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Cowell's Pet wins BGT

BGT Big-head Simon Cowell's pet hairy chest won the BGT final last weekend. The proud owner put it on display whilst some dog chased the waft of fish. "Look at 1:45 in...there she blows!" Filthy Rug

written by The Big C O Jones, 14 May 2012
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Yum Yum - Chinese in Space

The intergalactic fast food war has begun with the first Chinese launching in to space today. 'Velly good' said a racist stereotyping observer earlier.

written by The Big C O Jones, 29 September 2011
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FIFA and...oh yeah..all that!

Whilst International eyes remain focussed on the controversies surrounding FIFA, it has been revealed that there are also various wars, injustices and humanitarian crises going on around the globe.

written by The Big C O Jones, 30 May 2011
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Blackpool Earthquake Tsunami

The Blackpool earthquake measuring 2.2 on the richter scale has caused the International Scaremongering Society to issue a 2.5 inch Tsunami wave warning in the baby pool in Rhyl Sun Centre.

written by The Big C O Jones, 01 April 2011
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BA Unions: Walsh...You Unreasonable Prick!

Hard done by, work 10 days a month cabin crew have rejected the latest BA offer to settle their ridiculous dispute. "All we want is the moon on a stick" said one disappointed soft cunt trolley dolly.

written by The Big C O Jones, 20 July 2010
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Robbie Williams Re-joining Take-That a big misunderstanding!

Robbie Williams will actually be 'joining for' Take-That as a welder on the bands world tour stage erecting team. "Ha ha, his career was fucked years ago" said Gary Barlow on hearing the press gaff.

written by The Big C O Jones, 15 July 2010
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Sick Squid - Psychic Octopus in the Netherlands

World Cup psychic Paul the Octopus is guest of honour at the Holland sqaud's home coming...as the centrepiece of a giant Paella. "He never saw that the jinx inflicting little cunt" said their Queen.

written by The Big C O Jones, 13 July 2010
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BP: Bend U.S. over the Barrell

BP has offered a fiver to anyone that shows USA plc has caused disasters in their lands to claim damages against them. Iraq and Afghanistan can't enter the competition, nor Iran - erm - just in case!

written by The Big C O Jones, 16 June 2010
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England Goalie offers BP related Olive Branch

Fuc*ing idiot England goal keeper Rob Greene offered himself up as a peace ambassador with the USA today by causing a frigging big spill the Americans won't be complaining about!

written by The Big C O Jones, 12 June 2010
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Wacko Jacko Quick Hit Smacko?

The 'Dead King of Pop' coroner confirms that drugs were found in his house. Class A found in his Living Room, Class B found in his Dining Room and Class 4C found in his bedroom.

written by The Big C O Jones, 06 July 2009
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Madoff's Lucky Escape

American criminal Bernard Madoff was sentenced to 150 years for the $65bn fraud he masterminded this week. "That was close" said Madhoff on hearing the sentence "I thought I was going to get life".

written by The Big C O Jones, 30 June 2009
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Victor Meldrew is New Commons Speaker

OAP actor Richard Wilson is the new Speaker of the House of Commons with the sole remit to shout his tired One Foot in the Grave catchphrase 'I don't believe it' at any MP expenses claims and that.

written by The Big C O Jones, 19 June 2009
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Hungry for Pussy!

'8 out of 10 Cats prefer Whiskas' so we're told, but cat spokesman Jimmy Carr said 'We eat that sh*t because it's what we're fed - you notice 2 of our feline comrades prefer to go on a hunger strike'.

written by The Big C O Jones, 27 November 2008
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Buy Yourself Something Nice - Love Darling xxx

Trainee Chancellor Alistair Darling said today he will visit every home in the country and 'slip a tenner in the arse pocket of every honest Englishman' if they promise to vote Labour next time.

written by The Big C O Jones, 24 November 2008
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Mr. Kipling is going to get well laid!

After a decade of research, scientists have discovered the secret of how to get a fat girl into bed. 'It's a piece of cake!' they revealed at a press conference earlier today.

written by The Big C O Jones, 13 November 2008
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World Record Impatient 'Tut' is Smashed

The Impatient 'Tut' record was broken by 6.8k commuters at London's Waterloo Rail Station today after an announcement that a man had fallen on tracks to his death delaying trains by up to 3 minutes!

written by The Big C O Jones, 07 November 2008
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Slim Chance Fatty!

Fat women who 'eat all the pies' have been warned by scientists today that banging on about attending Weight Watchers meetings and drinking gallons of Diet Coke will not stop them getting even fatter.

written by The Big C O Jones, 07 November 2008
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McCain: You want fries with that?

Failed presidential candidate John McCain has announced he is 'going into fast food'. 'Why Not?' he said, Senator Ronald McDonald did nicely after he lost in 1968!'

written by The Big C O Jones, 05 November 2008
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Bin Laden - Why he hates the West!

Osama hates the West because of the 'Infadel' Mars Foods Group. He wants its owners to 'Die a thousand deaths' because they changed the name of his favourite choccie bar from 'Marathon' to 'Snkickers'

written by The Big C O Jones, 04 November 2008
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Fu*k waiting in that!

Experts have found after a 3 year, £89m study that if all vehicles stuck in traffic jams on the M40 during holiday periods were nose to tail, they would stretch from London to Birmingham.

written by The Big C O Jones, 02 November 2008
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Large Feet = Big Cock - It's Official !!!

Mike Hunt, the man with the worlds largest feet at size 27 officially has the biggest cock. After 12 years of genetically modifying male chickens, he has produced a 6'7" Rooster he has named Dong.

written by The Big C O Jones, 01 November 2008
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