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Interns Fed To Sharks on Discovery Channel
In an ill-devised attempt to copy on the success of the Weather Channel's abuse of interns for Tornado Week, The Discover Channel decided to let interns swim with sharks for Shark Week.
New Book About Incontinence Released Today
If you have bladder condition, urine for quite a relief with the new book, Just Go With The Flow, by I.P. Freeley, Urologist.
USA Imposes Official National Language
In an effort to reign in on the problems caused by all the foreign languages, the United States Congress has passed a law requiring all citizens to speak the native language - Apache.
Condaleza Rice To Give Adverts
Condaleza Rice will perform a series of 20 1-minute commercials in support of some of the Republican hopefulls. The series is called 60 seconds with Condaleza Rice, or Minute Rice.
An Enlightning Experience
A man in England urinated on a high-power electrical generator. He was shocked by the results.
Killer On The Loose
Police found a man dead in a tub full of Fruit Loops and milk Monday, a woman in a tub of Cocoa Puffs Tuesday and a man in a tub of granola Wednesday. They think they might be after a cereal killer.
Male Spoof Writers Distracted
Male spoof writers are having difficulty concentrating on their writing due to the hot girl on the Snorgtees advertisement. "One head is full of story ideas, but my other is focused on her".
Dead Or Alive To Advertise Rotisserie Machine
The 80's band will be using their most popular hit to sell these cooking devices. The commercials will play the song with mildly different lyrics of "You Spin Meat Right Round Baby Right Round."
Who The Hell Is Pippa Middleton
A study conducted in the USA shows Americans have no clue who Pippa Middleton is, The few folks who thought they knew who she was when asked to describe her, described Pippi Longstocking instead.
Barney And Friends To Perform At Jurassic Park
After several people were eaten on the island, Barney the Dinosaur has stepped forward to try to make peace with the rampaging dinos. "I'll tell them I love you and I'm sure they'll love me too."
Insurers Add Divorce Clause to Royal Auto Coverage
After the accident that killed Diana, the auto insurance company that covers the autos owned by Camilla and Kate have added a divorce clause that raises rates twenty fold if the royals divorce.
Miramax To Release The Movie The Crying Game 2
The long awaited sequel is destined to hit theaters this Summer. The movie stars William and Kate and was filmed live in the royal honeymoon suite.
Hamburger Helper Hand Gives Folks The Finger
Many people were upset at the gesture. According to the Hand, "My fingers are my hair and I just came in from the rain. Can I help it if my cowlick stood up?"
Man Kills His Own Siamese Twin
Police don't know whether to charge for murder, suicide (or attempted). The insurance company is not sure whether to pay as a death or dismemberment, or to whom as the killer was the beneficiary.
Bottles Of Juergens Extra Dry Body Lotion Tainted
Disgruntled male employees filled over 2000 bottles with their own semen. They were so chapped by the time they were done, that they considered renaming the product Jerkin Extra Dry.
Who's To Blame For The California Earthquakes?
It's not the people's fault. It's not the government's fault. It's the San Andreas Fault.
Monopoly Money Counterfeiters Arrested
The crooks were caught printing fake monopoly money in an effort to put a hotel on Park Place. The court sentenced them to "go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200."
Cannibalistic Vegetarians On The Loose
A group of vegetarians broke into the London Hospital coma wing last night and ate most of the patients. One was caught and confessed that while they were eating people, they only ate the vegetables.
Al-Quida To Hold Bake Sale To Fund Terror
After losing their main sponsor, the terror organization has taken to selling home-made food to raise money. On street corners you can see them holding signs reading "Do Not Bum Us, Buy Our Hummus!"
Dannii Accuses Kylie of Lying About Her
Dannii Minogue has turned on her sister Kylie. In the song "the Locomotion", Kylie claims her little baby sister can do it with ease. "I can't really. It's friggin difficult!", Dannii remarked.
Lady Gaga Has Wardrobe Malfunction
During a concert at a mall in Montana, Lady Gaga's outfit ripped open, leaving her naked in front of dozens of people. She noted "I din't get one wolf whistle and half the crowd went home sick."
GMO Corn Has Surprising Effect On Nebraskans
After many years of growing and eating Monsanto's genetically modified corn, many Nebraskan males are finding their penis turned into a corn cob and their testicles becoming popcorn balls.
Is Kate Middleton Really Laura Branigan?
They look stunningly alike and Laura's death was not long before William and Kate started dating. Could the singer's death be a cover, allowing for a royal to marry a common musician?
Pixar Against Drunks Masturbating In Public
Pixar, creaters of Toy Story has announced they're tired of drunks masterbating in public. To address this concern they are promoting their new slogan "Don't play with Woody when you have a Buzz."
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