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Health and Wellbeing
Join us for a fun and lively yoga class followed by medication. Beginners welcome.
In Response to BuckwheatsButt
I suffer from Alzheimers and I would like to point out that another good thing about having Alzheimers is that you get to meet new people every day.
Competence of TV doctor questioned
The competence of TV's Doctor Hilary has been called into question today after he told one caller "Hemorrhoids are relatively easy to treat, but they can be a real pain in the neck."
Police appeal for witnesses
Police are appealing for witnesses after a man was attacked in the early hours of the morning. The victim is said to have suffered 'at least two broken legs'.
Give up smoking in one easy step. Each day avoid having your first fag. This will ensure you can't have your second, third, fourth...
Be a hit on the spoof!
Write an irreverent news story titled 'Harry Potter in Seven Dwarfs Sex Scandal', fill it with 'Frankie Howerd-esque' innuendo and awful puns. Mention where possible any 90s TV hasbeen.
Panic as Hyperinflation Reaches America
US citizens have been told to remain calm as hyperinflation reaches America. The government have assured everyone there is no need to panic - 28GG glamour model Jordan will return to Britain tomorrow.
Lizard For Sale
Lizard for sale. Needs terrarium. Friendly temperament. Eats cricketers.
Church bulletin misprint
Church choir in desperate need of new sinnners.
Testicular cancer awareness concert
Chris Moyles has been criticised for his insensitive opening of a concert to raise awareness of testicular cancer.
The radio one DJ opened the gig with the sound check "testes, testes, 1-2, 1-2."
'Back off' says Kerry Katona
Kerry Katona says being hounded by the media on a daily basis has caused her depression. The News of the World said they would like to apologize to the porky dumbass bitch.
This week's weigh-in will take place at the Salvation Army Hall at 6pm. Please use large double doors at the side of the property.
Muslims throw party for Brits
In a bid to strengthen their relationship with Brits, the Muslim community are planning to throw them a party. It will be an exciting evening of entertainment, fine-dining and gracious hostility.
Jade Goody realises severity of cancer scare
"When I found out I had clerical cancer I thought they'd just take out my collar bone or somfink. I never fort it was anyfink serious...but now I realise it is - I might even need Chameleontherapy."
Announcements - What's on
The Youth Amateur Dramatic Society will stage their production of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet at the town hall at 7.30pm on Friday. Everyone is invited to attend this tragedy.
Cabinet for sale
For sale: China cabinet. Extremely fragile.
Lose pounds quickly. Call 0906 4444 4573 333 now for details. Calls cost £2.50 per min.
Trade your unwanted gods for cash today.
Child-miner needed. Must be available for immediate start.
Fed up of cleaning yourself? Let me do it for you! Experienced housekeeper. £7 per hour.
Bed For Sale
King size bed. Mahogany. Ideal for antique lover.
Handy Bathroom Tips
The bathroom can be a dangerous place. Avoid slipping in the bath by placing a rubber mat on the bottom.
Pine dressing table for a lady with wide legs and large drawers. £90 ono.
3 year old teacher required for pre-school day nursery. Experience essential.
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