Showing snippets written by Ben Macnair.
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Nostalgia is not what it used to be, as sales of rose tinted spectacles have fallen for the first time in years.
Teresa May is currently in talks with Channel Four about a presenting gig on The Great British Bake Off. She wants to give a strong and stable foundation to the show's soggy bottom.
No, anyone but Boris
Boris Johnson was early seen on a zip-wire, heading into an open window at Buckingham Palace, to put his own ideas about a new government to the Queen.
Fishing for tiddlers
There may be plenty more fish in the sea, but following the Ashley Madison leak, far fewer people are willing to get their tackle out.
According to the Daily Mail, the forthcoming yogurt apocalypse will be started by the seventy third series of Great British Bake Off.
Alphabetically, the Daily Mail will always be on the far left of The Guardian, and The Independent.
Keith Chegwin is to have a new show on Radio Three - Cheggers plays Dvorak.
Mr Johnson, again
Now that the Labour leader election has been won, we can move onto more important things, like beating the conservatives says Boris Johnson.
When asked how much Zoe Ball might be paid if she accepted an offer to co-host Top Gear, her father Johnny said think of a number.
Ironically, he tends to wear shorts, so sales in the Jeremy Corbyn trouserpress are not likely to go up anytime soon.
Missing Milliband Brother Found
Steve Milliband, the brother of Dave and Ed has been found. He is not to be confused with the popular 1970's beat combo.
Boris Johnson has a lie in
London Major Boris Johnson has had a lie in. He is reading the Sunday Times, and having a lazy day. The Daily Mail are investigating.
Simon Cowell, again
Robson and Jerome are to sue Simon Cowell for millions, claiming that they started his career. Millions of people will sue Robson and Jerome for unleashing their version of Unchained Melody.
Simon Cowell has decided to leave the X-Factor, as he claims it is below his dignity............
Jordon's New Book
Celebrity Katie Price launches a new book. It is called three marriages in ten years,the easy, stress free way. We would like to warn second husband Alex Reid that he should not get too comfortable.
Pop singer James Blunt is said to be following a career in comedy, after appearing on Have I Got News For You. He is taking advice from Lempit Opik.
Nick Clegg, the wonderboy of the Conservative Party is set to play Prince Charming in Pantomime this Christmas. Boris Johnson has been offered a part in a new farce......The Conservative Party.
A man has been released from Prison after a brief spell as a Kleptomaniac.
He is said to be taken something for it.
The spokesman for the (real) Fight Against Red Tape still has not realised the childishness of their anacroym.
Dennis Hopper has named his latest child Space.
Astronauts have taken a load of Space Hoppers into the furthest reaches of space. Due to the lack of gravity, they do not actually work.
What's up Doc?
A cartoon Character died today, after having his parachute replaced by an Anvil. The Police have arrested a somewhat sarcastic rabbit.
Boy Detective Tin Tin has revealed that he was christened in a very echoey cave, and his name is actually just Tin.
Tom and Barbara Good, real-life inspiration for the chuckle fest The Good Life are set to sue for the BBC for the way in which they were portrayed.
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