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Schools Introduce Capital Punishment

Hanging will replace detention as the main form of punishment in schools across England and Wales from November as part of new tough measures to tackle disruptive pupils.

written by Darwin, 11 September 2014
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Man Sues Zoo

A man from Rotherham is to sue London Zoo after being sexually assaulted by a hippopotamus.

written by Darwin, 05 September 2014
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Family Finds Nasty Surprise In Cornflakes Box

A family from Gloucester have spoken of their shock and distress after opening a box of cornflakes from their local supermarket and finding inside a live, fully-grown, adult crocodile.

written by Darwin, 21 March 2014
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Oil Tycoon Thinks Big

Texan oil tycoon Max Blocksberg is set to become hung like a mule - he's just paid over a million dollars for an operation to have his penis surgically swapped with a donkey's.

written by Darwin, 18 March 2013
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New Pill Goes On Sale

Men need never feel ashamed to take a communal shower again with the release today of a new pill, the KingKong2000, which instantly causes a man's penis to blow up to around six times its usual size.

written by Darwin, 02 August 2012
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The CineLaser Has Arrived

Top European scientists have created the CineLaser - a device that is attached to cinema ceilings and automatically disintegrates anybody who talks during the film.

written by Darwin, 12 June 2012
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Scientists Shocked

NASA scientists were shocked by what they saw while looking at the surface of Mars with the Hubble Space Telescope - a group of aliens mooning at them.

written by Darwin, 17 December 2011
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Scientists Utilize Rodent Power

Rodents are set to power the cities of the future after scientists this month announced the development of electricity-generating mouse exercise wheels.

written by Darwin, 08 November 2011
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Corn Flakes Have New Free Gift

Cereal fans are in for a treat this month - each new box of Kellogg's Cornflakes will contain a fully working 17000 ton submarine.

written by Darwin, 16 October 2011
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'Abduction' Book Hits The Shelves

Planet Mars resident Kulogug Yuategog has penned a new book in which he details his alleged abduction by humans.

written by Darwin, 17 September 2011
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United To Go Out With A Bang

Manchester United will aim to go out with a bang in their final home game of the season at Old Trafford - the half-time entertainment will include the detonation of an atomic bomb.

written by Darwin, 15 September 2011
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New York Hotel Burns Down

No casualties resulted from a massive fire that reduced the 52-story Four Seasons Hotel to ashes last night. At the time of the fire, the conference room was hosting a fart-lighting contest.

written by Darwin, 05 September 2011
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White House Infested

Pest control experts have been called to the White House after the building became infested by prehistoric dinosaurs.

written by Darwin, 03 September 2011
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Edible Houses To Go On Sale

Homeowners will soon be able to bite off more than they can chew when edible houses go on sale later this week. The buildings come in a variety of flavours, the most popular being salt and vinegar.

written by Darwin, 31 August 2011
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United To Give Arsenal A Better Chance

Manchester United, who thrashed Arsenal 8-2 in Sunday's Premier League clash, have promised to give the London team more of a chance in their next encounter by fielding only nine players.

written by Darwin, 29 August 2011
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New Banana Goes On Sale

The world's first exploding banana will go on sale in supermarkets later this week.

written by Darwin, 28 August 2011
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Next World Cup Brought Forward

The next World Cup has been brought forward a year to 2013 after psychic Sylvia Browne predicted that the world will end on New Year's Day, 2014.

written by Darwin, 25 June 2010
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2014 World Cup to be Played Underwater

The world's top footballers are set to put in extra swimming practice after FIFA announced this week that the 2014 World Cup will be held at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

written by Darwin, 18 June 2010
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Fabio Capello Makes Denial

England football coach Fabio Capello has denied that he had sex with a horse on Sunday night - despite not being accused of doing so.

written by Darwin, 14 June 2010
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George Bush Makes Charity Donation

Former President George Bush has donated his eyebrows to a charity auction raising money for the Save The Whales organisation.

written by Darwin, 13 June 2010
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New Ecological Vehicle Goes on Sale

The most ecological vehicle in history goes on sale today: the Ford Priapism, which runs entirely on M&M's. The car doesn't come cheap, however - buyers will have to stump up a cool $50 million.

written by Darwin, 12 June 2010
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