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"The Codfather!"
A record-breaking 103lb cod has been caught in Norway. Harry Ramsden's Chip shop is hoping that the male monster fish will provide up to 200 meals. It has been mistakenly called the mother of all cod.
The Spotless Thief
A student from Milton Keynes was spotted by CCTV stealing 4 bars of soap but security guards could not catch him and he made a clean getaway. A police spokesman said it "we expect it's white-collar crime!"
Home Sweet Home
In a recent survey in Bradford, over 91% of illegal immigrants came over here so that they could continue seeing their own doctor.
Pope Francis Has Sinister Association with Google
If you "Google rib" you get Pope Francis (a.k.a. Jorge Mario Bergoglio). Conspiracies abound!
New Pope's First Words…
The new Pope emerged on the balcony in St Peter's Square this evening. Known as Pope Francis, and emanating from Latin America, his first words were "don't cry for me Argentina!"
New Map of Milton Keynes
The good burghers of Milton Keynes have produced a new map showing the location of all the toilets in the town. Some wag has called it a RELIEF map.
Cosmologists Concur at Cambridge
Cosmologists from Cambridge University concurred that the Big Bang was actually more like a Big Fart. It's the only theory of the universe that makes any scents.
Cosmologists Concur at Cambridge
Cosmologists from Cambridge University concurred that the Big Bang was actually more like a Big Fart. It's the only theory of the universe that makes any scents.
Cameron: "I Will Not Lurch to the Right!"
David Cameron admitted to day "I will not lurch to the right" he reinforced this by allegedly saying "I have never been right, in fact, I do not know what right is."
Tesco Confusion
Tesco's are forced to check their beefburgers for traces of zebra as customers are confusing the barcode underneath the serving suggestions.
German Wins €20 Million
82-year-old Hermann von Ratzinger, thought to be Pope Benedict's half brother made a bet with the bookkeepers that the Pope would resign in 2013 with odds of 20,000,000 to 1. He placed a bet of just €20.
German Wins €20 Million
82-year-old Hermann von Ratzinger, thought to be Pope Benedict's half brother made a bet with the bookkeepers that the Pope would resign in 2013 with odds of 20,000,000 to 1. He placed a bet of just €20.
The Pope Reveals Why He Resigned
"The Devil made me do it!" Said the Pope.
Brian Cox to Star in Doctor Who Creation Series
Brian Cox is to star in a series of how Dr Who was created. Meanwhile, Prof Brian Cox accuses the BBC of confusing, mixed messages. He said: "I am a professor and they are not!" David Attenborough was unavailable to comment.
HMV Vouchers to Be Accepted by Tesco
HMV vouchers are now acceptable in most Tesco supermarkets. Just tell the checkout person that HMV stands for horsemeat voucher. Every Little Helps!
Tesco Not to Be Prosecuted under The Sale of Goods Act
Tesco are not to be fined under thei Sale of Goods Act after a box of Hors D'oeuvres was found to contain parts of a real horse
The Duke of Edinburgh Is Still the Best Shot!
Prince Philip: 8 pheasants with 10 rounds.
Prince Harry: a brace of Taliban fighters with 2,000 rounds.
Prince Harry Kills Taliban Fighters
Prince Harry claims that he killed some Taliban fighters in Afghanistan. What did they expect him to do? Sit down and have tea and biscuits with them?
Winner Becomes Loser
"Keep calm and carry on." Farewell Michael Winner, who has lost his battle with cancer today.
Gang of Robbers Break-In to Milton Keynes Swimming Pool
At least five robbers were caught in an attempted robbery at the swimming pool in Milton Keynes. They were chased by the police and jumped into the deep end, thus causing a mini crime-wave!
Shergar Has Been Found!
Police looking for in the famous racehorse, Shergar are paying particular attention to Tesco beefburgers which have been sent to forensic laboratories in London.
Women Will Have No Excuse!
"I'll only be a minute love!" Women using Loganair's flight from Westray to Papa Westray in the Orkney islands will have no excuse because of flight lasts less than 50 seconds.
Indian Students Fall by 25%
The number of Indian students applying for university placements has fallen by 25% this year. Meanwhile, there has been a 42% increase in applications made by Cowboys.
York Minster Coated in Fat
York Minster has been coated in fat to keep out the rain, BUT a bonus is that it will also keep out Muslims. The idea will spread among 12,000 other churches.
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