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UK Raises Terror Alert
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that the Terror Rating has been raised to its highest level and that the Channel Tunnel will be filled with concrete within 48 hours.
UK Ebola nurse no longer 'critical'
UK nurse Pauline Cafferkey showing signs of improvement. Katie Hopkins said to be relieved - "celebrating with crate of Irn Bru and her favourite sweaty socks".
Hu is at the White House
We have no idea but as soon as we find out Hu is at the White House, we will let you know.
'Baby Doc' Duvalier denies Jordan rumours
Ex Haitian President, 'Baby Doc' Duvalier has denied rumours that he returned to Haiti after he split from glamour model Jordan.
Cowen combines Taoiseach, Foreign Minister & Minister for Tea
Embattled Taoiseach, Brian Cowen has taken over the position of Irish Foreign Minister. He will also make tea for Mary Hanafin. Hanafin has confirmed that he has her confidence as a tea boy.
Bank of England keeps rates at 0.5% - uses other methods
The Bank of England has confirmed base rates at 0.5% but has now decided to give money to anybody that asks for it at the Bank in London. Nobody is allowed over £1bn unless they're also a bank.
CIA Confirms Closure of Secret Prisons
A CIA spokesman said 'We neither confirm nor deny the existence of secret prisons because they are secret but if we did have them, which we don't, we would close them. But they don't exist. So there.'
BREAKING NEWS: G20 agree sale of world to China
World leaders meeting at the G20 summit in London have agreed to sell all the remaining countries in the world to China. China are paying US$42 for the world. More soon.
US Economy in Meltdown
No British people hurt.
Errors Blamed For Menzies Death
Met confirm that they were actually trying to shoot former LibDem Leader, Menzies Campbell.
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