Showing breaking news satire snippets written by T. French.

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Reason for Owen Wilson's attempted suicide discovered

(L.A., CA)-Actor Owen Wilson's recent suicide attempt prompted the LA county police to check his internet history for clues. Shortly before the 911 call was made, Wilson had viewed the bottom line of the High School Musical page on Wikipedia which ready "casting in works for High School Musical 3."

written by T. French, 04 September 2007

Bono announced as UK ambassador to remote island

Irish musician-activist, Bono, will be assume the role of UK ambassador to the remote isle of Wikipedi. At first the island, devoid of outside communication, had requested Sonny Bono fill the position. Hearing he was dead, they requested the next closest-sounding thing.

written by T. French, 06 August 2007

Alaskan Moose seek reparations for hunting and taxidermy

(Nomansland, AK)- Animal rights group is seeking $50 million in damages for the last century of hunting and stuffing area moose. The group stated, "the winnings of the case will build an oil pipeline that will greatly benefit the moose." Local moose refused to comment.

written by T. French, 05 August 2007

Armstrong won't return to 2008 Tour de France despite taunting from Matthew McConaughey

(Houston, TX)-Lance Armstrong will not be returning to the 2008 Tour de France after a one year break, despite taunting from friend Matthew McConaughey, who said he "didn't have the balls for it."

written by T. French, 02 August 2007

Sen. Chris Dodd Leads in Neo-Nazi vote

(Washington D.C.)-A new poll reveals that Senator Chris Dodd is leading in the Neo-Nazi vote over his Democratic opponent, Hillary Clinton, after the Neo-Nazi group that runs non-profit organization,, realized that Sen. Clinton was, in fact, not a man, and withdrew their support.

written by T. French, 02 August 2007

Catholic Virgins at higher risk for STIs

(Harvard, Massachussets)- A new Harvard study shows that Catholic virgins are at a higher risk for sexually transmitted infections. The STI is acquired by the Catholic virgin through an all-too-frequent, dangerous, nonsexual encounter called an "Immaculate Infection."

written by T. French, 02 August 2007

New Study Cites Suicide as Number One Cause of Self-Inflicted, Non-Accidental Death Among Americans

(Swanson, North Dakota) A New Study by the University of Swanson's Depression-Sadness Institute concludes that suicide is the number one cause of self-inflicted, non-accidental death in the U.S., beating out watching ABC's the View and masturbating while driving, which come as close seconds.

written by T. French, 01 August 2007

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