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Breaking lingerie news just in...
The co-founders of the Wonderbra have had a bust up.
Maw Orkshun Nyoose
A stuffed basset hound goes for sale at Sotheby's today. The dog is expected to fetch nothing.
A selection of nails are going under the hammer at Sotheby's. They're putting up some pictures.
Artist formerly known as 'Good'
Apparently a gas leak caused people to accidentally enjoy weird sex dwarf Prince's endless concerts at the O2 arena.
McCann and Will.
Having your child abducted is being recommended by the Government as a suitable method of eliviating debt, and an ideal solution for 1st time house buyers.
PC World News.
Uruguay is the first country to buy the new $100 laptops for children. The laptops consist of a pen and a double sided sheet of A4 paper with a calculator stapled onto it. They are said to be 'very happy'
Top up your bin with the Government's latest rubbish idea. Buy your previously free wheely bin or get 'pre pay' top up sacks with 50 free text messages and a ringtone of Gordon Brown singing 'Money, Money, Money'.
The BBC faked Sir Menzies Campbell's resignation from the nation's 3rd rate party the Liberal Democrats it was unveiled today.
Family want plastic pen tops ban (BBC)
Family of the un-fed village idiot who died eating a pen lid today called for the government to ban other 'killers' old age and cancer.
Wisened wordsmith Doris Lessing was today furious that her award for the Nobel Prize for Literature rudely interrupted her weekly 'big shop'.
Illiterate hate wielding political party the BNP are today in talks about a potential takeover bid by extreme civil rights group the Black Panthers.
Miserable sod cracks one off
Jack Dee smiled yesterday. Eyewitnesses say it was hideous.
Gaffney - Eastenders Tough Guy?
Robbie (Dean Gaffney) from Eastenders is f**king Wellard apparently. Wellard is reported to think 'he could do better'.
Slimy ageing teen fool, Peter Andre, is not actually made of plastic it was discovered today. His wife however, is, by at least 12%.
New show to be aired just after The Archers
Winchester Gangster and black-emulator, Tim Westwood, will host a new Radio 4 rap show.
Anti Social Clothing
Hoodys will now automatically be sold with ASBOs.
Greasy beanpole Pete Doherty was caught not taking drugs today. Fans were incensed by his betrayal.
The North sea has flooded. Fish and whales are being relocated to Seaworld in California for immediate exploitation.
200 tons of democracy were dropped on Iraq today.
Lesser Spotted Celebrity...Spotted
Dame Edna Everage was spotted punching a horse in the 'Wild Bean Cafe', located within Slough's BP Petrol Station.
Man puts his Wife up for Sale
Ad reads: "Wife; 11 previous owners, one spare tyre, bodywork starting to go, nice big boot."
Xmas Protection Group Releases New Slogan
Santa is for life, not just for Christmas
Peace nearly broke out in Iraq today. Luckily coalition forces were able to stamp it out quickly and clumsily.
Man Vs Machine
Stephen 'cyborg' Hawking has been voted sexiest home appliance for the third consecutive year.
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