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Showing snippets written by Candice Hitler.


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Breaking lingerie news just in...

The co-founders of the Wonderbra have had a bust up.

written by Candice Hitler, 22 November 2007
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Maw Orkshun Nyoose

A stuffed basset hound goes for sale at Sotheby's today. The dog is expected to fetch nothing.

written by Candice Hitler, 05 November 2007
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Orkshun nyoose

A selection of nails are going under the hammer at Sotheby's. They're putting up some pictures.

written by Candice Hitler, 31 October 2007
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Artist formerly known as 'Good'

Apparently a gas leak caused people to accidentally enjoy weird sex dwarf Prince's endless concerts at the O2 arena.

written by Candice Hitler, 30 October 2007
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McCann and Will.

Having your child abducted is being recommended by the Government as a suitable method of eliviating debt, and an ideal solution for 1st time house buyers.

written by Candice Hitler, 30 October 2007
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PC World News.

Uruguay is the first country to buy the new $100 laptops for children. The laptops consist of a pen and a double sided sheet of A4 paper with a calculator stapled onto it. They are said to be 'very happy'

written by Candice Hitler, 30 October 2007
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Refuse This.

Top up your bin with the Government's latest rubbish idea. Buy your previously free wheely bin or get 'pre pay' top up sacks with 50 free text messages and a ringtone of Gordon Brown singing 'Money, Money, Money'.

written by Candice Hitler, 30 October 2007
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Ming Duped

The BBC faked Sir Menzies Campbell's resignation from the nation's 3rd rate party the Liberal Democrats it was unveiled today.

written by Candice Hitler, 16 October 2007
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Family want plastic pen tops ban (BBC)

Family of the un-fed village idiot who died eating a pen lid today called for the government to ban other 'killers' old age and cancer.

written by Candice Hitler, 13 October 2007
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Mixed B-Lessing

Wisened wordsmith Doris Lessing was today furious that her award for the Nobel Prize for Literature rudely interrupted her weekly 'big shop'.

written by Candice Hitler, 12 October 2007
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Grey Area

Illiterate hate wielding political party the BNP are today in talks about a potential takeover bid by extreme civil rights group the Black Panthers.

written by Candice Hitler, 12 October 2007
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Miserable sod cracks one off

Jack Dee smiled yesterday. Eyewitnesses say it was hideous.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Gaffney - Eastenders Tough Guy?

Robbie (Dean Gaffney) from Eastenders is f**king Wellard apparently. Wellard is reported to think 'he could do better'.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Plastic Andre

Slimy ageing teen fool, Peter Andre, is not actually made of plastic it was discovered today. His wife however, is, by at least 12%.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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New show to be aired just after The Archers

Winchester Gangster and black-emulator, Tim Westwood, will host a new Radio 4 rap show.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Anti Social Clothing

Hoodys will now automatically be sold with ASBOs.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Shambles

Greasy beanpole Pete Doherty was caught not taking drugs today. Fans were incensed by his betrayal.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Too Wet

The North sea has flooded. Fish and whales are being relocated to Seaworld in California for immediate exploitation.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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War Latest

200 tons of democracy were dropped on Iraq today.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Lesser Spotted Celebrity...Spotted

Dame Edna Everage was spotted punching a horse in the 'Wild Bean Cafe', located within Slough's BP Petrol Station.

written by Candice Hitler, 11 October 2007
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Man puts his Wife up for Sale

Ad reads: "Wife; 11 previous owners, one spare tyre, bodywork starting to go, nice big boot."

written by Candice Hitler, 10 October 2007
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Xmas Protection Group Releases New Slogan

Santa is for life, not just for Christmas

written by Candice Hitler, 10 October 2007
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War Update

Peace nearly broke out in Iraq today. Luckily coalition forces were able to stamp it out quickly and clumsily.

written by Candice Hitler, 10 October 2007
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Man Vs Machine

Stephen 'cyborg' Hawking has been voted sexiest home appliance for the third consecutive year.

written by Candice Hitler, 09 October 2007
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