Big C O Jones, 07 November 2008

Slim Chance Fatty!

Fat women who 'eat all the pies' have been warned by scientists today that banging on about attending Weight Watchers meetings and drinking gallons of Diet Coke will not stop them getting even fatter.

written by The Big C O Jones, 07 November 2008

McCain: You want fries with that?

Failed presidential candidate John McCain has announced he is 'going into fast food'. 'Why Not?' he said, Senator Ronald McDonald did nicely after he lost in 1968!'

written by The Big C O Jones, 05 November 2008

Send to a friend

Tell your friends about The Spoof!

RSS & Feeds

The Spoof is proud to present all its stories as RSS Feeds.

More Info...

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
85 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more