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BD/SM Sales Boom
Retailer Land of Leather, facing slumping sales from its crap furniture products, has announced it will now concentrate on the highly lucrative BD/SM fetish wear and bondage accessories market.
Google ur Carbon Footprint
Two Google searches on a PC produce 14g of CO2, the equivalent of boiling an electric kettle. Solution: Drive down to the library and search through an acre of rainforest pulped into textbook pages?
Two Jags beats WHAT ?
Labour fat cat John Prescott was photographed today coming out of a Kingston-on-Pork High Street hot meat pies shop sporting a gravy-splattered "I've Beaten Anorexia" t-shirt.
A South African appeals court has decided that ANC leader Jacob Zuma is so corrupt and bent that if he dropped down dead he could be buried by winding him into the ground like a corkscrew.
Daz joins Royal racist whingers
Porcine Labour MP Keith Daz says Prince Harry's remarks about a fellow officer were 'unacceptable and wounding' and he was fed up with taunts against people, like himself, with perma-glow suntans.
Three-strong strike cripples mail
A strike picket by three redundancy-threatened Royal Mail employees outside a wooden shed that serves as the post office in the village of Woolavington has disrupted scheduled deliveries nationwide.
Political back-stabbing ?
Gordon Brown says he believes the British public will forgive and forget Prince Harry's latest racist faux pas, much as they forgave Tony Bliar for all his downright lies and public deceptions.
Prince Harry and grandfather Prince Phillip are to publish a encyclopaedic compendium of their joint gaffes and public apologies, titled "Whoops: Me and my Big Mouth."
Shrubbie Video Session
Last night's Oval office lock-in was not a Defcon 1 situation but the outgoing Prsidential team enjoying their favourite Abu Ghraib Prison torture tapes before they
get converted to ash.
Jap' robo-pets hit snag
Japanese robot pet designer Meow Katatami says it's back to the drawing board after his prototype robo-pet cat scratched a furrow through its litter box, and floor, and fell into the apartment below.
YouTube Sleaze Gale hits Windy City.
'Hot Rod Blago' hits YouTube #1 with his back-stabbing of "bleeping" Pres-elect O'Barmy, plus a few snipes from First Slapper wife, Patricia Mell, who's vocabulary would make a fishwife blush.
What dat in de Woodpile, Harry?
Royal Ranga Prince Gobshite gets a crash course in Protocol and Diplomacy from the Buckingham Palace Mandarins: Whatever IS in the woodpile, it is definitely NOT a N*gger.
Tory leader proposes 'Strategic Cuts'.
Critics have jumped on David Cameron's comments per the proposed budget 'cuts' he wants to see. Asked what he would like to cut first, Mr. Cameron replied "Several of the Labour government's throats."
Fish Market Photo-Tourism is on again!
Tokyo's famous Tsukiji fish market lifts its ban on tourists visiting so long they refrain from hugging, licking, kissing or pretend copulating with the huge tuna that are Tsukiji's main attraction
Bar-rat O'Barmy plans 'Special Team'
President-elect O'Barmy says he plans to deal with the Mid'-East conflicts and the 'Iranian problem' by forming a 'special team' of Pentagon top brass Zionists and Israeli-American double agent hawks
Talkin' to a bloke who works in Poundland. Yer know: Poundland / PoundStretcher, all the bloody same: everything's a pound. Guess what he gets paid a day? Yep- a pound.
HRH the Ginger Minga sticks to Tradition
Royal Cuckoo Prince Harry follows faithfully in the established faux pas footsteps of grandfather Prince Phillip, who never engages brain before opening mouth.
Finger on the Pulse?
As Gaza starts 2009 suffering Israel's genocidal attacks, Top Dog peace negotiator Tony Bliar spends Xmas with family and attends a special private opening of the Armani store in Knightsbridge.
Condo Rice converts to Islam
Outgoing US Sec' of State Condo-sleezza Rice is to convert to Islam due fascination with the submission status
of Muslim women, which connects synergically with her BD/SM fetish switch interests.
Another prison movie?
The US movie rental company, Democrats Home Video, has confirmed the scheduled 20th January DVD release of its adults-only hit movie Saw 6: The Abu Ghraib Story.
29 schoolgirls were suspended for setting up a false Facebook site for a teacher they tagged 'Fuckface'.
The pupils at St. Trinian's reform School signed up to the webpage called The Hate Society.
Musician (sic) Moby told the NME and Billboard he's actually related to author Herman Melville and was named after his most famous 'whale' of a story as he's such a DICK.
Stork or Cuckoos?
A new-born baby discovered in a Smegmadale wood covered in a pink blanket and twigs is alive and well at a local cat's home. Police believe the baby girl was dropped in the woods by migrating cuckoos.
Cultural Pirate Bonding
The foreign crew of supertanker Sirius Slug, released after a $3 million ransom was paid, say it was a great experience to learn about Somali culture and exchange addresses and cellphone numbers.
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