Spoof Snippets
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Google Glasses require a warning
All wearers of Google glasses will be required to wear a badge in future that reads: "This conversation will be recorded for training purposes."
Abbreviation Conference
Ths yrs conf on Abbrs & TxtSpk will B held at G-Mex M/c. Attnd's shd arv 30mins b4 drs open 2 Nsure a gd seat.
Atos Canonised
Atos, the French company tasked with assessing Britain's disabled people has been canonised, after announcing that 30,000 previously disabled people can now walk. That's a better return than Jesus.
History of Cross Dressing - part 1
Cross dressing in ancient times, before the invention of gender specific clothing, mainly involved shaving off the beard. This was considered a perversion by those who liked facial hair.
Season amalgamation
With the weather set to continue cold, the British Met Office have announced plans to merge Britain's seasons into two. "These will be called 'Winter'," said Michael Fish, "and 'Green Winter'."
Moyes successor named
With Moyes set to take over at United, Everton have announced his replacement, as an elderly Scot who recently announced his retirement. The fans are not happy about the appointment of Gordon Brown.
Horse doping scandal
British horse racing has been shocked by a massive doping scandal at the highest levels, when it was found that Godolphin horses contained traces of steroids. Ironically...made from cows.
Facebook 'Like' Patent broken by Prior Art
Facebook's patented Like button has had the patent broken when Prior Art was found. "Apparently, Tommy Cooper did it first," said Stephen Hawkins. "He said he 'Like that' and 'Not like that'."
Enrolment at dance classes are up
After the news of Margaret Thatcher's death, dance lessons have had a sudden influx of former miners.
Boat Race takes a frozen turn
This year's boat race between Cambridge and Oxford will go down in history as the first to be done on ice skates.
Ed Milliband appoints a border collie as shadow Chancellor
Ed Milliband has made Rover, a Welsh border collie, shadow chancellor. "Well," said Ed, "a border collie would figure out something isn't working in less than three years. Unlike George."
Chris Huhne updates his Facebook page
Chris Huhne has been tagged by West Minster constabulary at Wandsworth Prison.
Britain to be assigned AA rating
I know we drink a lot in this country, but to assign us an AA rating is a bit harsh.
Horse in Ikea meatballs
Ikea have withdrawn their meatballs after horse DNA was found in a batch. Food watchdogs said that this was like bolting the stable door, after building it from flat-pack, obviously.
Cardinal O'Brien resigns
Cardinal O'Brien resigns as Scottish Bishop when it transpires that he once kicked Bishop Brennan up the arse.
Because Birds Are Stupid
A new game has emerged in the wake of Penguins: Spy in the Huddle. "What you do," said TV Watcher, Ben Stiler, "is say 'because penguins are stupid' after everything the present says. It's hilarious."
It's impolite to ask a lady
New politeness rules governing online forms mean that if the Gender Field is filled in with 'Female' then the Date of Birth or Age fields must be removed from the form.
Oscar Pistoris in court
Oscar Pistorius, accused of murdering his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was dragged into court today for his bail hearing. It's a shame they took his prosthetic legs off him.
No More Steps
In line with the disability discrimination, BBC Radio have decided to remove all Steps from their play list. H is said to be livid.
Horse meat contamination
One good thing has come from the horse meat in beef products fiasco. All those people who wondered what horse tastes like know now - it tastes like beef.
First TV in the movies discovered
Film archivists have found the first transvestite in the movies. "It was Lassie," said Cindy Marr.
Prince Harry reveals what he would call his children
Prince Harry has said that if he has two boys, he will call then Kyle and Zeke. "I'd love to call them in from playing," he said. "Zeke, Kyle! I'd shout whilst pointing upward at their bedrooms."
Classifieds - Compact Disc player
For sale, one compact disc player. It measures only one inch each side, making it very compact. None of my discs fit in it, hence £15.
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