Showing snippets written by Tom Lawrence.
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Egypt and UK reach settlement
After years of demanding the return of the Rosetta Stone, Egypt have agreed to take Sharon Stone instead. Ms Stone, was recently transferred from Hollywood Museum to the British Museum for $20,000.
Chelsea flower show through to finals
The Chelsea flower show has made it to the European finals where they will meet the Real Madrid flower show in a thrilling showdown.
Freedom Fries to be renamed 'McCain Fries'
After going from 'French Fries' to 'Freedom Fries', John McCain has announced that' should he become President, the product will be known as 'McCain Fries'. He denies any sponsorship links.
Osama Sues Obama
Following news that Norwegian-American, Lans Krona, will be made stand-by running mate, Osama Bin Laden said, "Obama, Biden and Lans is obviously just an anagram of my name, I'll see him in court!"
God and Devil equal in Olympic medals table
The IOC announced today that the "Axis of Evil", sponsored by Satan, and the "Axis of the-not-all-that-bad", backed by God, are equal on points. All of God's hope rests on the 'Good samaritan event'.
Fort Knox announces Closing down sale
Faced with rising competition from oil, and demand from China to fulfill their Gold medal tally, Fort Knox have said they will sell off the last of the gold stock to help the US. Gold now $6 an ounce.
Gary Glitter plans comeback
Shamed rock star Gary Glitter said today he plans to come back from abroad, even if he's forced to.
Mutant Dog: "Very Pleased"
A dog born with two dicks today claimed he was happy.
MacDonalds join forces with Viagra manufacturers
Pfizer and McDonalds have joined forces to offer the "Super-size Me!" viagra which will hopefully "beef-up" both companies. A Double "McViagra" can add inches, and lasts for almost 5 minutes.
Woman fined $50,000 for file sharing
An un-named female Pentagon employee has been fined for sharing files with Russian and Chinese intelligence agencies.
Heath Ledger 'Getting better'
Heath Ledger's family say his health is improving and his death may have been "a publicity misunderstanding".
Pope excommunicates Vatican City Olympic team
Il Papa has damned the Vatican team for failing to win a medal. Despite being the world's smallest country, the Pope hoped they'd do well. "Pool events should have been a walkover for us", he claimed.
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