Showing snippets written by norma snockers.
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Hope for depressed Lesbians
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.
Naked Cycling Is Permitted in New Zealand
Naked cycling in New Zealand is okay provided you wear a helmet to protect the head. However, it is not clear which head should be protected.
Name of Game Undecided
A new Internet game called "Whack the Banker" has already proved to be a success, however, its' inventors think it will be more successful if they called it"Bash the Wanker". SAME THING REALLY!
Italians Ban Breast Implants for Girls under 18
The Italian government has banned breast implants for girls who are under 18 years of age. However, boys under 18, can still have this operation should they wish to do so.
Penis transplant complications
A 32-year-old man from Lancaster had a pioneering penis transplant today, however, his hand rejected it.
A New Medical Report Says...
Recent medical journals now counsel doctors that, when testing people, to refrain from telling them that they have sugar in their urine. Otherwise, they'll go home and piss on their corn flakes.
Eating Late at Night Can Cause Weight Gain
Rocket scientists claim that late night eating cause weight gain. However, it can help in weight loss as one woman who visited her fridge nightly, got so fat, that she could no longer open the door.
Elvis Impersonators Record Not Broken
A world record for Elvis impersonators failed yesterday when only 29 people turned up. However, the real Elvis came to The Ship Inn, Par, Cornwall. He was not impressed by their impressions.
Sushi Bar to Close As the Dish Is off!
A London sushi bar that specialises in serving sushi from naked models has had to close because a customer could not tell if it was the sushi or the woman that smelled.
Blind Man Loses Wife
A blind man from Manchester, who followed his wife on a shopping trip lost track of her when she went in to the fish market today.
Women carry up to £57 worth of make up in their bags
Researchers have revealed that women can carry up to £57 worth of make-up in their bags. However, certain women celebrities are known to carry 57lb of make-up on their faces.
Historians Uncover the First Prize Winner
Historians have found that the man (or was it a woman?) who invented the doorknocker was the first Nobel prizewinner.
How low can you go?
Sir Richard Branson, not content with being beaten by Bertrand Picard, the son of deep sea diver, Jacques Picard in a balloon race, is to explore the ocean depths, by going lower than the Frenchman.
Simon Cowell Admits to Handling Susan Boyle Wrongly
Simon Cowell has admitted to handling Susan Boyle wrongly during the latest series of "Britain's got talent!" exactly how he handled her, is not known, but we do know he has feelings for her.
Rio Ferdinand says "Calf is fine!"
Man United defender, Rio Ferdinand says that his calf is fine, before the European Championships. A part-time cattle farmer, Ferdinand, had one of his newly born heifers caught in a barbed wire fence.
Good news for those who want to know...
The economy is so bad, and that people in Africa are sponsoring children in America for just $22.00 a month.
Stiff at Last!
Robert Furchgott, credited with pioneering work which eventually led to inventing the drug Viagra, has sadly died aged 92.
Sheep Farmers Disappointed
Government advisers are encouraging people not to eat lamb because of the methane they produce. Instead they should eat pork or chicken. Such advice angers Muslims, but chicken farmers are ecstatic!
Government advisers upset Muslims again!
We are advised by the government to eat more pork or chicken because they produce fewer carbon emissions. Such news has incensed Moslems.
DEFRA Waste £300,000 on a Survey: Absolute Quackery
Taxpayers face a £300,000 bill (pardon the pun) to discover which water ducks really prefer. A unamed professor said extensive research shows that they prefer wet water - that'll be £300,000 please!"
Hazel Blears MP said today that "The PM thinks I'm doing a great job." A furious Gordon Brown said what I actually said was: "I think I'M doing a great job!"
Blears: "PM thinks I'm doing a great job!"
In a telephone interview, Hazel Blears MP told our reporter that "The PM thinks I'm doing a great job..." It was at this point that the telephone went dead. She was cut off in mid sentence.
Ghost Picture Is a Fake!
A BBC photographer just happens to be collecting images for a forthcoming show "Ghosts in the Attic" has actually took a picture of a ghost, reputed to be a scientist Edward Jenner. Coincidence?
Unknown Soldier Identified!
The unknown soldier who is buried in Westminster Abbey has name been identified. He cannot be named for legal reasons in his grave is to be moved to an unknown destination which cannot be named.
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