Showing snippets written by David Hawkins.
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Snow is Warmer
Liars at NASA have determined that laws of physics have changed as they've been saying. Snow is now warmer than before. Its temperature is proportional to the amount of easily brainwashed people.
Student Counts Times Obama's Name Is Said, Wins Math Prize
Dexter Claponclapoff from Maine discovered the longest number ever recorded, by writing a program on his PC whcih counts how many times the word Obama is used in 12 hours of TV viewing. He was awarded the first Nobel Prize for Math ever given.
Is John McCain Insane? Docs Test Says Yes!
Insane in the membrane. Doctors at Idaho's Mr. Potatohead Psychiatric Clinic finish a 4 day test of John McCain's brain and determined his is equivalent to a microwaved ant on LSD & is predicted to act as kooky as Bush or Cheney.
Woman Sees Image Of Toast In Jesus' Face
Sister Bertha McFrookkin of St. Curley's Three Sided Catholic Church in Hesperia California was staring at the Jesus statue in the church and clear as day, a miracle in the form of the shape of a piece of toast appeared on his face.
Oprah Goes Home In Shopping Bag
Olympic Weightlifting star Shoeeesha Jenkins of Armpitflab Pennsylvania saw Oprah Winfrey at the market today and put her in a plastic bag and went home. She just said "Okra Windbag" and left with her. Detectives are trying to find out why.
Bush Retires Plans For Dictatorship
George Bush told reporters he doesn't plan to pursue dictatorship of the United States after 2008 but will work on becoming a stand up comedian or a wedding contortionist. "I'm tard of all this dicktaterin' so both orfins are out in the stable, options still on the table."
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