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Showing snippets written by Midgetgems.


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Youtube workers call 48 hr strike

World comes to standstill and breathes huge sigh of relief

written by Midgetgems, 10 June 2009
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Speed Dating

Are you good at quickly packing Moroccan dates into small packets to conceal the stuff? Call Mustapha 085002 478392084

written by Midgetgems, 17 May 2009
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Bald and Ugly?

Let us turn things around for you. Log on to uglyandbald.web

written by Midgetgems, 17 May 2009
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Positive energy

In a bid to save energy Washington DC is going to be renamed Washington AC. "We are looking forward to the switch" said a spokesman claiming to be "in charge".

written by Midgetgems, 15 May 2009
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Ronaldo Interest Cut

The Bank of England has cut the rate of interest in what Ronaldo was doing when his car "fell over". Police have appealed for witlesses.

written by Midgetgems, 08 January 2009
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Rudolf to retire

Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer has become obsolete according to elves close to Santa. It is thought he will be sent to the knackers yard to be made into glue, thus becoming red-nosed render.

written by Midgetgems, 16 December 2008
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Reykjavik

Reykjavik. Icelandic bankers say it was obvious that investing money in their country was always a stupid idea as its capital is always frozen.

written by Midgetgems, 03 November 2008
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Must-have toy award

This Christmas, the winner of the must-have toy award is : My little abattoir.

written by Midgetgems, 02 November 2008
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Schwarzenegger makes historic speech

In an historic speech Arnold Schwarzenegger managed to string more than five words together. He apparently said something like "ug, need meat, ug ug"

written by Midgetgems, 02 November 2008
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WLTM

Hopeless romantic seeks equally useless woman for doomed relationship

written by Midgetgems, 30 October 2008
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World recession to end tomorrow

Worth a try isn't it?

written by Midgetgems, 30 October 2008
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Shang-a-lang revisited

Seventies supergroup, The Bay City Rollers are to reform under the new name The Obesity Rollers

written by Midgetgems, 29 September 2008
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Pain in the 'neck

Sarah Palin is to undergo surgery to have the letter L removed from her surname. She had thought it was a vowel problem but now she complains of consonant pain.

written by Midgetgems, 24 September 2008
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Rogues gallery

Police are investigating numerous reports of persistent fly tipping at the Tate modern.

written by Midgetgems, 23 September 2008
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Name Swap

As from Tuesday, Leicester will swap names with Swindon as part of a long-term plan to see if anyone notices.

written by Midgetgems, 23 September 2008
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Odd shapes

Strange rectangular shapes have appeared overnight in a Berkshire field. Local people say they are probably just crap circles.

written by Midgetgems, 19 September 2008
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Anxiety helpline

Fear of secrets? Fear of Fire? Fear of telephones? Fear of the present? Call our confidential hotline NOW!

written by Midgetgems, 17 September 2008
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Mobile fears

A new term to describe fear of being without a mobile phone has been introduced. The word is 'pathetic'.

written by Midgetgems, 17 September 2008
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Delia at it again

Delia Smith in trouble with Norwich City board after publishing new cookbook for winos called 'Yahayy! Nourish! Zzzz'

written by Midgetgems, 15 September 2008
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Poor statistics

Shock figures reveal up to 58% of statisticians may be wrong although the figure could be much nearer 79%.

written by Midgetgems, 12 September 2008
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Iran up to something

Iranian president Amhandin ... Ahmadeban ... Ahmedinaj ... Ah forget it.

written by Midgetgems, 12 September 2008
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Nuclear test

Sarah Palin can't pronounce the word 'nuclear' properly either. FAIL.

written by Midgetgems, 12 September 2008
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Chelsea to complete Barcelona deal

Chelsea footballers are expected to complete the signing of a plank of deal imported from Spain this afternoon.

written by Midgetgems, 10 September 2008
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Bin Laden turns to poetry

Osama Bin Laden has taken up poetry to relieve stress. Writing in 'Terror Monthly, originally set up for part-time anarchists, he says. "It seems I've always been a poet but I didn't ... realise"

written by Midgetgems, 09 September 2008
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