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Spoof writer irritated by Anton Du Beke and C.J De Mooi
A spoof writer has been reportedly taken to hospital, suffering from 'acute irritation', after seeing both Anton Du Beke & C.J De Mooi on 'Celebrity Eggheads'. "Pecker-heads with pious names", said me.
Santa Clause Recruits Paris Hilton, Jordon and Madonna
Apparently, these three dim-witted, egotistical, wenches, turned up at Santa's North Pole home, when he uttered the jolly phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho".
Russell Brand To Star In Rab C Nesbit This Xmas!
Brand, is to star as Rab's son on Xmas TV. The story is: Rab knocked up a posh bit of totty years ago, the result was Brand. Russell, will have no trouble looking 'unclean' and calling himself scum!
Dieters should buy jeans twice the size of their whole body say psychologists!
Depressed dieters should buy jeans twice the size of their whole bodies. Then they should stand in one of the legs, to give the impression, they used to be that fat, say psychologists!
Opal Fruits Do Not Make Your Mouth Water Say Dogs!
According to Dogs at the University Of Stan Butler, Utah. What really makes their mouth water is a bell, rung by someone called Pavlov. The chewy retro sweets had no effect on 300 dogs in the study.
Jimmy Carr Is An Escaped Ventriloquist Dummy Shock!
Weird comic, Jimmy Carr is really a run away ventriloquist's dummy.
"His hair is actually painted on and so are his eyes" said Mr Geppetto. Ironically, Carr is known for being wooden!
Wii music particpation makes you look like a tosser!
Anyone over ten years old, without a learning difficulty, will look like a tosser and wanker; if they use Wii music. "It's not a scientific fact just an observation" say researchers.
Santa Claus Has Become A Jehovahs Witness Shock!
Santa, has become a witness of Jehovah, and decided he doesn't believe in himself. This Xmas, kids should also expect, no blood transfusions and copies of the WatchTower and Awake in their stockings.
Jerry Mouse Finally Killed By Thomas Cat Shocker!
Jerry the mouse, has finally, been killed by Tom. Tom said "After 70 years of chasing, I realised I was a crap mouser. I simply put down some poison, he ate it and died. I'm not sad he was a shit"
BNP Leader Sends Yuletide Greeting To His Members
BNP leader Nick Griffin has thanked people for staying in his party, after the membership list was leaked on-line. He wished them all a white Christmas and an even whiter country.
Hannah Montana Survey Shocker!
A recent advert for something or other, on several internet websites, insist on asking this question "Do you like Hannah Montana?" - "No!", has been the general consensus.
John Wayne Gacy Tops The 'Baddest Clown Ever' List!
Captain Spaulding, Donald McRonald and Pennywise are fuming after Gacy topped the most evil clown list. McRonald said "My milk-shakes alone have killed millions more people than Gacy"
Bondage Kangaroo Gives Evidence Against Rolf Harris
Stylophone-playing Rolf Harris was in court yesterday. The Kangaroo he tied down, in his flat, circa 1963 gave evidence. Rod claims he was too 'AUSTRALIAN' & 'BEARDED' to harm the beast!
Ringo Starr Lifts Fan-mail Ban, Hooray!
Cuddly, Beatle- Ringo Starr, has lifted his fan-mail ban. He put his October out-burst down to uncomfortable dentures and the removal of 'Last of The Summer Wine' from its regular slot!
Boomerang Finally Comes Back to Charlie Drake
Dead dwarf-man Charlie Drake, can finally rest in peace. His boomerang has finally returned after a 45 year absence. The boomerang said he intended to come back, but in his own time.
Peter Falk To Return As 'Columbo'
Veteran crumpled actor is to return for a final series. Each week, the cop will try to resolve the mystery of the talent-free rich and famous. Jade, Posh and Paris star in first episode.
Jonathan Ross Will Be Made To Work For His Wages !
BBC Bosses claim Jonathan Ross, will NOW work for every penny you pay the BBC. He will be performing manual labour for every TV licence holder e.g cleaning windows, unblocking toilets...
Karen Matthews Dedicates Comedy Award to Alan Carr
Rubbish mother and media demon, Karen Matthews dedicated her 'comedy mum of the year' award to Alan Carr. The audience were both 'shocked' and 'disgusted' at her dedication choice.
Rudolph Hess Dedicates Comedy Award to Hitler
Inept Nazi Rudolph Hess, shocked crowds at the comedy awards, by dedicated his 'gong' to Adolph Hitler. A spokesman for the ceremony said Hess's comments were 'inappropriate'.
Dead Comedian Arthur Askey Dedicates His Award To Lucifer
Bespectacled, dead, short, comedian Arthur Askey, stunned crowds by dedicating his comedy award to the Devil. The prime minister said he was both 'disgusted' and 'horny' at Askey's antics.
Gay Comic Dedicates Award To Celebrity Evil Slapper
Bespectacled, camp, comedian that I have never heard of, dedicated his 'comedy award',to Karen Matthews. Some people have predictably over-reacted and complained. Others don't give a shit.
Top 'Tart' gets fined!
A prostitute who works exclusively with lawyers, judges and policemen, has been found guilty of taking the law into her own hands...and mouth.
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