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Japan PM Shinzo Abe dissolves parliament
Early reports say he sealed up all the doors and windows, and poured in sulfuric acid.
It is not yet known whether Parliament was sitting at the time.
Things you can do in public.
It's ok to prick your finger, but you shouldn't finger your prick.
Reclaim the language
A new organization was launched today with the aim of returning the English language to the people.
Called CaTOuStAc ( Campaign to outlaw stupid acronyms) the organization is seeking members. Interested persons should contact anyone who give a damn.
Extra RBTs leading up to Xmas hols.
Despite conducting 12,000 random breath tests over the past weekend, NSW Police failed to catch a single driver who was not breathing.
Democracy the loser
In a surprising turn of events on Saturday the Australian Federal election was won by politicians.
Election blues hit Oz.
On the eve of Federal elections, in which voting is compulsory, tens of thousand of Aussies are reported to be emigrating to NZ or PNG until the madness is over.
NASA SAYS GRAVITY AN ILLUSION
NASA today announced that gravity does not exist. The Earth sucks.
An Australian goes missing every 90 seconds, the Missing Persons Squad says. " Next time we find him we're going to chain him down in a cell."
New use for muddy hole
Australia's Prime Minister has said the accidental draining of Sydney Harbour provides an ideal location for a nuclear waste dump. Details to follow.
Editors drown in mochachinos
A writer for TheSpoof.com discovered today why his contributions are not seen online. It seems that the TheSpoof.com's editorial staff have all drowned in their oversized mochachinos. Editorial expert Dr. E. S. Righta says that this is becoming common as editors over-rate their abilities.
They search him here ----
The Invisible Man narrowly escaped after being shot in the foot during a daring robbery today. Sydney police are confident of an early arrest, saying "He can hide but he can't run."
A position exists for a suicide bomber. Must be experienced.
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